Slings and Arrows Path 2 by Kajakat Roy couldn't believe his eyes. Sticking out from Johnny's left buttocks was an arrow. He dropped the drug box and some of its contents spilled out. "Johnny? Johnny can you hear me?" Roy's voice faltered, not knowing how hurt his friend was. "LA, this is squad 51. I have a code I at our location. Respond an ambulance." "Rrrroooy." Johnny started to move and his left hand went reaching for the intrusion. "Johnny don't move. You have an arrow sticking out of your, eh, derriere." Just by saying that, Johnny's left hand moved more, trying to grab hold of the arrow. "Stop it Johnny. Stop it now. Even if you can touch it, there is no way you can pull it out." Whether it was Roy's tone or what he said, Johnny let his left hand slide down by his side. "Hurts Roy. Hurts lot." Johnny raised his right arm and pushed himself up a bit. "Oh no you don't. You stay still and let me contact Rampart." "An' tell 'em what?" Although he was in pain, he still was aware about how ridiculous this call was going to sound. 'Rampart, we have a 30 year old Paramedic, prone to accidents with an arrow protruded from his tushy.' Yup, Johnny could hear the entire snickering now. And then he moaned thinking about what the firemen would say. 'Yup, that's Gage. We've always said that he's got a bug up his ass and now we come to find it's an arrow.' 'Hey Gage, aren't you a bit old to be playing with arrows?' 'Gage gives new meaning to straight and arrow.' 'Gage needs more help with the women so Cupid shot him. Too bad it missed the parts he needs help with.' Johnny moaned again dreading the outcome, literally, of his injuries. E!E!E!E!E!!!! It was difficult getting Johnny into the ambulance. Roy cut away most of his partner's uniform to expose the wound. Even covering the injury with a blanket caused more pain, so Roy had to conceal the damage with several blankets. But nothing could completely cover the injury or the body part. Roy was glad that the Captain came with the two ambulance attendants to take care of Johnny. There was no way he wanted Chet to see Johnny's predicament. Roy left the squad at the campgrounds under the condition that a police officer would drive it to Rampart. When they arrived at Rampart, Johnny was taken to treatment room 7' the one the furthest away from the entrance. So Johnny and his buttocks were on display to everyone and anyone along his way. Johnny whined more but no one knew if it was from pain or embarrassment. Much to Johnny's dismay, Doctor Morton was the one on call to take care of Johnny. Dixie was by Johnny's side and it was a good thing he couldn't see her face, as she was having a difficult time containing her laughter. Johnny was one of her favorite paramedics and she certainly witnessed him getting into trouble. But seeing several inches of an arrow impaled on his derriere was setting off her funny bone. Roy however, was not comfortable with Johnny's wound. He decided to leave the treatment room and call into the Station. "I heard it but couldn't believe it." Brackett said as he walked into the room. "Not one word, Doc. Not one word or I'll quit." John said and then groaned. Brackett picked up the sheet and examined the wound. "Looks like a clean shot, Johnny. We'll just give you a local and we'll be able to remove this wooden arrow. You'll need to take some antibiotics and your seat will be sore for some time, but I don't see any permanent damage. Maybe a small scar, but who will notice?" Brackett smiled. Johnny pushed his head back and glared at the grinning doctor. 'Indeed who will notice? Once this gets around the hospital I'll be stayin' far away from the nurses. They'll just look at me and point and giggle. Just what I need, their pity. Oh he's the guy that got shot in the butt. It used to be a cute butt, but now it has a dimple on it. Will it never end?' "Johnny, we're going to give you some Valium to relax. Then, we'll apply the local to your eh, posterior. Then, Mike and I will remove the arrow." "Whatever. Just get it over with!" "He's grumpy." Mike said as he added the Valium to the IV port. 