This story is based on events occuring in "What Was That Name Again?" and refers to characters and the timeline created there. UM...NO! By Nexxie John Gage winced at the balance in his checkbook. After all the bills are paid there won't be much of a margin for error this month. But at least, he sighed, the bills would be paid. After a series of minor emergency repairs, including the busted water heater, a new radiator on the Rover and wind damage to the barn, our resources are pretty well tapped dry. If it wasn't for the rent money J.R. manages to pay me, we wouldn't be eating until next payday. I just hope that my son and I and the animals can stay reasonably healthy for the foreseeable future. At least I've cut down on my visits to Rampart Hotel since becoming a captain. It was dark humor, but it was better than no humor. The second-hand leather office chair gave a painful squeak as Johnny leaned back and rubbed tired eyes. Geez I hate that sound. I remember how the little noises the squad made on occasion drove me crazy until I found the source and fixed it...or sometimes made it worse. Charlie the mechanic, used to hate that. I'd better put some WD-40 on this chair before too long. Another in a long list of things to get to when I have spare time, whatever that is. I wonder if the kids are back from their ride yet? Well, J.R. isn't really a kid, but heck, compared to me... The yard is real quiet, but the barn door is ajar. J.R. wouldn't leave it that way if he isn't inside. That boy is as conscientious toward the livestock as father. He smirked. J.R. is a good kid and I'm lucky to have him living here. Johnny stood and stretched his stiff and tired muscles. I would have much rather gone riding with those two---anything beats sitting in the den all afternoon hunched over bills and accounts, double-checking bad news. Maybe I'll go out and help J.R. with the rest of the afternoon chores. My muscles could use the exercise---not that I'm getting old or anything! Sore muscles had nothing to do with the shudder that Johnny gave as he turned out the desk lamp and headed for the barn. He recalled earlier that day when Jennifer came over to go riding. It had become a weekly event, and she and J.R. were good friends. Johnny was glad to see it since Jennifer's sunny outgoing personality seemed to have a positive affect on J.R. His son was more relaxed and willing to talk about things after one of her visits. Maybe it was just a need to say something---Jennifer DeSoto seldom let anyone get a word in edgewise. "Sorry, Jen," Johnny told her when she arrived that day shortly after Joanne dropped her off on her way to run errands. "I have a ton of paperwork to take care of and I'm afraid I'll be tied up in my den all afternoon. But tell ya what, you and J.R. go ahead. You two are both good riders and I can trust you with the horses. Just remember to give them a break every now and then. I'll see you when you get back. Have fun, guys." Preoccupied and subdued by the unpleasant task ahead, Johnny failed to note the spark that leapt into Jennifer's eyes. Nor did he see J.R.'s grinning response. They hadn't planned to end up in the hayloft. Most times they were together she and J.R. just held hands, talked about things and exchanged an occasional sweet kiss when no adults were around. Her brother Chris, she knew, was on to their secret, but for some reason, was content to let them keep it. Without Johnny along as chaperone, the two rode in near silence, the air charged with the electricity of awareness between them. They rode only a short while before stopping in the meadow behind the ranch house for a few stolen kisses. The horses stood between them and anyone watching from the house. Jennifer sat down in the sun-warmed meadow grass encircled in J.R.'s arms, and daydreamed about a rosy future as Mrs. Gage. J.R. was characteristically quiet, happy that Jen didn't seem to expect conversation this time. Sometimes she talked an awful lot, but she was like sunshine...warm and bright. He loved holding her in his arms, touching her soft velvet skin and long, silky blond hair. Just being with her made him feel good about himself, made him feel almost...worthy. Finally, aware that the afternoon was nearly gone and evening shadows would soon set in, Jennifer and J.R. returned to the barn to groom and feed their mounts. The day was magical and both were reluctant for it to end. J.R. went up in the loft to pitch some hay down for the horses and Jennifer followed him, remembering the way she had played with the kittens there as a little girl. It was her favorite place on the whole ranch and sharing it with J.R. seemed so right somehow. The loft was dusty, airless and still oven-like from the afternoon heat and J.R. removed his shirt before wielding the pitchfork. Jen stared in breathless fascination as the muscles in his strong young body rippled in fluid motion. Pausing to wipe the sweat from his forehead with a dusty forearm, J.R. spotted Jen watching him, her long golden hair windblown and standing out slightly like a tangled curtain around her shoulders, her lips parted, her eyes filled with longing. J.R. Gage shivered in reaction, unwilling and unable to resist when she pulled him down into the hay. All sense of time and place seemed to melt away before the feel and taste of Jennifer. Her soft sweet kisses and tentative caresses drove him to distraction and suddenly the quick, stolen embraces weren't enough. The barn door was soundless as Johnny swung it wide enough to enter. At least something good came out of the wind storm. Replacing the squeaky old hinges, damaged beyond repair when the wind caught the barn door, with some well-oiled new ones made it satisfyingly silent. Johnny expected to see J.R. and Jennifer caring for the horses by now, but there was no one in sight. The silence was eerie. A golden shower of dust and hay rained down on him accompanied by a soft scraping sound as he stood just beneath the edge of the loft. Shaking his head, crooked grin in place,, Johnny made for the ladder and climbed quickly into the hayloft. I wonder if they found the new batch of kittens? His trademark crooked grin disappeared and was eclipsed by open-mouthed astonishment. The scraping noise escalated to swishing and panting as Johnny's eyes adjusted to the light and he beheld two bodies intertwined in the hay. They broke apart as the sound of Johnny's boots on the top rungs of the ladder, accompanied by his indrawn breath, reached their ears. Attempting to put some distance between themselves, the two scooted to opposite corners and frantically sought to pull their clothing into place under John Gage's piercing glare. his soft brown eyes narrowed to mere steely slits and his lips thinned in anger as he gritted his teeth. With a deer-in-the-headlights stare, J.R. looked up from where he was rapidly fumbling to pull on his western-cut shirt in the corner of the