Jenny woke late in the morning again, and began to get dressed.  She liked not having to get up for school, but it had been a while now, and she was beginning to get bored with her days.  She noticed the little calendar she had made at school sitting on her desk.  He teacher had helped her write all the big month words, and her mother had added little pictures to it once she had brought it home, but she'd done the hard part all by herself.  She'd cut out the construction paper, made all the little squares, and neatly as she could, wrote in ALL the numbers by herself, and even used the hole punch so she could push the little brackets through to hold it all together.  Looking at it, she realized she had forgotten to draw in her x's for quite some time.  "Mom?  What number is it?" "What?" Joanne laughed up the stairs, so much for a 'Good morning'. "What number is it?" "Is WHAT?" "Today?" "Oh...uh...the eighteenth." "What?" Jenny screamed back confused. "Eighteen!" Joanne shouted giggling. "Okay!"  Jenny ran back to her room and started to cross out her day's up to eighteen, which she promised herself she'd remember to do before going to bed that night.  As she drew her x's, she saw she'd missed two piano lessons, and four ballet lessons.  How her mother could have forgotten them, she did not know.  She didn't mind crossing out the little pianos on her calendar, but drawing the x across the little ballerinas made her sad.  Two more x's and her mood changed.  A pony was drawn on the square with an eighteen.  Jenny happily slipped out of her dress and into a pair of jeans and her cowboy boots. "Well, you're happy this morning," Joanne smiled.  Roy put the paper down to look at his grinning daughter. "I forgot you were off today," Jenny smiled. Roy grinned and pulled her into his lap as Joanne poured her a bowl of cereal. "I'm off today too," Chris announced setting his car down on the table and taking a seat. "Again?" Joanne smiled. "I'm hungry!" "Feed the boy," Roy winked. "Car off the table at least?" Chris dropped the car to the floor. "I KNOW you're off today too," Jenny announced, "cause it's Saturday, number 18, right?" "It sure is peanut." "Yippee!" "Yippee?  I think you're one line below where you need to be on your calendar hon, Christmas is another week yet." "I know, but today is RIDING day!" Joanne lost her smile and Roy choked on his coffee. "Umm...Jenny...you...you're not riding today!" "Why?" Jenny pouted, "I'm tired of taking a break." "You wanna go back to school Monday?" Joanne asked.  "Whenever you feel like you wanna go, the doctor said you could you know." Jenny frowned.  No, she didn't want to go to school, not at all.  "I can only take riding lessons if I go to school?" "Honey...there aren't going to BE any more riding lessons." Jenny stared sadly at her shoes.  "Because of what happened?" Joanne looked at her husband, but he seemed as lost as she was.  "Yes honey, because of what happened." "He's mad, huh." Roy scratched his head vigorously.  "Yes honey, I guess he probably is mad.  But that is HIS problem, not yours." "Can't I just go say I'm sorry?" "NO...honey...you can't.  You...you have nothing to be sorry for." "Then why is he mad?" "Cause...because...he'd be mad because you told I guess," Roy answered feeling flabbergasted. Jenny sighed and went back to her room to take off her cowboy boots and put them back into the closet.  Johnny had given them to her the year before when he had built/fixed his house, as she had come to understand it.  Once the house was built/fixed, he'd gotten the horses, and had bought her the cowboy boots so she could ride them when it wasn't even Christmas or her birthday.  But now she wouldn't need them any more, all because she'd been a tattletale. "Can you explain that to me?" Roy asked downstairs. "I don't know!" Joanne shouted in frustration. Chris quietly slipped out the door.  He hated in when his parents yelled. "I guess she's just forgiven him already.  That's what we've taught her, isn't it" "I guess!" Roy answered angrily. "Now think about it.  The doctor said she didn't make any connection about what happened to sex.  As far as she's concerned, Johnny was just mean...and...hurt her.  Now when Chris hurt her, hit her or whatever, what did you make her do." "First we make him say he's sorry..." "..and then we tell her to forgive him, don't we.  She's just doing what we've taught her to do Roy." "But this is different!" "SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT!" Roy thumped his fist on the table. "It's a GOOD thing, isn't it?" "Yes...yes...it's a good thing.  Our daughter has a very forgiving heart.  But don't ever expect ME to be able to do that!" Joanne watched her husband leave out the door for a walk, one of many he'd taken in the past two weeks. ~/~/~/~/~ "Hey doc, uh...we got one for ya," a police officer said accosting one of the doctors in the hall. "Come again?" Dr. Early asked. "An in-mate from the prison, took a punch in the face." Johnny gazed around Emergency with a lost expression, and a great deal of blood covering his mouth, chin, and neck. "What happened?" "Jail got full, so they transferred this one to the prison.  I guess someone in there doesn't like child molesters." "I swear, I..." Johnny stammered. "Tell it to the judge guy.  Where you do want him?" "I'll take it Joe," Dr. Brackett cut in angrily when he saw what was going on.  "Three," he ordered the officer.  The policeman happily complied by guiding his prisoner into the room by the arm. "Cuffs off please," Brackett requested in a professional tone.  "Lay back," he ordered Johnny the moment they were off. "Doc?  I.." "It's clotting already.  Carroll, clean him up and get me some ringers with normal saline.  You not give them anything to drink in there?" Brackett asked the officer. The man shrugged.  "I'm sure they do.  The new ones sometimes have a bit of a hard time uh...keeping it down...so to speak." "Been vomiting," Brackett muttered to himself. "Doc..." Johnny croaked. "I'll do it Carroll," the doctor told her, taking he needle. "Doc?  I swear...there's been a huge mistake.  I never.." "Quiet." "Please, you've got to help me.  I swear I would never.." "Just shut up Johnny." "But.." he choked as the sting from the least gently applied syringe he had ever received was pushed into his arm. "When he finishes that, you can take it out and send him back," Kel instructed with a nod of his head toward the suspended bag of ringers.  He ignored the sound of someone choking on tears running to the back of his throat, and continued his way out the door.  "Carroll," he added, pausing for just a moment, "sit him up so he doesn't...just sit him up." "Yes Doctor." Dixie tilted her head, and gazed up at the dark-haired man after he'd blocked her way from catching the closing door, and going in.  "Excuse me," she spoke expectantly. "He's already being treated." "Good, I'll just go in and.." "I think the best thing for you to do is find some place else to be." "Now Kel, he hasn't even been convicted yet.  