'Hey Mike, your people and my people were good with arrows, but I don't think you've ever been shot with one either. Trade places with me and I bet you'd be grumpy too. Hell, you'd probably be cantankerous.' The Valium mercifully put Johnny out, which put the doctors at ease. After a half-hour, the arrow was removed, the injury was cleaned and stitched close and Johnny was sent upstairs to a room, to sleep off his physical and mental wound. E!E!E!E!E!!!! Several hours later Johnny woke and was wondering why he was on his stomach. He never sleeps on his stomach. NEVER! He tried to turn over, still under the Valium fog, and realized he couldn't. His arm had an IV in it and when he raised his hip to turn, the pain shot through his backside. Then, the memory of his latest injury flooded his mind. "Oh man." Johnny softly said. He was very uncomfortable and he had bladder pressure, which meant one thing, a bedpan. Taking the call button in his hand, he pressed the button. Within minutes the door opened. "I see you're awake now, Mr. Gage." Johnny didn't recognize the voice, but there were dozens of nurses he didn't know. Keeping his face sort of buried in his pillow a muffled yes came out. "Are you in pain? Is there something I can do for you?" Her concern was true. Lifting his head up he said, "yup, I'm in pain, but I really gotta, eh, ah, pee." Okay he said it. First he was going to be the laughing stock because of all the butt jokes and now another body part will be added to that list. "I can understand that. With all those IVs in you, you must be ready to explode. Why don't I get a male orderly in to help you to the bathroom, Mr. Gage and then I'll be back with some pain medicine." The nurse gently touched Johnny's shoulder and left the room. 'Huh? A male orderly? What about all the jokes that everyone is dying to use?' Within minutes, a male orderly came in and gently helped Johnny to the bathroom. Johnny was able to take care of his needs, with the orderly supporting Johnny's weight. When Johnny was helped back onto the bed, the nurse came back in with a needle. "Are you comfortable Mr. Gage?" She tucked him in, after she checked the wound." "Yes, I'm comfortable, but getting a bit hungry." He tried to look at her, but she was on the other side of his bed. Turning his head would be to strenuous for him, so he decided to keep still. "I don't think I know you. What's your name?" "My name is Jill, Mr. Gage and I don't know you. Why? Should I know you?" "Well I'm a paramedic that works outta your emergency room." "Oh. I don't get down there too often." "You must be new here." The dejection was in his voice. "Why do you say that?" "Oh, never mind. But please call me Johnny." "Okay Johnny. By the way, there's a Mr. DeSoto waiting outside to see you. He's on his break. Should I let him in?" "Is he alone?" "Yes." Johnny relaxed. "Yeah, let 'im in." Jill walked out and motioned for Roy to enter. Roy quietly walked into the room, a trait he learned from many years of practice. He walked over to the side Johnny's face was on. "Howya feeling Junior?" "Not sure how long I'll be awake Roy. Jill just gave me some pain meds and I can feel 'im working. My butt hurts but my mind hurts more. What is everyone saying?" Roy smiled knowing his partner would react this way. "Johnny, only Captain Stanley knows how and where you were injured. Morton, Brackett and Dixie know too. Besides that, no one else know about your incident." Johnny sighed. "Ya mean Chet didn't see it?" Roy shook his head. "All he knows is that you were injured. Since he stayed at the engine, only the Cap and the ambulance attendants saw, your condition. You know they would never say anything." "How am I gonna write this up?" "You'll be creative, like the time you went on the skateboard and landed on those thorns. I heard that write up was framed in the Chief's office." Johnny wailed and then yawned. "I'm gonna go out on ya….." Johnny's voice trailed off. Roy was relieved that Johnny was doing okay. Roy wanted to rest Johnny's self-conscious fears and trusted he was able to do so. Johnny was injured on the job and that's all that matter. Considering how many strange rescues these two men witnessed, Roy had to put Johnny's mind at ease. The only lasting effect of Johnny's wound, would be his scar. Or that's what Roy thought. E!E!E!E!E!!!! Johnny returned to work one week after his accident. And much to his surprise, no jokes were made at his expense. No phantom traps with arrows, no targets placed on pillows, nothing. Johnny's second shift back at work, he was the usual last to arrive. "Mornin' mornin' mornin' gentlemen." Johnny patted each shiftmates back as he