The "End" by Min and Nexxie Bobby Dare, DJ for KROO, listened intently to the very different traffic coming out over the emergency band on the scanner. This is too good to keep from the public...but sharing it could lose me my job. Well, I am Bobby DARE... With a smile, he locked the door to the broadcast booth and flipped a few switches, then waited for the number two rock and roll tune to finish playing. "This is Bobby, your one and only, playing the tunes you love. And now, for something a little different, have you ever wondered what firemen talk about?" JoAnne DeSoto, busily folding a load of laundry, turned her attention to the radio. "I always wondered what Johnny and Roy talk about in the squad. This might be interesting." She stopped in mid-fold when her wish seemed to come true. The voices on the radio belonged to her husband and his partner! Squad 51's radio transmission was being broadcast over the commercial airwaves, unbeknownst to them, and was now reaching an audience in the hundreds of thousands. "Oh man, Roy, what a night! We got to the skating rink, and she takes off her coat. She got this short little outfit on, and it really shows her legs. Man, Roy this chick's legs are really incredible!" JoAnne's ears perked up at that. So her husband and Johnny talk about his dates? What else, she wondered, thinking of their last oh-so-satisfactory encounter under the sheets, does my husband discuss with his partner? JoAnne listened intently as the conversation continued. "Yeah, incredible, huh? So what did you do?" She could imagine Johnny excitedly gesturing to emphasize his story. "Well, I'm paying attention to her, and not to where I'm putting my feet, and I fell over the skates she brought for me. I fell flat on my face!" JoAnne laughed at that. It sounded like a a typical Johnny date. "The poor girl! I wonder who she is?" ********** At her office, Alexis listened in horror as the events of her disastrous date with Johnny Gage were broadcast to the population of Los Angeles at large. "I'm gonna kill him!" she thought. "Wait, the jerk hasn't mentioned my name so far. But that doesn't matter, I'm still gonna kill him and his idiot partner!" The conversation in the squad continued. "Flat on your face. So why are you limping and rubbing the other end?" "Well, after I picked myself up off the floor and put my skates on, we stepped out on the ice, and I took two steps out, and fell on my keister!" "You really fell for this one, huh, Junior?" "Oh that's really funny, Roy. Ha ha. That's not the worst part though. I got up and fell again, and when I fell, I grabbed her skirt, and pulled it off the outfit." Alexis' face burned at the memory. "Hey, Lex," her co-worker burst in. "How did your date with the fireman go last night?" From the evil grin on her face, Alexis could tell the other woman was listening to KROO. "Stacey, why don't you find something to do, instead of just standing there laughing?" "You're right, I need to get back to my desk. I don't want to miss any more of this!" Still cackling at Alexis' expense, the woman returned to her office and carefully laid the phone down beside the radio. Then she locked her office door and pushed the phone console button, activating the PA system. The whole floor stopped working as an unusual conversation filled the air. "What did she do?" they heard Roy ask. "She fell on top of me, and hit a delicate part of my anatomy." winced Johnny. "Well good, I'm glad it hurt, but that's nothing compared to what I'm going to do." Alexis looked up at the speaker as the broadcast went out over the office PA system. "You're next Stacey," she vowed, gritting her teeth. ********** Chief McConnike grabbed a cup of coffee and flipped on the radio. Somebody had changed it from his favorite station, but it wasn't the usual rock music coming over the speaker this time. "So Junior, you got it coming and going!" DeSoto? What was Roy DeSoto doing on the radio? "So Junior, are you going to see her again? "Are you kidding? We've got a date for tomorrow night." Gage! What was Squad 51 doing on the radio? McConnike carefully put down his cup and got up from the breakfast table, his day off started so well. He picked up the phone and put in a call to Dispatch. Sam Lanier had his hands full and couldn't pick up the phone; one of the other dispatchers answered it. "This is McConnike, Battalion 14, what in the sam hill is going on?" The dispatchers were frantic, trying to keep up with calls coming in, and listen to the broadcast, at the same time. McConikee's question jolted them. "Apparently Squad 51, isn't answering our hails, and they aren't aware they are on the air. We're trying to alert the other battalions, by telephone to switch to another frequency." "Wait a minute, they're talking on the DEPARTMENT frequency? I just heard them on COMMERCIAL radio!" Sam Lanier prided himself in being a calm man, with a voice to match. He didn't let things rattle him. This situation was threatening to get out of hand. Taking a deep breath, Sam asked, "Does anyone have any aspirin?" Chief McConnike expected to find out the squad radio somehow slipped into a commercial band...but this was far worse. "They must have a problem with the radio, sir." Sam vowed inwardly to personally wrap the cord of that microphone around Gage and DeSoto's throats. McConnike wondered if this was another prank by Station 51's resident Phantom. It sounds like something Kelly would do. "I wonder how Hank is going to handle this?" The conversation continued. "You know Johnny, it's hard being a sex symbol to a group of older women, I don't envy you, but at least this is just between you and me, no one else will ever know. Not even Chet." McConnike heard the transmission in stereo...both from his radio and from the telephone receiver where he could hear it broadcast in the background. He would be hearing from the Department Chief soon, he knew. Maybe the Chief doesn't listen to KROO... Knowing Chief Houts, he probably does. ********** A loud pounding on the window of the broadcast booth captured Bobby Dare's attention. The producer pointed to the telephone where the light for Line 2 blinked busily. Wondering if he still a job, Dare shrugged and picked up the receiver. "Dare, if we