The Green Pen by Icecat62 Chet sat on the worn leather sofa reading the paper, absently stoking Henry on the head. Every now and then he’d look up to watch Gage as he scribbled note after note on a pad of paper. Roy sat beside him doing the exact same thing. It was an annual festivity for Chet to watch the paramedics as they studied various manuals for their re-certification exams. Gage always wound himself up so tight that he often lost sleep and became so cranky that it wasn’t any fun to torment him. “Damn it.” The muffled curse came from Gage who stared at the pen in his hand, then shook it vigorously. Placing it back to the paper, he let out a loud huff of irritation. “Man, this is all I need.” Pushing away from the table, he went to a drawer and began digging through it. After a few minutes of pawing through the mess, he slammed it shut. Chet smiled as he called over to the harried paramedic. “What’s the matter Gage? Can’t find something?” Gage shot him a smoldering look, then turned his back on him. Standing beside Roy, Gage cleared his throat. Roy ignored him as he intently studied a manual before him. “Roy, I need to get a refill for my pen.” Roy reached into his front shirt pocket and pulled out another pen and held it out to Gage, never taking his eyes away from the book before him. “Use this one.” Gage ignored the pen that Roy held out to him. “Um…I don’t want to use that pen. Can we go out so I can get a refill?” Chet smirked as Roy looked up and frowned. Gage was annoying him. “Just use this pen for now. When we go out on a call, we’ll pick one up then.” Gage frowned as he gently tapped the green pen in the palm of his hand. He looked like he was going to say something, then shook his head no. “Forget it…just forget I even asked. I’ll do this stuff tomorrow.” Gathering his books and notes, Gage stalked out of the kitchen. Chet could tell that Roy was confused by the way Gage was acting. It was a pen for God’s sake and if he really wanted to be ignorant he could say it was an ugly pen. Who in the hell used a lime green pen? Roy dropped his eyes to the book before him, then he looked back at the doorway that Gage had gone through. Chet shook his head as Roy sighed and stood, following in the direction that his partner had gone. Patting Henry on the head, Chet chuckled. “Those two were made for each other huh Henry? One’s a big baby and the other is so hen pecked that he always gives in when whined at.” Turning his attention back to the paper in his hands, Chet vowed to never marry if it meant becoming as wimpy as Roy. ********************************************************* Walking into the dorm, Roy found Gage sitting on the edge of his bunk, absently twisting the green pen in his hands. He looked lost in thought…a million miles away. “Okay Johnny, what’s the matter?” Gage kept his eyes on the pen in his hands. “Nothin’s the matter.” “If something wasn’t wrong, you wouldn’t be in here playing with that pen, you’d be back in the kitchen studying. What’s wrong?” Gage held the pen up. “I need a refill.” “I told you we could stop and get one later.” “Look…just forget it okay?” “And just what am I supposed to be forgetting?” Running a finger down the barrel of the pen, Gage ignored him. “You’re being a little ridiculous Johnny. It’s just a pen. Use something else until later.” Gage’s head jerked up and just as he opened his mouth, the klaxon sounded. Pushing away from the bed, he walked past Roy and out to the squad. Why should he even bother? Roy would never understand. ********************************************************* Wiping a hand across his face, Gage shifted uncomfortably. He was coated in sweat and soot, the grime covered his body making his skin feel gritty and itchy. All he wanted to do was get out of the hot turnout pants he wore and step into a nice cool shower. Looking across the cab of the squad, he could tell that Roy was just as hot and itchy as he was. It had been a hard run with their station being joined by one-ten. A two-story house fire on a sweltering summer evening wasn’t exactly a picnic. Between the rescues they had made in the home and having to treat two of their own for heat exhaustion, they were both about to pass out themselves. Trying to think about something other than the heat, he checked off what he still needed to go over for the exam. Then he remembered Roy’s promise. “Roy, can you stop so I can get a refill for my pen?” Roy gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter. Here they were sweating to death and dehydrated and all Gage could think about was that stupid pen. “Can you wait until later? I really want to get back to the station and get a shower.” “But you said when we went out on a run, you’d stop so I could get one.” Roy’s lips thinned out as he tried to keep his temper. Sometimes Gage acted so much like one of his children that it took all his self-control to not swat him on the ass. He couldn’t help it when his voice sounded more than a bit snippy. “It’s a pen, just use another one.” “You know, I’m not asking for much! We’re out, so just stop