entered the kitchen. "Gage it's illegal to be so happy this early in the morning." Chet lamented. "What has got you going?" "You know that chick at the bowling place, Diane? Well she and I went out last night and had a blast." Chet was salivating. "You mean that tall blonde girl who bowls with the Queen Pins? She is so hot. Johnny, what did you do to her? Did you put something in her drink?" Johnny looked offended. "I did not put anything in her drink. Why would you ask me somethin' like that. She saw me sitting out the last game, ya know, cause of my injury and we just started talking. And well one thing led to another and we made the date." "Well, Johnny, don't get used to her. She'll dump you when she finds out her bowling average is higher than yours." Chet replied, crying into his coffee. "Chester B? Eat your heart out. She's meeting me here for breakfast tomorrow morning. And then, we're gonna do some exploring, if you know what I mean." Johnny winked. "Tomorrow? Here? And you're going to do exploring?" It took Chet a minute but he understood what Johnny meant by exploration. He heard too much and walked away, sulking. Roy had a big smile on his face seeing how happy his partner was. There didn't seem to be any ill effects from Johnny's encounter with the arrow. In fact, it boasted Johnny's self esteem. After role call, the men were assigned their tasks. Since Johnny was still recovering from his wound, he was given cooking detail. He was preparing tunafish when the phone rang. "GAGE?! It's for you." Cap yelled out. Johnny ran into the dorm to take the call. Chet was changing the linens and overhead Johnny's end of the conversation. He knew Johnny was talking with a girl. At first, he thought Johnny was talking with Diane, but realized it had to be another woman just cause Johnny called her Ronnie or Veronica. Chet couldn't hear all of the conversation but heard Johnny laughing, in the high pitched giddiness Johnny was prone too. "I better go Ronnie. Yeah, I'll see ya then. Bye." Johnny hung up the phone and started whistling. Chet was amazed. It appeared Johnny had a date with another woman. E!E!E!E!E!!!! One week later…… "Chet will you pipe down." Marco said through gritted teeth. "Marco, pal, please explain. What is Johnny doing differently? He has all of these chicks calling here and leaving messages for him. An' when he calls his answering machine, he listens for 10-15 minutes to messages. And I bet they're all chicks too." Chet shook his head. "I don't understand it. Look at this list of messages Cap left on Johnny's bed: 'Call me Johnny, anytime,' Betty 'Had too much fun last night. We've gotta do it again.' Holly "Johnny, you have to take me back to that place again, really soon!' Sage and it goes on and on. Look, there are messages from Ronnie, Jill, Amy, Sharon, Emma Lee." "Chet, put those messages down. They're not for you." Cap said as he walked into the room. In his whiney voice, Chet continued, "I don't get it Cap. What does Gage have that I don't and why aren't the chicks calling me?" Chet sat down on his bed and hid his face in his pillow. Marco looked at Stanley and they both smiled as they left the dorm. The squad returned from their run and the two men went to the bathroom to wash up. "Johnny, when do you go back to Brackett so he can check your wound?" Roy asked. Chet's ears picked up. He was always listening for ammunition to use on his pigeon. "Brackett wants to see me during our next shift. Since I tore a coupla of stitches, he's gotta make sure the wound's okay." "How did you tear those stitches again?" Roy asked and now Chet was real curious. "Well, MaRia and I were, eh, let's say talking. An' I told her about the arrow." "YOU TOLD HER?" "Well, Roy, she was eventually gonna see the damage, if you get my meaning..." Roy's looked suspicious. "Go on." "Well I started to tell her about the arrow and that it hit me, ah there. She didn't believe me and wanted to see it. So we started wrestling and I lost, so I showed her the booboo." "You lost?" "Well, Roy, I had to lose, if you catch my drift. Well she kissed it and made it better and then we….." Roy put his hands up. "Don't want to know, Johnny. We may be partners and go through plenty together, but there is a thing called too much information." "Well you wanted to know how the stitches came undone and that's kinda how." "But you're basically healing." "Oh