don't lose our license, I'm gonna kiss you." "Is that a threat, Boss?" "We've never gotten so many phone calls. The listening audience is eating this up. Any chance we can get these two guys for an interview?" "I need to find out who they are, Boss, but I don't see why not." ********** At Alexis' office, the place was in an uproar. Stacey announced to anyone and everyone, the identy of the fireman's date, and Alexis' telephone lines were blinking madly. Alexis opened her drawer and pulled out the pills she kept in a stash. "Aspirin? Nope, not strong enough. Acetaminophen? Get real! Oh yeah, Valium! This definitely rates the good stuff. Gage better not ever try to talk to me again. And our date is definitely cancelled. I can't believe this is happening, what a nightmare!" Would the transmissions never end? "I tell ya, Roy, I never want to see skates, or ice, or hear that bubblegum music again." Johnny groaned. "Didja have to do that?" All of LA wondered what "Roy" did. "We could put a couple of pillows on the seat for the rest of the shift if it will help." ********** JoAnne wondered too. Why would pillows help? What did Johnny do? She missed part of the conversation when Jennifer came in to complain about a hurt knee. "Mommy, why are Daddy and Uncle Johnny talking on the radio? Why does Uncle Johnny need pillows? Does Uncle Johnny have a boo-boo, Mommy?" "I don't know, sweetheart, but is sure sounds like he made one." She was cracking up at the image of Johnny sitting on pillows in the squad. Jenny pointed proudly at the newly applied bandage on her knee. "You always kiss my boo-boos to make them feel better. Do you suppose Uncle Johnny has somebody..." "How about some lunch, Jenny," JoAnne interrupted, not wanted to think about the new picture being painted in her mind. The conversation continued on the radio as Johnny conjectured, "I don't know, maybe ice would help, whatdya think?" "I don't know maybe you shoulda had Dr.Brackett take a look at it when we were at the hospital." "Roy, I don't want Brackett looking at my butt!" "Oh no! how did I miss that?" JoAnne thought, her eyes filling with tears as her face reddened with the effort to hold back laughter in front of her daughter. "Mommy! did you hear what Uncle Johnny said?" Jennifer giggled at Gage's words. "Yes sweetie, I heard it, I just don't believe it." ********** Bobby Dare a name, Dr.Brackett. The only Dr.Brackett he knew of, was Dr. Kel Brackett, at Rampart General Hospital. Maybe Dr. Brackett knew those two firemen. Dare picked up the phone and dialed an outside line. "Dr. Brackett, pick up line three," the hospital intercom echoed from the speaker in the hall beside the base station. Kel and Dixie were still laughing over Johnny's misfortunes broadcast over the Fire Department radio frequency when the page came in. Brackett stopped to gather himself, and told Dixie, "I'll take it in my office, Dix." "This is Dr. Brackett." "Dr. Brackett, this is Bobby Dare, KROO radio. Do you happen to know two firemen named Johnny and Roy?" "Yes I do, they're two of our best paramedics. Why?" "Paramedics, hmm, what fire station do they work at?" Bobby skirted the "why" hoping he could get what he needed without revealing the reason. "Station 51, in Carson, why do you ask?" "Thanks, Doctor, you've been a big help." ********** In the nurse's lounge, Ellen Bart turned on the radio and propped her tired feet on a nearby chair. The radio was tuned to a Jazz station...Miss McCall must have been listening last. With a sharp twist of the dial, still a little peeved that Dixie spoiled their fun, she changed the station to KROO. And she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "This is Bobby Dare, bringing you two nutty firemen from Carson Fire Station Fifty-One." "Oh this is priceless, Johnny and Roy, the "Golden Boys" of the paramedic program, making fools of themselves on the radio, no less?" This was too good to be true. "Wait til the girls hear this." She got up and left the room. Looking both ways in the hall, Ellen beckoned to Sharon Walters who was just leaving Treatment Four. "Sharon, listen to this, Johnny and Roy are on the radio!" "I know that, Ellen, we heard them." "No, Sharon, on the RADIO, on KROO!" Sharon's eyes grew even wider at that. "How?" "I don't know, but I'll just bet they're going to be in a load of trouble," Ellen stated. "You know Miss McCall and Dr. Brackett are going to have a fit when they find out." ********** Bobby Dare, disappointed that the transmissions from the firemen seemed to be over, nonetheless smiled as he removed a cassette tape from the recorder. He unlocked the booth and nodded to his producer who was giving him the 'thumbs up' sign. Dare, your luck is holding, he thought. Taking the tape, the producer handed it to a waiting courier and told him, "Get this over to the KROOTV News van, ASAP. They're ready to roll on the story." ********** Back at Station 51, Captain Hank Stanley was trying to contain himself. "Twits!" "What was that about?" Johnny asked Roy, mystified. "I don't know Johnny, let's find out." They got out of the squad, and walked into the kitchen. Mike and Marco took one look at the two paramedics, and fell on the floor laughing. "What's your problem? What's so funny?" Johnny inquired. Marco managed to stand and started filling a baggie with ice from the freezer. Mike wiped his eyes and took off towards the dorm, returning with a pillow. Each held out their offerings to Johnny before dissolving once again into uncontrollable laughter. Johnny's eyes grew wide with horror. How did they find out? Roy looked at his partner, his face a mirror of Johnny's. How did they find out? McConnike's station wagon pulled up in the back parking lot at the same time a TV news van parked out front. "Hey Cap, Chief McConnike's here." reported Chet. Just then, the bell rang on the front door. Mike went to answer and was greeted with, "Are you Johnny or Roy?" A reporter pushed a microphone in his face. "No, I'm Firefighter/Specialist Mike Stoker. Johnny and Roy are in the kitchen." They pushed past him. "Hey!" In the kitchen, Johnny answered the phone automatically, "Station 51, Fireman Gage speaking." "Hey, Johnny, how's the...um, bottom?" It was JoAnne DeSoto. Johnny looked at the