so I can get one. What’s the big deal?!” ”What’s the big deal? Why can’t you use another pen? What’s so special about that pen that you can’t use another one?!” Again Gage looked like he was going to say something, then he turned away from Roy and stared out the passenger side window, his voice sounding both irritated and defeated. “Just forget it.” “No, I won’t forget about it.” Pulling the squad to curb, Roy jerked it into park and turned the ignition off. “Either you tell me what the deal is with that stupid pen or we’ll sit here all night.” Gage frowned at Roy. “It’s not stupid.” “Then what’s so special about it? It’s just one of those cheap clicker pens. You can buy them anywhere.” “You’ll think I’m being stupid.” “To tell you the truth, I do think you’re acting kind of stupid right now. We could be back at the station getting cleaned up and instead we’re sitting in the squad arguing over a pen.” “Well, whose fault is that? You didn’t hafta’ stop.” “You know…sometimes you can be so…” Clamping his mouth shut, Roy started the squad. If Gage wasn’t going to tell him anything, he wasn’t about to sit on the side of the road all night trying to pry an answer from him. He was tired and hot. All he wanted to do is go back to the station, shower and have something cold to drink. As he pulled back into traffic, he tried to keep from looking at Gage, but sitting beside him made it rather hard to do. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his partner slumped against the passenger side door. Gage’s silence was a sure sign that he was pouting worse than his daughter did when she didn’t get her way. He knew he should stick to his guns and not give in, but he also didn’t want to deal with Gage’s dark mood the rest of the shift. Spotting a newsstand, he pulled the squad over to the curb. Gage sat up and frowned. “Why’re we stopping?” “Get your refill.” Without having to be prompted a second time, Gage shoved the door open and hopped out of the squad. Roy watched his grimy partner disappear through the door of the shop and shook his head. Why did he always give in to him? Why couldn’t he say no? Gage was a grown man, so why did he always feel like he was dealing with one of his children when it came to him? His revere was broken as Gage came bouncing out of the store. His face no longer wore the dour expression from a few minutes ago. He seemed to be transformed into his normal happy self again. As he climbed back into the squad, he flashed a smile a Roy. “Thanks…I really appreciate it.” Shaking his head, Roy didn’t say a thing as he pulled the squad back into traffic. ********************************************************* Backing the squad into the bay, they exited the vehicle and headed directly tothe locker room so they could get their showers. As they began to disrobe, Gage gave Roy another grateful smile. “You can get your shower first.” “I planned on it.” The dry response that Roy gave Gage was totally lost on him. He shook his head again, knowing that no matter how long he knew Gage, he’d probably never understand him. ********************************************************* After showering and changing into a fresh uniform, Roy headed out to the kitchen to get a snack and a cold drink. Once he had those things, he sat at the table to resume studying for the exam. After fifteen minutes or so, Gage came into the room whistling a happy tune as he dug through the refrigerator. When he flopped down at the table with his books and notes, he also had a large sandwich and a tall glass of milk. Roy gave the sandwich an envious look, then cast a disgruntled look at his half eaten apple. Checking Gage’s lean form over, he frowned. How in the hell could they work the exact same job, but Gage ate three times as much as he did and never gained a pound? If anything, he looked like he needed to gain some weight. With a sigh, he turned his attention back to the manual in front of him and resumed studying. ********************************************************* Rubbing at his tired eyes, Roy closed the book he was reading and pushed it away. “You ready for bed Johnny?” Gage absently sucked on the end of the pen in his hand, never taking his eyes off of the manual in front of him. “In a few minutes. I want to finish this section.” “Okay.” As he began to put his books and papers together, Roy looked at Gage again. If the pen was so important, why did he have it in his mouth? For that matter, why did he use it while on duty where it could be lost or misplaced? “Johnny, can I ask you a question?” “Huh?” “Can I ask you something?” “What? Oh…yeah, go ahead.” Gage kept his eyes on the manual, then scribbled a hasty note. “If you’re so hung up on that pen of yours, why do you use it on duty where you could lose it?” Gage kept writing, his eyes squinting in concentration. “Whaddya’ say?” Reaching down, Roy pulled the manual away from him and closed it, then he grabbed the notebook and set it aside. “Hey! Why’d ya’ do that?! I told you I’d be done in a few minutes.” “I said, why do you use that pen at work if it’s so