I saw him!" Joanne heard Jenny scream as she raced toward a crowd gathered together in the middle of the playground. "Jennifer, you're all right," a teacher spoke with a tone of growing impatience. "Let me in," Joanne ordered, pushing through the people in her way.  "Jenny, what happened?" The little girl could only cry. "Jenny?  Honey?  I'm right here, calm down okay?  I'm here now.  What happened?" Joanne asked the nearest adult face. "She thinks she saw that guy," the teacher told her. "Honey, Johnny is not here!  He can't be.  He.." "John!" "He's in jail, Honey, a long ways away from here." "I saw him!  I did!" " "Jenny, that's not  possible!" "I did!  You don't believe me!" the girl cried growing hysterical again. "Okay, Honey?  You thought you saw him...okay?  I believe you.  Don't worry, Honey, I believe you.  You really thought you saw him, and you have every right to be scared." "I saw him too," a little girl added standing next to them. "Emily, you couldn't have," a teacher scolded. The little redhead rolled her eyes. "What do you mean saw him too?" Joanne asked her. "She's just trying to get attention," the teacher told her. "He was right over there," the precocious young lady added as if the teacher were an idiot. "Emily, that's enough!" "He's always coming over to our playground!" "Johnny is always coming to your school?" Joanne asked her daughter. "John does, I saw him!  You promised he wouldn't be here...you promised!" Jenny cried. "Where is John now," Joanne asked the out-going Emily. "He was there a minute ago." "And you saw him too...a dark-haired man...very tall.." "Uh uh...red hair, like mine!" "You mean, John Warner?" a teacher asked. "Johnny Appleseed," Emily responded. "Who...who's Johnny Apple...John Warner?" Joanne asked shakily. "If you call him Johnny Appleseed, he'll punch you in the nose," Emily piped in, "even if you just call him Johnny, he'll do it." "He's a fourth grader," the teacher explained. "A...a fourth grader?" "Yes." "Honey...another kid did that to you?" "Yeeesssss!  I told you!" Joanne sat down beside her daughter, hugging her close as she stared into space.  "Oh my God...Oh no...Honey...this is very very important...and you have to tell me the...honey...did Johnny... did Uncle Johnny ever, ever, touch you in a bad way?" "Noooo," Jenny sobbed confused, the bewildering question quieting her crying. "Oh God, what have we done?" ~/~/~/~/~ "Wife's on the phone, DeSoto," Cap called handing the receiver over.  The warmth of the station had left the day Johnny was arrested.  Professionalism had taken its place, and none of them seemed to be able to find a way to change it. "Hello," Roy answered wishing the other guys could stop looking at him the way they'd been for weeks.  He didn't want their pity. "He didn't do it, Roy!" "What?" "Johnny, he didn't do it.  A kid at school.." "Joanne, calm down." "I am calm!  He didn't do it!" "Do what?" "Johnny did not molest our daughter!  A.." "You were warned about this, Joanne!  It happened!  You can't start pretending it was just some misunderstanding now!  We missed it!  We have to accept that!  It did happen, Joanne!" "I know it happened, but Johnny didn't do it...I'm telling you...it was this kid at her school!.....Roy?" "I'm here." "What do we do?" "Are you sure, Joanne.  Three weeks ago you.." "I know!  But there was another John! It never occurred to me she could be talking about another kid!  What do we do?" "Well...call the Police!  I...I don't know how it works...I...Joanne...are you sure..." "Roy...I'm positive!  This boy did the same thing to at least two other students...one of them was a little boy.  His mother called him a liar.  She's here right now crying like mad because that kid did it to him again before school this morning!  It was that kid, Roy...I'm sure of it...Jenny says it was him...she saw him at school during recess and..." "Call the Police, Joanne...tell them what happened!  Ask them what you need to do...and do it now!" "What are you going to do?" "I don't know...maybe I can get someone to cover for me...you know I can't just leave.  Maybe they'd let me if I...look...I'm gonna try to get out of here...but in the mean time...get over there and tell them what happened!" "Okay...okay...I'm going.  Do I take, Jenny?" "If he's never hurt her, there's no reason why she shouldn't see him!"  The moment he hung up the phone, it occurred to him his daughter was not the only one he had to worry about.   He had to wonder how his friend might feel upon seeing the child who'd caused him to be put in jail for two and a half weeks, accused of the absolutely unthinkable.  And not only her, but how would Johnny react to seeing him again, after all he'd said and done. "Roy?" Cap asked breaking into his thoughts. "Cap?" "Roy?  Is anything the.." "He didn't do it." "Come again?" "Johnny didn't do it.  A boy at Jenny's school did.  They just found out.  Some kid at her school named John." "You're kidding," Chet muttered in disbelief. "Their gonna let him go?" Marco asked. "Joanne's going over to try to get things straightened out.  Cap...is there any way I could.." "Roy, I wish I could say yes, but you know I can't.  With this flu going around, we're having a hard time covering the shifts as it is.  Tens doesn't even have enough manpower to send out both of their engines, and that's bad.  I'm sorry, Roy." "No...I knew you really couldn't..." "I'm really sorry, Roy." "Maybe he'll come by once they let him out," Chet uttered hopefully. Roy glared at him in disbelief.  "Would you?" "Well I..." "Well, how was he doing in there...anyone know?" Cap asked.  With Roy around, Johnny had been an off limit subject that none of them ever discussed.  "Chet?" "I uh...don't know." "Well, just when you saw him, was he.." "I never went." "You never went?  With all the griping you did?" Marco shouted. "Did you go?" Chet demanded. No, he hadn't gone.  He'd followed Mike's lead, and stayed away.  Mike himself had decided to just wait to see what would be said during the trial, for personal reasons he'd never give. "Cap?" "I uh...I was told I should...that the Department would send somebody at a higher rank than me to go talk to him, and that I should just...I should have ignored them."  That last thing he wanted to admit to now was how relieved he had been when he'd been ordered to do and say nothing. "So nobody went to see him?" Roy asked in disbelief. "Well you could of gone, Roy," Chet bit back, "did you ever ask him if he did it?" "Knock it off, Chet!" Cap warned. "But they're going to let him out now, right?" Mike asked quietly. ~/~/~/~/~ "Look, Ma'am, we can't just drop the charges now." "But, he didn't do it," Joanne insisted. "Your daughter is five years old.  She probably saw that kid picking on another one, and decided to blame him so she could see this guy again.  You said she wanted to go over to his house to ride the horses last week, didn't you?" "She's not afraid of him was the point I was trying to make!  The boy did do those things, he did them to other children too." "Well, I'll look into it." "When?" "I have a very busy schedule, Mrs. DeSoto," the woman sighed.  "You can't expect that something a five year old told you is going to get a man out of jail." "It's what a five year old said that got him in here in the first place!" "No ma'am, it's what you said.  You said he had opportunity, and plenty of it.  You said the last time she'd been at his house, he'd been nearly naked with your child also nearly naked." "She just didn't have her sweater on." "When you said you saw him, he was red-faced and panting, ma'am." "Look...it was a mistake!  Jenny was so afraid I wouldn't believe her!  Everything...everything just started to look bad.  There were so many un-answered questions." "Uh huh.  And...all your questions have been answered now?" Joanne dropped her eyes.  They were, weren't they?  "Yes, I think so." "Well, I can't drop charges based on a 'think'.  What I can do, since I'll have to do it now anyway, is to set up a time to interview your daughter again.  Maybe then we can sort out this John, Johnny business." "She's right outside.  You can do it right now." "Ma'am, I don't have the time to.." "Come in here, Jenny," Joanne ordered, ignoring her.  "Look, how long can it take?" The ADA sighed with aggravation.  "Jennifer, your mother here has been telling me that you changed your story about who hurt you.  Were you lying to us before?" Jennifer looked up at her mother in wide-eyed shock. "She didn't lie!  It was just a misunderstanding!" Joanne told her angrily. "Right...so Jennifer, who hurt you like that, on your backside." "John." "John who?" "John." "She doesn't know his last name," Joanne intervened again. "But you do, some fourth grader named John Warner." "Yes." "Jennifer, who is Johnny?" "Uhhh..." "Uhhh is not an answer." "Would you give her a chance?  She doesn't understand what you're asking." "Do you know John-ies last name?" "Yes." "Well, what is it?" "Gage." "Fine, did John Gage ever molest you?" "Do you mind?" Joanne shouted. "Now what?" "She's five years old!  Could you be a little more sensitive?" "Do you want me to interview her now, or would you prefer to wait until a child psychologist can be present as well?" "Just, use kid's words, could you?  Is that too much to ask?" "Kids words...Jenny...did Johnny Gage ever touch your peepee?" "No!" "Oh, for God's sake!" Joanne muttered. "Did Johnny Gage ever touch you where you go poopoo?" "No!  Ma-mie!" "Honey, just answer her questions, she's just a very silly lady." "Jennifer, did John Gage ever pull your pants down?" "Ye...yes." "Honey, she meant Johnny, not John." "Did John-nie Gage ever pull you pants down?" "Yes." The ADA smiled.   "Can you tell me about that?" "About what?" "Look,…" Joanne cut in. "Ma'am, you asked for this interview.  I can understand how you feel.  It would almost be better to believe this whole thing was just cruelty by another child, and had nothing really to do with sex, but...we both want to get to the bottom of this, don't we, no matter what we find out?  The last thing we want to do is release someone who could be dangerous, right?" Joanne nodded, terrified and feeling horribly confused.  What would she tell Roy now?  What did she believe in her heart?  Johnny was family, they'd made him family...but even fathers had been found out to have molested their children.  She didn't know what to do if things turned the other way again. "Jenny," the ADA began again, sitting down and speaking far more gently.  "Can you tell me what Johnny Gage did when he took your pants down?" "He killed it." The ADA froze, and slowly frowned.  "Jenny, what did he kill?" "The bee." Joanne started to laugh hysterically.  "Yes!  Not only did he take them down, he took them completely off!  A bee went up the leg of her shorts and he was bound and determined to squash the thing before it could sting her.  He had her upside down by one ankle, trying to yank them off.  She was wiggling and screaming..." "And then Johnny got stung," Jenny smiled. "That's right, he did!  He squished it with his bare hand and it got him, right in the palm!" "Balloon." "Yeah, his hand swelled up like a big balloon.  It almost looked like it might explode!" "That was gross, mom." "Excuse me?" the ADA cut in. "Look," Joanne asked, "what do we have to do to show you how bad of a mistake we've made." "You say this boy did the same thing to other kids?" "Yes." "I'll talk to them and see what does or doesn't line up." "When?" "As soon as I'm able to.  Your John Gage is already in the system, and the wheels of justice turn slowly.  But, I'll see what I can do." ~/~/~/~/~ Roy couldn't believe it when Joanne informed him the next morning that Johnny still hadn't been released.  He debated over whether he should drive all the way to the prison, and he wondered if Johnny would see him if he did.  He didn't even know if Johnny was allowed to have visitors.  Instead, he spent the morning making phone calls, complaining to anyone who'd listen that they were dragging their feet in releasing an innocent man.  The ADA in charge of Johnny's case would not answer his calls at all, and he was told she was not in her office when he went to try to see her in person. At ten o'clock the next morning, he was informed that Johnny had been released from the prison at 9:47pm the evening before.  "How could he have been released then?" he demanded of the voice on the other side. "Sir, it just says the prisoner was released and what time it was when he signed for his belongings" "But, you're way up state!  Where did he go?  Did he have enough money on him for a  cab?  He couldn't have!  He never carries a lot of cash and he doesn't carry his checkbook in his uniform!  He was wearing his uniform when he was arrested!" "Sir, I can't help you.  All I can do is.." "Sorry, thanks for letting me know.  Bye." "Roy?" Joanne asked. "He's out." "Okay...how did.." "I don't know!" "Well, let's go by his house and see if he's there...Roy?" "He won't want to see us." "He's got to some time, doesn't he.  Won't it be better for him to see you before he goes back to work tomorrow?" "What makes you think he'll be ready to work by tomorrow.  He was in prison, Joanne!" "Well, whenever he is ready.  Wouldn't it be better for him to.." "Maybe we should just give him some time." "All right.  You're right.  Maybe we should send him a letter.  All we can do is say how sorry we are, Roy." "Somehow I don't think saying we're sorry is gonna cut it!" "It's a start!  Let's just write it and put it in his mailbox.  We'll ask him to come over as soon as he's ready." Roy stared at the floor. "If nothing else, we'll at least find out if he's there!" "All right, maybe a letter is a good idea." "It is, Roy, just say everything you wanna say." ~/~/~/~/~ The letter sat on Roy's knee the entire drive.  It had been the hardest letter he'd ever had to write.  How does someone apologize for something like that?  He tried to explain how Jenny's fear at not being believed superseded anything else, but then is sounded like he was blaming her.  He tried to describe how confused and numb and angry he felt, how hard it had been to think, but then he felt like his was trying to make excuses.  He tried to ask Johnny to ask himself what he would have done, but he knew, of all the guys at the station, he would have been the one to go talk to the person, no matter what they'd been accused of, to hear anything they had to say.  In the end, he wrote them all down, and begged for Johnny to try to understand. Roy stopped his car at the beginning of Johnny's driveway, stunned by what he saw.  The wooden mailbox that he'd planned to leave the letter in, the one that once sat in a flower planter, surrounded with daisys and painted by Johnny's own hand, now lay on its side, broken to smithereens.  Obscenities had been spray painted everywhere, including on the lawn.  The driveway had been torn up by the wheels of someone's large, heavy-duty pickup.  Every window to the house had been smashed, and more words painted on the house itself threatened Johnny's life.  The barn Johnny had repaired for his horses, before he'd even made his house habitable, had been set on fire, and partially burnt down.  Roy wondered how he hadn't heard about it, but figured under the circumstances, everyone had gone out of their way, not to tell him.  And then there were the animals.  Where were the animals?  Had anyone come out to feed them? He and Joanne stared in disbelief at all the damage they saw...for Johnny to come home to this, after everything else.  From the words scrawled out here and there, it was obvious teenagers had done the damage, one of them probably having overheard a parent rant about how the guy in the newspaper article should be strung up and put to death.  They wondered if Johnny was in the house somewhere, and if they should go look.  Roy slowly drove down the long driveway and parked his car.  Still no signs of life.  Not one creature came to meet them.  Where had they all gone?   "Johnny?" Roy called out nervously.  He carefully walked through the broken glass that covered his friends front porch.  Tapping on the door, he found it hadn't been shut all of the way, when it startled him by swinging open. "Johnny, Honey," Joanne called, "are you here?" "Oh shit," Roy cursed. "What?" "It's a notice from the humane society," Roy told her picking up a piece of paper from the floor.  "They took the animals for abandonment." "They did?" "One of his neighbors must have called them." "Why would they do that?" "No one was here to feed them, what choice did they have?" "Still...how does he get them back now?" "I don't know.  If he has to pay for their care while they've had them, we're going to pay it, all right?" "Of course." "And this...we've got to do something about all of this," Roy said, gesturing wildly with his arms at the house.  The teenagers had even slashed all of the cushions on Johnny's couch and recliner.  Joanne didn't want to even think what they'd done to his bed. "I'll call Beth.  She'll wanna help.  Mike wouldn't have let her before, but I'm sure that anyone that really knows Johnny will wanna help now." "We have to try and fix this, Joanne." "We will, Honey...we will." ~/~/~/~/~ Early the next morning, Roy put over two thousand dollars on their credit card to pay for the glass they'd need to fix all of the windows.  Joanne knew it would mean her husband actively seeking overtime, where ever he could get it, until it was paid off, but it was just one of the consequences of what had happened.  By the time she and Roy arrived at the house, everyone else, who was going to show, was already there; much like it had been the first time they had all chipped in to fix up the place.  There were only two differences.  The first was that far less people had come.  Many had made excuses, and no matter how much Roy had stressed that a mistake had been made, he could tell people were still leery to be around Johnny, or to have him around their kids.  The other difference was Johnny, not being there himself.  That was the one that bothered him the most.  Without discussion, everyone began trying to clean the place up, wherever they thought they could do some good.  The women started by trying to clean up all of the broken glass.  Chet got out Johnny's lawn mower in hopes that cutting the grass would get rid of some the things that the teenagers had written there with their paint cans.  To keep the paint from poisoning the grass anymore than it already had, Cap followed behind Chet, raking up all of the clippings.  Without Johnny, Mike was the only real carpenter, and with Marco's help, he began the work of trying to fix as many windows as he could manage in one day.  Roy started on the barn alone, removing all the charred boards with a crow bar, and stacking them up to be burned the rest of the way, in order to dispose of them without having to pay the dump a fortune to take them.  After a while, Cap and Chet dragged out Johnny's furniture to add to the burn pile before Roy lit it, as they were all well beyond repair. Inside the house, Joanne set down her dustpan and looked at the other woman who had shown up to help.  The last time she'd been in this house had been the day this whole thing had begun.  Staring at the door, she could see Johnny opening it, his tanned bare chest, his reddened face.  The hair stood up on the back of her neck as she reminded herself that it all had to have been just as innocent as it had originally appeared.  Nothing had popped out at her when she'd picked Jenny up that day, and the real person who had abused her daughter was now in Juvenile Custody.  Still, the picture taunted her, along with the questions that had popped up about it all that evening when the discovery had been made.  Why was he shirtless on such a cold day?  Why didn't her daughter have her sweater on?  What had made his face so red?  He was in good shape after all, and all he had done was run down the stairs.  The stairs…they held the answer.  But did she really have the right to look?  He was innocent, wasn't he?  Still, she felt compelled to go up them.  Soon she found herself in his bedroom.  While all the second story windows had been broken as well, they appeared to have been broken from the outside.  It seemed the teenaged vandals had been chased away, before they'd had a chance to venture up the stairs.  She knew that Johnny hadn't slept in the bed that night, weeks ago, for Beth had already told her that he and Mike's boys had camped out on the floor in Johnny's living room.  By the time Beth and Mike had arrived to pick them up, Mike had simply carried his children to his car, and left Johnny sleeping in his sleeping bag.  So there the bed was, untouched since that day.  She stared at the lumpy, sloppy way the comforter had been thrown over the bed, and swallowed hard.  Blinking the stinging out of her eyes, she forced herself to turn around.  She told herself that nothing had been strange about what had happened, that he really had just been! trying to make the bed quickly.  What else could it have been?  "Now hold still for me, okay?" she heard him say again. "I can't," Jenny had whined. "Sure you can." She had to look!  Taking a deep breath, Joanne yanked the comforter back.  There, laying in his bed, was the baby Jesus.  It was part of an outdoor nativity scene, something she'd been saying she wanted for years.  It was an old one, but it looked like it had been a very grand one in its day.  From the wear it showed, she was sure someone else must have thrown it away, probably to replace it with one of the new aluminum ones they were now coming out with.  This one was made of wood, and it was obvious Johnny had been trying to polish it up.  Taking a step back, Joanne felt herself trip on a cord.  It led to a glue gun that had been hidden under his dresser.  Looking closely, she saw the fake straw that the baby Jesus laid in was carved wood as well, and pieces had been broken off.  Johnny and Jennifer had been hot gluing new pieces on to fix it. Joanne felt amazed that Jennifer had been able to keep the secret for so long, until she realized with every thing that had happened to her, her daughter most likely had forgotten about it.  Red faced, nervous, shirtless in the hot room heated by the gun, hold still for me…the man only had two hands, and Jennifer would have definitely insisted on helping, holding the wood while he tried to get the glue on.  It had all been to surprise her at Christmas! "Roy?" Joanne ran crying, out to the barn, "Roy?" "Joanne?" Roy called back nervously, "you uh…you really should stay in the house.  I'll take care of the barn."  He tried to block her way, but it was too late.  Laying in the straw was the rest of the nativity scene.  All of the other pieces had been repaired already, and they were beautiful! "I'm such a rat…I'm such a rat, Roy," Joanne sobbed. "What do you mean?" "What are we going to do?" "I don't know.  But at the least, we can make his house livable again." "Why do I have such a dirty mind?" "You don't!" "I did!  I really did!  I believed it, Roy!  How could I?" "You believed Jenny, Sweetheart, because you had to." "If only I'd have asked!  I didn't ask!   If I had just asked.." "What?  If a kid at school had done it?  Did it even occur to you?" "No." "No…I don't think it would have ever occurred to anybody.  But it doesn't matter now.  We can't change it." "I wish I had a magic wand." Roy smiled.  "Me too." ~/~/~/~/~ The sky grew dark around six o'clock, forcing Mike and Marco to give up on the rest of the windows.  Roy lit the bon fire that contained everything that couldn't be salvaged.  One by one, the others joined him, not knowing what else to do, but for some reason, not being able to leave. "Oh dear, now what?" Joanne squeaked when she saw a squad car pull in with its lights flashing. "Stay here," Roy told her. "But.." "Just stay here." "Evening...Roy?" Vince called. "Yeah...is everything all right?" "That's what I'm here to check out.  You tell me.  What are you doing here?" "Just...trying to clean things up." "Yeah," Vince nodded gravely.  "Does he...does Johnny know you're here?" "I don't know.  I doubt it.  We haven't seen him." "So, you don't have permission to be out here." "Permission?" "Yeah, Roy, permission.  This is private property." "What are you gonna do, kick us off?" Vince let our a deep sigh.  "No...just...finish what you're doin' and move on out.  Don't linger around.  It'd be nice that if he wanted to, he'd be able to come around here without having to worry about running inta..." "Right." "Sorry, Roy, but.." "You're just telling the truth.  