yeah. Except for an occasional twinge from my butt, I'd never know the arrow hit me there." The two men finished their business and left the bathroom, never knowing Chet heard everything they said. BINGO - 'So that's where Gage was wounded. No wonder Cap wouldn't tell anyone of us. Johnny Gage's butt got pierced by an arrow. The pigeon is going to have so much fun with this. But how does this have anything to do with Gage's sudden popularity with the women?' E!E!E!E!E!!!! Several weeks later…… "Johnny, don't you get tired of all the dates you're going on? The kids are wondering when they're going to see their Uncle Johnny." Roy said to his partner as they were driving back from Rampart. "Roy, I'm having the time of my life. Considering my past record, these last weeks have been incredible. But you're right Roy. Getting phone calls in the middle of the night really bother me. I got this call last night from Karen at 2:00am. She wanted to come over right then and there. Can you believe that?" "What did you tell her?" "Well, I told her I had to work and there was no way she could come over. The kinda girl Karen is, well, I wouldn't be getting back to sleep too fast." Johnny looked at Roy and saw a blush settling on his face. "I gotta do something about all these girls. In fact, I told a bunch of 'em that I'm seeing one girl." "Are you? That's news to me, Junior." "Well Roy, I met this one girl at my building. My neighbors Lisa and Rob had their friend Janet visiting so we hung out at our pool. And we all started talking. The three were going out to dinner and invited me along. I said yes, then realized I had dinner plans with Gwen. So I went upstairs and canceled with Gwen and went out to dinner with them instead. Man, I had a great night. Rob and Lisa are a cute couple and their friend Janet was so much fun. And she bowls and likes to go camping." "So I guess you've seen her again….?" "Yeah, I've seen her a coupla of times." "What is about her that makes her different from all the other 'girls' you've been with." "That just it, Roy, I don't know. How did you know JoAnne was the one for you." Roy smiled as he answered, "I just knew. One day in high school, I was looking out the window and saw her walk by. She was with a coupla of her friends, talking. It was the way she walked, the way she carried herself…..I don't know Johnny. I just knew it." The squad got quiet. "Johnny, are you telling me that she's the one?" Roy looked at his partner for an answer. "She may be Roy. She just may be." E!E!E!E!E!!!! Johnny walked into the dorm to rest of a couple of minutes. They just came back from a difficult rescue. The rescue wasn't bad; it was the people. Johnny wanted to clear his mind before joining his crew. He walked over to his bed and saw a target on his bunk. An arrow was protruding from the lower left quadrant. His shoulders sagged. Someone knew about his 'accident' and must have informed Chet. "CHET!" Johnny took the target off his bed and walked toward the kitchen. "What is the meaning of this Chet?" Captain Stanley smiled, knowing Johnny's painful little secret. Roy had a difficult time controlling their laughter. Mike and Marco had no idea what the Phantom's prank involved. "Johnny, I have no idea what you mean. What are you holding in your hand? Is that a target?" The stocky Irishman hid his smile under his mustache. "Or is that you body armor?" "Chet, don't leave your toys on my bed. And don't ya know, arrows are dangerous?" "You should know Johnny, shouldn't you. Or I should say, your butt knows." Johnny's cheeks reddened, realizing Chet knew what happened. What made it worse was Johnny's realization that Chet, AKA The Phantom, was going to show no mercy. Johnny flung the target at Chet and stormed out. When he got back to his bunk, he pulled back his blanket. He couldn't believe his eyes, thousands of candy Valentine hearts littered his bed. "CHET!!!" Johnny shouted and soon found the entire A-Shift staring at his bed. Marco picked up some candies and read them. "Be Mine. Red Hot Lover. I Love You. Kiss Kiss Kiss You're the Best." Then he popped them in his mouth and ate them. "Chet was is the meaning of this?" Johnny was furious. "Well since you are dating so many women, The Phantom thought you could use some help with ideas to sweet talk them. So he blanketed your blanket with these candies." Johnny was scooping them up