THE LIST by Tammy Roy woke up slowly.  Did I oversleep?  Where's Joanne?  His eyes seemed to refuse to open.  He tried to raise his head to get out of bed when he realized this wasn't his bed.  His back was being pushed at several points, keeping him from laying flat.  Finally, he summoned enough effort to force his eyelids apart. Damn.  Didn't oversleep.  Must be a fire.  Try to remember.  He tried to raise a hand to his head.  The left one wouldn't move without threatening tremendous pain.  The right one pushed aside debris as it moved upwards. Okay, something must have fallen on me.  Fire…Wait!  Johnny and I were checking to be sure everyone got out….Johnny!  Roy glanced around anxiously.  He forced himself to remember.  I think that's it.  We split up to check both ends of the hall.  Cap called us out….I waved him to the stairwell and looked up…and watched as the ceiling decided to fall down right above him.  He remembered briefly thinking that Johnny was far enough away that even if, no when, the impulsive young paramedic would try to grab him, that it would already be too late.  If that wasn't enough, Roy remembered the feeling of the floor caving in under him.  Great!  Of all the times for Johnny's luck to turn, it has to be one of the worst built buildings ever made in California.  The crew knew this building wasn't in good shape.  It was a flophouse in one of the crummier neighborhoods they covered.  They tried to get the county to check it for code violations but it seemed that the owners must have had powerful connections.  Roy hoped they all fell in the La Brea Tar Pits.  It was strange.  That ceiling looked like it only fell in my half of the hall.  That meant that Johnny was already looking for him.  Roy tried to look around.  He couldn't tell where he was except that he saw the remains of a small desk with a picture of a family taped to the wall behind it.  All around him was debris from the building and some bits of paper and office supplies.  He saw a couple of boards that appeared to be maintaining a void for him to be in.  His legs hurt but he couldn't move them.  At least he could feel them for now.  He was pretty sure his left leg was broken, and without being able to feel it, he was afraid that his left arm was too.  The likelihood that he had a concussion finally pressed into his consciousness.  Gotta stay awake, Roy, he chided himself.  No sleeping on the jobs while the guys look for you. He noticed the lack of noise or rather the lack of what he called work noise.  No crackling sounds. Good. That may mean that the fire isn't near me, no mechanical sounding whooshes, Uh oh, I may not have oxygen.  Wonder how long I was out? No engine noise…I may be here longer than I think.  I must be buried pretty thoroughly if it's this quiet here.  Roy tried not to think of the groans he heard from the timbers above and around him.  He noticed some water on the walls but it didn't seem to be so much as to make him think that they were spraying water near him.  Now, what to do to stay awake?  He thought about yelling but after trying to call out once, realized that he must have breathed in something for he couldn't get his voice to go very far.  I'll just rest it and wait till I hear them.  The idea of looking back over his past didn't quite appeal to him either.  I'll wait a few hours before I start seeing my life pass before my eyes.  Looking around again, Roy spotted a pen.  He was lying on a couple of pieces of paper.  He decided to play tic-tac-toe with himself.  After two games of that, he was already bored and fighting to keep his eyes open.  Come on, Joanne, give me something to do so I won't fall asleep.  He thought of his loving wife who was probably coming up with one or two more items for his "Honey, do" list.  As he moved a piece of paper with his right hand, the increasingly tired paramedic noticed this paper was thinner.  In fact, he recognized it as being the same type of pad Joanne would put his list on.  There were small boxes next to scored lines with the title on top "Things to Do Today".  This some kind of sign God?  You want me to plan what I need to do when I get out?  Roy wasn't overly religious but as they learned in the army: There are no atheists in foxholes.  If God was trying to tell him something, he picked a great time with no other diversions available.  The only other alternatives he could come up with were writing stories for his favorite childhood show, The Lone Ranger, (which he had given up doing as a freshman in high school. No one else would have been able to understand that obsession.) Or writing farewell letters to family and friends.  He and Joanne had talked about some airplane crash survivors who did that once.  They both felt it would have been hard to know that your loved ones had come to the point of surrender.   