phone like it bit him. Was there anybody that didn't know about his date? "JoAnne?!! How did you find out?" "Johnny, you and Roy were all over the radio. We heard everything," responded his partner's wife. "Everything?" Johnny's voice went up an octave. "Everything. Can I speak with Roy, please?" She didn't sound happy. His face turning white, Johnny held out the phone to his partner who was trying to fend off the pushy reporter and hide from the camera. "Roy, it's JoAnne. We were on the radio." "So I hear, Roy said angrily, taking the phone from Johnny's outstretched hand. The camera crew now turned its attention to Johnny Gage. "Firefighter/Paramedic John Gage, what do you have to say about your conversation being broadcast, not only on Fire Department frequencies, but on the radio?" As Johnny stared at the microphone in horror, he was pushed aside by a definitely angry Chief McConnike. "Fireman Gage is understandably angry at the invasion of his privacy, not to mention the illegal actions of the radio station in broadcasting transmissions from fire department frequencies." "Chief McConikee, do you know why they were broadcasting to begin with?" "I believe I can answer that," Captain Stanley spoke up. "In checking the mic from the squad, I found it was loose, and whenever it was keyed, it stayed on, therefore broadcasting. A simple mechanical problem." On the phone, Roy was discussing the situation with his wife. "Jo, honey, you know I never talk about stuff like that." His face got red, "NO! I don't discuss that with ANYONE! Aw, come on, sweetheart, don't be like that." "Mommy, can I talk to Uncle Johnny and tell him about my boo-boo?" Jennifer pulled at JoAnne's arm, reminding her about the presence of little ears. "Go watch TV, Jenny," she prompted. The little girl pouted. "I wanna talk to Uncle Johnny! You got to! It's not fair!" Jennifer stamped her little foot. Her lower lip started to quiver, and tears were welling up in those big blue eyes, the same blue eyes that she fell in love with in Roy. "Mom, guess what?" Chris excited voice chimed in from the living room where afternoon cartoons been interrupted by a news bulletin. "Dad's on TV, and Uncle Johnny and Captain Hank. Come quick." On the other end of the phone, Roy DeSoto wanted to wake from this nightmare, but unfortunately for him he was still awake, and living it. He heard his son call his wife to the TV, and he told her he would call her back. Hanging up the phone, he turned to Johnny, and said, "Okay partner, so now what do we do?" "Transfer to a brush station...in another state?" Johnny knew he was in for more ribbing, razzing and practical jokes than ever before. He just hoped Alexis didn't know about this. The phone rang again, Marco picked it up. "LA County Fire Department, Station 51, Fireman Lopez speaking-- yeah, he's right here, ALEXIS." He emphasized the last word. "Ah, Johnny, phone." Johnny swallowed hard. He took the phone from Marco and answered it. "Hi, Lex-" Roy couldn't hear the other side of the conversation, but from Johnny's reaction, it couldn't be pleasant. The strident voice of an angry woman brought the focus of the room back on Johnny Gage. "I guess this means our date's off, huh?" Johnny asked. From the wince he made, everyone knew the answer. The reporter asked, "Is that his date from the ice rink? Man, she sounds mad. Er...what was her name again?...ooookay." The reporter backed down at the angry looks he received from the firemen. Just then the tones went off. "Squad 51, child trapped, 3426 Lexington, 3...4...2...6 Lexington Boulevard, cross street Windrow, time out 1436." Captain Stanley hurried to the radio, "Squad 51, 10-4. KMG 365." The room cleared, as the TV crew ran to their truck to follow the squad out on the run. ********** At Lexington Boulevard, Johnny and Roy encountered a yard full of concerned neighbors milling anxiously around in front of number 3426. As the squad pulled up, one of the women standing there recognized the number. "Hey, it's them! Johnny and Roy! They were on the radio earlier, the TV just now!" "Hey, Johnny," called one of the women as she playfully elbowed her friend. "How's the backside?" "It looks pretty good to me," her friend commented in a stage whisper. Johnny turned the color of Big Red after she'd just been polished. Roy just shook his head. "Where is the trapped child?" The child's mother, an attractive brunette with shoulder-length hair, motioned to them," This way." She turned tear-filled brown eyes to Johnny, "he's been in there a long time." "Ma'am, is this the bathroom?" It was an old house and Johnny noticed the existence of a transom above the solid wooden door. The mother indicated that Johnny guessed correctly, and Roy followed his partner's line of thought as Gage requested, "Give me a boost?" Roy nodded, and bent down to make a cup of his hands. Johnny put his right foot into Roy's hands, and as Roy boosted him up, he heard a whispered," Boy he DOES have a nice butt!" "MOTHER HANLEY! Really!" "Well, he does, dear." She looked at Roy appraisingly, "and so does his partner. You married, Sweetie?" Roy blushed a brilliant shade of scarlet, and answered, "Yes, Ma'am, I am." "Lucky girl." came the reply. As Johnny leaned over the transom he could see the little boy asleep on the floor. His face bore traces of recent tears and his arm disappeared into a rectangular furnace vent at the base of the opposite wall. An intricate cast iron grate laying to the side showed the paramedic how the child gained access. There was nothing beneath the transom but bare tiled floor. Gage would have to somehow turn around and drop in feet first. "What's his name," Johnny asked the boy's mother. "His name is Davey, David Matthew Hanley, the third." "I call him Trey" came his grandmother's contribution. "Yes Mother Hanley." spoke his mother patiently. "Is he all right?" "Well, Mrs. Hanley, I think he's sleeping right now, but it looks like his arm is stuck in the furnace vent. I'm gonna drop in there and check him out." With a great deal of grunting and groaning, and an audience that included the camera team from KROOTV, Johnny maneuvered his long legs through the transom and dropped down on the other side. As he hit the floor feet first, he