Spirit Keeper continues "Man, Roy is really worried. I'm in pretty bad shape, aren't I?" Johnny asked. "Yeah Johnny, you're in critical condition. Roy is very worried about you, so are all of your other friends. Why does that surprise you?" Shawna asked him. Letting out a little laugh Johnny said, "Well, really it doesn't. Not with Roy anyway, he always worries too much, especially about me. But then again, I've never really given him a reason not to worry. Sometimes I think this friendship is a little one-sided, you know." Trying to get Johnny to come to terms with his guilt Shawna said, "No, I'm not sure I know what you mean, why don't you tell me." Johnny ran his hand through his hair and said, "All the times that I've been hurt and ended up in the hospital, whether it was bad or not, Roy has always been there, worrying, wondering if I was gonna be okay. And he never left until he knew I was going to be alright." "Of course he has, but that's what best friends do for each other. After all, you've done it for him." "Yeah, I know I have, but not that many times. He's been there more for me and I feel guilty over putting him through this again. He doesn't deserve this." Johnny walked a little closer to the bed. "Why, why do you feel guilty, you act as if this and all of your other accident's were your fault. Were they?" she asked him. Johnny turned to face her and said, "Of course not, they were only accidents. But Shawna, I just need to be more careful. Chet and the guys are right, I am a disaster magnet. Just like when that car hit me, I just stood there, frozen, I guess I was scared. I should've been able to get out of the way quicker, but I couldn't. And when the rattlesnake bit me, I should've looked where I was stepping but I was in too big of a hurry to find the handi talkie. I didn't look and I got bit. And then when I caught that virus..." Finally realizing what she was trying to say Johnny said, "You aren't talking about my accidents, are you?" Walking up to him she said, "No Johnny, I'm not. Why do you feel guilty over everything that happens, to yourself and others?" "I take it you're talking about my guilt over your dying." Johnny said as he walked over to the window and looked out. "That's exactly what I'm talking about. Please talk to me and tell me why you feel this way. Why after all these years you are still blaming yourself for what happened to me." Johnny turned to look at his friend, wishing he could take Roy's pain away. Finally, he spoke, "I feel guilty because you were so young, you had your whole life in front of you. I was the oldest and it should've been me not you. I should have protected you, kept you from getting hurt...but I wasn't able to." Johnny put his head in his hands as the tears started streaming down his face. "Johnny, you were young to. You did everything that you could possibly do. You were there with me, you didn't let me die alone and for that I will always be grateful. Besides, do you think it would've been better or easier on me if it had been you? It was my time, not yours, that's why I died and you didn't. My work was done, yours wasn't. Listen to me Johnny, I have never blamed you for what happened to me so stop blaming yourself. Please let go of the guilt, your work isn't finished yet." Look up at her he asked, "What do you mean?" --------------------- Kel and Joe went up to the OR with Johnny. Dixie walked up to Roy and said, "Roy, why don't you go to the doctor's lounge, I'll let you know when Johnny's out of surgery." Roy leaned up against the wall and said, "Okay, I am a little tired. Please Dix, let me know as soon as you find out anything." "You know I will Roy. As soon as I know, you'll know." As Dixie started to leave she turned back to Roy and said, "Oh, by the way, it's been so crazy around here I haven't had a chance to let you know, but we found out what happened to the other driver from the accident." The paramedic in Roy cared that a life had been lost in the accident. Both he and Johnny had seen their share of death and even faced it many times over the years and he knew it could easily have been Johnny this time. But Roy wasn't there as a paramedic he was there as a friend, a best friend and that's the part within him that didn't care about the other victim. It was also the part of him that scared him. Even before he found out what happened, he knew it was because of this man that his best friend was now fighting for his life. Trying not to let Dixie see that he really wasn't interested he said, "Really Dix, what did you find out?" But they were never able to get anything past Dixie. She knew that Roy only cared about Johnny and that he was only asking to be polite. "Kel said he had a massive heart attack. He talked to the man's wife and she said his doctor had told him to retire and quit driving since he had been in failing health for the past two years. He was told something like this could happen but he wouldn't listen. Probably doesn't even know what he's done. Well, I better get up to the OR, just go try to relax for a while." Dix said as she left to join them in the OR. Walking into the lounge, Roy walked over to the coffeepot and poured himself a cup of coffee and walked over to the couch. Sitting down he took a sip and set it on the table in front of him. As the exhaustion from the day and the last week began to catch up with him, Roy placed his head in his hands and he remembered the name Johnny had mentioned at the accident site, and thought back to the conversation he'd had with his partner just weeks before. ------------------- THREE WEEKS EARLIER ------------------- Roy walked into the locker room trying to locate his partner. Ever since they had come back from a bad run Roy noticed that Johnny had been unusually quiet. Johnny had disappeared and Roy knew that his friend would sometimes sit inside his locker when he wanted to be alone. Taking a chance the opened the door to find his friend in his usual place. He saw the tears running down Johnny's face and knew their earlier call had to be bothering him. Hoping to get Johnny to talk to him he softly said, "Hey Johnny, you disappeared on me. I was wondering where you got off to." Being startled Johnny looked up at Roy and as he quickly wiped the tears away he answered, "I haven't disappeared anywhere, I'm right here. I want to be left alone Roy, what do you want?" "You seem bugged Johnny and I want to know what's wrong with you, I'm worried about you. Is it over that run we had this morning?" "I don't want to talk about it." Johnny replied, his voice barely above a whisper. Stepping back to open his own locker Roy said, "It might help if you did. I know a run like that is tough to deal with." Johnny quickly became agitated. "I said I don't want to talk about it!" "Okay fine, I was only asking. There's no need to bite my head off." As Roy closed his locker and started to leave Johnny looked out from his locker and said to him, "Roy wait. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you like that. I know you're just trying to help and I appreciate that. I guess I do need to talk to somebody. It's...it's just hard for me to talk about, even after all these years." Walking back over to his locker, Roy sat down on the bench and said, "Hey, it's okay. Look, if you want to talk about it I'm here to listen and you know I'll do what I can to help. Just take your time and tell me about it." Johnny turned and put his feet on the bench and with a sad tone in his voice he said, "Man, this is so hard. You're right, about that run this morning. After all these years I had managed to put the accident out of my mind and somehow get on with my life, or at least I thought I had. But loosing that little girl brought it all back to me and I guess I'm not handling it very well. Of all the days to lose a kid, why did it have to be today. Did I ever tell you about my cousin Shawna, well her name was really Shawndese. Man, what a name to stick on a kid." Shaking his head Roy replied, "No, I don't think you have. I kinda like it, is it an Indian name?" Looking over at his partner, Johnny smiled slightly as he answered, "You would like it. Yeah, it is Indian and she always hated it but I can't really say that I blame her. When she got older she wouldn't even answer to it so that's why we, well really I did, started calling her Shawna, you know, just as a nickname. She seemed to like it and it kinda stuck." Suddenly, the smile left his face as he continued to remember his childhood. "Since neither one of us had any brothers or sisters we became pretty close, I always thought of her as my little sister instead of a cousin. When we were growing up on the reservation she got along better with the other kids than I did. They were always ready and willing to remind me that I didn't belong there but Shawna did, since she was a full-blooded Seminole and I was only half. Some of the kids would call me half-breed and I got into a lot of fights because of that. It really hurt Roy. Shawna got my butt out of more jams than I care to remember. It wasn't easy having an Indian father and a white mother and living on reservation. Listen to me, I'm sorry Roy, I'm just rambling." Smiling Roy said, "It's okay, I don't mind. I think your life sounds pretty interesting. I'd like to hear more." "Trust me Roy, it isn't that interesting. But I don't want you to think it was that bad either, it wasn't. Believe it or not, I was pretty happy as a kid. Well anyway, about Shawna, I was sixteen and she was fourteen and I had gotten my license about nine months before all this happened. Our parents trusted my driving enough so they let us go into town. We were on our way back and were only about a mile and a half from home when...when it…" "What did happen?" Roy asked not sure if he really wanted to know. "A guy ran a stop sign and hit us. I was fine, not a scratch...only a little shaken up but Shawna...she...she..." Johnny couldn't finish. With compassion for his friend, Roy stood up in front of Johnny and laid his hand on his shoulder and softly asked, "She was killed?" Not looking up Johnny said, "Yeah he was in a truck and he hit the passengers side. He was speeding...and drunk. Shawna was sitting with her back up against the door and the impact was so hard it crushed the side of the car, it was pushed in to the middle of the seat. Her neck was broken and she fell over into my lap and I held her as she died. Roy, it was my fault, I never should have let her go with me, I hadn't been driving long enough. I've always felt so guilty about that, it shouldn't have happened." Leaning up against the lockers Roy said, "What you feel is called survivors guilt and you're right, someone that young shouldn't die. But unfortunately, just like today, it does happen. And as much as we'd like to, you know there's nothing we can do to change that. But Johnny, what happened to your cousin, it was not your fault." "Yes it was Roy. Don't you understand, I was driving, I was responsible and it should've been me that died...not her. I was the oldest and was supposed to be looking out for her. She had her whole life to live and I took that away from her!" Stunned by what his partner said Roy replied, "Johnny, you were sixteen years old and you had your whole life ahead of you to. You did not take anything away from her, that drunk driver did. And no, it should not have been you, it shouldn't have been either of you. I don't understand how you can go on blaming yourself over something that you had absolutely no control over." "No, you don't understand, and that's because you've never killed someone you loved...I did." Johnny voice could hardly be heard. Softening his tone of voice Roy said, Johnny, what's it going to take for me to convince you that it wasn't your fault, you didn't kill anyone. It was an accident and that's all it was. I have always wondered why you seem so down about this time every year." Wiping tears away and finally looking up at his partner, Johnny said, "Well, now you know, today is the anniversary. It's hard to believe it's been fifteen years today. Aunt Rose died a year before the accident, from cancer and Shawna took it really hard. After the funeral the two of us had gone for a walk and she asked me the strangest thing." "What was that?" "She asked if anything ever happened to me, would I be her spirit keeper, to watch over and protect her." "What did you tell her?" Smiling, Johnny turned to Roy and said, "That I would, that I'd always be there. I guess that's what she's been doing for me all these years of me being a firefighter and a paramedic. All the things I've gotten myself into...and survived somebody had to be watching out for me. Of course, having one of the best paramedics in the county for a partner hasn't hurt none." "Hey, that's what partners are for. Anyway, you need somebody to look out for you, who's gonna do it besides me?" Trying to lighten the mood he added, "But you know, I think Shawna's job has been a little harder than what yours would have been." Giving Roy his famous Gage grin Johnny answered, "Yeah, you might be right. Like I said, I always did get into more trouble than she did." There was a long pause but Roy didn't say anything because he knew that Johnny needed to finish. Finally, Johnny softly spoke up and said, "I miss her Roy...I really miss her. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you to talk to. Thanks Pally, I'm glad we're friends." "Me to and I'm here anytime you need me Junior. Come on, we got some work to do." ------------------- Letting his mind drift back to the present, Roy softly whispered to himself, "Johnny please, you have to survive this one to." Dixie stood just inside the door and noticed that Roy seemed a thousand miles away. Upon hearing what Roy said she felt for her friend. She was hoping, as Roy was, that Johnny would pull through. She walked over to him and gently touched his shoulder and said, "Roy...Roy!" "What, oh sorry Dix, my mind was wondering." he said. Smiling she said, "Yeah, I could see that. Thinking about Johnny?" "Yeah, I guess I was. Is he okay, did...did he make it through the surgery alright?" As she sat down beside him she said, "Yes, he's fine. He came out of surgery about five minutes ago and he's in recovery." Letting out a sigh Roy rubbed his hands over his face and said, "Thank goodness, I was so worried. Is he gonna be okay?" "It's too early to tell but he should be. It was touch and go for a little while, they had a bit of trouble getting the bleeding stopped, but, they did, don't worry. The swelling is going down and that is relieving the pressure. Joe and Kel seemed to think that he's even starting to come out of the coma, which is great news. And when he wakes up we'll know if there is any damage from the seizures. He's in serious condition but he is getting there. It's up to Johnny now, but he's a fighter and I don't think he'll give up too easy." "No, that he won't, I've never known him to give up on anything. And as he is always saying to me, don't think negative. I have to believe that he'll wake up Dix, that he'll be okay. When will I be able to see him?" Dixie could see that Roy didn't want to think about the condition Johnny could be in when and if he woke up. With a hint of sadness in her