A man is innocent until.." "Stop it Dix.  You saw as well as I did what he did to that little girl." "If it was him." "She said it was.  Do you really think she would lie?" "No, I don't think she would lie but.." "No, she wouldn't.  Not about that," he told her before getting out of her way. Dixie pushed the door open just enough to see inside.  The familiar face was well hidden behind a familiar arm throw over it.  Jagged breathing gave away the most probable reason why.  "Dix," a voice called from down the hall.  "We need you in one...stat." Dixie let the door quietly close, and by the time she came back, he was gone. ~/~/~/~/~ "You're really sending her to school tomorrow?" Roy asked on the phone from the station. "She wants to go Roy." "I know she wants to but.." "The doctor said to let her when she feels ready to go." "Yeah, but she's not psychic is she.  She's OUR daughter and I.." "That's right Roy, she's OUR daughter.  I'M the one who's been home with them day after day since they were born.  I'M the one who's been with her all the time, every moment she sick, through every sickness." "This isn't a sickness Joanne." "I'm the one who sees all her moods, and all the changes." "You missed one." "Look Roy, he was YOUR friend, NOT mine!  YOU were the one who brought him into this house.  YOU were the one..." "I know..I KNOW!" "Oh God Roy, I'm sorry!  I didn't mean it." "Forget it." "No Roy, I'm sorry.  I really am.  We both missed it.  We both did.  I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean it, really." "Just drop it, please." Roy turned around to see all the eyes staring at him, wishing deeply that he had made the call from the dorm and not the kitchen.  The other's had the courtesy to look away and at least pretend to not be listening, all except for Chet, who couldn't seem to focus his eyes anywhere else. "Look, if she wants to go, wait till I get home, and we'll take her together." "She'd be late Roy and it wouldn't be what's normal for her.  Normal is only one of us, and not coming in after all the other kids are there and in their seats." "Do you really think she'll be okay not being with you...or me...all day?" "I'm going to stop in the office and let them know that she's to be allowed to call me to come get her any time she wants, okay?" "I guess," he agreed reluctantly. ~/~/~/~/~ "You ready?" Joanne asked as Jenny slipped on her backpack. "Yeah." "You got your present?" "Yep!" Jenny smiled remembering what she'd gotten the little girl whose name had been draw for her in class.  Joanne knew the Christmas party in her room that day was probably the only reason her daughter wanted to go, but she felt if it got her in school again, it could only be a good thing.  Hopefully the other kids would be too caught up in the excitement of their gifts and games to ask her too many questions as to why she'd been gone so long.  She'd instructed her tell them she hadn't been well for a long time, but that she was getting better now.  "In the car," Joanne prompted holding the door open.  Jenny jumped into the way back, and settled in.  Usually that was Joanne's cue to tell her to move up into  the seat, but today she let it slide.  "Come on Chris!" Joanne shouted looking at her watch. Chris raced down the stairs like a bolt of lightening, "What happened to your present?" Joanne asked.  She had wrapped it for him the night before, but now it looked like a rabid animal had gotten a hold of it. Chris grinned shyly.  "I just wanted to look at it again." "Uh huh.  Is that what you asked Santa to get YOU this year?" "You KNOW it is Maaa." "Is that so...in!" "Can we ride in the back?!" Chris exclaimed seeing his sister. "Today...but don't get used to it." "Coooool!" he shouted.  All the way to school, he waved at every one he thought might know him...from the way back in the station wagon. "Mom?" Jenny called climbing forward into the back seat. "Jenny!  Sit down!  It's not safe to move around like that!" "I'm sorry," she said sitting.  "Mom?" "Yes?" "Is...John won't be there right?  Cause he's in jail?" Joanne felt her breath rush out of her body.  They'd never told her about the arrest, but obviously she'd managed to pick it up from them anyway.  "Yes honey, Jo...he's in jail." "So he won't be at school?" "Honey...did he tell you he'd GET you at school or something?" "Yes," Jenny told her. Joanne choked back angry tears.  "Well he can't honey.  He's put away, so you don't have to worry, okay?" "Okay." Joanne shook her head.  One day the child wanted to go see him, and then days later, she's afraid to again.  As she watched Jenny start up the sidewalk toward her room, it was all Joanne could do not to run after her.  "She'll be all right...she'll be all right," she chanted in her head.  Jenny turned back to wave, and Joanne forced a bright smile to wave back.  God she hoped she'd be all right. ~/~/~/~/~ The morning passed by agonizingly slow, but eventually when Joanne looked up from trying to fold the laundry, it was finally noon.  Her daughter would be going to lunch, after that, the rest of the day would be the party.  Jenny had made it.  The party would be nothing but fun, and then she'd be home.  Looking at the clothes in front of her, she had to laugh; they looked like the dog had done the folding.  With a relieved sigh, Joanne began to fold everything again. Half on hour later the phone rang, startling her out of her skin.  "Roooy," she hissed to herself, "one of these day's I'm gonna tell them to take all the phones out over there so you can't DO that to me.  Hell-oh-oh," Joanne said teasingly as she picked up the receiver. "Mrs. DeSoto?" "Yes?" Joanne frowned. "We need you to come down to the school right away." "What happened?  Did Chris fall.." "No, Jenny is...Jenny is hysterical.  She wants you.  She won't let the Paramedics touch her...she.." "Oh God, DON'T let them touch her!" she shouted, trying to imagine hard terrified her daughter probably now was of them.  "I'll be right there!" ~/~/~/~/~ "I SAW him!" Joanne heard Jenny scream as she raced toward a crowd gathered together in the middle of the playground. "Jennifer, you're all right," a teacher spoke with a tone of growing impatience. "Let me in," Joanne ordered, pushing through the people in her way.  "Jenny, what happened?" The little girl could only cry. "Jenny?  Honey?  I'm right here, calm down okay?  I'm here now.  What happened?" Joanne asked the nearest adult face. "She thinks she saw that guy," the teacher told her. "Honey, Johnny is NOT here!  He can't be.  He.." "JOHN!" "He's in jail honey, a long ways away from here." "I SAW him!  I DID!" "Jenny, that's not  possible!" "I DID!  You don't BELIEVE me!" the girl cried growing hysterical again. "Okay, honey?  You thought you saw him...okay?  I believe you.  Don't worry honey, I believe you.  