He decided then that he would live his life letting Joanne and the kids know everyday that he loved them so he would never feel the need to write one of those letters.  So that left writing his own list. Okay, Number 1.    Got my paycheck today.  Need to go to the bank first.  Number 2.  Have to go to the hardware store next.  The garage door needs a new lock.  He started to look forward to crossing each of these off.  He and Joanne would occasionally decide that after five, or maybe two or three things were checked off his list, it would be time for a little together time on the front porch swing.  He smiled thinking of that.  Maybe I need to do my own personal "Honey do" list for me and the family. Next, he wrote down, go for a walk.  Chris was going to be 10 this summer and was already starting to balk at being seen with his parents.  Maybe they could get away and go for a short hike behind Johnny's place.  We'll grab Johnny too and go up to that spot where we can see most of the valley.   Roy shifted and groaned.  His leg was hurting more now and his headache was beginning to pound.  Number 4.  Say a prayer.  At least I hurt.  Some people are beyond that now.  Number 5.  Call up the baseball league and volunteer to help coach Chris' team.  He had gotten a call asking for his help and thought that he didn't have the time for it.  Now he realized that even if the grass had to be cut a few days later that wouldn't be as important as watching his son grow up.  Number 6.  Go to the beach.  Joanne and I haven't walked along the shore since she was pregnant with Jennifer.  She looked so beautiful.  Number 7.  Fishing.  You know, I haven't talked to Pete Malloy in ages.  Maybe I'll call him and see if he wants to go to the lake.  We used to have a great time fishing.  Number 8.  Go sit on the porch swing with one of my favorite girls. Number 9.  Fix the backyard jungle gym.  Jennifer had been bugging him to fix it.  The plastic swing broke when Chris or one of his buddies stood on it and pushed as they jumped away from it.  It just seemed to get pushed lower on his list.  If he didn't get it done right away, Jennifer would be too big to want too.  She loved when her Daddy would push her on the swing so high that she could "see" Uncle Johnny's place.  Roy grinned, then caught his breath as the pounding in his head seemed to vibrate his whole body.  He forced himself to again concentrate on the list instead of lying down and resting like he sooo wanted to do. Number 10.  Plan a huge party.  He and Joanne were thinking about this for nearly a year now.  They owed so many people for things they did to help them out when Roy was working extra hours when staffing was low, or when Jo had to leave the kids on the spur of the moment if he or Johnny were at the hospital.  They wanted to invite their neighbors, the crew, and even the Rampart ER staff so all their friends could get to know each other.  Maybe that joker Eldon down the street can help Johnny and me come up with a great prank to get Chet with.  I would love to laugh right now.  Who was he kidding?  Right now he would just like to be able to breathe.  He started to lay his head down before jerking back up.  Sorry, Jo.  I am trying to stay here.  Now where was I?  Number 11.  Tomorrow is Sunday.  Church.  Somehow he started using work as an excuse to miss services.  He still made sure his kids went with Jo but he would stay home and sleep.  Sometimes he even grumbled when Jo would grab money from his wallet for the offering.  Gotta start going.  If I were honest with myself, I'd admit I miss it.  Better start throwing a little extra in for the benevolence fund also. Number 12.  Wow, I must not be getting enough oxygen.  Call Joanne's mom and see how she's doing.  I don't like being here alone for just a few hours.  It must be tough for her, rambling around in that house alone most of the time.  Maybe we can invite her to visit again.  Roy dropped the pen and rubbed his head.  His leg was throbbing, his left arm was asleep, his head felt like 76 trombones were pounding on him, and that he was shaking everywhere.  Great!  Shock!  Get it together Roy.  They have to be coming soon. Number 13.  Joanne….Joanne….He looked down at the paper and realized what he had written.  Hey, this is my list!  Roy grinned weakly despite himself.  MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT LONG.  Number 14.  WAKE UP AND START OVER.  Roy put his head down and remembered the last night they were together. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Roy," a voice from seemingly far away called out.  "Go away," Roy answered huskily.  "I'm having a wonderful dream." The voice came back closer.  "Roy, answer some questions first." Roy was very annoyed.  "Go away.  