voice she said, "I know you want to, but do you think you could wait about half an hour? Kel wants to get him out of recovery and settled back in ICU. Roy, I hate to bring this up and I know you probably don't want to think about it, but you do understand that Johnny could have brain damage don't you? It is a possibility and we all need to prepare ourselves, in case it does happen. I'll come and get you when you can see Johnny, just relax for now." Looking up Roy said, "Dix...I do know that's possible, believe me I do and I'm scared to death at the thought of it happening. Ever since Brackett told me it could, I've tried to prepare myself. But right now, as long as Johnny wakes up, we can deal with whatever else comes. Please let me know when I can see him." "You know I will Roy." --------------------- "What do you mean my work here isn't finished? As far as I'm concerned it is. I want to go with you, I'm not needed here, they can get along fine without me." Johnny was afraid to stay, afraid of going back to the pain and not knowing what his future would be. "So, you don't think that you're needed, that everyone can get along without you? Okay then, come with me. I have something for you to see before you make a decision that will change not only your life but those of your friends as well." Shawna held out her hand as Johnny looked sadly back at Roy and softly whispered, "Good-bye my friend. I hope you know that you were my best friend, the best I could have ever hoped or asked for. You were always there when I needed you and you never turned your back on me Pally. I wish there was some way I could help you through this but I know that the guys will want to help, just don't shut them out. Do me a favor will ya, don't forget me okay? I will never forget you. Tell the rest of the guys I...I'm sorry for doing this but I have to. Okay Shawna, I'm ready to go." But little did Johnny know what lay ahead. Shawna secretly hoped that he would want to go back after she showed him the future without him in it and the consequences of him not being there. --------------------- Johnny had been out of surgery and back in ICU for about an hour. Roy sat in his usual place next to his partner's bed. Brackett told Roy to talk to Johnny, about anything. He said that it would help bring Johnny back if he could hear a familiar voice letting him know that he was going to be okay. As Roy sat there he said, "Okay Johnny now look, I know you like having days off, I mean, who doesn't? And more than anything I know you like to have pretty nurses to wait on you hand and foot and I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that either. To be honest, even I like that, and I'm married, just don't you dare tell Joanne I said that, she'd probably kill me. But all I am saying is that I think you're carrying this a little too far. It's time you came back to the land of the living partner because I don't know how much more of this I can take. Everyone at the station is waiting for you to get back to work, your partner here included. I'm getting tired of working with Brice, the man is really driving me crazy. Take my word for it, I don't want to end up with him as my permanent partner. You know, I think the Phantom is getting pretty annoyed because you aren't there, he doesn't have anyone to pull his pranks on. Which reminds me, he told me to tell you to hurry and get back to work cause the Phantom would be waiting on you. I don't suppose he's gonna cut you any slack so when you do get back to work, don't turn your back on Chet for a second, there's no telling what he might pull." The smile faded as Roy looked down and took Johnny's hand and said, "Johnny, Brackett said you were going to be fine. The surgery went well and they think that you're even starting to come out of the coma so you have to fight just a little bit longer. Look, I know the docs are saying possible brain damage, but Johnny, even if it does come to that, I'll be right here to help you through it. The other guys will be to, you won't have to go through it alone, I promise. Johnny, can you hear me? Come on partner, give me some kind of sign so I'll know if you can. I want you to do something for me, if you can hear me I want you to squeeze my hand. Come on, you can do it, squeeze my hand." But Johnny's hand remained limp and he didn't respond. Roy suddenly heard the heart monitor with its one long steady sound. "No Johnny, you are not going to die on me!" Roy shouted at him. Running to the door Roy yelled, "I need a doctor in here, NOW!" Kel, Joe and Dixie came running into the room and found Roy doing CPR. "Roy, what happened?" Joe asked. "I don't know, he seemed fine and I was talking to him, trying to get him to squeeze my hand and he went into v-fib. Doc please, you gotta get him back!" Whispering to himself he said, "Come back to me partner, please. You've been through too much to give up now." Dr. Brackett called the code and Dr. Early took Roy's place. "Code Blue ICU 6, Code Blue ICU 6." came over the PA. Two nurses came in with the crash cart and the doctors fought to bring Johnny back. --------------------- "Why can't I just stay with you, why do you have to show me anything?" Johnny asked. "Johnny, if I didn't show you this, I wouldn't be doing my job. You have helped so many people, but there is one person that only YOU can save." Shawna tried to explain to him. "Shawna, yes, I've taken many risks and did my best to save as many people as I could but now, I'm tired...I think whoever this one person is, somebody else can do my job and save them." "Okay Johnny, if that is really what you want, we'll let somebody else do it. Let's go see who will be taking your place." All of a sudden Johnny felt himself sinking. Closing his eyes, Johnny felt pain, as he had never felt before. When the pain subsided he opened his eyes. He and Shawna were standing in the engine bay at station 51. Surprised to be there Johnny asked, "What...what are we doing here?" "That's simple, you said you wanted somebody else to take your place and we're here to see who that someone is. After all, I think it's only fair that you know. Come with me, I want you to see this. This is two weeks since you died and I want you to see what your friends are going through without you being there." Shawna took Johnny's hand and as they started toward the kitchen Johnny hesitated, pulling his hand away, unsure if he really wanted to go. "No, I don't want to go in there. I don't think I want to see this." Johnny told her as his breathing became rapid and he started backing away. "I'm sorry Johnny but you don't have a choice. This is what you wanted and you have to see what has been going on and see what your friends have been going through because you aren't here. You will see that you are needed, more than you will ever know. You don't have to be afraid Johnny, nothing will happen to you. Come on." As she took Johnny's hand again and they slowly walked through the door, Johnny froze. "Shawna no, this can't be, not HIM!" Johnny said as he walked closer to the person who was standing at the sink washing dishes. Turning to look at her he said, "BRICE? Roy gets stuck with Brice for a partner? I don't believe this. Shawna, Roy can't stand the guy, nobody can. Brice is the only paramedic in the whole department that Roy CAN'T work with!" ------------------------- "Charge the paddles, 400 watts/seconds!" Brackett said. "400." Joe told him. Kel shocked Johnny. Nothing. "Two amps bicarb. Again, 400!" Still nothing. "Charge again, 400. Come on Johnny, we're not gonna let you go, not like this!" Brackett shouted at his dying friend. Placing the