You really thought you saw him, and you have every right to be scared." "I saw him too," a little girl added standing next to them. "Emily, you couldn't have," a teacher scolded. The little redhead rolled her eyes. "What do you mean saw him too?" Joanne asked her. "She's just trying to get attention," the teacher told her. "He was right over there," the precocious young lady added as if the teacher were an idiot. "Emily, that's enough!" "He's always coming over to our playground!" "Johnny is always coming to your school?" Joanne asked her daughter. "JOHN does, I SAW him!  You promised he wouldn't BE here...you promised!" Jenny cried. "Where is John now," Joanne asked the out-going Emily. "He was there a minute ago." "And you saw him too...a dark-haired man...very tall.." "Uh uh...RED hair, like MINE." "You mean John Warner?" a teacher asked. "Who...who's John Warner?" Joanne asked shakily. "A fourth grader." "A...a  FOURTH GRADER?" "Yes." "Honey...another KID did that to you?" "YEEESSS!  I TOLD you!" Joanne sat down beside her daughter, hugging her close as she stared into space.  "Oh my God...Oh no...honey...this is very very important...and you have to tell me the...honey...did Johnny... did Uncle Johnny EVER EVER touch you in a bad way?" "Noooo," Jenny sobbed confused, the bewildering question quieting her crying. "Oh God, what have we done?" ~/~/~/~/~ "Wife's on the phone DeSoto," Cap called handing the receiver over.  The warmth of the station had left the day Johnny'd been arrested.  Professionalism had taken its place, and none of them seemed to be able to find a way to change it. "Hello," Roy answered wishing the other guys could stop looking at him the way they'd been for weeks.  He didn't want their pity. "He didn't do it Roy!" "What?" "JOHNNY, he didn't DO it, a kid at school.." "Joanne, calm down." "I'm CALM!  He didn't DO it!" "Do WHAT?" "Johnny did not molest our daughter!  A.." "You were warned about this Joanne!  It happened!  You can't start pretending it was just some misunderstanding now!  We MISSED it!  We have to accept that!  It DID happen Joanne!" "I KNOW it happened, but JOHNNY didn't DO it...I'm telling you...it was this kid at her school!.....Roy?" "I'm here." "What do we DO?" "Are you sure Joanne.  Three weeks ago you.." "I KNOW!  But there WAS another John! I didn't know it was a kid!  What do we DO?" "Well...call the Police!  I...I don't know how it works...I...Joanne...are you SURE..." "Roy...I'm POSITIVE!  This boy did the same thing to at least two other students...one of them was a little boy.  His mother called him a liar.  She's here right now crying like mad because that kid did it to him again before school this morning!  It was that kid Roy...I'm sure of it...Jenny says it was him...she saw him at school during recess and..." "Call the Police Joanne...tell them what happened!  Ask them what you need to do...and do it NOW!" "What are you going to do?" "I don't know...maybe I can get someone to cover for me...you know I can't just leave.  Maybe they'd let me if I...look...I'm gonna try to get out of here...but in the mean time...get over there and TELL them what happened!" "Okay...okay...I'm going.  Do I take Jenny?" "If he's never hurt her, there's no reason why she shouldn't see him!"  The moment he hung up the phone, it occurred to him his daughter was not the only one he had to worry about.   He had to wonder how his friend might feel upon seeing the child who'd caused him to be put in jail for three weeks, accused of the absolutely unthinkable.  And not only her, but how would Johnny react to seeing HIM again, after all he'd said and done. "Roy?" Cap asked breaking into his thoughts. "Cap?" "Roy?  Is anything the.." "He didn't do it." "Come again?" "Johnny didn't do it.  A boy at Jenny's school did.  They just found out.  Some kid at her school named John." "You're kidding," Chet muttered in disbelief. "Their gonna let him go?" Marco asked. "Joanne's going over to try to get things straightened out.  Cap...is there any way I could.." "Roy, I wish I could say yes, but you know I can't.  With this flu going around, we're having a hard time covering the shifts as it is.  Tens doesn't even have enough man power to send out both of theirs engines, and that's bad.  I'm sorry Roy." "No...I knew you really couldn't..." "I'm really sorry Roy." "Maybe he'll come by once they let him out," Chet uttered hopefully. Roy glared at him in disbelief.  "Would YOU?" "Well I..." "Well, how was he doing in there...anyone know?" Cap asked.  With Roy around, Johnny had been an off limit subject that none of them ever discussed.  "Chet?" "I uh...don't know." "Well, just when you saw him, was he.." "I never went." "You never WENT?  With all the griping you did?" Marco shouted. "Did YOU go?" Chet demanded. No he hadn't gone.  He'd followed Mike's lead, and stayed away.  Mike himself had decided to just wait to see what would be said during the trial, for personal reasons he'd never give. "Cap?" "I uh...I was told I should...that the Department would send somebody at a higher rank than me to go talk to him, and that I should just...I should have ignored them."  That last thing he wanted to admit to now was how relieved he had been when he'd been ordered to do and say nothing. "So nobody went to see him?" Roy asked in disbelief. "Well YOU could of gone Roy, did YOU ask him if he'd done it?" "KNOCK IT OFF CHET!" Cap warned. "But they're going to let him out now, right?" Mike asked quietly. ~/~/~/~/~ "Look ma'am, we can't just drop the charges now." "But he didn't DO it," Joanne insisted. "Your daughter is five years old.  She probably saw that kid picking on another one, and decided to blame him so she could see this guy again.  You SAID she wanted to go over to his house to ride the horses last week, didn't you?" "She's not afraid of him was the point I was trying to make!  The boy DID do those things, he did them to other children too." "Well I'll look into it." "When?" "I have a very busy schedule Mrs. DeSoto," the woman sighed.  "You can't expect that something a FIVE year old told you is going to get a man out of jail." "It's what a FIVE year old said that got him in here in the FIRST place!" "No ma'am, it's what YOU said.  You said he had opportunity, and plenty of it.  You said the last time she'd been at his house, he'd been nearly naked with your child also nearly naked." "She just didn't have her sweater on." "When you said you saw him, he was red-faced and panting ma'am." "Look...it was a mistake!  Jenny was so afraid I wouldn't believe her!  Everything...everything just started to look bad.  There were so many un-answered questions." "Uh huh.  And...all your questions have been answered now?" Joanne dropped her eyes.  They were, weren't they?  "Yes, I think so." "Well I can't dropped charges based on a 'think'.  What I can do, since I'll have to do it now anyway, is to set up a time to interview your daughter again.  Maybe then when can sort out this John, Johnny business." "She's right outside.  You can do it right now." "Ma'am, I don't have the TIME to.." "Come in here Jenny," Joanne ordered, ignoring her.  "Look, how long can it take?" The ADA sighed with aggravation.  "Jennifer, your mother here has been telling me that you changed your story about who hurt you.  Were you lying to us before?" Jennifer looked up at her mother in wide-eyed shock. "She didn't lie!  It was just a misunderstanding!" Joanne told her angrily. "Right...so Jennifer, who hurt you like that, on your backside." "John." "John who?" "John." "She doesn't know his last name," Joanne intervened again. "But you do, some fourth grader named John Warner." "Yes." "Jennifer, who is Johnny?" "Uhhh..." "Uhhh is not an answer." "Would you give her a chance?  She doesn't understand what you're asking." "Do you know John-IES last name?" "Yes." "Well what is it?" "Gage." "Fine, did John Gage ever molest you?" "Do you MIND?" Joanne shouted. "Now what?" "She's FIVE years old!  Could you be a little more sensitive?" "Do you want me to interview her now, or would you prefer to wait until a child psychologist can be present as well?" "Just, use kid's words, could you?  Is that too much to ask?" "Kids words...Jenny...did Johnny Gage ever touch your peepee?" "NO!" "Oh for God's sake!" Joanne muttered. "Did Johnny Gage ever touch you where you go poopoo?" "NO!  MO-MIE!" "Honey, just answer her questions, she's just a very silly lady." "Jennifer, did John Gage ever pull your pants down?" "Ye...yes." "Honey, she meant Johnny, not John." "Did John-nie Gage ever pull you pants down?" "Yes." The ADA smiled victoriously.   "Can you tell me about that?" "About what?" "Look,…" Joanne cut in. "Ma'am, you asked for this interview.  I can understand how you feel.  It would almost be better to believe this whole thing was just cruelty by another child and had nothing really to do with sex, but...we both want to get to the bottom of this, don't we, no matter what we find out?  The last thing we want to do is release someone who could be dangerous, right?" Joanne nodded, terrified and feeling horribly confused.  What would she tell Roy now?  What did she believe in her heart?  Johnny was family, they'd made him family...but even fathers had been found out to have molested their children.  She didn't know what to do if things turned the other way again. "Jenny," the ADA began again, sitting down and speaking far more gently.  "Can you tell me what Johnny Gage did when he took your pants down?" "He killed it." The ADA froze, and slowly frowned.  "Jenny, WHAT did he kill?" "The bee." Joanne started to laugh hysterically.  "YES!  Not only did he take them down, he took them completely off!  A bee went up the leg of her shorts and he was bound and determined to squash the thing before it could sting her.  He had her upside down by the ankle, trying to get them off.  She was wiggling and screaming..." "And then Johnny got stung," Jenny smiled. "That's right, he did!  He squished it with his bare hand and it got him, right in the palm!" "Balloon." "Yeah, his hand swelled up like a big balloon.  He's not allergic enough that it would kill him, but his hand looked like it would explode." "That was gross mom." "Excuse me?" the ADA cut in. "Look," Joanne asked, "what do we have to do to show you how bad of a mistake we've made." "You say this boy did the same thing to other kids?" "Yes." "I'll talk to them and see what does or doesn't line up." "When?" "As soon as I'm able to.  Your John Gage is already in the system, and the wheels of justice turn slowly.  But, I'll see what I can do." ~/~/~/~/~ Roy couldn't believe it when Joanne informed him the next morning that Johnny still hadn't been released.  He debated over whether he should drive all the way to the prison, and he wondered if Johnny would even see him if he did.  He didn't even know if Johnny was allowed to have visitors.  Instead, he spent the morning making phone calls, complaining to anyone who'd listen that they were dragging their feet in releasing an innocent man.  The ADA in charge of Johnny's case would not answer his calls at all, and he was told she was not in her office when he went to try to see her in person. At ten o'clock the next morning, he was informed that Johnny had been released from the prison at 9:47pm the evening before.  "How could he have been released then?" he demanded of the voice on the other side. "Sir, it just says the prisoner was released and what time it was when he signed for his belongings" "But, you're way up state!  Where did he go?  Did he have enough money on him for a cab?  He couldn't have!  He never carries a lot of cash and he doesn't carry his checkbook in his uniform!  He was wearing his uniform when he was arrested!" "Sir, I can't help you.  All I can do is.." "Sorry, thanks for letting me know.  Bye" "Roy?" Joanne asked. "He's out." "Okay...how did.." "I DON'T KNOW!" "Well, let's go by his house and see if he's there...Roy?" "He won't want to see us." "He's got to some time, doesn't he.  Won't it be better for him to see you before he goes back to work tomorrow?" "What makes you think he'll be ready to work by tomorrow.  He was in PRISON Joanne!" "Well whenever he IS ready.  Wouldn't it be better for him to.." "Maybe we should just give him some time!" "All right.  You're right.  Maybe we should send him a letter.  All we can do is say how sorry we are Roy." "Some how I don't think saying we're sorry is gonna cut it!" "It's a start!  Let's just write it and put it in his mailbox.  We'll ask him to come over as soon as he's ready." Roy stared at the floor. "If nothing else, we'll at least find out if he's there!" "All right, maybe a letter is a good idea." "It is Roy, just say everything you wanna say." ~/~/~/~/~ The letter sat on Roy's knee the entire drive.  It had been the hardest letter he'd ever had to write.  How does someone apologize for something like that?  He tried to explain how Jenny's fear at not being believed superseded anything else, but then is sounded like he was blaming her.  He tried to describe how confused and numb and angry he felt, how hard it had been to think, but then he felt like his was trying to make excuses.  He tried to ask Johnny to ask himself what he would have done, but he knew, of all the guys at the station, he would have been the one to go talk to the person, no matter what they'd been accused of.  He would have been the one to want to hear the person's story, to hear any other possible side of what had happened, to give someone at least the chance to defend themselves.  In the end, he wrote them all down, and begged for understanding and to be forgiven.  In his heart, he felt this would never go away.  How does someone get over knowing that every one of their friends, including their best friend in the world, was able think, and believe, that he would ever do such a thing as he'd been accused of.  The pain would always be there.  The trust he once had of everyone else would forever be destroyed.  Roy felt that not only had he caused the loss of his best friend, but he'd made his best friend loose him as well.  He felt afraid at seeing Johnny's face.  He wondered now what the time in jail had done to him.  Would he look the same?  