hayloft. He couldn't remember seeing Johnny look so angry and disgusted. It was a big departure from their so-far easy-going relationship, but not, considering the circumstances, totally unexpected. Somewhere in his peripheral vision, he was aware of Jennifer DeSoto trying to unobtrusively button her clothing and melt into the background. "Just what the hell were you two thinking?" John Gage roared when he found his voice. For once he did not succumb to Jennifer's trembling chin or tear-filled eyes which usually turned his stubborn resolve to mush. Not trusting himself to speak any further lest he utter the string of epithets that was racing through his mind, Johnny just glared at them, his hands on his hips, every muscle trembling with repressed rage. You care about these kids, he told himself. Try to remember that now, Johnny. Oh, Geez! Roy! Roy is gonna kill me!...then J.R...then me again, he thought. And there won't be a thing I can say in anybody's defense. Man, I should've seen this coming and put a stop to it. I knew they liked each other as friends, but I never thought... Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! They're kids with all the normal raging hormones. How could I have been so stupid?!! He absently ran lean fingers through his dark hair in a gesture that was pure frustration. This was an aspect of fatherhood he'd never considered. Fatherhood! The last six months since he'd met J.R. were difficult, but he wouldn't trade them for the world, even considering the big trouble he was sure they were all in now. Gesturing to the ladder as he addressed his son and his best friend's daughter, he said, "In the house, now! Both of you!" His voice was stern and shook with suppressed emotion. Without a word Jennifer shuffled toward the ladder, head down, eyes still filled with unshed tears. J.R. followed. As he passed his father, he looked Johnny squarely in the eye, then straightened his shoulders and raised his chin. Uh oh. The elder Gage hoped that it was courage and not defiance he had seen on the young man's face. Man, I don't believe this! J.R. and I have just gotten comfortable with each other. I don't wanna lose him now. How am I gonna handle this one? I have to stand by the boy...but against Roy? Am I gonna lose my best friend over this? I mean, this isn't some minor thing like a broken window or something. Ok, it is a MINOR thing. Jennifer, just turned seventeen, was still underage and J.R. was not. That alone made the situation not only explosive, but illegal. Throw in the fact that Roy and Joanne...and Johnny himself, for that matter...were super protective of the girl, carefully vetting her dates and strictly enforcing curfews... Yep, things might just get real ugly. J.R. had been pretty much on his own since he was sixteen. What Johnny was able to squeeze out of him about his life, and that had been damned little, showed that he was stubborn and independent. Unfortunately, he was also slow to trust others and even slower to confide in them. When he met Johnny, J.R. was temporarily staying with his mother's distant cousin until he could find a place of his own. He only agreed to live on the ranch indefinitely after much persuasion. A frank look at the cost of apartments in the area in comparison to his salary was the telling argument. Johnny's guest room proved much more comfortable than his cousin's old sofa, and it gave the young man a chance to observe Johnny Gage close-up. But J.R. was still determined to find a place of his own eventually. At the moment he was willing to bet that the search was about to become essential. I'm getting old, Johnny thought tiredly as he made his way out of the barn. The mutinous faces staring at him from across the heavy oak table as he entered the ranch kitchen made Johnny hesitate briefly. Get it together, Gage, he told himself. Don't blow this. They're just kids. He walked deliberately across the room toward the pair. With an inward sigh, Johnny turned one of the ladderback kitchen chairs around and straddled it backwards facing Jennifer and J.R. He rested his right arm on the uppermost panel after running shaking fingers through his already-tousled hair. "Okay," he said finally, "before I totally lose my cool, I'm gonna try to listen. I know it looked like you two were...um...you know, but I'm willing to be proven wrong. So...talk to me." Dead silence prevailed save for the ticking of the Regulator clock on the living room wall and some hiccups that Jennifer was attempting to stifle. "You know what you saw," J.R. said sullenly, dropping his eyes to where his fingers were tracing the wood grain patterns on the polished kitchen table. He wanted Johnny to trust his heart instead of his eyes. He hoped this man knew him better than to believe that they had... Well, if he is determined to believe the worst of me, let him! Why not? Everybody else always has...except Jennifer. "Nothing to say?" Johnny asked, his voice laced with sarcasm. Calm down, John, he reminded himself. If you lose your temper it will only make things worse. Either he has nothing to say in his own defense, Johnny surmised, or he is stubbornly waiting to see how I will react. Maybe it's a little bit of both. Jennifer refused to meet Johnny's steady gaze. She knew after this she wouldn't be allowed to be anywhere near J.R. again. Uncle Johnny wouldn't invite her back to the ranch, and even if he did, her father would never allow it. Not only that, it was a pretty sure bet that J.R. would not be invited to the DeSoto's house again either. She looked at J.R. He's so stubborn. He wants Uncle Johnny to believe in him...trust him. But he just won't explain. He probably figures nobody would believe him anyway. His life has been so rotten. If I say anything, will J.R. get mad at me? Would Uncle Johnny even believe me? This is all my fault! The tears that were threatening to spill over for several minutes began trickling down her cheeks with ever-increasing volume. Jennifer's delicate shoulders shook with the intensity of her emotions. Guilt, shame and remorse chased each other across her expressive face before she covered her eyes with both hands and gave in to the full force of her misery. I lied to Mom and Dad, told them we were just riding with Uncle Johnny, Jen thought. But they forbade me to go out with J.R. I made him promise to see me whenever we could and there isn't anywhere else we could meet. I can't give him up now, I love him. Now I'll lose it all. Oh, why didn't we just come back to the house? Now I'll never get to come back here again. They won't let us be together at all! J.R. made an instinctive move toward Jen, wanting to hold her and wipe away the tears, but that probably wasn't the smartest thing to do right now. She looked so hurt and vulnerable, he wanted to protect her from what was coming. His dad though, probably wouldn't interpret his motives that way. Instead he halted