I'm making love to my wife and don't want to be bothered." The voice laughed softly and then sighed.  "Partner.  C'mon.  Give me a break.  I need ya to wake up.  Ya know you got to be dreaming if I'm in the room with you and Jo." Roy struggled, reluctantly, to open his eyes.  His partner's eyes twinkled down at him, his crooked grin just about as big as it could get.  "Alright Roy!"  The other men all cheered as his eyes became a little less glassy.  "You found me."  Roy said. "You doubted me?"  Johnny returned. Roy lay back down, watching Johnny work, thinking that he had forgotten something.  What was it? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Joanne and Johnny stood at the back of the room as Drs. Brackett and Early pronounced Roy fit to go home.  He had casts on his left arm and leg but everything was mending nicely. "Now Roy," Dr. Brackett shook a finger at him.  "You're still weak so don't start thinking you are going to go home and work around the house.  You really need to be quiet another week or so.  I don't want you up on that leg for any length of time for at least another week.  Then we'll get you a walking cast so you can be more mobile." Joanne winked at Roy.  "If I have to tie him up to keep him down, I will."  She and Roy already decided how to keep him occupied while he was still restricted to the bed and the couch.  Roy blushed but grinned right back at her. Johnny noticed them both and rolled his eyes deciding not to make eye contact with either for a minute.  He was just thrilled that Roy got through this without any major problems but broken limbs.  He and Joanne made some plans this week while Roy was stuck here.  It felt real good knowing that Roy would be able to appreciate every one of them. The threesome got Roy and his wheelchair to the house easily.  It was raining so Johnny parked the car in the garage and they entered the house through it.  Planks were placed on the few spots where there were stairs so Roy's wheelchair could move around easily.  Roy was expecting to have to help Johnny with the lock on the garage door as it had been sticking lately but was surprised when it opened easily.  Johnny noticed the look on his face and just noted, "The lock needed to be fixed.  It was an easy repair." Then just as Roy thought he would have to have a small tantrum to keep from being wheeled back to the bedroom, Johnny wheeled him straight to the front porch.  "Can you scoot over to the swing on your own or do I need to help?"  Johnny asked. Roy shook his head.  "I've got it.  Just give me your arm."  With Johnny's help, Roy managed to sit on the swing. With that move, the kids who were standing next to the door waiting, ran over to give him hugs.  They visited just yesterday, so knew he was okay, but were still thrilled to have him home.  After giving him hugs, the kids turned to their mom, gave her a hug, and ran down the steps to Johnny's Land Rover.  "Bye!! Bye," they called.  Johnny turned and looked at Roy's questioning eyes.  "We felt you needed at least one quiet night at home.  I don't work tomorrow morning but I do the next day so this worked best."  He turned and gave Joanne a hug, making her promise to call if she needed anything.  She gave Johnny a kiss on the cheek and added, "God give you strength," as he headed toward her two impatient children.  Johnny laughed and waved as he got in the Land Rover and headed for his home.  Joanne sat on the swing next to Roy and drew his arms around her.  They sat and listened to the rain and all the lovely night sounds for a while before Joanne helped Roy back into the house and to their bed. Johnny and the kids came back near noon the next day.  The kids ran to the door and found it locked.  They looked in the garage when Johnny suggested that their parents ran away from home.  "Nu-uh, Uncle Johnny," Jennifer shook her head.  "They didn't take their cars.  Daddy couldn't run far in a wheelchair."  Johnny fished out the spare key he had for Roy's place.  He told himself not to worry, but where would they be?  Jo knew I was coming back this morning.  He opened the door and stopped.  This didn't look right?!  And then took a step forward, stopped dead in his tracks, whirled around, grabbed the kids before they could go in, and slammed the front door shut.  He hoped neither kid would notice how red his face had turned.  "Uh, kids, let's go for a walk around the neighborhood.  I think we'll find them when we get back." When they got back from their walk, the front door was unlocked and Roy and Joanne were sitting together on the front porch swing.  Johnny tried to look everywhere but at his favorite couple while Chris and Jen told them all about their time at Johnny's.  Johnny gave up after the kids raced over to the neighbors.  