Would someone who didn't know him be able to tell by looking at him where he had been?  What all had he done to his best friend? Stopping his car at the beginning of Johnny's driveway, he got part of his answer.  The wooden mailbox that once sat in a flower planter, surrounded with daisies, lay on its side, broken to smithereens.  Obscenities had been spray painted everywhere, including on his lawn.  His driveway had been torn up by the wheels of someone's large, heavy-duty pickup.  Every window to the house had been smashed, and more paint threatened Johnny's life.  The barn Johnny had built for his horses, before he'd even made his house habitable, had been set on fire, and partially burnt down.  Roy wondered how he hadn't heard about it, but figured under the circumstances, everyone had gone out of their way NOT to tell him.  And then there were the animals.  Where were the animals?  Had anyone come out to feed them? He and Joanne stared in disbelief at all the damage they saw.  For him to come home to this, after everything else.  From the words scrawled out here and there, it was obvious teenagers had done the damage, one of them probably having overheard a parent rant about how the guy in the newspaper article should be strung up and put to death.  They wondered if Johnny was in there, and if they should go see.  Roy slowly drove down the long driveway and parked the car.  Still no signs of life.  Not one creature came to meet them.  Where had they all gone?   "Johnny?" Roy called out nervously as he felt tears stinging his eyes.  He carefully walked through the broken glass that laid all over his friends front porch.  Tapping on the door, he found it hadn't been shut all of the way when it startled him by swinging open. "Johnny honey," Joanne called, "are you here?" "Oh shit," Roy cursed. "What?" "It's a notice from the humane society," Roy told her picking up a piece of paper from the floor.  "They took the animals for abandonment." "They did?" "One of his neighbors must have called them." "Why would they do that?" No one was here to feed them, what choice did they have?" "Still...how does he get them back now?" "I don't know.  If he has to pay for their care while they've had them, we're going to pay it, all right?" "Of course." "And this...we've got to do something about all of this," Roy said, gesturing wildly with his arms at the house.  The teenagers had even slashed all of the cushions on Johnny's couch and recliner.  Joanne didn't want to even think what they'd done to his bed. "I'll call Beth.  She'll wanna help.  Mike wouldn't have let her before, but I'm sure that anyone that really knows Johnny will wanna help now." "We have to try and fix this Joanne." "We will honey, we will." ~/~/~/~/~ Early the next morning, Roy put over two thousand dollars on their credit card to pay for all the glass they'd need to fix all of the windows.  Joanne knew it would mean her husband actively seeking overtime where ever he could get it until it was paid off, but it was just one of the consequences of what had happened.  By the time she and Roy arrived at the house, everyone else was going to show was already there; much like it had been the first time the had all chipped in to fix the place up.  There were only two differences.  The first was that far less people had come.  Many had made excuses, and no matter how much Roy had stressed that a mistake had been made, he could tell people were still leery to be around Johnny, or to have him around their kids.  The other difference was Johnny, not being there himself.  That was the one that bothered him the most.  Without discussion, everyone began trying to clean the place up wherever they thought they could do some good.  The women started by trying to clean up all of the broken glass.  Chet got out Johnny's lawn mower in hopes that cutting the grass would get rid of some the things that the teenagers had written there with their paint cans.  To keep the paint from poisoning the grass anymore than it already had, Cap followed behind Chet, raking up all of the clippings.  Without Johnny, Mike was the only real carpenter, and with Marco's help, he began the work of trying to fix as many windows as he could manage in one day.  Roy started on the barn alone, removing all the charred boards with a crow bar, and stacking them up to be burned the rest of the way in or to dispose of them without having to pay the dump a fortune to take them.  After a while, Cap and Chet dragged out Johnny's furniture to add to the pile before Roy lit it, as they were all well beyond repair. Inside the house, Joanne set down her dustpan and looked at the other woman who had shown up to help.  The last time she'd been in this house had been the day this whole thing had begun.  Staring at the door, she could see Johnny opening it, his tanned bare chest, and his reddened face.  The hair stood up on the back of her neck as she reminded herself that it all had to have been just as innocent as it had originally appeared.  Nothing had popped out at her when she'd picked Jenny up that day, and the real person who had abused her daughter was now in Juvenile Custody.  Still, the picture taunted her, along with the questions that had popped up about it all later that day.  Why was he shirtless on such a cold day?  Why didn't her daughter have her sweater on?  What had made his face so red?  He was in good shape after all, and all he had done was run down the stairs.  The stairs…they held the answer.  But did she really have the right to look.  He was innocent, wasn't he?  Still, she felt compelled to go up them.  Soon she found herself in his bedroom.  While all the second story windows had been broken as well, they appeared to have been broken from the outside.  It seemed the teenaged vandals had been chased away before they had a chance to venture up the stairs.  She knew that Johnny hadn't slept in the bed that night, for Beth had already told her he and Mike's boys had camped out on the floor in Johnny's living room.  By the time they'd arrived to pick them up, Mike had simply carried them to the car, and left Johnny sleeping, with a thank you note and a basket of oranges.  So there the bed was, untouched since that day.  She forced herself to turn around.  She told herself that nothing had been strange about what had happened, that he really had just been trying to make the bed quickly.  What else could it have been?  "Now hold still for me, okay?" she heard him say again. "I can't," Jenny had whined. "Sure you can." She HAD to look!  Taking a deep breath, Joanne yanked the comforter back.  There, laying in his bed, was the baby Jesus.  It was part of an outdoor nativity scene, something she'd been saying she wanted for years.  It was an old one, but it looked like it had been a very grand one in its day.  From the wear it showed, she was sure someone else must have thrown it way, probably to replace it with one of the new aluminum ones they were now coming out with.  This one was made of wood, and it was obvious Johnny had been trying to polish it up.  