paddles on Johnny's chest, he once again shocked him, but still, no conversion. --------------------- Shawna just stood there, looking straight ahead as if she didn't hear Johnny's comment. Turning away from Brice and looking around the kitchen, Johnny saw Mike, Marco and Cap sitting at the table drinking coffee and sharing the morning paper. Chet was sitting on the couch, petting Henry and eating a donut. "Chet and his donuts, man, some thing will never change." Johnny said to himself. Johnny noticed that all of his friends looked as if none of them had slept in weeks and he was beginning to wonder how Roy had been taking it. Walking over to Shawna, Johnny asked in a quiet voice, "Shawna, look at the guys, they look terrible. What's wrong with them?" "What's wrong is that they're still trying to get over losing you. Johnny, I don't think you realize this but you were a very close friend to all of them, not just a co-worker. How did you expect them to take it?" "But...where's Roy? Is he doing okay? I want to see him." "See for yourself." she said as she pointed to the door. As Roy walked in, Johnny noticed that he was quiet, almost distracted, as if his mind was somewhere else. It also appeared to Johnny that his friend had lost quite a bit of weight. Roy almost looked as if he had given up, that he had nothing left to live for, and this made Johnny very worried. "This has hit Roy harder than any of them and it's something that he won't get over very easily. None of the rest of the guys knows how to help, mainly because Roy won't let them. You weren't only his partner, you were the best friend he ever had." "That's typical of Roy, not asking for help but I always thought he could handle anything. I didn't know he'd take it this hard." Roy's mood had been hard for the guys to determine since the accident and almost anything they said to Roy could set him off. They all took it in stride because they knew it was because of Johnny and how much Roy was missing his partner and best friend. Worried about Roy Cap asked, "Hey Roy, you okay pal?" Looking over at his Captain Roy answered as he lied, "Yeah Cap. I'm just tired but I'm okay." "No you aren't partner. You might be able to fool the rest of them but not me. I know you too well." Johnny sadly said. Turning to Brice Roy said, "When you get done there we need to check the supplies and equipment. We may need to make a trip to Rampart. I'll be in the dorm, just come and get me." "Sure DeSoto, I'll be done in a few minutes." As Roy walked out of the kitchen and went to the dorm, Johnny followed his friend. Opening up his locker he pulled out a small photo album with pictures and the newspaper clippings he'd saved from two weeks ago. Being alone and being able to remember his friend was the time that he felt closest to Johnny. Opening the book he read the headlines on the first page. LOS ANGLES COUNTY FIREFIGHTER/PARAMEDIC JOHN RODERICK GAGE LAID TO REST. "Hey, would you look at that, they even wrote about me in the paper." Johnny was surprised that he made the papers. Seeing the picture of him and Roy hanging inside of Roy's locker he said, "Yeah, I remember this. It was taken about a year ago at your house, wasn't it on Jennifer's birthday or something?" Roy stood there, flipping through the pages. He also took down the picture that he had brought from home. It was his favorite picture of the two of them together and since the accident he'd had it in his locker and looked at it often. His mind went back to the funeral and he remembered how many people came out to pay their last respects to their fallen friend. Johnny was well known and well loved in the community and inside the department and his death shocked everyone. He remembered the procession to the cemetery. Coming out of the church they placed Johnny's flag-draped coffin in the hose bed of engine 51. With lights only, Mike slowly drove as Chet, Marco and Cap walked in formation behind the engine, keeping watch over their friend. Arriving at the cemetery, they took Johnny to his final resting-place and after placing the coffin at the gravesite, Dr. Brackett took his seat and the five friends saluted their friend and colleague then stood at ease for the rest of the service. He also thought of Johnny's parents, John and Sarah and the pain they were going through. Roy had lost his best friend and partner but they had lost a son, their only son. After arriving in Los Angeles, they had stayed with Roy and his family and after the funeral they, along with the rest of51's crew, Dixie, Drs. Brackett, Early and Morton had gathered at the DeSoto home. Roy wanted this time to be private, only Johnny's closest friends were there and they remembered the good times they each had shared with Johnny. Although it killed Roy inside, he wanted to make that day as happy as he could, to make it a celebration of Johnny's life, not his death. He remembered Jennifer and Chris, how quiet they had been since he had told them about Johnny's death. He knew what his partner meant to his kids and how much they were going to miss their "Uncle Johnny". He was so proud of Chris and the way he took care of Jennifer every time she would begin to cry and how he tried to explain to her what had happened so she could understand. He thought back to the first week after the funeral and how both his kids didn't want Roy out of their sight, afraid that they would lose their dad to. He held the book close to his chest and let the tears come. After composing himself he walked to his bunk. Roy sat down, ran his fingers over the page and began reading. John "Johnny" Roderick Gage, 31 of 2516 West Laurel Ave. died Thursday, May 13, 1980 at Rampart General Hospital from injuries sustained in an automobile accident. Born August 28, 1948 in Montana, Mr. Gage moved to Los Angles in 1966 at the age of 18. He attended the Fire Academy and began working in the Fire Service in 1968. He had first been a firefighter with the Los Angles County Fire Department, Station 10. After the paramedic program was implemented in 1972, he became a firefighter/paramedic employed by Station 51, for whom he was working for at the time of his death and had been employed there for the past nine years. He was preceded in death by an aunt, Rose Gage and a cousin, Shawna Gage. His parents, John and Sarah Gage and an Aunt Mary Gage survive him. He is also survived by his "extended family" which includes his best friend and partner, firefighter/paramedic Roy DeSoto, firefighters Chet Kelly, Marco Lopez, Mike Stoker and Captain Henry "Hank" Stanley. Funeral services will be held on May 16 at 2:00 p.m. at the Lake Memorial Church. Accompanying Mr. Gage to his final resting-place will be the men of Station 51 and Dr. Kelly Brackett. It is asked that any memorial contributions be made to the Fallen Firemen's Memorial Fund. Crying and staring at Johnny's picture Roy said to himself, "You know Junior, I think if you'd died in the line of duty it would be a little easier to accept, that's the risk we all live with everyday. But a car accident, a stupid wreck, it just isn't fair, you were too young to die." Being lost in his thoughts and grief, Roy didn't hear Brice come into the dorm. Johnny wanted so much to take his friend's pain away. "I'm so sorry Roy. Maybe I was wrong, maybe you all do need me around. I just don't know what to do." Johnny heard the door open and looked up as Brice came towards Roy. "Oh great, here comes "Mr. Perfect Paramedic" to brighten our day." Johnny said. "DeSoto, DeSoto!" Thinking he'd heard Johnny's voice Roy whispered as he said, "Johnny?" When he looked up and saw Brice standing there he