Joanne just gave him a saucy smile, and Roy, just grinned.  "Did you see much?" Joanne winked at Johnny. "Ohh, man," Johnny said, "I just got a gander of clothes all over the room.  Then I saw your heads and after that everything else is just a blur."  Joanne and Roy laughed at Johnny's consternation. "I thought married people used a bedroom for that." Joanne reached out and smacked Johnny lightly on the head for that one.  "Listen you.  We're married not dead.  We'd never march into your place without knocking.  Just 'cuz we're married doesn't make you safe barging into our place either!" She leaned back and gave Roy a short but passionate kiss.  Johnny decided he better change the conversation to a safe subject quick. "Roy, I've talked with Chris' baseball coach.  If you want to help as assistant coach, you and I can go over this week and talk with him.  He thinks that even with a walking cast on, you'll be a great help with the boys.  They'll have to retrieve anything they throw too far from you.  He thinks that will be great incentive for them to improve their aim."  Roy grinned.  "Great.  I was going to call him this week anyway.  You gonna help with batting practice?"  Johnny nodded.  Roy shaded his eyes as he peered out to see why a police cruiser was pulling up in front of his house.  The doors opened and out stepped Pete Malloy and Jim Reed. Pete and Jim moved to the porch and shook everyone's hand.  "Say, Joanne, we went 10-7 to come over.  Mind if we grab a sandwich?"  Jim Reed smiled at Joanne. "Since we called and asked you to swing by, sure, let's go to the kitchen."  Joanne led Johnny and Jim to the kitchen hoping she had enough food for both their appetites. Pete propped himself up against the porch rail.  "Alright Roy.  I've set everything up.  Two weeks from now, we'll run up to the lake Tuesday night and fish all day Wednesday." Roy was thrilled to see Pete.  He planned on asking him to go fishing but was surprised that Pete already made their plans before he even asked.  He was all set to ask how Pete knew this was what he wanted when Joanne came out and interrupted their discussion, asking Pete how his wife and stepson, Judy and David were. Lunch was over so soon he never got the chance to ask. The weekend before Roy started back at the station, Johnny and Chet came over early and helped Roy with chores.  Chet explained their aid by stating that they didn't want him overtired his first days back.  Roy started to smell a fish, and so wasn't surprised when Cap and family walked in with a pot full of clam chowder.  Soon after the whole A shift was there, moving everything around the backyard and bringing more tables and chairs out.  Roy stood looking at this scene and then at his two best friends, Johnny and Joanne, who were whispering conspiratorially off to the side.  "What is going on?"  Roy hissed at the two of them. "We're having a party," came the voice from behind him.  Dixie brought a beautiful white coconut frosted, Angel food cake and was setting it down behind him.  He looked over and saw Drs. Brackett, Early, and Morton putting various food contributions down on another one of the tables.  Kel Brackett came over and shook everyone's hand, then rolled up his sleeves.  "Where's the grill?  I want to put my time in with these burgers early so everyone can start with the best!"  Early grinned.  "I'll let you warm everyone up, then I'll give them something to really sink their teeth into during my turn." Johnny and Joanne snuck away before Roy could turn to ask them anything more. "ATTENTION! ATTENTION!"  Chris and Jen DeSoto banged a couple of pots together as Johnny called everyone to look toward the deck.  Johnny, Joanne, Chris and Jen were all standing there looking as if they won a lottery.  Roy moved closer, curious about what was going to happen now, but wondering if he shouldn't just move out of range.  They all looked as if they were up to something and, as Roy had found out earlier, even under a tickle interrogation, Jennifer wouldn't even crack today. "Thank you all for coming to our home today," Joanne called out.  "We've been talking of doing this for a long time but Roy kind of pushed me to it a couple of months ago."  Roy scrunched his eyebrows together wondering when this came up for discussion.  He didn't remember it.  She continued, "Not just the last few months, but the last number of years, Roy and I have been meaning to do this to thank you all for being great friends.  I have leaned on you, and Roy has breathed a little easier, knowing everyone of you are such wonderful people willing to help in our times of trouble." Roy still didn't remember discussing this with Joanne, but vaguely remembered thinking the same thing when trapped in that flophouse.  There was something else he was trying to remember… Johnny then turned to Jen. who went back in the house.  