Taking a step back, Joanne felt herself trip on a cord.  It led to a glue gun that had been hidden under his dresser.  Looking closely, she saw the fake straw was carved wood as well, and pieces had been broken off.  They had been gluing new pieces on to fix it.  Joanne felt amazed that she'd been able to keep the secret, until she realized with every thing that had happened, her daughter most likely had forgotten about it.  Red faced, nervous, shirtless in the hot room heated by the gun, hold still for me…the man only had two hands, and Jennifer would have definitely insisted on helping, holding the wood while he tried to get the glue on.  It had all been to surprise her. "Roy?" Joanne ran crying out to the barn, "Roy?" "Joanne?" Roy called back in a panic, "you uh…you really should stay in the house.  I'LL take care of the barn!"  He tried to block her way, but it was too late.  Laying in the straw was the rest of the scene.  All of the other pieces have been repaired already, and they were beautiful! "I'm such a rat…I'm such a rat Roy," Joanne sobbed. "What do you mean?" "WHAT are we going to do?" "I don't know.  But at the least, we can make his house livable again." "Why do I have such a dirty mind?" "You don't!" "I DID!  I really DID!  I believed it Roy!  How COULD I?" "You believed Jenny sweetheart, because you had to." "If only I'd have asked!  I didn't I ask if.." "What, if a KID at SCHOOL had done it?  Did it even occur to you?" "No." "No…I don't think it would have ever occurred to anybody.  But it doesn't matter now.  We can't change it.  Focus on now Joanne." "I wish I had a magic wand." Roy smiled.  "Me too." ~/~/~/~/~ The winter sky grew dark around six o'clock, forcing Mike and Marco to give up on the rest of the windows.  Roy lit the bon fire that contained everything that couldn't be salvaged.  One by one, the others joined him, not knowing what else to do, but for some reason, not being able to leave. "Oh dear, NOW what?" Joanne squeaked when she saw a squad car pull in with its lights flashing. "Stay here," Roy told her. "But.." "Just stay here." "Evening...Roy?" Vince called. "Yeah...is everything all right?" "That's what I'M here to check out.  You tell me.  What are you DOING here?" "Trying to clean things up." "Yeah...does Johnny know your here?" "I don't know.  I doubt it.  We haven't seen him." "So you don't have permission to be out here." "Permission?" "Yeah Roy, permission.  This IS private property." "What are you gonna do, kick us off?" "No...just...finish what you're doin' and move on out.  Don't linger around.  It'd be nice that if he wanted to, he'd be able to come around here without having to worry about running inta..." "Right." "Sorry Roy, but.." "You're just telling the truth.  Do you think he saw the place like..." "Oh, he SAW it!  I drove him back from the prison the other night." "You DID!  How...how was he?  Is he okay?" "I couldn't really tell.  I spent the entire two hours trying to explain to him exactly what had happened, but he never much.  He only asked one thing, and it took the entire same two hours for him to get himself to ask me." "And what was that?" "He just wanted to know if Jenny was okay." Roy felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach. "I told him she was.  She is, isn't she?" "Ye...yeah.  She's getting there." "Well good.  I'd warn you to keep a close on that fire, but I'd feel silly, considering who I'm talking to...so I'm just gonna tell you again to clear out as soon as you're done.  Have a good evening Roy." "Yeah...you too." "And in case I don't run into you again before then, Merry Christmas!" "Yeah, Merry Christmas," Roy whispered back.  'Vince!" "Yeah?" "Where uh...where IS he, do you know?" "I took him to a motel that night.  It was too cold for him to stay here with all the windows...  That's the last I've seen of him.  Sorry." ~/~/~/~/~ Roy paced the floor of the station's kitchen.  Two more days had passed, and still, no one had heard from Johnny.  They had managed to finish the windows on their last day off.  The house was certainly improved, even if little signs of its nightmare still remained around, here and there.  As soon as he paid off the credit card for all the glass, he told himself he'd buy the lumber to rebuild the lost parts of the barn.  They were having a hard time tracking down the animals anyway.  Mike had managed to find one of the horses, and was at the moment trying again to find which shelter Kenosha had been taken too. "Please tell me you're kidding," Mike begged on the phone.  "No...no...I understand what happened....Thanks for telling me anyway.....Yeah you too, Merry Christmas." "Well?" Chet demanded.  Mikes long face let them know the news wasn't good. "Oh let me guess, they sold him...right?" "Worse," Mike answered. "What could be worse than that?" "Oh no," Marco whispered dropping into a seat. "Oh God...you're kidding," Cap muttered quietly, shaking his head. Roy pulled out a chair, finding himself in dire need of sitting down. "WHAT?" Chet demanded. "They put him to sleep Chet," Marco explained. "They only keep them for two weeks...Johnny was in for three.  They put him to sleep a couple of days before he got out." Chet wandered over to the sofa and pulled Henry into his lap.  He'd always like Kenosha, even though she'd been very old for a dog.  Two months after Johnny had moved into his house, he'd come across her, having been hit by a car just down the road from where he lived.  Everyone had told him he should put her to sleep, rather than pay the large vet bills to try to make her well again.  He hadn't listened, and Kenosha had lived on the ranch ever since. "Some friends WE are," Marco choked.  "Couldn't even go out there to make sure the animals were all right." "I honestly figured someone was doing it," Mike swore, "if I'd have known..." "We should have made sure." "How are we ever going to be able to look him in the eye again?" Mike wondered. ~/~/~/~/~ "How am I ever going to be able to look anyone in the eye again," John Gage wondered as he stared at his reflection in the pond.  Though he knew he hadn't done anything, the accusation had left him feeling ashamed.  Everyone had believed it.  No one asked.  He just had to accept that people could think that about him, and learn to keep his hands to himself where children were concerned.  With as much as he always played with them, picked them up, hugged them...even kissed them, he felt it was no wonder.  It was his own fault, but he wouldn't make those same mistakes again. The next day was Christmas Eve, but he had only one place now that he had to go to.  He looked in his duffel again, to assure himself the little presents were still there.  They weren't as expensive as they had been the year before, but they'd have to do.  He wondered what kind of reception he'd get, but he just had to gamble on it.  He didn't think he could stand to spend Christmas alone, and with any luck, they'd welcome him just as warmly as they had every other year he'd gone to their party. Johnny pulled his blanket more closely around his shoulders to ward off the cold.  