said, "Oh Brice, it's only you." "Of course it's me, who were you expecting...Gage?" Roy felt his face becoming red with anger. Standing, he shouted at Brice and replied, "Let's get something straight right now, I don't  want you to ever mention Johnny's name. It's too hard for me and I don't want to talk about him, especially not with you!" The shouts brought the rest of the crew running into the dorm. The four men stood just inside the door but they didn't interfere. They knew what Johnny's death had done to Roy and knew that he needed to express his feelings. Only if they had to would they step in. Being annoyed by Roy's mood for the past two weeks Brice heartlessly replied, "Well I feel you do need to talk to someone. Look DeSoto, I know that you've been down for the last few weeks. I can understand how you feel, it perfectly understandable seeing how close you and Gage were. But I also feel you need to start pulling yourself together, stop looking at that book every free moment you get and start getting over this fixation you have with your dead partner." All the men looked at Brice and each other, not believing what they had just heard. They wondered how any one man could be so cruel and thoughtless of another person's feelings, especially considering the circumstances. "Oh, so now you're a shrink as well as a paramedic and you understand how I feel do you? No Brice, I'm afraid you don't know how I feel, not at all. Let me ask you something. Have you lost your best friend recently? Have you ever had a best friend? And how dare you call my best friends death this...this fixation that I need to get over!" Roy finally lost his temper and punched Brice. As he fell to the floor, Chet, Mike and Marco ran over to Roy, to keep the paramedic off Brice. "Okay you guys, that's enough! Roy, my office pal, Brice, go and check out the equipment and supplies." Cap ordered. As Roy and Cap walked into the office, Johnny followed. It made his day to see Brice get punched, since it was something he always felt like doing. He just never knew Roy had it in him to do it. "Roy man, I hope you don't get into trouble because of that. But you really made my day Pally." Johnny said with a smile spread across his face. After entering the office and closing the door Cap said, "Roy, have a seat pal." Johnny leaned up against the wall and folded his arms over his chest as Roy took his seat. Then Cap continued, "So, you wanna talk about it?" Looking up Roy answered, "No. There isn't anything to talk about, Brice stepped over the line and I lost my temper with him and that's all there is to it. He's playing shrink now and he thinks he knows how I feel. Well, he doesn't, nobody does. I'm sorry Cap, it won't happen again." "And you had every right to lose it Roy, you have nothing to be sorry for." "Cap, you heard what Brice said, that lousy jerk." Johnny replied angrily. Leaning back in his chair Cap said, "Roy, we all know how close you and Johnny were and no one, not even Brice can even imagine how you feel or what you are going through, nor would we try. Look, there isn't anything to be sorry about. I'll talk to Brice if necessary, he shouldn't have said what he did but I don't think there'll be a problem. You know as well as anybody how he gets on everybody's nerves. And I want you to know that I'm not taking his side, but do you think that maybe he has a point, that maybe you do need to talk to someone? I know this has got to be tearing you up inside, so if you ever want to talk, my door is always open." Just wanting to be left alone and not argue Roy started to pace as he said, "I know Cap and I appreciate that. But I'm okay, really. I'm dealing just fine with Johnny's death. I just want to be left alone, please. Why can't everybody just leave me alone?" Cap got up and walking over to Roy placed a hand on his shoulder. He could tell that his friend was falling apart inside. "Because, everybody here cares too much about you Roy. We can all see that you aren't okay. Roy, you haven't dealt with the loss of Johnny so please talk to me, I want to help if I can." Cap said soothingly. Taking a deep breath and feeling the tears starting to come to his eyes Roy began, "I think...I think the only thing that would help is to...to have Johnny back. I miss him so much Cap. It's weird and I know it's only been two weeks but...but sometimes I can feel Johnny in the room with me, like he really isn't gone. I find myself thinking that this is all a dream. That if I could wake up everything would be okay, everything would be back to the way it was. Johnny would be here to ride with me in the squad or I could hear him go on and on about the latest girl he's dating. I could come into work and see him and Chet get into a full fledged prank war as they try to outdo each other, with Chet winning." "Yeah, ole' Chester B. and me could really pull off some good pranks on each other sometimes. Mostly, the better ones got pulled on me. You know, I could never figure out how he did it." Johnny said with a smile. "Or hear him rant and rave on and on about his latest topic of the day. And he could really get off on some wild things at times." Putting his hand on his chest, Johnny laughed as he innocently said, "Rant and rave, me, you must be thinkin' of somebody else, I didn't do that...did I?" "But then I come into the station and I see Brice or I'll look over at Johnny's bed at night and he isn't there, it's Brice. I remember Johnny saying one time that he thought he was becoming allergic to  Brice's name, now I think I know how he was feeling. And what makes it so bad is that I kept kidding him about it. I told him if he volunteered to do things he'd be as popular as Brice. He wasn't really happy about that, wish I hadn't done it now." "Uh huh and you thought I was exaggerating. See, I tried to tell you but you didn't listen. And you always said that I never listened." Johnny said with a smirk on his face. Hank smiled and let out a little laugh. He had known for quite some time that neither one of his paramedics cared for Brice, not many people did. He remembered when the car had hit Johnny and Roy was stuck working with Brice for the two weeks that Johnny was laid up and how he had nearly driven Roy crazy. And he knew that Roy liked it even less being stuck with him as a permanent partner. "And that's when it hits me, that this isn't a dream.  It's all too real and I know that Johnny really is gone and he isn't ever coming back. Cap, Johnny should be here not...not...I still can't make myself say it. Why Cap, why did this have to happen to Johnny? You know, I'd probably regret this but I think I'd let him drive the squad more often just to have him back where he belongs, here with us. Am I crazy? I don't mean about letting him drive the squad, I know I am if I'd let him drive, but I mean, am I crazy to think that he is still here?" "I'll always be here Roy...always." Johnny whispered as tears began to roll down his checks. "I think Johnny would have liked that, driving more I mean, and I don't know why it happened, some things we may never know. But Roy, you aren't crazy, I think we've all felt that way over the last few weeks. I like to think that Johnny is still here, may...maybe to watch out over us and keep us safe. Anyway, you know the type of person Johnny was, so outgoing and easy to get along with, plus he had a way of growing on you, almost like a kid. When you know a person like that you miss him when he's gone and it's hard to let go. But we're all dealing with Johnny's death in different ways. Look at me, I'm burying myself with paperwork. Mike seems to be keeping it to himself, not