Do you think he saw the place like.." "Oh, he saw it!  I drove him here from the prison the other night." "You did!  How was he?  Is he okay?" "I couldn't tell, really.  I spent the entire two hours trying to explain to him exactly what had happened, but he never said much.  He only asked one thing, and it took the entire two hours for him to bring himself to ask me." "And what was that?" "He just wanted to know if Jenny was okay." Roy felt like someone had punched him. "I told him she was.  She is, isn't she?" "Ye...yeah.  She's getting there." "Well, good.  I'd warn you to keep a close on that fire, but I'd feel silly, considering who I'm talking to...so I'm just gonna tell you again to clear out as soon as you're done.  Have a good evening, Roy." "Yeah...you too." "And in case I don't run into you again before then, Merry Christmas!" "Yeah, Merry Christmas," Roy whispered back.  'Vince!" "Yeah?" "Where uh...where is he, do you know?" "I took him to a motel.  He didn't want to stay here with the shape everything was in, and all that had been written.  Sorry." ~/~/~/~/~ Roy paced the floor of the station's kitchen.  Two more days had passed, and still, no one had heard from Johnny.  They had managed to finish the windows on their last day off.  The house was certainly improved, even if little signs of its nightmare still remained around, here and there.  As soon as he paid off the credit card for all the glass, he told himself he'd buy the lumber to rebuild the lost parts of the barn.  They were having a hard time tracking down the animals anyway.  Mike had managed to find one of the horses, and was at the moment trying again to find which shelter Kenosha had been taken too. "Please tell me you're kidding," Mike begged on the phone.  "No...no...I understand what happened....Thanks for telling me anyway.....Yeah you too, Merry Christmas." "Well?" Chet demanded.  Mikes long face let them know the news wasn't good. "Oh let me guess, they sold him...right?" "Worse," Mike answered. "What could be worse than that?" "Oh no," Marco whispered dropping into a seat. "Oh God...you're kidding," Cap muttered quietly, shaking his head. Roy pulled out a chair, finding himself in need of sitting down. "What?" Chet demanded. "They put him to sleep, Chet," Marco explained. "They only keep them for two weeks...Johnny was in for two and a half.  They put him to sleep a couple of days before he got out." Chet wandered over to the sofa and pulled Henry into his lap.  He'd always liked Kenosha, even though she'd been very old for a dog.  Two months after Johnny had moved into his house, he'd come across her, having been hit by a car just down the road from where he lived.  Everyone had told him he should put her to sleep, rather than pay the large vet bills to try to make her well again.  He hadn't listened, and Kenosha had lived on the little makeshift ranch ever since. "Some friends we are," Marco choked.  "Couldn't even go out there to make sure the animals were all right." "I honestly figured someone was doing it," Mike swore, "if I'd have known..." "We should have made sure." "How are we ever going to be able to look him in the eye again?" Mike wondered aloud. ~/~/~/~/~ "How am I ever going to be able to look anyone in the eye again," John Gage wondered as he stared at his reflection in the pond.  Though he knew he hadn't done anything, the accusation had left him feeling ashamed.  Everyone had believed it.  No one asked.  He just had to accept that people could think that about him, and learn to keep his hands to himself where children were concerned.  With as much as he always played with them, picked them up, hugged them...even kissed them, he felt it was no wonder this had happened.  It was his own fault, but he wouldn't make those same mistakes again. The next day was Christmas Eve, but he had only one place now that he had to go to.  He looked in his duffel again, to assure himself the little presents were still there.  They weren't as expensive as they had been the year before, but they'd have to do.  He wondered what kind of reception he'd get, but he just had to gamble on it.  He didn't think he could stand to spend Christmas Eve alone, and with any luck, they'd welcome him just as warmly as they had every other year he'd gone to their party. Johnny pulled his blanket more closely around his shoulders to ward off the unusually cold air.  Then after double-checking to make sure his hiding spot couldn't be seen from the sidewalk, where a Policeman might happen to walk by, he laid down to get some sleep.  Darkness was already falling. ~/~/~/~/~ "I hate this time of year," Chet muttered, closing the door with the flags clumsily folded in his hands. "Christmas?" Marco asked in surprise. "No!  Winter!  It's not even eight o'clock, and look at it," he exclaimed gesturing to the darkness outside the window. Roy glared at him, and went to pour himself some milk. "What's his problem?" Chet hissed in Marco's ear. "What do you think!" "Maybe he just left again, Roy, he did that once before you know," Chet offered, trying to be helpful.  Every time they had gone by Johnny's house, the man was no where to be found. "It's different," Roy muttered. "How is it different?  What would keep him here?" "The ranch for a start!" "For all we know, he thinks the ranch is still totaled!  I hate to say it, Roy, but we blew it!  We totally blew it.  What's that old expression?  'It's times like these that you find out who your true friends are', right? And look what we did.  My bet is he's so far away from here...it's...probably daylight where he is!  Face it, there ain't nothin that he'd stick around for." "What'd you say?" "I said, there ain't nothing.." "But there is!  He'll go to that party, I know it!" "What party?" Cap wanted to know. "At the nursing home!" "Roy," Cap told him patiently, "his aunt died years ago, remember?" "But he still goes!  Her best friend is still alive, and he takes her and all of her friends presents every year!" "Why would he do that?" Chet asked. "I don't know...maybe just to be able to talk to someone who knew some of his family.  It's not like he has anyone else left." "I had no idea he did that," Cap thought quietly. "Well, he does.  He just goes there every once in a while." "So, he'll go there tomorrow night?" "Not night, afternoon.  They have their partly kind of early, then he's always comes over to my place." "So if we wanna talk to him, all we gotta do is stake out the nursing home," Chet declared. "We can't all go invade some poor old folks home, Chet," Cap said to straighten him out.  "Only one of us should go." "I'll go," Roy told them. "You sure it should be you?" Mike asked. "I'm going," Roy replied. ~/~/~/~/~ Roy waited outside the Shady Hills Nursing Home in his pickup, glad he had chosen it, instead of his sports car, as the wind was again unusually cold.  He'd been waiting for hours, not sure whether Johnny would show up to the party early to help set it up, or exactly what he would do.  Sure enough, there he was, walking up the sidewalk with his shoulders hunched to keep warm and a little duffel bag hanging from his arm.  Roy let him walk right on past him.  He'd let him go to the party first.  He wasn't going to take that away from him as well.  It would probably be hours, but he was determined to stay,  His family was waiting on him at home, but Johnny was family too. Rubbing at his eyes, Roy was petrified when he realized he had nodded off.  What if Johnny had left without his seeing him?  Focusing his eyes on the entry way, he tried to make himself breath more slowly.  There he was, three little old ladies taking turns giving him kisses and hugs before he left them.  Roy nearly had a fit when the first little old lady took a second turn.  Still laughing, Roy stepped out of the truck as Johnny started down the sidewalk toward him.  Looking up at the sound, his dark-haired friend looked at him like a deer caught in headlights.  The smile dropped from Roy's face and he cursed himself silently.  How could he have been laughing? Johnny took three steps backwards, and started to head the other way. "Johnny?  Johnny please!  