Then after double-checking to make sure his hiding spot couldn't be seen from the sidewalk where a Policeman might happen to walk by, he laid down to get some sleep.  Darkness was already falling. ~/~/~/~/~ "I hate this time of year," Chet muttered, closing the door with the flags clumsily folded in his hands. "Christmas?" Marco asked in surprise. "No!  Winter!  It's not even seven o'clock, and LOOK at it," he exclaimed gesturing to the darkness outside the window. Roy glared at him, and went to pour himself some milk. "What's HIS problem?" Chet hissed in Marco's ear. "What do you THINK!" "Maybe he just left again Roy, he did that once before you know," Chet offered, trying to be helpful.  Every time they had gone by Johnny's house, the man was no where to be found. "It's different," Roy muttered. "How is it different?  What would keep him here?" "The ranch for a start!" "For all we know, he thinks the ranch is still totaled!  I hate to say it Roy, but we blew it!  We all totally BLEW it.  My bet is he's so far away from here...it's...probably DAYLIGHT where he is!  Face it, there ain't nothin that he'd stick around for." "What'd you say?" "I said..." "But there is!  He'll go to that party, I KNOW it!  He won't let them down." "What party?" Cap wanted to know. "At the nursing home!" "Roy," Cap told him patiently, "his aunt died years ago already, remember?" "But he still GOES!  Her best friend is still alive, and he takes her and all of her friends presents every year!" "Why would he do that?" Chet asked. "I don't know...maybe just to be able to talk to someone who knew some of his family.  It's not like he has anyone else left." "I had no idea he did that," Cap thought quietly. "Well he does.  He just GOES there every once in a while." "So, he'll go there tomorrow night?" "Not night, afternoon.  They have their partly kind of early, then he's always comes over to MY place." "So if we wanna talk to him, all we gotta do is stake out the nursing home," Chet declared. "We can't all go invade some poor old folks home Chet," Cap said to straighten him out.  "Only one of us should go." "I'll go," Roy told them. "You sure it should be you?" Mike asked in a somewhat challenging tone. "I'm going." ~/~/~/~/~ Roy waited outside the home in his pickup, glad he had chosen it, instead of his sports car, as the wind was remarkably cold.  He'd been waiting for hours, not sure whether Johnny would show up to the party early to help set it up, or exactly WHAT he would do.  Sure enough, there he was, walking up the sidewalk with his shoulders hunched to keep warm and a little duffel bag hanging from his arm.  Roy let him walk right on past him.  He'd let him go to the party first.  He wasn't going to take THAT away from him as well.  It would probably be hours, but he was determined to stay.  His family was waiting on him at home, but Johnny was family too. Rubbing at his eyes, Roy was petrified when he realized he had nodded off.  What if Johnny had left without his seeing him?  Focusing his eyes on the entryway, he tried to make himself breathe more slowly.  There he was, three little old ladies taking turns giving him kisses and hugs before he left them.  Roy nearly had a fit when the first little old lady took a second turn.  Still laughing, Roy stepped out of the truck as Johnny started down the sidewalk toward him.  Looking up at the sound, his dark-haired friend looked at him like a deer caught in headlights.  The smile dropped from Roy's face and he cursed himself silently.  How could he have been laughing? Johnny took three steps backwards, and started to head the other way. "Johnny?  Johnny please!  I just wanna TALK to you!" He followed him until he saw him dodge a car to cross a busy street, trying to get away.  "Johnny?  I swear!  I just wanna TALK to you!" he shouted after him, but the traffic drowned his voice out. "Way to go DeSoto," Roy cursed himself.  "Push him out into traffic.  Maybe you can get him hit by another car.  Stupid idiot!  Stupid moron!" "Where's you letter?" a voice asked startling him. "What?" Roy squeaked, spinning around.  The voice belonged to Mike. "I said where's your letter?" "What let..." "The one you said you wrote the other day.  Do you still have it?" "Yeah, but.." "Give it to me." "What?" "Just give it me." Roy handed it over, wondering what he'd do with it. ~/~/~/~/~ Mike drove up and down the roads until he spotted him.  He was right, he'd been sleeping in the park.  Getting out of his car, he hurried toward him, but it didn't take long before it was obvious he'd been spotted, and Johnny was trying to get away.  He broke into a run, which caught the other man by surprise, and by the time Johnny also had started it run, Mike had managed to get him by the sleeve. "Here!" Mike said pushing a couple of envelopes toward him. "What?" Johnny asked nervously. "Just...here, okay?" Mike told him, letting him go and stuffing the envelopes into his hand.  "That's all.  That's all I wanted."  Johnny stood still as the other man turned to leave.  "Johnny?" Mike asked turning back after several paces, "and I just wanted to say...I'm sorry.  I didn't come to see you cause I...I'm just sorry.  Okay?  I'm just sorry." He left then, knowing that Johnny could not be feeling more frozen at the moment.  There was nothing more he could do.  Hopefully the letters would help.  None of them had the right to expect he could just come back and act like nothing had happened.  They'd all let him down in the worst way.  Only Johnny himself could heal those wounds. ~/~/~/~/~ Johnny had lost count of how many times he'd read each letter, though he knew he'd read Roy's more than the others.  Everyone was sorry, or so they all said.  They probably were all sorry...sorry they'd made a mistake.  But they still all had to think he'd done it, didn't they?  He'd been invited to Mike's, Cap's, and Roy's house for Christmas Eve, and to Roy's again for Christmas Day, but how could he go now? He wiped at his nose with his bare hand and stuffed the letters into their envelopes again.  The wind blew down his jacket, so he pulled out his blanket and wrapped it around himself to stare some more at the pond. "Yeah, I THOUGHT so," someone said close by, making him jump out of his skin.  "You really been sleeping here?" Vince asked. Johnny shrugged. "Well get up, let's go." "Where?" "The way I see it, you have two choices.  I can either drive you home, or I can take you to a shelter, but you can't stay here.  It's supposed to get down to twenty five tonight, and I can't let you freeze to death, not on MY watch." Johnny sighed and struggled to his feet, the cold already making him stiff. "So which will it be?" "Don't wanna go home." "You sure?  When's the last time you were out there?" "No Vince." "The shelter this time of year gets awfully crowded Johnny, and you have a..." "NO Vince." "All right...all right.  