and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest in stubborn defiance before deciding to go on the offensive. "You know," he sneered at Johnny, "I don't see you sitting in judgment on me and Jen. You don't have a leg to stand on where behavior is concerned. Your reputation isn't exactly saintly, now is it?" Johnny wasn't all that surprised by J.R.'s words. They were, essentially, true. Only yesterday I went riding with my son and it felt so good to be a father--even if I have missed the first nineteen years. Heck, I was a daddy a year before Roy! I laughed at the idea then. I don't feel like laughing now. I can just hear Roy...Johnny, you were an 'unwed father' at seventeen. Like father...like son, he will say. "I can't pretend my past is squeaky clean," Johnny looked the young man in the eye, holding up his hand to forestall the comments J.R. seemed ready to throw his way. "But son, are you sure you want to try on all of my mistakes for size? They bring a lot of real painful consequences." J.R. was well acquainted with the consequences, he knew. Marnie, his mother, had bore the brunt of the repercussions for their unwise behavior. You would think the boy would remember that. The younger man snorted and looked away, a little surprised that his dad wasn't ranting and raving at him and threatening to throw him out. Maybe that would come later. According to his mother, that was exactly the consequences of her 'association' with John Gage. She was tossed out without a penny to her name and forced to make her way in the world alone. Well, I'll be ready for it, he thought. This whole set-up is probably too good to be true. When it comes to Dad facing Jennifer's father, he'll side with his best friend and I'll be on my own...again. Johnny stood up and leaned against the doorway to the living room briefly before picking up the telephone to make the hardest call he had ever made in his life. He was going to have to tell Roy about this and the very thought made his stomach knot anxiously. When the phone rang in at the DeSoto's house Johnny fervently hoped there would be no answer. His hopes were dashed at the sound of Roy's voice. "Hello, DeSoto's, this is Roy." "Uh, Roy." "Hey, Johnny, what's up? When are you bringing Jennifer home? We're just sitting down to dinner." "Uh, Roy," he repeated, stalling, "I need you and Joanne to come out to the ranch. Something's come up." "Is Jennifer hurt?" Roy asked, anxiety instantly creating a hundred scenarios of injury or illness in his mind. "No," Johnny replied. "Jennifer is...uh ok. There's no emergency, but you need to come over here now." Johnny knew Roy was puzzled and imagining all sorts of awful things, but he couldn't just blurt out the words, "I found my son and your daughter making love in the hayloft of my barn." That kind of information shouldn't come over the telephone. He wasn't even sure how to tell Roy face to face. The knot in his stomach grew bigger. Roy, hearing the nervous edge to Johnny's voice and sensing from his hesitation that the news was not good, replied with a curt, "We'll be right over," and hung up the phone. At least J.R. isn't running away. I have to give him credit for facing this with Jennifer, instead of leaving her to face Roy and Joanne alone. Well, almost alone, Johnny amended. I'm gonna get a big share of the blame for allowing this to happen at my place. And I should, he conceded to himself. After all, when their daughter is here, at my ranch, I'm responsible for her. And now I've let them all down...Roy, Joanne, and especially Jennifer. Why didn't I go riding with them? It's not like those bills couldn't have waited until after dinner. I've never, ever been this careless with one of their children before. They thought they could trust me. Hell, I thought they could too. I guess we were both wrong. As the soft light shone down on the kitchen table, Jennifer managed to bring her tears to a halt and looked up to see a bright red handkerchief in Johnny's outstretched hand. Man, Jennifer thought as she looked at John Gage, he looks...old right now, as old as my dad. I never even thought about them being close to the same age, but I guess they really are. Uncle Johnny played with me, babysat me and cuddled me when I was little. He acted more my age than my dad's. He was my favorite playmate...my very own Uncle Johnny. He looks so sad, she thought. He's gone through so much, been hurt so many times and saved my dad's life more times than I can count. Dad's always been there for him, too, his best friend. Now, because of me, Uncle Johnny might be in big trouble. Dad will blame him first. Instinctively she knew Johnny would stand by her and J.R., even though what they did was wrong. I wonder if J.R. will expect Johnny to stand by him. He's so sweet and brave and handsome, but sometimes he just expects the worst from people, including his dad. Man, my own dad will be mad at me, but I bet he's gonna take it out on J.R. and Uncle Johnny first. It's gonna be just awful. She peeked over at J.R. seated in stony silence at her side. He wasn't one to share his private thoughts and feelings readily and it was her own undaunted persistence that overcame his wall of reserve when they were together. She wished she knew his thoughts now, but there would be no opportunity for a heart-to-heart before doom, in the form of her parents, arrived. Roy and Joanne drove in anxious silence toward Johnny's ranch. Something had happened, something that needed their attention...something that Johnny didn't feel equipped to handle. That frightened the DeSoto's more than anything in the world. Johnny's always so confident, sometimes overconfident, in dealing with my kids, Joanne thought in panic. If he had to call us, it must be something really bad. What could possibly have happened? Maybe it was J.R. that was hurt and he needed us to pick up Jen. No, if that was it, he would have said so. He wouldn't have been so darned mysterious, scaring me and Roy to death. "Did he say anything else?" Joanne asked Roy for at least the fourth time as he maneuvered the station wagon down the long dirt driveway to the ranch house. "No," Roy replied as patiently as he could. He couldn't imagine what could require their presence if Jennifer wasn't hurt. Then a horrible suspicion formed in his mind. J.R...and Jennifer. What if...? "No!" he said again, but this time it was a frantic denial to himself rather than Joanne. Johnny glanced up at Roy and Joanne from the front porch and just choked out the words, "Come on in," before turning to head into the house. Joanne trembled in apprehension beside Roy as he reached for the handle of the wooden screen door. It sprang shut behind them with a decisive SMACK that seemed to echo through the silent, tension-filled house. In the greatroom, Jennifer sat nervously in the wooden rocking chair, her knees drawn tightly to her chest, hugging the crooked patchwork pillow she made for Johnny