I just wanna talk to you!" Roy followed him until he saw him dodge a car to cross a busy street, trying to get away.  "Johnny?  I swear!  I just wanna talk to you!" he shouted after him, but the traffic drowned his voice out. "Way to go, DeSoto," Roy cursed himself.  "Push him out into traffic.  Maybe you can get him hit by another car.  Stupid idiot!  Stupid moron!" "Where's your letter?" a voice asked startling him. "What?" Roy squeaked, spinning around.  The voice belonged to Mike. "I said where's your letter?" "What let..." "The one you said you wrote the other day.  Do you still have it?" With the shape the house had been in, Roy had never left it, for fear Johnny would never find it there.  "Yeah," Roy told him, "but.." "Give it to me." "What?" "Just give it me." Roy handed it over, wondering what he'd do with it. ~/~/~/~/~ Mike drove up and down the roads until he spotted him.  He was right, Johnny was sleeping in the park.  Getting out of his car, Mike hurried toward him, but it didn't take long before it became obvious he'd been spotted, and Johnny was trying to get away.  Mike broke into a run, which caught the other man by surprise, and by the time Johnny also had started to run, Mike had managed to get him by the sleeve. "Here!" Mike said pushing a couple of envelopes toward him. "What?" Johnny asked nervously. "Just...here, okay?" Mike told him, letting go of Johnny's jacket and stuffing the envelopes into his hand.  "That's all.  That's all I wanted."  Johnny stood still and watched as the other man started back to his abandoned car, left precariously in the street.  "Johnny?" Mike asked turning back after several paces, "and I just wanted to say...I'm sorry.  I didn't come to see you cause I...I'm just sorry.  Okay?  I'm sorry." He left then, knowing that Johnny could not be feeling more frozen.  There was nothing more he could do.  Hopefully the letters would help.  None of them had the right to expect he could just come back and act like nothing had happened.  They'd all let him down in the worst way.  Only Johnny himself could deal with that. ~/~/~/~/~ Johnny had lost count of how many times he'd read each letter, though he knew he'd read Roy's more than the others.  Everyone was sorry, or so they all said.  They probably were all sorry...sorry they'd made a mistake.  Still, they had all believed he'd done it, didn't they?  In the letters, he'd been invited to Mike's, Cap's, and Roy's house for Christmas Eve, and to Roy's again for Christmas Day, but how could he go now? He wiped at his nose with his bare hand and stuffed the letters into their envelopes again.  The wind blew down his jacket, so he pulled out his blanket and wrapped it around himself to stare some more at the pond. "Yeah, I thought so," someone said close by, making him jump out of his skin.  "You really been sleeping here?" Vince asked. Johnny shrugged. "Well get up, let's go." "Where?" "The way I see it, you have two choices.  I can either drive you home, or I can take you to a shelter, but you can't stay here.  It's supposed to get down to thirty tonight, can you believe it?   And I can't let you freeze to death, not on my watch." Johnny sighed and struggled to his feet. "So which will it be?" "Don't wanna go home." "You sure?  When's the last time you were out there?" "No, Vince." "The shelter this time of year gets awfully crowded Johnny, and you have a..." "No, Vince!" "All right...all right.  Just get in." Vince cranked up the heater and just as he planned, his passenger got just sleepy enough to not pay attention to where they were going until they were all ready there. Johnny sighed angrily.  "I told you, no!" "They fixed it up," Vince told him, motioning toward the house. "No!" A loud thump on the top of the car had both men swallowing their hearts back down.  "What the hell was that?" Vince nearly shouted as they got out of the car to have a look.  A green eyed monster stared back at them.  "That yours?" "Come here, Bu," Johnny cooed affectionately, picking the huge tomcat up into his arms.  "Did you hide?  Huh?  Did you get away?  I bet you're thirsty, huh?  Vince, I'm just gonna get him something to drink, okay?" "Sure," he agreed, watching Johnny disappear into the house, again talking to the creature in his arms.  "I hate that cat," Vince told himself aloud, "but right now, I owe him one." "Here you go, you silly thing.  I'm so glad they didn't get you too," Johnny spoke quietly as he petted his monster, and watched him eat.  Leaving the cat for a moment, Johnny wandered back toward the still open door to find his driveway empty.  "Oh thanks a lot, Vince," he muttered to himself.  Looking around, he noticed the changes.  The house was clean, and all the windows were back.  His living room sat empty of furniture, but it didn't take much remembering to realize why.  With a sigh, he started up the stairs, set on grabbing a sleeping bag and some warm clothing and taking off again.  His bedroom had been cleaned.  All the clothes he'd left in the hamper had been washed and put away.  The bed itself had been made, and the baby Jesus sat in a corner on the floor with a small blanket covering it. "Oh shit!" Johnny cursed when he realized what it was, "now what do I do with it?"  Wiping his arm across his face, he realized he could do with a shower.  It didn't take much after getting clean and his teeth brushed, for the bed to start to look very inviting.  Looking out the window, he could see the cold front had arrived and was wiping around his trees.  "Oh forget it," he said, surrendering and crawling under his comforter.  Someone had washed it as well.  The warm soft bed and the light smell of fabric softener started to make him feel better.  It wasn't long until he drifted off to sleep. The last song he'd heard on Vince's radio still swam around in his head, but all he seemed to be able to hear in his mind was just one line, "So this is Christmas...So this is Christmas."  He'd agree with that.  He felt warm and safe again for the first time in so long.  His bed this night was the best present he could get this Christmas eve.  He awoke the next morning to the sun shining brightly in his face.  During the night, Bu had snuggled in with him, letting him wake to a little company, company that had, and would never judge him.  He snuggled deeper into his covers, and allowed himself to enjoy the feeling of the sun on his face.  He'd stay right where he was for the rest of his life if he could.  An hour later he knew he had to get up or explode.  He raced for the bathroom as fast as he could, then happily dove back under the blankets again.  Bu took it for play, and swatted him on the nose. "Hey...knock it off," he scolded.  He was tired of laying down, so he pulled the nasty cat into his lap, and wrapped the covers around them both.  Through the window, he could see someone had gotten his Rover out of impound, and left it during the night, in his yard.  Johnny shook his head, not wanting to think about it, and noticed again, the blanket in the corner.  He felt compelled to pull it off.  It was starting to look all right, if he did say so himself...but what of it?  It was just Christmas.  What was Christmas anyway?  Running around, too much food, expensive toys people didn't really need.  So Joanne had wanted a nativity scene, just another expensive toy, wasn't it?  Or was it?  Johnny stared at the baby in the makeshift cradle.  The bright sun made the finished parts seem to glow.  Standing, he put it back on his bed to finish what he had started.  He knew what Christmas was about...really.  He just wondered if he'd ever be able to do it. ~/~/~/~/~ "Roy, wake up!" "What?" "I heard something!" "Joanne, it's Christmas morning!  What do think you heard!" "The kid's aren't up yet, they were up too late last night." "Then I say let's get some more sleep before they start squealing over their new toys." "But, Roy.." "What was that?" "See?" Peering out their window, they saw. "What's he doing?" "You know what he's doing." "Should we go down?" "Get dressed first, and put some coffee on.  It's cold out there this morning." "But.." "Let's just see what he does." All grew quiet again about fifteen minutes later.  