wanting to talk about it. But of course, he never did a lot of that before the accident. Marco walks around mumbling in Spanish, more than usual. Then there's Chet, the poor guy. I saw him setting up a water bomb then he must have realized that Johnny wouldn't be around to set it off. He just sank to the floor and started crying. We were a close family and we lost a member of our family. With it happening the way it did it was so unexpected. I don't think Brice realizes how close we all were...and I hope we still are. He speaks before he thinks and I know it isn't easy but just try to be patient with him." Roy once again took a seat. He didn't know how to say what he needed to tell Cap. After gathering his thoughts he said, "Cap, I've been giving this a lot of thought and I hope you won't fight me on it but... I want a transfer." Not believing what his friend was saying Cap replied, "Roy, are you sure?" "A transfer, Roy, are you loosing it or what? You won't be happy anyplace else and you know that!" Johnny shouted. "Yeah Cap, I'm sure. You said that we were all dealing with Johnny's death in different ways. And up till now I really thought I had dealt with it and accepted the fact that Johnny was gone. But now I know that after what just happened, that I haven't dealt with it, at all. I can't lose my temper with somebody just because they mention Johnny's name or they talk about him. And I've decided that as long as I stay here at 51, I won't deal with it. Everything here reminds me of Johnny, even you and the rest of the guys. I need to take some time off and try to deal with this, then when I'm ready, go back to work someplace else. I hate to leave here, after all, this is the place that Johnny and I started but I don't have a choice right now. Please Cap, just okay the transfer." Hank knew that Roy had yet to come to terms with Johnny's death, that he needed time to accept the loss of his partner and best friend. Losing Johnny was hard enough on Hank and even though he didn't want to lose Roy to, he understood. "Roy, I'll okay the transfer on one condition...that you take the next few days that you have off to really give it some serious thought, talk it over with Joanne and see what she thinks. It was hard enough to lose Johnny, I don't want to lose you to. Let's face it, you and Johnny were the best paramedic team in the county and I can't imagine this place without either one of you here. But I know you have to do what is best for you so when you come back on duty I want you to come see me.  And if you still feel this way, I'll put in the transfer request and arrange for you to take a leave of absence, for as long as you need. But please Roy, really think hard about this. Do we have a deal?" Standing up to face his Captain Roy answered, "Yeah Cap, we got a deal." --------------------- "Bolus of 100 mg Ladicane. Charge to 400!" Brackett shouted as he shocked Johnny yet again, still with no conversion. "Epinephrine IC!'" Brackett inserted the needle directly into Johnny's heart. "Again, 400!" But Johnny still didn't come back to them. --------------------- As they came out of the office, Roy went over to Brice who was finishing checking the equipment. All the men gathered by the squad, wondering if they'd see a repeat performance. Brice looked up at Roy. "Brice, I just want to apologize for what I did. I know I've been under some stress but that's no excuse. I shouldn't have hit you and I'm sorry." Roy said as he held out his hand to Brice. Standing up Brice extended his hand and shook Roy's and said, "It's okay DeSo...Roy, I understand. I shouldn't have said what I did. I know you and Ga...Johnny were close and that these last few weeks have been very hard on you. I know I probably haven't helped matters any and I'm sorry also." As Johnny leaned up against the squad, he looked at Shawna and said, "Leave it to Roy to apologize, even when it isn't his fault. Why am I not surprised. Well, at least he didn't get in trouble for punching Brice.  I think Cap's kinda glad he did it, even though he'd never admit to it." Looking up at Johnny, Shawna just shook her head and rolled her eyes. Johnny looked at her and said, "Don't give me that look Shawna, nobody likes him...not even Henry. But of course as Chet once said, Henry doesn't like anybody." "Johnny, don't worry about Brice, you have bigger problems right now." Johnny shrugged his shoulder and said, "Oh well, I guess you have to know him. What problems are you talking about?" Shawna just pointed to the rope that was lying on the floor. Looking down at the gear on the floor Roy asked, "Do you need any help?" "Sure Roy, if you want to get the biophone and the drug box put up, I'll put the rope back in the compartment." As Brice reached down to pick up the rope, Johnny noticed that it was frayed. "Shawna, that rope is frayed, how could he have missed that...what's gonna happen?"  Shawna just shrugged her shoulders. Just then the alarm sounded. "Station 51, injured parachutist. East Coast Mountain Lane, East Coast Mountain Lane, time out, 14:36." "Station 51 10-4, KMG365." --------------- After thirty minutes of working on Johnny, Roy saw Joe shake his head. Kel let out a deep sigh as tears began to fill his eyes. Looking up at the clock he said softly as his voice shook, "Let's call it, time of death, 18:45" Brackett laid the paddles back on top of the defibrillator. Turning it off he slowly turned to see Roy and the tears streaming down his face. "I'm so sorry Roy. We tried but..." Roy pushed passed him and went over to Johnny's side. "Johnny no, you can't do this. I won't let you leave us...me...leave me. I need you with me partner, we have to look out for each other. Johnny...please." "Excuse me." Dixie said crying as she ran from the room. Roy faced Dr. Brackett and as the tears continued streaming down his face he begged, "Please doc, you have to do more, you have to try harder. I know there's more that you can do, you have to bring Johnny back. How can you let him die like this, please, please bring him back for me." Brackett could see that Roy wasn't ready to accept defeat, at least not where Johnny was concerned. He knew Roy wanted them to do more to bring Johnny back but he also knew that nothing more could be done. Even if they had been able to bring Johnny back, Kel wondered what kind of a life his friend would have had. Trying to control his own emotions Kel put his hand on Roy's shoulder and said as soothingly as he could, "Roy, please don't do this to yourself. I know you think there's more we could have done, but there isn't, we did everything we could do. If there was more believe me, we would be doing it.  