in home economics class three years ago. Her eyes refused to rise and meet Joanne's. J.R. sat on the edge of the raised stone hearth, his expression one of repressed anger and...fear. Johnny moved to stand beside him and leaned heavily on the polished pine mantle as if he needed its solid strength for support. John Gage looked every one of his thirty-seven years, possibly the first time in his life that he came close to showing his age. Well, Joanne thought uneasily, it sure is quiet. At our house when something goes wrong I usually have to shut everybody up long enough to find out what happened. This is...spooky. Since no one else seemed ready to say anything, she broke the silence in her own inimitable way. Hands on her hips in a take-charge manner, Joanne faced Johnny, knowing it was from him she would receive the needed explanations. Tapping one foot in annoyance she looked at him and demanded, "Okay, spill it!" On only two occasions, and those the most terrible, had Joanne ever seen John Gage cry. He wept in the hospital when the pain of his injuries was too great to bear, and he wept at the death of his friend Drew. He was weeping now. The silent tears streaming down the face of one of the most courageous men she had ever known filled Joanne with dread. Johnny sighed, wiped away the tears with the back of his hand, and walked forward on shaky legs to begin what could only be a painful explanation. With sudden intuition, Jo knew what he was going to say before he even opened his mouth. Johnny's look of failure, combined with Jennifer's avoidance and J.R.'s smoldering defiance were nearly a confession in and of themselves. Eleven years of friendship down the toilet, Joanne reflected with a glance at Roy. There's no forgiveness, no compassion in Roy's eyes. He knows. I could tell from the moment we walked in the door that he guessed why Johnny called. There was no need for explanations between the two men who knew each other so very well. It was Joanne who demanded an explanation, and it was to her that Johnny gave it. Haltingly he recounted the events of the day, from the preoccupation with finances that kept him from chaperoning Jennifer and J.R., to the discovery in the loft of the barn. He never even considered blaming anyone but himself. When he finished the silent room exploded with the violence of Roy's reaction, his voice nearly shaking the rafters as he angrily came toe-to-toe with his best friend. "How the hell could you let this happen?" he railed. "How could you leave him alone with my daughter? What the hell do you use for brains? I should have known a philanderer like you would have had a son like that! What was I thinking to allow an innocent girl within miles of you two? You son-of-a...!" Roy nearly choked. "I'm calling the cops. I want that kid in jail." J.R.'s eyes widened in fear and he made a move to rise, a move swiftly negated by a gesture from his father. Jennifer watched the confrontation between her father and his best friend in wide-eyed horror. Roy stopped to draw a breath and lower his right hand from where his index finger was jabbing with ever-increasing force into Johnny's sternum. As his hand dropped he felt it form a fist and almost of its own accord draw back to throw a punch. "Roy," Joanne screamed, "No!" Roy's fist impacted with a satisfying thud on Johnny's face, snapping his head back. The dark-haired man made no attempt to duck or block the assault. There followed a second blow, knocking his former partner nearly all the way back to the fireplace. Stubbornly, John Gage regained his balance and returned to face Roy in silence; not defiant, not beligerant, just standing as if waiting for a just punishment. A final left hook sent the senior Gage crashing toward the grate as he tripped on a woven rug near the hearth. Without a backward glance, Roy turned and stalked over to the now sobbing Jennifer, circling her wrist with an iron grasp and pulling her behind him out the door. From the corner of her eye Joanne saw J.R. move to catch Johnny before he could hit his head on the fireplace stones. His eyes were angry and cold, staring mutely at Jennifer's mother as he held his father cradling the man's bleeding head against his chest. Joanne DeSoto was as furious as Roy at first. Johnny how could you! she had screamed silently. You're not even angry. You just look hurt, like a whipped puppy. How can you be so calm, John Gage? Joanne fought and ultimately lost a struggle to hate the man. An innate desire for fairness coupled with a knowledge of Johnny himself conquered her initial reaction. He's meekly taking the whole blame for this and everybody is ready to let him do it. Jennifer doesn't look guilty for nothing, she thought suddenly, and J.R. is...well, I'm not sure. Neither of them has said a word...and that's REAL unusual for Jen! With one last look at Johnny, sadly taking in the rivulets of blood running from his nose and the side of his mouth, Joanne followed her husband and daughter out of the house. She would untangle this mess and they would deal with it before things got any worse, she vowed. Roy's foot pushed steadily harder on the accelerator as the station wagon shot down the highway. The speedometer needle climed in proportion to the blond man's renewed rage as he relived the scene they had just left. Finally, out of self-preservation, Joanne interrupted his chaotic thoughts. "You aren't going to have to call the cops if you don't slow down, Roy DeSoto," she observed breathlessly. "They're going to find you." Jolted out of his preoccupation, Roy glanced down at the gauges, his eyes connecting at last with his brain to inform him that the car was shooting along at nearly ninety miles an hour. With a snort, Roy let up on the gas and allowed the vehicle to slow down to a mere sixty-five, a comparative snail's pace. He wanted nothing so much as to put the most distance he could between himself and his former partner in the quickest possible manner. Getting them all hurt or killed, however, wasn't part of his agenda. "Daddy," Jennifer spoke up finally in protest, "you can't call the cops! It was my fault. I wanted to...be with J.R. I've wanted that for a long time now. I love him...and he loves me." Joanne had begun to wonder if her daughter had lost her voice or for once in her young life was too overwhelmed to speak. Unfortunately her words were not the wisest given her father's current state of mind. The station wagon suddenly came to a screeching halt as Roy nearly put the brake pedal through the floorboard. "Be quiet!" he hissed through clenched teeth when the car ceased motion. "You're too young to know what you want. You're just a baby, while he's a...a...grown man. I can't believe I left there without tearing that creep apart for what he did to you!" "Daddy, no! He's not a creep! And anyway, Uncle Johnny found us before anything much happened. I mean...he didn't...we hadn't...!" Jennifer