was dismayed to only now notice that the doorknob was missing from the inside. "Davey, can you hear me?" The little boy opened sleepy eyes and gave the paramedic a confused look, his lip starting to tremble. "Davey, my name is Johnny Gage, I'm a fireman and I'm here to help you. Can you tell me where the doorknob is?" Davey looked sadly at the hole that swallowed his arm and Johnny immediately understood. Make that two people trapped, he thought. "Roy, the doorknob is missing from this side of the door. I think it's in the heat vent. Davey's arm is stuck, and he's got the doorknob in his hand. I can get his arm out, but he won't let go of the doorknob." "Johnny, can you pry the hinge pins loose?" Roy asked, raising his voice to make himself heard over the general din of the crowd filling the Hanley's living room. "Yeah, I think so," Gage replied. He pulled out his bandage scissors and started in on the bottom hinge. It wasn't going to be easy, the pin had several coats of paint cementing it to the hinge. "What about my son? Is he all right? DAVEY! Are you okay, honey?" Mrs. Hanley was starting to get impatient. "Momma? Momma?" The little boy's eyes looked at Johnny pleadingly. "I want out of here." He began to blubber and pull at his hand. Johnny thought for a minute. He needed to distract the little guy. "Davey, why did you stick your arm in the furnace vent?" "'cause a mouse went in there." "And you wanted to catch the mouse." Davey nodded, proud that the fireman caught on so quickly. Then a look of terror crossed his face. "What if the mouse comes back and bites my hand?" The little boy struggled frantically to pull his hand out, but only succeeded in wedging it more firmly in the small opening. "Son, Davey, don't do that, okay, you'll hurt yourself. Can you let go of the doorknob?" Davey solemnly shook his blond curls, indicating the negative. "Look, kid," Johnny tried to remain patient, "I'll buy you a new doorknob, okay?" "But I like THIS one," the little boy emphatically stated. Johnny ran his hands through his hair, frustrated. "Look, if you don't let go of the door knob, you're gonna stay stuck. You don't want to be stuck in here forever, do you?" Davey shook his head. "Then you're gonna let go of the doorknob, right?" "Uh huh, I really like this one, it's got a big sparklie on it. Besides, I can't let it go." "Well, why not?" "Because it's stuck on my hand." "Stuck? Stuck how?" "It stuck to my hand when I tried to glue it back on the door." "You tried to..." "I spilleded the glue and tried to wipe it up. Then the doorknob stuck to my hand." Johnny a sinking feeling, noting an empty tube on the bathtub...quick-drying epoxy. "Where did you spill the glue?" Silently Davey pointed with his free hand to the spot on the floor currently occupied by the seat of Johnny's pants. Johnny rocked his hips experimentally and tried to raise up. He was stuck fast. "Oh man, I really don't believe this. Can this run get any worse? ROY? We've got another problem here." Outside the door, Roy could hear his partner talking with the little boy and then heard his last statement. "Johnny? What's the problem?" "Oh man ,Roy, this kid's got glue all over the floor in here, and I'm stuck to the floor. He's got the doorknob glued to his hand, and he can't let it go. And it looks like his arm's starting to swell." "I think we're gonna need some help," Roy called back. "I'm gonna call for the engine. We can get in with a couple of ladders." "Okay, but hurry, willya? We're in kind of tight quarters here." Johnny leaned over to the little fellow, and told him, "My partner is getting us some help." Davey's eyes got wide. "More firemen? Goody, I like firemen. Can I ride on your truck?" Excited, Davey forgot about his stuck hand and tried to sit up. "Ow! My arm hurts," the child wailed. Forgetting his bruises and his sticky situation, Johnny instinctively tried to rise in reaction to the distress in the little boy's voice. R-r-r-rip. Gage felt a sudden draft. Horror stricken, the hapless paramedic, reached back and felt his backside. Yup, there were his boxers, in all their glory. Shaking his head, John moaned, "I just don't believe this." "Roy, can you have Cap bring me another pair of pants," Johnny said in a voice as close to a whisper as he could get and still hope to be heard. The noise in the living room, made it impossible for Roy to distinguish Johnny's words. "Can you repeat that, Johnny?" "I said have Cap bring me a spare pair of pants," Johnny said a little louder. "I still can't hear you!" Roy complained, motioning impatiently for the crowd to be still. They complied just in time to hear Johnny yell, "I SAID I NEED ANOTHER PAIR OF PANTS!" The assembled crowd started to laugh, with the exception of Mother Hanley. "What is going in there? Are you going to get my grandson out of there? Why is this taking so long?" Roy buried his face in his hands in frustration. The engine just pulled up outside, sans the extra pants. There hadn't been time to reach Cap before they left the station. "Roy, what's the situation?" Hank Stanley asked, pushing his way through the crowd. "Cap, Johnny's in the bathroom with a little boy. The boy has his hand stuck in a furnace vent. There's no doorknob on that side and Johnny is trying to work on the hinge pins, but he only has bandage scissors. Oh, and Cap," this last in a low voice, "Johnny ripped his pants." Hank blinked twice before asking, "How did Gage get himself into...never mind. Marco! Chet! Bring two ladders. We'll put one on this side and send the other through the transom, then we'll chisel off the hinge pins." The TV news crew, recovered sufficiently from their laughter, pushed closer to the door. Captain Stanley, irritated, asked them to please back off so the crew could work. The reporter shoved his mike into Stanley's face and started asking questions. "Captain Stanley, just how will you and your crew go about getting to the trapped people?" Cap closed his eyes and counted to ten silently. "Well, the first thing I'm going to do is ask you to take your camera and move out of the way so we can work." "John, you okay, amigo?" Marco's amused face appeared in the transom. "Yeah, I'm okay," Gage responded glumly. "Just get us outta here, will