Just get it." Vince cranked up the heater and just as he planned, his passenger got just sleepy enough to not pay attention to where they were going until they were all ready there. Johnny sighed angrily.  "I told you NO!" "They fixed it up," Vince told him, motioning toward the house. "NO." A loud thump on the top of the car had BOTH men swallowing their hearts back down.  "What the hell was that?" Vince nearly shouted as they got out of the car to have a look.  A green eyed monster stared back at them.  "That yours?" "Come here Bu," Johnny cooed affectionately, picking the huge tomcat up into his arms.  "Did you manage to hide?  Huh?  Did you get away?  I bet you're thirsty, huh?  Vince, I'm just gonna get him something to drink, okay?" "Sure," he agreed, watching Johnny disappear into the house, again talking to the creature in his arms.  "I HATE that cat," he told himself aloud, "but right now, I own him one." "Here you go you silly thing.  I'm so glad they didn't get you too!"  Johnny wandered over by the door to find his driveway empty.  "Oh thanks a LOT Vince," he muttered.  Looking around, he noticed the changes.  The house was clean, and all the windows were back.  His living room sat empty of furniture, but it didn't take much remembering to realize why.  With a sigh, he started up the stairs, set on grabbing a sleeping bag and some warm clothing and taking off again.  His bedroom had been straightened.  All the clothes he'd left in the hamper had been washed and put away.  The bed itself had been made, and the baby Jesus sat in a corner on the floor with a small blanket covering it. "Oh shit!" Johnny cursed when he realized what it was, "NOW what do I do with it?"  Wiping his arm across his face, he realized he could do with a shower.  It didn't take much after getting clean and his teeth brushed for the bed to start to look very inviting.  Looking out the window, he could see the cold front had arrived and was wiping around his trees.  "Oh forget it," he said, surrendering and crawling under his comforter.  Someone had washed IT as well.  The warm soft bed and the light smell of fabric softener started to make him feel better.  It wasn't long until he drifted off to sleep. The last song he'd heard on Vince's radio still swam around in his head, but all he seemed to be able to hear in his mind was just one line, "So this is Christmas...So this is Christmas."  He'd agree with that.  He felt warm and safe again for the first time in so long.  His bed this night was the best present he could get.  He awoke the next morning to the sun shining brightly in his face.  During the night, Bu had snuggled in with him, letting him wake to a little company, company that had, and would never judge him.  He snuggled deeper into his covers, and allowed himself to enjoy the feeling of the sun on his face.  He'd stay right where he was for the rest of his life if he could.  An hour later he knew he had to get up or explode.  He raced for the bathroom as fast as he could, then happily dove back under the blankets again.  Bu took it for play, and swatted him on the nose. "Hey...knock it off," he scolded.  He was tired of laying, so he pulled the nasty cat into his lap, and wrapped the covers around them both.  Through the window, he could see someone had gotten his Rover out of impound, and left it during the night in his yard.  Johnny shook his head, not wanting to think about it, and noticed again, the blanket in the corner.  He felt compelled to pull it off.  It was starting to look all right if he did say so himself, but what of it?  It was just Christmas.  What was Christmas anyway?  Running around, too much food, expensive toys people didn't really need.  So Joanne had wanted a nativity scene, just another expensive toy, wasn't it?  Or was it?  Johnny stared at the baby in the makeshift cradle.  The bright sun made the finished parts seem to glow.  Standing, he put it back on his bed to finish what he had started.  He knew what Christmas was...but could he do it? ~/~/~/~/~ "Roy, wake up!" "What?" "I heard something!" "Joanne, it's Christmas morning!  What do THINK you heard!" "The kid's are not up yet, they were up too late last night!" "Then I say let's get some more sleep before they start squealing over their new toys." "But Roy..." "What was that?" "See?" Peering out their window, they saw. "What's he doing?" "You know what he's doing." "Should we go down?" "Get dressed first, and put some coffee on.  It's cold out there this morning." "But..." "Let's just see what he does." All grew quiet again about fifteen minutes later.  Roy dared to peek through the curtains to see if he could spot him, but all he could see was the Rover parked in the street, so at least he knew he was still out there.  A moment later, he saw him start to get in it. "Wait," Roy shouted, hurrying to the door.  "WAIT!" Johnny turned back.  It was obvious he had startled him again. "I uh...I didn't know what else to do with it," Johnny tried to explain, motioned toward Roy's front yard. "'You...you wanna come in?" "No!  I uh..." "Johnny, I'm sorry!  I'm really sorry.  I never meant a word!  I was just so..." "Forget it," Johnny muttered, getting into his truck.  Roy watched him sit there for several minutes without starting the engine.  Before long, Johnny got out again.  "Roy?" "Yeah?" "I just...I'm not...mad, okay?  I just want you to know I don't blame you, and I don't...I mean that's what Christmas is, isn't it?" "What?" "Forgiveness...you HAVE to...that's what it was all about!" Roy looked over at the nativity scene Johnny was staring at. "Johnny, if you can do that, you're a better man than I'll EVER be." "I don't know what else to DO!" Johnny cried, wiping the tears from his eyes. "You'll come in then?" "I...I don't think so...maybe...just not today." "UNCLE JOHNNY!" Jenny screamed racing from the house and straight toward the man she'd been so surprised to see. "Jenny...I...you shouldn't try to..." Johnny stammered, trying to keep the little girl from leaping into his arms as he kept a wary eye on Roy. "Johnny," Roy told him, picking his little girl up and placing her in his arms.  "I love you, I trust you, and I will never be more sorry." Johnny looked over at the baby Jesus.  Could he really do it, all the way down in his heart? Johnny hugged the little girl close and let his best friend take him inside. The End This story is dedicated to George Harrison, who is indirectly responsible for the fact that I write at all, and who is also responsible in part for my writing this particular story.  I've heard him say more than once, "there was never a time that we did not exist, and there will never be a time when we do not exist...only our bodily condition changes."  God Bless you George, for we know that in one way or another, you are still  around, and if we remember, we'll know you again.  May God Bless us all and remind us to forgive, for it is only through forgiveness that one can have a peaceful heart.  (Please forgive me if I sound preachy) amen. Feedback for Sage is this link return to main menu