Roy dared to peek through the curtains to see if he could spot him, but all he could see was the Rover parked in the street, so at least he knew he was still out there.  He wandered back to the table to take a sip of coffee, hearing an engine start as the cup touched his bottom lip.  "Johnny?" ~/~/~/~/~ That was it.  He'd come, set up the nativity scene, and just left.  "Now what?" Roy wondered.  Why hadn't he come in?  Why hadn't he knocked?  Maybe he left his own letter, Roy thought.  "Merry Christmas, Daddy," Jennifer chirped racing down the stairs.  He nearly tripped over her on his way to the front door.  "Merry Christmas, Sweetheart," he told her, stepping out on to the porch. "Can we open the presents now?" "In a minute, Hon." "But.." "I said in a minute!" Roy opened his mailbox, wishing and hoping.  All he found was a wet grocery store mailer.  With a deep sigh, he went back into the house. "Did you have to yell at her?" Joanne snapped as he came back into the kitchen. "What?" "Merry Christmas, Daddy...and you yell at her?" "That's not quite what happened." "Tell that to her, she's upstairs crying." "She's what?  Oh noooo...  Jenny, Daddy didn't mean to snap at you, come on down." "No." "Please?  Daddy's really sorry." "You are?" she asked, stepping into the hall at the top or the stairs. "Very." Jennifer came down, followed by her brother who had been woken by the shouting. "Good morning, Chris," Joanne smiled, ruffling her sleepyheads hair. "Morning," he smiled back. An uncomfortable silence began to set in. "Well," Joanne said trying to push it out, "what do you say we get this Christmas going?" "Can I have some eggnog?" Chris asked. "Yes, so long as you don't keep drinking it all day until you get sick, like last year." "I won't." "Okay," Roy said, clapping his hands together, "who wants to be Santa Clause." No one answered him. "Well?" "It's Johnny's turn this year," Jennifer told him quietly. Roy sighed at his feet.  "Johnny...can do it next year, okay?  How 'bout you play Santa, Jen?" Jennifer heaved her own sigh.  "All right," she agreed unhappily.  "Is Johnny gonna come over at all?" "He uh...I uh...he already..." Roy stammered about. "We don't know, Jennifer, that's gonna be up to Johnny," Joanne cut in, saving him from having to come up with an answer. He didn't come.  Not that day, nor the next, nor the next.  No one saw or heard a thing, not even when they would drive by his house to try. Before anyone knew it, it was the morning of New Years Eve.  Cap tried to warn them all as soon as he knew, but the notice had been short, very short.  The holidays seemed to slow everyone down a bit.  Hank's men all seemed to arrive later than usual that morning, all except one.  Barely into their uniforms, it was eight o'clock.  The one man that had arrived early wandered into the bay from the kitchen.  The four others stumbled a little clumsily out through the locker room door, chatting aimlessly, and still tucking in and buttoning up.  Eyes rising, they froze. "Johnny?" "Roll call!" Cap called out sharply. "Johnny?" "I said roll call, Roy." "But I.." Roy stuttered at his Captain before turning back again to watch his old partner line up.  "Johnny, I'm so.." "DeSoto!  Roll call!" Roy opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again as he took his place right next to his best friend. "All right, everyone appears to be here...more or less," Cap spoke motioning toward Chet's half untucked shirt.  Chet took a quick look at Gage, then snapped his head back, quickly tucking his shirt in. "All right, I uhhhh...let's see," Cap mumbled nervously while trying to erase something on his clipboard.  "Frank had latrine duty today, but.." "That's fine," Johnny told him. "No, Johnny, I'd.." "It's fine," Johnny told him firmly. "All right, well then I...Roy, bunkroom, Chet, meals, Marco, you and Mike scrub down the hoses.  They had quite a fire last shift.  Well," Cap added uncomfortably, "I guess that's it." They all watched, dumbfounded as Johnny went straight to the squad, and began checking all his equipment. "Let's get at it, men!" Cap urged them loudly.  "Roy, my office." "But.." he started to say, but he was talking to air.  Cap had already gone on ahead.  Roy walked backwards, staring at Johnny, hunched over, checking the biophone.  He had to wonder what was going through Dixie's mind, hearing his voice calling in the check this morning.  Did she know he was back? "Have a seat, Roy," Cap ordered, closing the door. "How long have you known?" "Just since this morning.  I got call last night to report downtown at the Chiefs office at seven this morning.  I didn't think much about it until I walked in, and Johnny was sitting there." "I can't believe he's.." "Roy, he's here to work.  The chief asked him what he wanted to do.  He said he didn't know.  Part of him was thinking about quitting, part of him was thinking about transferring, but he didn't know what he wanted to do.  What he has decided is to come back to work until he does know." "That's good, at least he's giving us a chance." "No, Roy.  I think he just plain doesn't know what to do.  This is a professional environment, and you will conduct yourself professionally.  Absolutely no...issues that do not have to do directly with work will be discussed here, understand?" "Yeah, I..." "Give him space, give him respect, give him privacy, and treat him as any other co-worker.  You are both here to do a job, nothing more.  Anything else will have to take place when you're off duty.  Is that understood?" "Yes, Sir." "Good," Cap told him, taking a breath and sitting back more comfortably in his chair.  "This is going to be awkward as hell, but that's our problem.  I'm sure this isn't exactly a picnic for him either.  We can deal with awkward, let's just not let anything get to be more than that, right?" "Right, Cap." "I'm trusting you to keep it together, Roy.  They will follow your lead.  Strictly professional." "Got it." "Not that you have to be cold or anything, just.." "Cap," Roy said standing, "I get it, I swear.  Tread softly, and stick to business." "Right, okay..." "I better get to work on the bunkroom.  Johnny's uh...John's uh..." Roy said, thinking Johnny might be too friendly for a professional working environment.  Yet, hearing 'John' come out of his mouth, he blushed.  "Gage probably has everything checked already." Out in the bay, sure enough, all the compartments to the squad were closed, and Johnny now stood by the closet doors, getting out his mop and bucket. It didn't seem right that Johnny got the latrine.  Cap had tried to change it, but still, it didn't seem right. "You wanna trade," Roy asked with a phony smile on his face.  Johnny just looked at him before heading for the latrine.  The question was so far from normal at a firestation, that Roy realized he had blown it already.  Had the chores been the other way around, the question would have been fine.  Trying to get out of latrine duty was standard practice, but by volunteering to do it, he'd brought all the problems they had in the outside world, right into the station.  That was exactly what Captain Stanley had just warned him not to do. A run coming in left Johnny's mop and bucket forgotten as he hurried to his place in the squad.  The call was from a small elderly woman.  She'd tripped on the wheel of her little pull along shopping cart, and fallen off the curb and into the road. "It was a miracle a car didn't hit you," Johnny told the woman on the way to the hospital. "Yes, but maybe one should have," she told him sadly. "Whaaat?  Why would you say that?" Johnny asked surprised. "Cause, this is it for me now I guess.  The kids have been wanting to put me in a home for a couple of years now.  Now they've got a great excuse.  How am I suppose to do anything with a broken hip?" "Well, we don't know that it's broken for sure...yet." The old woman stared a him with her rich blue eyes.  He thought he saw just a hint of mischief in them. "Okay, it's broken," he admitted, "but, not all homes are bad." "Oh no?" "I know a good one." "You do, do you.  Put someone there lately?" "No," Johnny told her sadly, "not lately.  My aunt...went to live there when I was about nineteen.  I didn't want her to but, her mind just...I couldn't be there twenty-four hours a day, and she just couldn't be left alone.  