ya?" Johnny stood to help guide the second ladder into the room As a ladder nosed its way downward into the bathroom, Davey broke out in a fit of giggles. "Davey? What's going on?" Mrs. Hanley asked, mystified. The last she knew her son was upset. "Momma, the fireman has hearts on his underwear!" Johnny turned a fiery crimson. He'd forgotten he was wearing THOSE boxers. A gift from an old girlfriend, he usually never put them on unless he was fresh out of clean laundry. But this morning he'd dressed in the dark and didn't realize which ones he'd donned until it was too late to change. "What was that the kid said? Hearts on whose underwear?" demanded the reporter. Chet smirked, "the Phantom is going to have a field day with this!" Mike, who had been monitoring progress, opened the bay door on the squad, and got Johnny's turnout coat out of the compartment then walked to the front door, and tapped Cap on the shoulder. "Here, Cap, I figure Johnny's gonna need this." Hank blinked. That was the most he'd heard Mike say in a long while. Cap took the turnout and shook his head. This sure wasn't Gage's day. A few taps with a hammer and chisel had the stubborn hinge pins free and the door swung wide. Cap hurried to shove Johnny's turnout into his eager hands. Roy hustled in with bags of ice and a tube of petroleum jelly. Thoroughly greased and chilled, the little boy's hand, still holding the doorknob, slid out of the furnace duct. After freeing the doorknob from Davey's hand, Roy turned to Johnny who sat silently on the edge of the bathtub wrapped in his turnout. "Ready to go home partner?" Eyeing the camera crew crowding as close as Cap would allow, ready to pounce on his miserable self, Johnny replied, "Roy, I think I'll just stay here, if it's all the same to you." Mother Hanley, who happened to get a glimpse of Johnny's backside before he put his turnout coat on, marched into the bathroom. "Young man, are you married?" Johnny shook his head. "Pity. You'd make some lucky girl a nice husband...so good with children. Plus, you've got a cute butt." She reached over and pinched Johnny's cheek. ********** The engine and squad returned to Station 51, hoping there would be no more excitement. The TV news team had all the footage it needed and promised the firemen they would be on the six-o'clock edition of the KROOTV news. "Oh joy, just what I needed to hear," lamented Johnny. Roy just shook his head. He was sick to death of hearing about it. And he knew when he got home the next morning he would have to face JoAnne. He shuddered, not looking forward to the encounter. Johnny hurried to the locker room to change out of his damaged uniform. The pants would have to be replaced. The boxers were destined for the dumpster...they no longer held any pleasant association for him. Cap and the rest of the crew headed for the kitchen for a cup of coffee, all except Chet who made a beeline for the locker room, and his pigeon.... "Man, I don't believe this whole day," Gage grumbled as he tucked his shirt into his spare uniform pants. "In one day I go from ordinary paramedic to laughingstock of the department to laughingstock of Los Angeles. What's next, national news? Reuters? I'll never be able to show my face in public again." "It's not your face you'll have to worry about, Gage, it's your butt," thought Chet. He had hidden himself behind Johnny's bank of lockers, lurking...waiting. Johnny picked up the offensive boxers and slam-dunked them into the trash can. "And stay there!" he told them before stomping out into the apparatus bay. Seeing the rest of the crew gathered in the kitchen, Johnny detoured to the parking lot and climbed onto the hood of his Rover. He dropped his head into his hands in abject misery. Chet came out of his hiding place, and checked around to see if the coast was clear. Making his way to the trash can, he opened it up and found Gage's underwear. "Bingo!" he rejoiced. The pattern of hearts, red on pink, gave Chet an idea. The Phantom was nothing if not sentimental. Quickly stuffing the boxers into the bag he kept for his own dirty laundry, Chet closed his locker and hummed as he made his way into the kitchen. It would be the Phantom's finest hour. And, it would be the ultimate in humiliation for the Phantom's pigeon, John Gage. Reaching the kitchen, Chet looked around and didn't see Johnny there. "Hey, where's Gage?" He wondered aloud. Cap gave Chet one of his "I know what you're up to, Kelly, and you'll be doing latrines until you retire" looks. "Leave him alone, Chet. He's had enough for today," pleaded Roy. "Oh, don't worry, the Phantom doesn't attack a pigeon when he's down...get it? Pigeon...down?" Marco groaned. "We get it, Chet." "I think I'll go have a word with Johnny," Roy said, removing Henry from his lap. He knew where Johnny would be. Finding Johnny in his usual spot on the hood of the Rover, Roy climbed up and sat next to his best friend. "You okay, partner? We've certainly had an interesting day." "Pally, I can never show my face in public again! I'm ruined! I'll never get another date as long as I live! No one will want to go out with me! And as for Rampart..." He stopped, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "And what about us as paramedics? Who will let us take care of them, knowing about this stuff today? They'll have to send us to a brush station." "Johnny, I think you're making too big a deal out of this." "Yeah, sure, you can say that. It wasn't your lovelife discussed on the air. By the way, how did JoAnne feel about the whole thing?" Roy sighed. He'd almost managed to forget. "Any posted openings on the bulleting board for brush stations?" he asked. "That bad, huh?" "Yeah." Johnny followed Roy dispiritedly back into the station. He was hoping for a quiet ending to a miserable shift. For the first time since the awful events of the afternoon, things seemed to go his way. They only received two calls. And the good thing was, they were both for the engine, so the boys didn't have to leave to safety of the station. While they were in quarters, they repaired the mic that was responsible for all the trouble in the first place. The next morning couldn't come soon enough. Johnny tossed and turned without really sleeping as memories of his