was too embarrassed to finish the sentence. "I said be quiet, Jennifer DeSoto! Not another word...not even one. And if you ever mention that...that pervert's name in my presence again, or even in my house, I'll...I'll..." Roy broke off his tirade. "What?" "All we were doing was kissing and petting, Daddy. Give me some credit, for Pete's sake!" Jennifer crossed her fingers, knowing that only Johnny's sudden appearance in the loft kept them from doing far more. Joanne decided a little common sense was in order. "Jennifer, your father is NOT going to call the cops," she reassured her daughter, "but YOU are in big trouble. I told you that you weren't allowed to date J.R., that he is too old for you. Even if I didn't specifically state no riding alone together at Johnny's ranch, you knew it was wrong. Let it drop for now, Jen, and if you're smart, you will voluntarily spend some time in your room starting the minute we get home." Jennifer huffed and sat back in her seat, arms crossed defiantly, a mutinous frown marring her pretty features. Dismissed out of hand as if she were an infant, she was furious, although mollified a tiny bit by her mother's reassurance that the police would not be involved in this. Roy started the car back in motion, keeping a more responsible eye on the speedometer this time. He was a little taken aback both by Jennifer's assertion that what he had thought happened hadn't and at Joanne's reassurance that he wouldn't call the cops. Two minutes ago I would have called Jo a liar. Two minutes ago I would have looked for a phone booth to call the cops. Two minutes ago I didn't remember that tonight I assaulted my best friend in the house that is almost as much of a home to my family as their own. What do I do now? Roy was unsure what course of action to take and that alone frightened him. He was a man comfortable in his own skin, thoroughly secure in being well-trained for his job, well-loved by his family, and well-able to take care of those he cared about. Now, everything was upsidedown. His cherished little girl had been rolling in the hay with that...that... The mental image conjured up by that thought nearly choked him. The anger that abated only minutes before reared up again in Roy's heart. When things went this wrong, someone had to take the blame. Someone had to be at fault. Someone needed to be punished. Roy's wrist ached from the impact of the blows he landed on Johnny's face. Someone was punished, but not enough...not yet...maybe not ever. Damn J.R. Gage! I want nothing so much as to maim or kill Johnny's only son. Granted, he didn't take Jennifer's innocence today, but she's my little girl. The thought of that...that animal's hands on her is more than I can stand. This is Johnny's fault! He was so naive...no... irresponsible to allow the two of them alone together. And Joanne is absurdly calm about all of this. Action! He craved something to vent the waves of anger and anguish that threatened to tear him apart. Roy pulled into the driveway and stalked from the car without even shutting the door. The perfect target for his anger rose up in his back yard. Unearthing a sledge hammer in the tangled chaos that made up his shed/workshop, Roy purposefully walked across his backyard and took aim at the deck. JOHNNY helped me build that deck years ago, Roy reasoned. JOHNNY just finished restoring that deck the day he found out about J.R. Two weeks after that, JOHNNY applied sealant to this deck to protect the new planks. Just about every other day he's on this damned deck leaning back in that damned chair swilling down a beer while we talk about work, memories...everything. Every splinter of wood here practically screams out the name JOHNNY GAGE! BANG! Roy swung the hammer high and brought it down on the railing that gave way with a satisfying crack. Take that, Gage! BANG! A support post shifted with the impact. BANG! BANG! One corner collapsed. That one's for your son! Startled by the sounds coming from the back yard, Joanne ran to the sliding glass doors. In horror she watched as Roy, totally out of control, singlehandedly proceded to demolish a part of their home. She knew what he was doing. He was continuing to pummel Johnny by proxy, and it scared the hell out of her. On impulse, she ran to the bookcase in the livingroom and pulled the photo album from the bottom shelf. Ripping a half dozen pictures from its pages she ran to the deck and smacked them haphazzardly down on the planking. Roy paused, chest heaving with exertion, and leaned on the handle of the sledgehammer to look up in curiosity at his wife as she intently and angrily slapped photographs onto what was left of their deck. His raised eyebrows asked a question which she answered shortly and succinctly. "I thought I would give you something specific to aim at." Roy took a closer look at the pictures and saw they were all of John Gage, taken at various times over the past eleven years. Most of them sported that damned crooked grin that always got him pretty much what he wanted, even from his partner. Roy raised the sledge high as Joanne held her breath. He hesitated, arms shaking with fatigue and frustration, before giving a loud anguished cry and heaving the hammer across the yard. We'll get through this somehow, Joanne sighed. It's not going to be pleasant, but things will get fixed. Johnny's friendship means too much to us all, and his son means too much to him, to allow a rift between our families. I need to talk to Roy to decide how to handle the situation, and then we need to talk to Jennifer, and Johnny, and J.R. "Roy," Joanne said softly as she approached, focusing on the rigid back of the man she loved above all else, "Johnny's hurting too. You know he must be. He has to be very afraid right now. He would have given his life to keep this from happening." Roy grunted in response, not yet ready to concede or let go of his anger. "What if Johnny's child was a daughter and the boy involved was Chris, and this happened at our house? What would you say then?" "Don't be ridiculous, Joanne!" Roy responded and then winced. He should have known better than to say that. "I'm not the one being ridiculous, Roy DeSoto," Joanne said indignantly. "I'm not the one who punched out his best friend. I'm not the one who proceded to destroy part of our house rather than control his anger. If you see a description of someone being ridiculous here, feel free to jump in and claim the title." There was no sympathy in Joanne's tone that Roy could discover. "I just meant that Chris wouldn't do such a thing," Roy defended his earlier response. "You did exactly such a thing," Joanne reminded him. "And yes, I was a very willing participant. So was Jennifer as she admitted tonight. She has a passionate nature, Roy, and she comes by it honestly." "Jen did something foolish today...and thank goodness it wasn't what we thought at first! I think, given time, she will