She died a few years back." "I'm so sorry." "But where she lived, Shady Hills...there's not really any shade, but..." The old woman laughed.  "Is there ever?  I lived  on Pine Lane for seventeen years before I moved into this house I live in now.  There wasn't any kind of a pine tree for miles, let alone on that street." Johnny grinned.  "The people are nice there, really nice.  And just imagine being waited on, day and night." "I hate being waited on," the woman grumbled.  "I prefer to look after myself." "But, you could make some really good friends there you know.  I know some woman there, just itching for another person who is good at playing bridge.  A person can really use some good friends around." "And what about you?" "Me?" "Your long face, your sad eyes.  Where are your friends?" "I have friends there, too," he told her quietly, looking away. "Just there?" Johnny took a deep breath.  "Yeah, now.  They were the only ones." "That what?" "Nothing.  Look, here we are!  The doctors here are really good.  They'll fix you up faster that you can say Howdy Doody." "I don't know," she disagreed with a smile, "I can say Howdy Doody pretty fast." "I bet you can," Johnny laughed. "You wanna go in?" Roy asked over his shoulder after parking the squad. Johnny shrugged, but followed Roy to the nurse's station.  A group of nurses stopped giggling and stared.  The moment they past, the whispers started.  Johnny nearly turned around to leave, but to do that, he'd have to walk past them again, and he wasn't ready to do that.  With a frown on his face, he stared at the counter top, wondering why Roy thought he had to come in on this run, knowing full well they didn't need any supplies.  Roy looked around for a friendly face, namely Dixie's.  He had an invitation in his pocket for her, for Jenny's ballet recital. "Here," he said with a smile, handing her the tiny white envelope. "What's this?" she asked.  "Oh, I know what this is," she said giving Johnny the once over with her eyes.  "So, are you going?" she asked him, giving him a little swat on the arm with her envelope. "What?" "Didn't you give him one," Dixie asked Roy. "Uh, not yet actually," Roy said digging in his pocket.  "I was gonna leave it in your mailbox on the way home tomorrow morning.  I.." Roy uttered embarrassed.  By Caps rules, he shouldn't be giving Johnny something outside of the job while on duty, but since Dixie had brought it up, it seemed insane not to give it to him right then and there. They watched as Johnny opened the envelope and read the little invitation card inside.  "Right, I should go watch a bunch of little girls dance around in nothing but tights," Johnny growled, flicking the card back at Roy, and whipping around to leave. "Johnny, wait," Dixie called after him.  "That was a mistake.  I shouldn't have tried to act like...like..." "Like everything is just hunky-dory with the world?" "Yes, look, why don't we go somewhere and talk." "There's nothing to talk.." "Johnny!" Dr. Bracket bellowed out from down the hall.  "Can I see you in my office?" "I.." "I'd like to talk to you...in my office," Dr. Brackett ordered, in a requesting tone of voice. Johnny shot Roy a look to make sure his partner knew where he was if they got a run, and followed the Doctor into his room.  "Sit down," Brackett spoke, motioning to the chair facing his desk, and closing the door.  He brushed at the legs of his pants with both hands, and leaned, half sitting, against the front of his desk.  "Johnny," he said, folding his arms and rocking slightly to and fro, "I wanted to apologize to you on behalf of the hospital.  It was a very unfortunate situation that in hindsight, was handled very badly.  I want you to know that I have every bit of respect for you as a professional as I did before, and that I'm very glad you've decided to continue working as Paramedic.  It would have been a great loss to the county if you had decided to leave us." "I haven't decid..." "Further more, I want to apologize to you personally.  What I did that night you were brought here for medical treatment was completely out of line.  It was very unprofessional and.." "Is that what you're worried about?  What I might say about you as a professional?  Well don't worry, doc," he spoke, getting to his feet, "I won't tell a soul.  Don't have a soul to tell!" "That's not what I meant!" Brackett told him.  "It shouldn't have happened at all, and I'm sorry.  I should have let the nurse do it.  I was angry, and...I never should have done the IV myself.  I thought I was being professional, but I wasn't.  I failed to keep my emotions out of it." "Are you done?  Can I go now?" "Damn it, Johnny, I'm trying to apologize here!  I've been trying to imagine what it must have been like for you," he added more quietly.  "The truth is I can't even begin.  You will never know how sorry we all are about the whole thing.  We, Mike Stoker and I, have been trying to track down all your animals.  We were all feeling bad enough, and then when I heard about your dog..." "What about my dog?" "You don't know?" "Know what?" "Oh, Johnny,  I'm so sorry.  We've found all the horses.  Mike found the one, and you should have him back by tomorrow, and the other two, we'll get back to you by next week." "You don't have to do that." "Yes, we do.  It's the least we can do.  The very least.  And if there's is anything else we can do, I want you to let us know.  Mike, I think, has found most of your animals.  You've probably noticed them turning up out there over the last week or so.  But the dog...Kenny?" "Kenosha." Dr. Brackett sighed. "He's been put to sleep, hasn't he?" "Johnny, I'm sorry.  I really am." Johnny hurried out the door and out of the hospital, ignoring the many whispers he caused on the way.  Climbing into the squad, he slammed the door shut against them all, and buried his face in his arms.  He didn't know what happened between Roy and Dr. Brackett once he had left and the doctor had followed him out into the hall still apologizing, but Roy's face was red and angry. "He shouldn't have told you like that," Roy muttered, "not here, and not now." Part of Johnny wanted to tell Roy it had been his own fault.  It had just come up, and then he had asked him, but he figured, why should he stick up for anybody, when nobody had stuck up for him. Roy muttered under his breath all the way back to the station.  Johnny spent the time trying to turn off his feelings so he could be stone faced for the rest of the shift.  When he couldn't, he kept to himself in the locker room, wondering if he could hate them all any more than he did right then.  The anger soon gave out to sadness, as it most always does, and before long, his main struggle was to keep from bawling, not just for Kenosha, but for the whole thing. The rest of the shift was quiet and awkward.  Not being able to talk about any of it at work, nobody knew what to say, so no one really said anything.  Not even to each other.  It would easily have won an award for the most quiet shift in any firestation, at any time, anywhere. ~/~/~/~/~ The typical Los Angeles weather had returned, making the next morning warm and balmy.  Johnny hurried out without a word to anyone.  Roy went home, feeling tired, despite the relatively easy shift.  He took and nap, then a shower, then felt much better, and restless. "Just go," Joanne told him. "If he wanted to talk, I don't think he would have just left like that this morning.  When he wants to talk, he drops hints...like a ton of bricks," Roy smiled, but just as the thought passed through his head.  "No," Roy muttered, "I...maybe I should just..." "Go out there!  If you don't, I will.  We've at least got to try to fix this.  With everything else, what kind of friends are we if we don't go the hundred extra miles to try to be his friend now.  We should be over there on our knees, begging him to forgive our incredible stupidity." "I'm willing to beg, but I don't know if it will work." "Go try." "All right," he agreed, "I'll...I'll just go see what he's doing, if he's even there." "Oh wait.  