She came back with a frame, which she held close to her, hiding the front.  She smiled at her dad and crooked her finger for him to come up.  Roy went up and, promising both his wife and partner that they would be paying for whatever they were planning, knelt down next to his daughter and son. "Dad," Chris said.  "We think that as a dad you are absolutely awesome.  Sometimes, we don't listen like we should or do what we should," and with that he rolled his eyes at his dad who playfully swatted at his head, "but we want you to know, we love you and just so you know, we know you love us too."  Roy started to grab for both children but Jen moved just out of his way. "Wait Daddy, it's my turn," Jennifer put her hand out to stop him.  Roy shrugged as the crowd lightly laughed.  "Daddy, we want you to know that the best times we have with you are just the regular times.  We don't need to go to Disneyland or Knott's Berry Farms for you to show us a good time.  We loved going to the beach with you last weekend and hiking with you yesterday.  Thank you for being such a great great great Daddy."  With that, she threw herself at Roy, keeping the frame turned into her body.  Roy grabbed her and Chris and gave them great big hugs.  He kept his face on Chris' shoulder, trying to wipe away the few tears that were escaping his eyes.  He was pretty sure his weren't the only ones but everyone was looking at him.  Jennifer pulled away and handed Johnny the frame. "Roy," Johnny shook his head as Roy stood up to face him.  "You scared the living daylights outta me the last time we worked together.  When we got to you, you were just lying there.  I have never prayed more in my life.  Anyway, I couldn't figure out what you were clutching on to so tight and decided I had to keep it for you."  Johnny looked at Joanne.  She wiped a tear away and motioned for him to continue.  "I gave it to Joanne, thinking it was a last letter or something.  She started smiling while she read it.  Then she showed it to me.  We decided that as much as we could we would be sure you got to do everything on that list.  I think you've managed every one of them.  We framed it but left most of these things without checkmarks on them.  Joanne and I figured most of them were things you planned to keep on doing all the time so they would never be 'done'.  There is a spot in the kitchen Jo has picked for this to go."  Johnny held up the frame, which held the list.  "Anyone who wants can see this at anytime.  Joanne said to leave it on the dessert table so you can see it when you get your sweets.  We are so glad you are here to complete your 'Things to Do Today' list."  Roy grinned and hugged Johnny and Joanne as the crowd came forward to echo their sentiments. As the crowd thinned out, Roy found himself seeking Joanne's eyes more and more often.  Both of them were looking forward to the evening after all the guests left and Johnny took the kids one more night for them.  Joanne almost choked on the Coke she was drinking when she saw Roy's eyes finally pop wide open as he remembered something.  She knew what he had finally realized and was surprised it had taken him this long.  He went and grabbed the frame out of Hank Stanley's hands.  Hank stared at his senior paramedic wondering if he had finally lost it.  "Uh Cap, I don't think you want to look at this."  Roy stammered. "Nonsense, you twit," Hank growled at him.  "I'm the last person to see it. Did you write something about me?" Roy shook his head.  He's right; everyone else already saw it.  Give it to him. Roy resolutely handed it over to Cap.  I guess I can go to a brush station somewhere. Cap looked at it.  "Roy, you must not have been doing too well at the end.  You skipped a number." Roy looked as Cap turned it towards him.  Number 13 was gone.  Roy laughed it off but wondered to himself.  After all the guests and the three kids (Johnny included) left, Roy and Joanne stood in the kitchen and hung up the list.  He put his arms around her and kissed her.  She started to kiss back, promising more but he put his finger to his lips. "I know I don't remember everything about that night, but I have remembered that there was definitely a number 13 on that list.  As much as I want to keep that on my permanent list, just where did it go?"  Roy leaned back, looking Joanne in the eye. "Only Johnny and I saw it, and he swears he will never admit he did.  That one is framed upstairs in our room, so you will never forget it!" Tammy's feedback Thanks to Janet for her beta reading on this and my first story.  I watched Toby Keith's music video of The List and was surprised to see the fireman at the end.  I need to credit the songwriters Tim James and Rand Bishop and the creators of Emergency! return to main menu