admit she was wrong and maybe we can all come away a little wiser. But losing your temper, lashing out in violence and making threats is not the way to solve this." "Besides, if Jennifer is as stubborn as I was," Joanne said, remembering the many fights she had with her own parents over Roy, "we might just be making peace with our future in-laws." She chuckled at the stunned look on her husband's face. "We have a few years to worry about that yet, Sweetie." I hope! Roy turned and took Joanne into his arms, drawing on her sanity as he gave her his strength. "I guess I'd better call Johnny in the morning," he sighed. It wasn't going to be easy. "No," Joanne said softly, "not a phone call. We have to go over there, to make peace in the place you made war. We all need to work this out together face to face, remember how much we love one another and get beyond the anger and accusations." Resolved to see Johnny in the morning and apologize, Roy and Joanne went upstairs to their bedroom and fell into a deep and untroubled sleep wrapped firmly in each others' embrace. Well, it's over, Johnny sighed, rising slowly from where he had fallen. There won't be any more "Roy and Johnny"...ever. In a way, I'm glad Roy hit me. I deserved it. At least he didn't go after J.R. I love Roy like a brother, heck more than a brother, but...hell, I'm a father too! Even if I'm new to the game, that kid's my own flesh and blood and I won't let even my best friend lay violent hands on him. Johnny turned to face his son expectantly. He wasn't even sure what he was waiting for, maybe some kind of explanation or denial. Was there going to be further loss this day? It didn't take long to find out. "Why didn't you fight back?" J.R. tried to keep the trembling out of his voice as he glared at the man he called father. "Were you afraid of him? I thought you were a better man than that." His bitterness and disappointment were unmistakable. Johnny reached for the handkerchief he usually kept in his back pocket, but realized he had given it to Jen. Deeming his shirt a lost cause now anyway, dotted as it was with spatters of blood, he deliberately drew his sleeve across his face to wipe away the annoying trickle from his mouth before fixing J.R. with a steady glance. "A better man would have kept the whole thing from happening," Johnny replied evenly. J.R. knew Johnny wasn't talking about the beating Roy gave him; he knew Johnny was referring to his son. Johnny walked out of the house without another word and fell bonelessly into one of the chairs that flanked the windows on his front porch. He gave no thought to the satiny finish of the wood or the hours spent in it watching countless other sunsets. None of the usual satisfaction was present as he stared unseeingly toward the distant mountains, for once failing to draw strength and peace from their beauty. As the last remnants of light faded from the horizon, he sat achingly and hopelessly alone. I wonder if Roy has contacted the police yet, John thought almost dispassionately. And how am I gonna pay bail if J.R. gets arrested? Hell, I could be arrested too for all I know. What about a lawyer? It's expensive for a good one. How will the LACoFD react when one of their captains charges one of their firefighters with...? He didn't even want to think the ugly words. J.R. and I will be hung out to dry. We'll lose everything...our jobs, the ranch...everything I've worked for the last several years out the window. As for friends, who'd wanna associate with us now? Man, how will we get through this? J.R. was so disappointed in me in there. Didn't he get it? What else could I do? Is he gonna leave me too, convinced his dad is a coward? How, in one short afternoon, could everything go so awfully terribly wrong? How could everything go so terribly wrong in one afternoon? J.R. wondered as he stood in the great room reflecting on the perfect day with Jennifer. She's like sunshine, beautiful, bright. Her smile makes everything fine. Her skin is like velvet and...but that's all over. They won't let me within a thousand miles of her now. It was a perfect day that's turned into a wretched evening. Jennifer's dad wants me in jail. For all I know, my dad might just let him do it. What reason, after all, does he have to protect me? What have I brought him anyway besides trouble? The thought made his throat ache with choked back tears. Man, for the first time life is really good and I go and louse it up. I've been so happy here. Now I'm gonna lose everything...my job, my friends, Jennifer, my home...my dad. Oh, please God, don't let me lose my dad! He let loose with a sob, ashamed to be crying; afraid of what his actions would cost them all. He laid his head on his arms, crossed on the mantle his father had leaned on a few short breaths ago. His father...his own father...the man he waited nineteen years to meet... Over the months spent here on Dad's ranch, I've really come to like him...to love him. I didn't think I would at first. I don't think there's anything he doesn't know about running a ranch or putting out a fire---the same things that I know now I want to do. He really is everything my mother said he would be...or so I thought until tonight. How could he just stand there and let Roy DeSoto knock him around like that? Was he afraid? It was almost like he wanted it to happen. J.R.'s jaw clenched in anger and disappointment. The great room looked the same as it had this morning, save for some drops of blood on the floor by the fireplace. His father's blood. Suddenly the home he had come to love seemed somehow tainted. As the young man dampened a rag to clean up the spots on the polished wood floor, he thought, this blood should have been mine. My dad got beat up for me. Why? Everybody else is always more than glad to let me take my licks. The mild summer night settled in with the chirping of crickets and the appearance of a myriad of fireflies. Stars filled the sky by the thousands, brilliant and visible away from the city's everpresent artificial lights. But tonight Johnny, for once, failed to notice all of it. He felt numb and cold. Unmoving as a statue, John Gage remained in the same position he had been in since he first came outside. He barely noticed as J.R. hurried past him to settle the animals down for the night and finish up the evening chores. As stressful days went, this one would take the blue ribbon. We need to talk, that much is clear. But this time the boy will have to come to me. I've reached out time and time again to J.R., Johnny thought, and admittedly it's been worth it. He's brought a lot of good things into my life, filled an emptiness I didn't even know was there. I...love him. That idea was as earthshattering as any encountered that day. But it's true, he realized, I really do love him. I wonder what he feels for me. Would he be embarrassed if I told him? Would he believe me now? Why did something like this have to