important? Shouldn’t you keep it at home where it wouldn’t get lost or broken?” Gage looked at the pen in his hand and gripped it a bit tighter. He gave Roy a cautious look. “I dunno’, I just do that’s all.” “Come on Johnny, there’s more to it than that. Besides you getting all worked up over the refill today, I’ve seen you freak out before when you thought you’ve lost it. What’s so special about that pen?” Roy pointed at the pen and noticed how uncomfortable Gage looked. “You’ll think it’s stupid.” Sighing, Roy resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I promise you, I won’t think it’s stupid.” “You promise?” “Yes.” “Well…I told you that my mom died when I was little?” Roy nodded his head yes. “She use to keep a diary. Every night she’d lie in bed and write in it. When she got sick…she’d started writing in a large journal.” Gage stopped talking for a moment as he looked at the pen in his hands, letting his fingers caress the smooth plastic like it was a treasure. Clearing his throat, he continued talking. “The day she died…she had the journal in the bed with her. Dad took it, flipped through it and set it aside. I didn’t touch it ‘cause I figured it had stuff in it for him. Well…after the funeral was over and everyone had left, we sat on the front porch…just to sit and get some air. Neither one of us wanted to be inside, it was too quiet.” Roy could tell that it was getting hard for Gage to talk, but he wasn’t about to interrupt him. Normally he couldn’t get him to tell him anything about his life before moving to LA and here he was rambling on for once. “Dad had Mom’s journal. I didn’t know it, but there were a lot of them. Once she found out how sick she was, she bought a bunch of them and began filling them up. A couple were for Dad, but…she…she did a whole bunch for me. She knew she wasn’t going to be around…she wanted to be able to tell me stuff after she was gone.” Gage looked up at Roy, his eyes bright. “You know, she had stuff written down for me to read at certain times. There was a whole section for when I graduated eighth grade and another big section about high school.” Gage chuckled and seemed to grow a bit embarrassed. “She even had a whole thing written about the birds and the bees. She wrote she didn’t trust Dad to tell me the facts. She figured he’d try and give me some legend about creation instead of how it really happens.” Shaking his head, he smiled. “Ya’ know, Mom was right. You should’ve heard the song and dance my dad gave me when he did ‘the talk’. It’s a good thing my mom knew Dad so well or I would’ve been clueless.” When Gage stopped talking, Roy knew he wouldn’t be getting more information unless he prompted him. “That still doesn’t tell me why that pen’s so important.” “Oh…I thought I told you?” “No, you didn’t.” Gage held the pen up. “This was the pen she used to write in the last journal. It’s like…she’s with me when I have it. I used it all through high school. I took my entrance exam for the department with it and I took the paramedic exam with it. Knowing she’s with me…it kind of helps ya’ know. It’s like…good luck.” Roy looked at the pen in Gage’s hand and didn’t know what to say. All day he had been calling the pen stupid and worthless and here the small piece of ugly green plastic meant the world to his friend. It was one last tie to his past. Gage tucked the pen in his shirt pocket and stood. Grabbing his books and notes, he spoke softly. “I knew you’d think it was stupid.” Roy shook his head and smile slightly. “No Johnny, it’s not stupid.” Gage looked back at him, trying to see if Roy was yanking his chain. All he saw was sincerity in his eyes. Giving him a small smile of gratitude, he began making his way to their sleeping quarters. He kept his voice low as they put their books away and began stripping their clothes off for bed. “Ya' know what Roy?” “What?” “I have one more journal left to read, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to open it.” “Why not?” “It’s for when I get married and have kids.” Roy smiled as he climbed into his bunk and rolled over to look at Gage who had slid under the covers of his own bunk. “You’ll get to read it.” “I don’t know.” “Trust me, Junior, you will.” Grinning, Gage rolled onto his back and threw an arm over his eyes. To Roy that signaled that the talk they were having was defiantly over. Rolling onto his back, Roy stared up at the ceiling. As he let his mind drift, he began thinking of the circumstances that had prompted Gage’s mother to begin writing her journals. What if he found out that he was going to die? How could he tell Chris and Jennifer all the things that needed to be said? It suddenly hit him, that in a way he was dying. Day by day he grew older and with each day came the unknown rescues that could result in him being taken away from his family. The thought sent a chill down his spine and as he shook it off and tried to think of more pleasant things to think of, he vowed that tomorrow after they made their run to Rampart for supplies, he’d be making a stop at the newsstand to buy a journal and a new pen. |