deep humiliation played over and over like a scene from a bad movie. Looking across at his partner, he could see Roy's eyes open as well, staring back at him. It was a relief when the morning tones went off, signalling only two more hours before they could leave. The phone calls started shortly after breakfast. Cap answered the first call, and then handed the phone to Roy, his face red. "Firefighter DeSoto...I...What?...No!...I'm a married man!...No, I don't give out autographed pictures." Roy slammed the phone down in disgust. It rang again almost immediately. He looked at it as if it were a coiled snake. As he hesitated, Mike Stoker took pity and answered the call, an amazing sacrifice for him. "Station 51, Engineer Stoker, no I'm sorry, he's not available right now. No... his partner isn't available either." Mike's eyes grew wide, then he stammered, "No, Ma'am I'm not available either. No, Ma'am, I like being a firefighter. Yeah, they do too. I'll tell them you called. Bye." Only five minutes passed before the phone rang yet again. This time Kelly moved to answer, but Cap pre-empted him. "Los Angeles County Fire Department, Captain Stanley speaking, this phone is reserved for official business. Oh, hello, Chief." Marco leaned over to Mike, "Amigo, what was that call about?" Mike's face grew as red as his engine. "It was the owner of Sherry's Strip Club. She wanted to know if we were interested in coming down and doing a show for some of her more elite customers. I told her we weren't available." "How much was she willing to pay?" Chet wanted to know. Marco looked disgusted. "Chet!" "It was just a thought," Chet groused. He brightened as he thought of the Phantom's plans. B Shift wandered in, most of them chuckling at the sight of Johnny and Roy. Charlie Wilson, the senior paramedic, glanced at his counterparts and let loose with a long slow wolf whistle. "Knock it off, Charlie, it isn't funny." Johnny gave him a look that would have melted hose. Roy got up and poured himself some more coffee. "Maybe they'll all be chasing you guys today, and leave us alone." "Don't count on it, DeSoto. You guys are pretty well known now, just remember to save us some leftovers." "You can have all the ones over seventy-five," Johnny informed him. Now that he was going home, the day began to look brighter. Roy, on the other hand gave serious thought to sticking around for another shift...anything to avoid the coming confrontation with JoAnne. Chet decided to use this opportunity to hit his pigeon. "Hey Gage, isn't there some law against molesting little old ladies? Better watch yourself." Johnny was outraged. "Chet! I don't believe you!" Cap came over and put his arm around Chet's shoulder. "Kelly, Two words, LATRINE DUTY, if you don't knock it off right now." Johnny hurried to the locker room as soon as the second hand reached the twelve, pronouncing it officially eight a.m. He nearly tore off his uniform shirt and tossed it into his gym bag then donned a western-cut plaid shirt and quickly rolled up the sleeves. Almost as an afterthought, he pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put them on, even though the day was overcast. "Gage, I wouldn't worry about your face being recognized," Chet just couldn't let go. "The ladies will be focusing lower." In the corner, Roy dressed as slowly as he could, desperately trying to come up with some kind of errand to make the trip home take longer. Johnny decided to ignore Chet...maybe he would go away. "See ya later, partner," Gage said as he nearly ran from the locker room to the parking lot. Roy finally finished dressing, and walked out the door. He got to his little sports car, and decided to put the top up. The last thing he wanted to do, under the circumstances, was call attention to himself. He drove slowly towards home, deciding to take the long way. He even pulled into a fast-food place for more coffee. He loved his wife dearly, but the last place he wanted to be was home with an upset spouse. Roy arrived home to find JoAnne waiting at the door. He'd managed to delay his arrival by forty minutes, but now it was time to face the music. The angry look on his wife's face and the way her arms were crossed filled him with dread. Uh oh, her foot was tapping. He was dead meat. Slowly he closed the car door and walked toward the house. The ringing telephone saved him from having to utter a syllable. JoAnne answered the phone and handed it to Roy without a word. "Yes?" Captain Barnes from Station 110 was on the line. "DeSoto? We've had a paramedic go home sick, want the overtime?" Looking at JoAnne, he swallowed, and answered. "Yeah, Cap, I'll be there in an hour." He hung up the phone, and walked over to his wife. Grabbing her, he gave her a passionate kiss that would have torn the wallpaper off the wall. She tried to resist, but the urge to respond was too great. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him for all she was worth. "I love you, Roy DeSoto." "I love you too, Mrs. DeSoto." "Uh, Jo, that was Cap Barnes from 110's," he said after a few minutes. "They need me to come in and replace a guy that went home sick. I'll see you in the morning, ok?" Jo knew she'd been had. "Well," she thought, "I guess it's ok. He really does have a cute butt." Johnny arrived at his apartment building to find two news vans from other stations parked out in front. The crews were craning their necks to watch for his arrival. Johnny smiled and waved at the reporters as he accelerated the Rover past the building. The crews scrambled in vain to climb into their vans and give chase. By the time they hit the street, the Rover was four blocks ahead of them. Johnny grinned. This was turning out to be a lot more fun than he anticipated. Heck, one of those reporters was female and had great legs. Maybe he would just let them catch up. He didn't have a date tonight anyway, now. He decided to pull over and see if they would catch up. Besides, the last thing he needed was a speeding ticket. As the news van pulled up behind him and the crew jumped out, cameras ready to roll, the lady reporter smoothed her hair and reapplied lipstick. "Yes," Johnny thought, "a redhead. And no wedding ring." Johnny jumped out of the Rover, and grinned at the