happen before I realized the truth? J.R.'s figure appeared silhouetted in the light from the barn before he turned off the switch and secured the door for the night. He seemed to hesitate before walking carefully toward the porch where his father sat apparently lost in thought. The young man paused just in front of the door as if trying to come to a decision before he turned around and sat on the edge of the porch, his back to his father. Finally J.R. broke the silence. "Why did you do it?" he asked. "Do what?" Johnny replied absently. "Why did you let Roy hit you? You could have fought back. You could have blocked the punch. You could have ducked. But you didn't. Why?" Johnny didn't really want to think about the answer to that question, much less put it in words. Finally, after a few minutes of silence, plagued by a 'what if' he couldn't bear to face, J.R.'s father gave his answer. "He's my best friend," Johnny replied. "As far as I'm concerned, that hasn't changed. If he hadn't hit me, he would have hit you. Then he wouldn't have been my best friend anymore." The enormity of what Johnny had just said took a while to sink in. Even then J.R. wasn't sure he heard right. "You would sacrifice that for me?" he asked, choking on the words. "Why?" "You're my son," the older man's voice became husky, "and I won't let anybody hurt you, even Roy DeSoto." "Why?" J.R. asked again, even more softly. He seemed to need to hear the words. Johnny cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair. He could tell a joke, he could talk nonstop on his favorite issue for hours. He could teach a class in first aid, address a committee of paramedics, and deal one-on-one with the issues, personal or private, that his men brought him at work. Why was it so damned hard to tell his son the words he needed to hear? "Because...I...love you, J.R." he said finally. Once he said that the rest of the words seemed to tumble out of their own accord. "For all these years I've drifted in and out of relationships with different women... wanting a family, wanting the kind of life that Roy has---a wife, kids, the whole nine yards. But nobody came along that I could do that with. I came close a couple times with a couple of girls. One of them even had a ready-made family---boy was that a scary one! But mostly I've just been by myself." "Roy's kids are like my own. We all kind of adopted each other, and I've been 'Uncle Johnny' to Chris and Jennifer almost since we met. I've babysat them, read them stories and tucked them into bed at night. And it's been good...I love them to death. But at the end of the day, Roy had his wife and kids...and I went home alone. "Then I met my son---all grown up, already a man---but still my son. I wish in the worst way that I had known you when you were small, that I could have done all the things with you that I've done with Roy's kids, but that didn't happen. Even so, I finally have someone that's my own family, my own blood." "It's been so good having you here with me, sharing meals, riding together, talking about work...I can't imagine any more what it would be like if you weren't here. You're important to me, J.R., I need you in my life." J.R. remained seated on the step, his back rigid, and Johnny was unsure how his words were received. He couldn't see the stream of tears that ran down J.R.'s cheeks to drop into the dust on the ground between his feet. He didn't know that the words he'd struggled to say were the ones his son waited all his life to hear. I wish you could have heard this, Mom, J.R. thought. So softly that Johnny nearly missed it, his son whispered hoarsely, "I love you too, Dad." Somehow the stars seemed a little brighter, the night friendlier, the crickets more melodious. Johnny relaxed. He now knew that, whatever happened, they would face it together and they would still have each other. After answering J.R.'s questions, Johnny had a few of his own. "J.R., we could be facing some really bad times ahead if Roy carries out his threat to have you arrested." Johnny's voice was rough with emotion as he brought up the topic that was making them both uneasy. J.R.'s head shot up at the word "we". Johnny was not going to kick him out. He was going to stand by him. "I know. I acted like a real jerk and I'm sorry." J.R. hung his head. "Things might have been a whole lot worse if you hadn't come into the loft when you did." The world went into a tailspin and suddenly righted itself as the implication of J.R.'s words became clear. Johnny's head shot up. "What's that? Are you saying what I think you're saying? You two didn't..um....she's not...Jen's still a..." Johnny, red-faced, realized he was babbling like an idiot. "We didn't...'um'...Dad, as you so eloquently put it." J.R. grinned at his father's embarrassment and confusion. "We just kissed and, uh...stuff." Johnny let out his breath with a whoosh. "Oh, geez, Kid, you gotta watch that 'um-ing', I'm here to tell ya. Still, Roy's not a happy camper, and he's got a right. Jen's just seventeen, J.R., and that's some serious trouble." He sighed in relief. "At least you're not gonna be arrested for...'um-ing'." "Wait a minute! You thought we...it wasn't because...this whole time..." J.R. looked bewildered. "Because of what? What else would I be so upset about?" Johnny thought it was all straightened out; what new complication was there? "Because I'm a...because you didn't..." J.R. broke off when he saw the perplexity in his father's features. "You and my mom weren't married," he said finally. "I don't think the DeSoto's want their daughter involved with a..." "Now just a doggone minute!" Johnny understood immediately. "Who's been saying anything like that? Did I miss something? I wouldn't have thought that of Roy and Joanne! Did they say that?" Maybe he shouldn't have let Roy hit him if this was the case. "No," J.R. admitted, "nobody called me...that, at least not here. But I've heard it all my life from my grandparents and others. It just stands to reason." "J.R.," Johnny exhaled in relief, "it doesn't stand to reason. Joanne and Roy just consider you too old for Jen. She's still in high school, only a Junior at that. They want her to go out with boys her own age. And I'm afraid you'll have to just respect that; especially after today." "I know. Damn! she's just so pretty, and she was looking at me all soft-eyed and, well...things got a little carried away. It won't happen again, I promise." J.R. looked at the moon coming up over the roof of the barn wishing he could start that day over. "J.R., you'd better stick to young ladies your own age from now on. As for Jennifer DeSoto, I'm not worried that it will happen again. If you ever even see her again apart from the Fire Department Picnic it will be a miracle." Johnny sighed for lost friendship. It was likely he would never see any of the DeSotos on a social footing again either. He had to admit the boy was as stubborn as his