Take these," she said, shoving some cranberry nut muffins into his hands. "Bribery huh?" Roy smiled, "haven't you got anything better than muffins?" "Um, I could whip up a soufflé with cream sauce.  No wait, we're talking about Johnny.  Should I make some lasagna, French bread, breaded cheese sticks, and chocolate brownie ice-cream?" she joked Roy frowned.  "Joking isn't gonna fix this one, Joanne." "No," she agreed sadly, "just go talk to him." ~/~/~/~/~ Roy drove down the long driveway to Johnny's house.  Johnny was out in the yard, with his lawnmower turned upside down, and an open toolbox laying next to it.  Black grease was smeared across his white t-shirt, and the sun made sweat run down his temples, causing little streaks through more grease that had made it on to his face. "Hi," Roy muttered as Johnny looked up from his work.  "Uh, Joanne wanted me to give you these," he told him, holding up the muffins. Johnny raised his black hands to show the grease all over them as well.  "Oh, ahhh...I'll just set them here, okay?" he asked, laying the towel they were wrapped in, gently on the grass.  "So...ahhh, is your lawnmower broken?" Johnny rolled his eyes. "Right, dumb question.  You need any help?" A shake of the head was his answer. "Look, Mike said he gave you my letter.  Did you read it?" About a hundred times, Johnny thought to himself, but he only nodded his head. "I meant what I wrote, you know.  I can't explain really what happened.  It all happened so fast, and.." "Whatever." "Johnny, I'm sorry.  I.." "Okay." "What..what does that mean?  Okay...." "What do you want me to say, Roy?" Johnny asked, looking up from the mower,  just long enough to grab a different screwdriver. "I don't know," Roy told him.  "I just thought that maybe we should talk about it.  I still want to be your friend, you know?" Johnny snorted a small laugh.  "Whatever." "Look, if you don't want anything to do with us anymore, why did you bring the nativity scene over on Christmas?" "The nativity scene?" "Yeah, the nativity scene." Johnny frowned.  "I don't know.  Maybe I...maybe I just wanted to get rid of it, and ditching there was cheaper than hauling to the dump." "Why didn't you chop it up and burn it then?  Why did you set it up?" "I don't know!" Johnny growled.  "I just did, all right?  Look, if she doesn't want it, I'll..." "Of course she wants it.  She loves it." "Great," Johnny muttered sarcastically, "just what I wanted." Roy sighed, at a loss for what to say next.  Johnny continued to work on the mower, throwing the tools back into the box each time he needed a new one. "It is you know," Roy eventually told him. "What is what?" Johnny bit back. "What you wanted.  I remember when you found that nativity scene sitting by the trashcans at the nursing home.  You thought it the best treasure on the planet.  You and Joanne had gone on and on one night about the new aluminum ones they're coming out with, and how crazy they were.  And Joanne told you how much she'd love a wooden one, but that by the time we could afford one, all they'd be making would be the aluminum ones.  Then you found that in the trash.  You would have thought you had found a million dollars.  You wanted her to love it Johnny, because you loved it too." "Yeah, well, none of that matters now, does it," he growled, swiping a hand quickly across his eyes. "Yes, it does." "Can you just tell me one thing?" "What?" "Why did you believe it?  With whatever she said, or however she said it, why did you...I mean, what did I do?  Was it...hugging her or...or what?  What did I do that everyone believed it?  What?" "It wasn't anything." "Don't tell me that!  How do I fix it, if I don't even know what I did?" "You didn't do anything, Johnny.  It wasn't you.  It was just..." "Then why did everyone believe it?" "I don't think that everyone did." "You did.  They all did.  Nobody...nobody came.  Nobody!  Nobody asked me anything.  Not even the cops.  Not even Vince!  Nobody..." "Nobody wanted to disbelieve Jennifer.  That's all it was, Johnny!" "You didn't have to disbelieve her...to talk to me!" Roy's eyes burned.  "I'm sorry.  I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.  I've said it, and I'll keep saying it.  As many times as it takes, as long is it takes.  I'm sorry." "Look, go home, all right?" "What?" "Go home!" "But I.." "Would you get off my property, please?" Johnny shouted, swiping at his eyes, whipping a wrench into the toolbox, and turning to hurry into his house. Roy stood, watching him close the door behind him. ~\~\~\~\~ The next day at work, Roy found Johnny sitting at the kitchen table, resting his head in one hand.  As soon as Roy sat down, Johnny stood and walked out into the bay.  If Roy moved to the bay, Johnny headed for the locker room.  And if Roy was in the locker room, Johnny moved to the kitchen. That afternoon found Roy sitting with his legs uncomfortably crossed in the dayroom. "You sick or something?" Mike asked as Roy shifted his position for the fourth time in ten minutes. "Huh?  No." "Then, what's your problem?" "There's no problem," Roy disagreed, uncrossing and recrossing his legs. Mike laughed.  "Look, if you have to go that bad, why don't you just go?  This show isn't that good," he told him, gesturing at the TV. "I...I can wait." "Why?" "Just...cause." Mike looked entryway and back at Roy.  "Cause..." "Johnny...Johnny's in the locker room." "So..." "So...I don't really want to chase him out of there, you know?" "Oh...yeah.  Still," he added smiling as Roy shifted again, "what are you gonna do if you get a run, and you haven't gone yet?" Roy winced.  "Yeaaahhh...I better just..."  Off he went, hoping he was wrong, and Johnny had moved someplace else.  Peeking through the little window in the door, the coast looked clear.  In  his agony, he sighed with relief, and hurried through the door, only to realize he hadn't seen Johnny, because the man had been bending over to pick up his shoe.  "Oh...umm.." Roy started apologetically.  "I just...I.." Johnny stared at him blankly. "I just really needed to use the bathroom." Johnny looked at the stalls and back at Roy.  "I ain't stoppin' ya." "Right, I just..." he stammered as he entered a stall and closed the door.  Once he was finished, he found the room empty of his partner.  Roy sighed, sitting down on his bench, and picking up one of Johnny's abandoned shoes, his extra pair, that he had apparently been in the middle of polishing up, after a mishap in a dog lovers yard.  Weeks ago, they'd have both been sitting here, joking about it, as Johnny cleaned up after his unfortunate accident.  It had been an amusing run.  But now, nothing seemed to have any humor.  Not even three great Danes, a skunk, a raccoon, and a Chihuahua, all living as one big happy family.  It should have been one for the books, but now every run was for the trash. ~\~\~\~\~ Weeks passed, and then months...January, February, and now March was moving closer and closer toward it's end.  Roy used to love his job, now he hated coming to work.  Nothing un-work related was ever discussed, not by any of them.  If a conversation did manage to start, it was killed the moment Johnny walked into the room.  Roy swore he was beginning to get an ulcer.  Things couldn't continue on the way they were, they just couldn't.  One of them would have to quit, or at least transfer.  Still, Roy couldn't bring himself to make a move, and he certainly couldn't suggest to Johnny, that he be the one to do it.   "What are you thinking about," Joanne asked as she walked in the door with her arms full of bags. "Huh?" Roy asked absently. "I said, what are you..." "Oh..nothing." "Didn't look like nothing." "Just..." "How's your stomach?" she asked, pulling a bottle of Mylanta from a large paper  grocery bag. "I don't know, a little better than this morning, I guess.  What's all this?" he asked, motioning toward all the shopping bags. "What does it look like?" she asked him back, holding up a half-red and half-yellow colored plastic egg. "Easter again, already?"  "Yep.  Look at the dress I found for Jennifer," she smiled, holding up a white lacy dress with a bright pink sash around it's waist.  "And for you and Chris..." she added mischievously as she held out two baby blue matching bow ties, one large and one small. the story continues .