reporter. "Hi, what can I do for you?" She felt herself falling under the fatal "Gage charm". "Uh oh" she thought. "This could be trouble." "Um, hello." "Good start, Teresa," she mentally rolled her eyes. Forcing herself to be more professional the reporter started over, holding the microphone up to Johnny's smiling mouth. "Fireman Gage, has there been any fallout from your unfortunate broadcast yesterday?" Johnny looked into her blue eyes, and smiled. "Well, we've gotten a lot of phone calls at the station, and you guys have shown up at my place, but other than that, we just want to get things back to normal." Teresa licked her lips nervously. She didn't want to look, she wasn't going to look...slowly the reporter let her eyes drop, as casually as possible, to focus on Johnny's posterior. Johnny grinned wider and turned, posing for the cameraman who snickered and zoomed in until every stitch on the back of the paramedic's jeans was in sharp focus. "Is that what you wanted?" Johnny asked Teresa. Her eyes got wide. "Well, it is a cute butt. Oh no! I didn't mean to say that!" Turning to the grinning cameraman, she ordered "Turn that camera off!" Johnny just smiled, and got into his Rover. Turning the key in the ignition, he put it in gear, and turned around to go back to his apartment. When he got home, Johnny raced up the stairs, taking them two at a time, and unlocked his door before anything else could happen. Ignoring the ringing phone he hurried to the bathroom. The mirror was small, but if he stood on the toilet and turned just right he could get a good view. "I don't see what all the fuss is about," he said finally, stepping down. With a snort of disgust, he headed to the kitchen to finish off some leftover pizza. Roy drove over to 110s, and got ready to work overtime. As he was dressing, he felt someone's gaze on him. Turning around, he saw Pete Bradley, 110s engineer looking at him. "Pete? Something wrong?" Roy inquired. "Don't see what all the fuss is about." Pete snorted, and left the room. Roy just shrugged his shoulders and went to check in with Cap Barnes. As he walked into the Bay, he saw the rest of the crew watching him. "Hi, fellas. How's it going?" He knocked on the door, opened it, and walked in. Rolly McKenzie, one of the engine crew, whispered, "I guess it looks okay." Roy was accutely self-conscious as never before of every step he took. It was a new experience and one he didn't particularly like. "I sure hope this shift goes fast," he said to himself. I may have made a mistake." Johnny decided he needed groceries. After making a list, and checking his wallet, he headed out the door. "Good, no news vans." He took time while scarfing his pizza to go over his interview with the reporter, and realized his jean-clad backside was about to again be made famous. It seemed innocuous at the time, but now...he shuddered. What have I done? Slipping on his sunglasses once again, he climbed into the Rover and drove to the local market. He got out of the Rover and walked into the store, grabbed a cart and consulted his list. Heading for the produce aisle, he picked up a head of lettuce, then a couple of tomatoes. He ripped a plastic bag off the roller to put the tomatoes in. As he did so, he dropped his sunglasses. Bending over to pick them up, he felt a pinch on his backside. "Ouch!" "Hey!" Johnny stood up and turned to glare in indignation at the spry seventy-ish lady who was now innocently squeezing melons. She seemed oblivious to Johnny's charms, but there was a decided twinkle in her eyes. Johnny decided that a retreat was in order. He went over to the meat department, and took a look at what they had on sale there. Bending over the meat counter, he was concentrating on the price of ground beef, when he felt a hand patting him on his backside. Straightening up, he turned and glared at the woman standing there. "Can I help you?" She smiled, and patted him on the shoulder. "You just did, lover," she said as she walked away. "I think I'd better get out of here," Johnny thought, randomly throwing things into his cart before making a beeline for the checkout. As he approached the counter, he could see a group of employees gathered around a small cashier's window watching a small television in the corner. In horror he watched as the evening news displayed a film clip of his earlier encounter with the reporter. "Fireman John Gage has agreed to an interview," a male voice announced. No sound was heard from the original taping until Johnny turned around. "Is that what you wanted?" he heard himself ask. A bevy of giggles erupted from the store employees and one checker turned around to wait on the customer at her register. Johnny looked at her in dismay as she gasped, "It's him! John Gage! Oh my God!" She screamed. Her coworkers turned and squealed, "It's him! Get him!" Johnny hesitated an instant, unable to believe what was happening, before he abandoned the shopping cart and bolted for the door. He made it to the Rover, and jumped in, locking the door on the way in. Stark terror was on his face, and he couldn't believe what was happening. Four females stood outside his Rover tugging at the door handles, pounding on the glass. Where was a cop when you needed one? Someone in the store heard all the commotion, and decided the poor man in the Rover needed to be rescued. The manager picked up the phone and dialed the fire department. A few minutes later, the tones sounded at Station 110. Sam Lanier's baritone voice came over the speaker. "Squad 110, man trapped, Victory Market, 9845 Bellflower, Nine-Eight-Four-five Bellflower, cross street Maurran, time out 5:45." As Squad 110 pulled into the parking lot of the small market, Roy spotted a group of women rocking what looked like...Johnny's Rover! Picking up the mic, he radioed in, "LA, this is Squad 110, please respond police and an engine crew to our location." "10-4, 110." His partner for the day, Matt Lansing, asked, "Well, what do you think we should do?" "Sit tight, we don't need to be in the middle of that. Wait for backup." The squad's siren attracted the attention of one of the ladies. She walked closer to look into the cab. Roy tried to be as unobtrusive as possible, holding the map book in front of his face. The woman