and handing them to Roy. "You musta bought five pounds of 'em. My sheet is going to have these pieces all over it. And it's gonna have that smell." John dumped the next batch he scooped into Chet's shirt and walked out. "Okay Chet, you had your fun. Change Johnny's bedding." Cap said. "Oh come on Cap, he hasn't read them all." Chet pleaded with a twinkle in his eye as he removed candy from his chest. "And he's not going to read them either. I want you to strip his bed and dump the candy. If that's not agreeable, then I have a mop I can introduce you two since you'll get to know it as your partner in cleaning the latrine for life!" Chet grumbled. Marco, Roy and Mike laughed and the Cap left the room to find his testy paramedic. Johnny was outside holding the basketball as the Cap approached. "John, I don't know how he found out." "That's okay Cap. It was gonna happen anyway and I guess I'll be the butt of jokes for awhile." The two men laughed at Johnny's indirect joke. "It's nothing new from Chet. He just has new ammunition to aim at me." Again the two laughed. "At least you haven't lost your sense of humor." Cap patted Johnny on his shoulder. "Maybe a year ago….no two months ago, it woulda bothered me. But something happened to me when I got shot Cap. I don't know what it is. But I noticed it with all the girls I've been with." Johnny looked up and reddened. "Before the accident none of these girls would give me the time of day and now, I can't keep them away from me." "I know John. Sometimes I think I'm your personal secretary." "Sorry Cap. It's gonna stop real soon." Johnny blushed. "How so?" "Cap, I haven't told anyone this, not even Roy. But I'm going to propose to Janet." A broad smile appeared on Stanley's face. He extended his hand. "Congratulations Pal. As a married man, all I can say is welcome to the club." Johnny grinned. "Thanks Cap. I know it may seem fast and I don't know her long, but it just feels so comfortable being with her. And she likes me for me, ya know. She doesn't care how much I earn. She's just so relaxed." "How about your chosen career, John? How does she feel about that?" Stanley asked very seriously. Johnny thought about the question before answering. "She knows what I do is dangerous, but believes if I'm happy with what I do, then she's happy. She only wants me to be true to myself. Other girls tried to put me in suits or get me a job with their daddies as a salesman. They all wanted to change me. She lets me be me." "Even better John. Well, I won't say anything to anyone. When are ya gonna propose?" "I bought the ring over the weekend. I'm gonna see her on Friday, so I'm gonna do it then." "I'm sure it'll be okay." "Thanks Cap. And once Chester B. finds out, another round of pranks will find their way to me." Johnny dribbled the ball a bit, but didn't shoot it. The tones went off and the two men sprinted toward the apparatus bay. E!E!E!E!E!!!! As Johnny predicted he proposed to Janet that weekend. The two were going camping and Johnny thought it was the appropriate time and place to do so. Her answer was yes and the couple agreed on a date six months later for their wedding. E!E!E!E!E!!!! A year after Johnny was shot with arrow, he was dressing for his wedding. Having trouble with the tuxedo's tie, Roy came over to help. Janet bought cummerbunds and ties for the groom's party. The cummerbunds were red with 51 printed in small black numbers. "I never thought I'd see the day when John Gage would marry. I knew it would happen, I just never thought I'd be around to witness it. Congratulations partner." Roy extended his hand and a huge grin was on his face. "Thanks Roy. It means plenty to hear this from you. And I thought I'd be nervous, but I'm not. I feel really comfortable about this, Roy, I really do. I mean I never even thought I'd get married given my track record. But after dating so many women, I guess I just never met the right one 'til she came around." "Are you ready to go out there Junior and go to your wedding?" A big grin appeared on his face. "Yeah, Roy. I'm ready." Roy opened the door at Johnny's house and the two men headed to Roy's car. Up in the heavens, Cupid was smiling. Go to Path1 (the alternate ending) Kajakat's note: I hope you enjoyed this story. Any errors are all mine. If you haven't read Path 1, please do so. But be forewarned that Path 1 is much different from this one. |