father. Things would have been so much simpler if J.R. had come clean while Roy and Joanne were here. Now dealing with the police was a distinctly unpleasant possibility. Suddenly John had another uneasy thought. "Son, you don't have...you know...feelings for Jennifer, do you? I mean this was just a one-time thing, right?" "Not exactly," was the less-than-satisfactory response. "We've kissed a lot since the day at the beach and she's so sweet. I don't want to lose her now. It feels so good to just hold her in my arms and sometimes I think...it's like...I really love her, Dad, you know?" No, Johnny really didn't know...at all. He wished he hadn't asked. Not wanting to venture into new territory so late at night, Johnny thought this discussion had better wait for the light of day. After all, he wasn't exactly the best person to give advice about building long-term---or short-term for that matter--- relationships. This subject would require a good night's sleep. The morning gave promise of another perfect, golden day. Roy and Joanne were somewhat subdued as they anticipated their upcoming meeting with Johnny and his son. They had yet to inform Jennifer, but were sure she would be relieved and eager to help mend the fences. There was still the matter of her behavior with J.R. to deal with, no one had forgotten that, but perhaps they could come out of this encounter with this thing resolved and their friendship intact. Roy was still mad at John Gage's son, but realized that his own daughter was just as much to blame, more so according to her. Well, it was best to remain optimistic. For his best friend's sake he hoped they could come to some agreement. Roy knew, even if Johnny didn't, that the older Gage loved his son. It was evident in every affectionate glance, every proud word when he spoke of J.R. And, up until last night, Roy had to admit a growing fondness for the young man as well. His presence gave Johnny a kind of happiness he'd begun to think his friend would never have. All Johnny's boundless energy was still there, but some of the restlessness was gone...for that Roy was grateful. I just hope Johnny can forgive all the horrible things I said last night, he thought, all the awful names and threats. And maybe, if I'm really lucky, I can be forgiven for the punches I threw. That, he figured, is really a stretch. But even if he can't forgive me, I have to try. I don't want to lose my best friend, Roy agonized, even though I deserve to. I wish this whole horrible nightmare never happened. I wish we could go back to the fun we had after dinner that night, when J.R. first loosened up and laughed. Johnny glanced uneasily out the window to view the dust cloud traveling up the dirt road toward his home. He awoke earlier than he would have expected this morning, partly because his mind was still in turmoil, partly from the pain in his abused and aching face. If I still have a job tomorrow I'll have some explaining to do about this swollen black eye and the huge purple bruises on my nose and jaw. Pausing to scratch a sudden itch that developed on the tip of his nose, Johnny winced at its tenderness as he thought back to the very intense and rewarding conversation he and J.R. shared on the front porch of their home last night. The air was cleared with his son, but things were still very uneasy between himself and his former partner. It was anybody's guess how that one would go. As if conjured by his thoughts the dust cloud coming up the drive turned out to be the DeSoto station wagon. Here come's round two, he thought as Roy, Joanne and surprisingly, Jennifer exited the car. J.R. came downstairs shirtless, barefoot, and yawning sleepily, and padded over to where his father was standing in the doorway. As he eyed the DeSotos he too became apprehensive. Well, at least it wasn't the cops. Roy came to the door, and flinched at the bruises marring Johnny's face. Guilt rushed in and seemed to strangle Roy DeSoto. In a subdued voice he asked, "Can we come in, John?" John, Johnny thought, he called me John. Roy is serious, but not angry. Johnny stepped back to allow the trio entry and stood quietly waiting. There didn't seem to be any hostility this time, but nobody was dancing for joy either. It was another awkward encounter, the silence ending when Joanne nudged her husband expectantly. Roy cleared his throat and looked at his best friend, pleading with his eyes for understanding and forgiveness. "Johnny, I owe you a big apology," Roy began. "We...I jumped to conclusions last night and found out that I was wrong. The thing I was sure happened...didn't." "Yeah," J.R. said under his breath, "no 'um-ing'." Johnny looked sternly at him and then met Roy's confused look. He motioned his friend to continue. "I blamed you for what wasn't your fault and struck out in anger. I don't know if you can ever forgive me for that, but I want you to know I'm profoundly sorry." Roy stood in dejection awaiting the verdict on their friendship. Johnny looked at Roy for a long moment before he began. "Roy, I'm guilty too. I really thought the same thing you did. And these two," he continued, glancing accusingly first at Jennifer and then at J.R., "didn't bother to correct that assumption. My mule-headed son, who is way too much like me, would rather let me believe the worst than defend himself." "That having been said," Johnny looked steadily at Roy, "I'll tell you what I told J.R. last night. I let you hit me so that we could stay friends. If you had hit my son, we wouldn't be talking right now." Johnny looked at Roy's miserable face. "I don't think," he whispered, his voice choked with emotion, "there is anything you could do to ME that I wouldn't forgive, Pally." Johnny extended his hand to Roy and waited. In undisguised relief Roy DeSoto clasped that hand in his own like a lifeline and pulled his pal into a bearhug, his eyes squeezed tightly shut to hold back tears. It was going to be okay. Their friendship would survive even this. "Now," Roy said at last, stepping back to regard J.R. and Jennifer who had gravitated toward each other. "What are we going to do about these two? They seem to have developed an attachment." "But she's underage..." Johnny protested uneasily, stopping when he noticed the grimace on his son's face. "...And they shouldn't be together alone again before she is eighteen," Joanne finished for him. It wasn't what Johnny was going to say, but he ended up nodding and added, "...And definitely no 'um-ing'!" Roy and Joanne didn't understand, but couldn't resist adding their smiles to the identical crooked grins being exchanged between the two Gage men. Jennifer just looked at all the grown-ups and shrugged. Things were definitely looking up. "Oh by the way, Johnny," Roy scuffed one foot across the floor. "Are you free this afternoon? I could use your help. Something happened to the deck last night..." THE END feedback for Nexxie return to main menu