came closer. "Hey, girls, it's the other one!" Johnny looked over to see Squad 110 in the parking lot. What were they doing there? And in the cab was...Roy! Roy and Johnny looked at each other. Mirrored in each other's face, was the look of horror. "How are we gonna get out of this one," Roy wondered. As Desoto and Lansing watched nervously, the cashiers were joined by a growing number of female customers until the group surrounding the vehicles could best be described as a mob. A black and white police car pulled into the parking lot. Vince Howard stepped from his car to see what the commotion was about. He'd heard through the grapevine about the mix-up with the squad's microphone, and thought it was hilarious. Now, seeing the terrified looks on Johnny's and Roy's faces, he tried to stifle a laugh. They were safe enough for the moment. Officer Howard gave in to the urge and doubled over with laughter. "Thanks a lot Vince!" Johnny shouted. Matt Lansing got out of the Squad and joined him. The two of them stood there next to the cruiser and roared with laughter. Roy was staring at the two of the them like he'd never seen them before. Johnny was positively livid. He unlocked the drivers side door, and got out. He stalked over to the two men leaning against the cruiser, and roared, "Oh haha, you guys! Very funny!" A trail of women followed in Gage's wake until they were deterred by a warning glance from Vince Howard, who had regained his bearing. "Fun's over, ladies," Vince told them. "Leave the nice firemen alone now." Roy slowly got out of the Squad, with the HT in his hand. He held it in front of himself, like a shield. A TV news crew drove up and started to get set up for a live shot. "Not again," Johnny moaned. "Vince, I don't think I can take any more of this. The store manager excitedly shifted from foot to foot. He was unsure whether this kind of publicity would be more beneficial or detrimental to his store. Finally he decided he was making no money while all of his customers stood in the parking lot gawking at two firemen. He herded his employees back into the store. Roy raised the HT to his face. "LA, Squad 110. Cancel engine crew." "10-4, 110." Ambling over to where his partner and Matt were standing, he asked Johnny," Well, Junior, not enough excitement at your place? " "No, partner," Johnny smiled at him ruefully, "I guess I missed the attention. That and supper." He glanced at the store where his cart still stood in the checkout lane. "What about you, I thought you went home. Didn't JoAnne let you in the door?" "Yeah, but I got called to come in when Lansing's partner went home sick. Jo and I made up, sort of. And that's all I'm going to say on the subject." "I think I'll just order in pizza for tonight," Johnny said, thinking with regret of the dinner he had planned. "Hey guys, do either of you want to press charges for this incident?" asked Vince. "No, Vince we don't; why don't we just drop it?" replied Johnny. Roy agreed with his partner. "Let's just go home. Least said, soonest mended," Roy advised. The news crew was disappointed to see the crowd disperse and L.A.'s two newest celebrities leave without doing anything newsworthy. "I don't see what all the fuss is about," the cameraman commented. "Gentlemen, do you have any comments about what happened here?" requested the reporter. "No comment," the partners stated simultaneously. Squad 110 had nothing more exciting than the usual runs the rest of the evening and Johnny decided that pizza in peace was much better than a submarine sandwich eaten in chaos. The pizza man didn't seem to know who he was, other than a lousy tipper. Johnny was sure that by next shift this would all be just a bad memory. The next morning Roy arrived home to find his wife, sitting at the breakfast table, drinking a cup of coffee. She stood up to give her husband a kiss. Roy's arms tightened around her, and the kiss deepened. When they finally came up for air, he asked, "Am I forgiven?" His blue eyes twinkled. JoAnne DeSoto looked into the eyes of the man she fell in love with in the fourth grade, and said, "Of course." ********** Johnny whistled as he drove toward Station 51. Two days off enabled him to see things in a more humorous light. Even the repeated sight of his rear end on the news failed to draw more than a chuckle. He hoped Wrangler appreciated the advertising. As he approached the station his whistle stopped in mid-tweet. There, flapping in the breeze beneath the US and California State flags, were his disgarded boxers. A sick feeling came over him at the sight of the crowd gathered around the flag pole. He pulled into his usual parking spot next to Roy's car behind the station. Sitting there behind the wheel, he looked forlornly at the station. When was this going to die down? And of course he knew who had flown his shorts up the flagpole. Kelly! It had to be Chet! Captain Stanley heard the commotion before he saw the crowd. He walked out through the open bay door to see a group of people gazing at the top of the flagpole. Stoker must have put the flag up upside-down, he thought, until his eyes landed on the heart-covered pink boxers. "Oh for Pete's sake! Kelly!" Johnny and Roy stood there in the locker room and got dressed in silence. When Johnny opened his locker, he found the inside of the door covered with pink and red valentines. There were even hearts on Smokey. Johnny moaned, "Oh man! I don't believe this!" When Roy opened his locker, there were cut-out pictures of jeans-clad butts in all shapes, sizes and colors. Captain Stanley leaned into the locker room where his two paramedics sat morosely on the bench at 8:02. "Would you two kindly get your butts out here for roll call?" "That's not funny, Cap!" Johnny growled. "I wasn't trying to be funny, Gage." Cap looked sternly at Johnny for a moment, then spied the locker doors. A grin lit up his face and was quickly stifled. They followed their leader out into the line-up for roll call. Cap gave out assignments, and then ordered Kelly to take down the new flag, and wear it. "But...Cap!" Kelly protested. "But nothing, Kelly," Hank said. "I'm putting an end to this right now!" Marco snickered. "No, Cap, I think Kelly's putting an END to it." THE "END" Feedback |