He's gone Roy and you have...we...we all have to accept that and let him go, as much as it hurts, we have to. Johnny just couldn't fight anymore; he wasn't strong enough. His body withstood more than even I thought it could, but he tried Roy, he really tried. Johnny would want us to go on with our lives, letting him go and remembering him the way he was before all of this, a happy, strong and healthy man. Let him go." After a pause he told Roy, "We'll give you some time alone with Johnny. I'll go call Hank and the others and...and let them know what happened." Joe and Kel turned and left the grieving paramedic alone with his friend. "What will I tell Joanne and the kids, the guys back at the station, that you just gave up? One thing you are not John Gage is a quitter!" Taking his hand he continued, "We can't live without you in our lives, you have to come back. Johnny please, the doctors are wrong, you're not dead and I won't accept this!" As the reality of his loss settled more deeply into his grief-stricken mind Roy said, "Well, I guess Shawna won after all, you decided to stay with her. I guess you're really gone partner, but I wish I knew how I was going to get through this. You've always been there; whenever I needed your help and even times when I didn't want it, still you gave it. And right now, I need you here more than ever cause I'm just not strong enough for this Johnny. I just don't think I can do it. I know what you'd say, that I can get through anything, but I can't. I know I have Joanne and the guys at the station, that all I have to do is talk to them and let them help me. But Johnny, that's what you've always been there for, I've always been able to talk to you...about anything. It isn't gonna be easy for me to open up to the rest of the guys or for that matter even Joanne. There are just some things I can't talk to her about, some things a guy can only talk to his partner about and that's you Junior. It's always been you. But, I guess Brackett is right, I have to let you go, but this is killing me Johnny. Rest in peace, my dear and special friend." --------------------- Johnny grabbed Shawna by the shoulders and shouted, "I know you know what is going to happen, tell me!" "Johnny, for everything you gain, you loose something, that's the way it works and you have to understand that." Shawna tried to make Johnny understand. "But what am I about to lose?" Station 51 pulled out on their way to the call. Shawna looked at the squad as they pulled out of the station and as Johnny looked back at her he asked, "You mean if I stay with you, someone else will die?" "Yes Johnny, someone else will die. That is the course of events that only you can change." Johnny ran his hands through his hair. He turned back to her and asked, "Who dies Shawna?" "I...I don't know." Johnny became more agitated. "Yes you do, now who is it?" Looking at the floor Shawna whispered, "It's Roy. Roy will die today Johnny." As panic washed over him he said, "No, no I have to stop him...I have to tell him!" --------------------- As station 51 came to the accident site, Captain Stanley made his way over to the cliff as a man came running up to him. "Please, please help my friend. I think he's hurt bad." "Roy, get your gear, Mike, tie two lines to the engine, Chet, you and Marco help Brice get the equipment from the squad!" As Roy reached for his belt, he also grabbed the line that was frayed and handed it to Mike and he secured it to the engine. "Okay, calm down and tell me what happened. What's your name?" Cap asked. After catching his breath he said, "My name is Alan Bridges, my friend is Todd Cromer. It's so stupid and I tried to talk him out of it but he's been taking lessons, you know, so he could learn to sky dive. Well, smart guy there thought he was ready after just three lessons. He got his brother to fly the plane and when he opened his parachute the wind caught it and he went right into the side of the cliff, plus the fact that the idiot wasn't wearing a helmet, he is so stupid. He hasn't moved since he hit, please help him." Roy and Brice came over to their Captain as Roy asked, "Cap, what have we got?" "Roy, Brice, his friend here says the wind caught him when he opened his parachute and it took him into the side of the cliff and he hasn't moved at all. Better get down there to him, fast." "Right Cap." Roy replied as he threw his rope over the cliff. --------------------- "Shawna, please make it stop. Roy has a family and they need him. You can't let this happen!" Johnny pleaded. "I'm sorry Johnny, I can't stop it. You wanted to see the future and I'm showing it to you. But you can change the outcome...you can change it, if you choose to go back." Johnny nervously paced back and forth as he helplessly watched his best friend start over the cliff. As Roy reached the victim, his weight strained the already weakened rope. As he was about to reach out his hand, the rope broke. Johnny fell to his knees and seeing his best friend fall he yelled, "ROOOYYYY NOOOOOOOO!" -------------- As Roy wept over the death of his best friend he realized that the heart monitor was still on. Roy walked around the bed to shut the monitor off and angrily he said, "I can't listen to this, it only reminds me that I've lost you!" But before he could turn it off a bleep was heard, then another and another.  As if Johnny heard Roy's pleas, he was trying to come back to them Looking back at Johnny he said, "That's it Johnny, come on, come back to us. Fight it!" Roy ran over to the door and shouted, "Dr. Brackett, Dix, Dr. Early, come quick. Johnny he's...he's alive!" Kel told Hank that he'd call him back and quickly hung up the phone as he, Dix and Joe hurried into the room. "Roy, I know what a hard time you're having with this but Johnny isn't..." Kel didn't finish when he heard the steady beat of Johnny's heart.  "Oh yes he is doc, I told you Johnny was a fighter!" Roy said. Johnny was breathing, very shallow but he was breathing. His heart was beating and was getting stronger. He was alive. "I...I can't believe this, Dix, get me his vitals." Kel said as he checked Johnny's pupils. Dixie took Johnny's vitals and said, "B/P is 100/70, pulse is 35 and respirations are 20." "Pupils are equal and reactive. I've never seen anything like this. I really thought we lost him." Brackett told Roy. "You aren't the only one, he scared me to death." Roy said with a smile. Bending down close to Johnny he whispered, "Johnny, can you hear me? It's Roy. Come on, open your eyes for me Junior." Johnny began to moan and roll his head back and forth. "That's right Johnny, it's time for you to wake up, come on, you can do it." Roy encouraged him. Slowly Johnny opened his eyes and focused them, seeing his friends in the room with him. "Welcome back Johnny." Joe said as he patted Johnny on the arm. "Johnny Gage, don't you ever do that again, you really scared us." Dixie said. Johnny swallowed hard and asked, "Roy...what...what happened...why...why is Dix...Dixie mad at me?" Showing a smile of relief Roy answered, "Dixie isn't mad at you partner. It's a long story, we're just glad you're around to tell it to. How do you feel?" Giving a weak smile Johnny answered, "Like a car...hit me...again...no make that...a truck...a speeding truck...I'm so...tired and my...head hurts...bad...Roy...what did...I do?" Johnny asked as his eyes started to close. "What did you...Johnny, you didn't do anything." Roy told him. "Well Dix told me...not to do it...again...figured I did...something wrong." Johnny answered "No Johnny, it's just, well, we kinda lost you for a minute." Roy answered. "Lost me...I...I died...didn't I...she made me...come back." Johnny answered. "We thought you did but we're glad you decided to come back." Joe told him. "Roy...I talked to...to Shawna...she showed me...the future...I...I had to come...back to save...save you Roy...or you...you would have..." Johnny said almost falling asleep. "I would have what Johnny, what do you mean you had to save me?" Roy wanted to know. "Roy, I'm...so tired." "Okay, just rest Johnny. I'll be back in a few minutes." As Roy was turning to leave, he felt a weak grasp on his arm. "Roy...don't go...stay with me...gotta...gotta know...you're alright!" Johnny whispered but he was becoming agitated. "Calm down, I'm alright Johnny, I'm fine. Nothing is gonna happen to me. I'll be right back, I just need to talk to the docs for a minute, okay." "Okay...promise you'll be back?" "I promise, I won't leave." Roy said as he tried to reassure his partner. Walking away from the bed Roy asked Kel, "Doc, is he gonna be alright now?" "Yeah Roy, I think he's gonna be fine. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it but there doesn't appear to be any brain damage. We'll do an EEG just to be sure though. That partner of yours seems to pull through things a normal person wouldn't." "Well, Johnny isn't exactly what you call "normal", you know." Roy replied with a laugh. "No, that he isn't. He is a special kind of person." Kel said. "It is alright if I stay isn't it? Roy asked hopefully. "Sure it is Roy. Stay with Johnny as long as you want." Joe said. Joe, Dix and Kel happily left the room, leaving the two friends alone. Walking back to the bed, Roy noticed that Johnny had drifted off to sleep. He saw the even rise and fall of Johnny's chest with his steady breathing and the monitor showing a normal sinus rhythm. Roy placed a chair close to the bed and looked at the sleeping form of his young partner. Squeezing his hand gently Roy whispered, "Yeah Johnny, you are a special kind of person." --------------------- A week later found Johnny out in a regular room and doing fine. All tests indicated, much to everyone's surprise and relief, that there was no sign of any kind of brain damage. The only problem was a slight memory loss that the doctors assured Johnny was only temporary. Fortunately, he hadn't forgotten how to be a paramedic. Roy and the rest of the crew from 51 walked into the room. "Hey Johnny, how you doing?" Roy asked. "Hey guys, I'm doing okay. I just hope I get to go home, real soon." Johnny said. Johnny noticed that Chet, Mike and Marco were standing very close to each other. "Hey, what's up with you guys?" Johnny asked them. Cap stepped forward and said, "Well pal, we wanted to get you something but we didn't really know what to get. So...well, Chet came up with something." "Yeah, everybody was so worried about you and so the other shifts even pitched in to get it for you." Mike added. The three men separated and pulled out a huge, gigantic brown teddy bear from behind them and gave it to Johnny. "A...teddy bear." Johnny tried to say it with enthusiasm. "Thanks guys, I appreciate this." "What am I supposed to do with this? Leave it to Chester, well, I guess it's the thought that counts." Johnny thought to himself. As Johnny sat the bear to the side Chet asked, "Hey Gage, you know the date you had planned with Stephanie the day the accident happened?" Looking over at Chet suspiciously, Johnny asked, "Yeah...what about it?" "Well, I thought I'd help you out, seeing the shape you were in and all, and so I called her up and explained what happened and...well, I took her out for you. She was real disappointed that you couldn't make it." Taking the bait...as he always did Johnny said, "Now Chet, you stay away from her, you hear me?" Not quite ready to let his pigeon off the hook he added, "We had a great time to." "Shut up Chet!" Johnny shot back. All of the men looked at each other, shaking their heads. "I wondered how long it would take them to start in on each other." Marco said. "Well, at least we know everything's getting back to normal." Mike replied. As a serious look came over Johnny's face, Roy almost panicked as he asked, "Johnny, are you okay?" Looking up Johnny answered, "Oh yeah, I'm fine. I was just wondering, did anyone find out how the accident happened?" "Yeah Johnny they did. A tractor trailer came over into your lane of traffic and as you swerved to avoid him you ended up going over the embankment." Stanley told his young paramedic. "I don't remember any of it, wish I could but I can't. The only thing I do remember is regaining consciousness and I think Roy was leaning over me, talking to me. I don't remember anything after that. How's the other driver, is he okay?" "The guy didn't make it Johnny. Doc said he had a massive heart attack and he probably blacked out before the accident ever happened." Roy told him. "How did you find me?" "Vince said they got a call from a Jamie Masters. She was driving that road home from work that morning and saw the truck sitting in the road and the smoke from over the embankment and figured she'd better call the police." Cap informed him. Seeing another chance to take a shot at Johnny, Chet took it, "Jamie Gage, now that has a nice ring to it. Maybe you ought to look this girl up Gage." "Shut up Chet!" The men said in unison. Suddenly Dixie came into the room. "I hate to break this up guys, but visiting hours are over and Johnny does need his rest." Cap noticed that Johnny was getting tired so he said, "Okay guys, you heard the lady, let's get outta here. Johnny, we'll see you later pal." "Thanks Cap, guys, talk to you later." Johnny told them. Everyone said their good-byes to Johnny and left the room. Before going through the door Chet asked, "Hey John, who is Shawna, some girl you dated?" "Shawndese." Johnny whispered. "Well, who is she Gage?" Looking up at Chet he said, "No Chet, I didn't date her. She...she was my cousin." "Was your...oh, sorry John." "Kelly, get outta here." Cap said as he pushed Chet out the door. "Cap, give me a minute, okay?" "Sure Roy, we'll wait for you in the hall." Cap replied. Roy walked closer to the bed as he asked, "Johnny, are you sure you're alright?" "Yeah, it's just what Chet asked me. I'm fine." "Well, I thought you had decided not to come back. I thought I'd lost you Junior, and I don't mind telling you, you really had me worried for a minute." "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. But I knew I had to come back, Shawna convinced me of that...the hard way." "Hey, it's okay, being partners with you I should be used to it by now. Do you mind if I ask you something?" "Nah, I don't mind. Ask away." Johnny told him. "Well, you know, Shawndese is a very unusual name. I know you told me it that it was a Seminole name but does it have any special meaning?"  Letting out a sigh Johnny smiled and answered, "Yeah it does. It means spirit keeper and that's what she did for me." "Huh, spirit keeper, that's nice.  Johnny, remember when you said that you had to come back because you had to save me?" "Yeah, I remember." Being  a little nervous to find out the answer, Roy asked, "Why did I need to be saved...was I in some kind of danger?" "Roy, I'm really tired.  Can we talk later?" Seeing that he wasn't going to get an answer and also seeing how tired his friend was Roy said, "Sure Johnny, that's fine.  I'll go and let you rest and I'll stop back by tomorrow." "Okay Roy, thanks.  See you tomorrow." As Roy was leaving, Johnny asked, "Oh, by the way Roy, did you really mean what you told Cap?" "What I told...when...what are you talking about. What did I tell Cap?" Johnny had Roy totally confused and he knew that his best friend would have no idea of what he was talking about but he thought he would drop the hint anyway. "About letting me drive the squad more, that you'd let me if I was still around." "Letting you drive...Junior, are you sure you're okay?  I'm really beginning to wonder." Trying to hold back his smile, Johnny replied, "Don't worry about it too much Pally.  Maybe, just maybe I won't hold you to it." "That's good.  I better get outta here, I think you really need to rest.  I'll see ya later." "Sure thing Roy, see ya." As Roy made his way out of Johnny's room, Johnny could hear him mumbling to himself. "Johnny thinks I'm gonna let him drive.  I think Brackett may be wrong...Johnny DOES have a little brain damage." Pulling the huge bear close to him and snuggling down in his bed Johnny whispered, "Maybe I'll tell you about it someday Roy, but for now, at least I know that you're safe.  And that's all that matters." THE END fill the feedback bag return to main menu