Moody Blues

by Icecat

Digging through the trauma box, Gage meticulously cataloged the supplies that they needed for the day. Snapping the lid shut, he packed it back in the squad, locking the compartment. Making his way to the kitchen he smiled as he spotted DeSoto on the phone. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know he was talking to his wife Joanne.

Pouring himself a cup of coffee, he sat down at the table, pretending to read the sports section of the paper when in reality he was straining to hear what his partner was talking about. Roy and Joanne's discussions always centered around mundane topics. How the kids did in school, what to bring home for dinner, the next chore on the honey-do list. He had listened to Roy's end of the conversations for so long that he could almost hear Joanne's responses and queries.

He sighed as he turned a page, staring blankly at the paper before him. Everyone always told him how lucky he was to be single. He was a free man and had no responsibilities. All he could think of was he had no one. Sure it was nice going home to the quiet of his house after a hard shift, but when he was done sleeping, there were hours spent alone. Chores done alone. Meals eaten alone.
 
Sometimes his days off seemed to stretch on forever. He found himself dying to get back to work just so he would have someone to talk to. If he was so lucky, then why did he work overtime so he would have something to do?

Running a hand through his long hair, he brushed it from his face. He knew what his problem was. He was getting old. In another year he would be thirty. Where in the heck had the years gone? It seemed like only yesterday when he had joined the paramedic program with Roy. He had been twenty-four, more of a kid than an adult. Right now he felt more like an old man.

Pushing himself up from the table, he poured his now cold coffee in the sink, watching the brown liquid go down the drain. His life was just like that coffee, disappearing before his very eyes. Rinsing the cup, he dropped it down on the counter with a resounding thud. He had to stop moping around. If he wasn't careful, Roy would notice and start badgering him, asking if something were wrong.

What would he say? Yeah Roy, something's wrong, I want what you have. That would go over well. Chet would torment him to death and everyone else would just shake their heads and tell him he was in one of his moods and he'd get over it soon enough. It wasn't a mood though. He wanted to settle down. He wanted a family. He wanted what Roy had. A wife who loved him, children that he could do things with. He had Chris and Jenny, but it wasn't enough any more. Being Uncle Johnny would never be the same as having his own child calling him dad.
 
Roy walked over to Gage noticing the distracted look on his partners face. He knew that look meant he was in for an interesting shift. Gage's deep contemplation's usually ended up being something small to everyone else, while to him they were earth shattering revelations. It would mean Gage going off on a loud argumentative tangent or even longer periods of silent brooding. Today it appeared to be one of his quiet moods which usually ended up with Gage asking for his advise in helping solve his mental anguish. It was a good thing DeSoto was a patient man or Gage would have driven him nuts.

"You ready to go to Rampart, Junior?" Staring down at the sink, Gage muttered softly, almost so soft that Roy almost didn't hear what he said.

"Yeah...I'm ready." Turning away from the sink, he brushed by Roy and walked out to the squad. Roy just shook his head and smiled slightly. Yup. This day would be pretty interesting.
 
*** 

Double checking his mental list, Gage deposited all of the supplies on the counter of the nurses' station. Talking a deep breath, he looked up at Roy and Dixie as they chatted about a new cake recipe that Joanne had made. He opened his mouth and quickly shut it. No, he wouldn't say anything in front of Dixie. She'd just give him that sympathetic doe eyed look of hers, making him feel like a ten year old. He loved her dearly, but he wasn't in the mood to have her feeling sorry for him. At least not today.

Turning away from the pair, he looked down the hall spotting several nurses that he had dated at one time or another. Each relationship had lasted for a few weeks, one of them had even made it to three months, but none of them caused his heart to race or made him feel whole. They were distractions. Someone to spend some time with until the small things that they did began to irritate the hell out of him.

"Johnny?"

"Huh?" He was just about to turn back to Roy when he saw her. A small figure in a white coat appeared down the hall. She stood for a second talking to one of the nurses. Long blond hair tied back in a braid, wire rim glasses. She was cute as a button. Then just as suddenly as she appeared, she walked away and out of sight. She wasn't a nurse and he hadn't ever seen her at the hospital before.
 
"Junior."

His voice was a bit whiny as he turned to Roy and gave him an irritated look. "What?"

Roy leaned forward a bit. "I 'said', are you ready to head on out?"

"Oh...yeah. Sure." He turned away from Roy and then he turned back to look at Dixie, giving her a puzzled look as he made a motioning gesture down the hall. "Who was that?" Roy covered a smile. Gage was on the hunt again. Even a bad mood couldn't stop the man's hormones from taking over.

Dixie batted her eyes innocently. "Who do you mean Johnny?"

"That woman...the one with the braid...she wasn't a nurse."

Dixie smiled as she picked up a chart. "Oh her. That's Julie. Doctor Julie Sommers." Looking back down the hall, Gage's expression was one of resignation. If he couldn't get anywhere with a nurse, he wouldn't stand a chance with a doctor. Dixie kept talking, not noticing Gage's reaction. "Julie's the new head of pediatrics. You'll like her. From what I've heard, she likes to hike and she 'bowls'."

Gage was oblivious to every word she said. 'Geez. She's a doctor.'

Turning back to them, he grabbed the supplies from the counter and walked away without even saying goodbye. Roy shrugged his shoulders giving Dixie an apologetic look. "He's been like this all morning."

Dixie tapped a pen on the chart in her hand and smiled. "Give him a few minutes and he'll think about what I said." Roy chuckled knowingly as he said goodbye and followed Gage down the hall and out of the hospital.

*** 

Roy glanced to his right a few times as he drove the squad back to the station.  Gage hadn't said one word. All he did was stare out the passenger side window. Occasionally it looked like he was about to say something, but he never did. When they reached the station, Gage hopped out of the squad and went about his duties, never breaking his silence.

Later in the evening when they sat side by side at the dinner table, Roy watched him poke listlessly at his food. This was definitely a bad sign because if there was one thing his partner was famous for, it was his never ending appetite. Just as Roy opened his mouth to finally ask him what was wrong, Chet beat him to it...in his own unique way.

"Hey John, are you going to eat that or what?" Gage glanced up at Chet, his expression blank, then he looked back down at the plate before pushing it away. Without saying a word, he got up and left the room. Chet looked at Roy with an irritated expression on his face.

"Man, what is wrong with him? He's had a bug up his ass all day." Cap stopped eating in mid-chew shooting Chet a meaningful look, then he turned his gaze on Roy waiting for an answer. The rest of the men at the table followed suit.

Roy shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know what's wrong with him."

Chet smiled. "I bet you five bucks he's been dumped again. He always mopes when he's been dumped."

Marco nodded his head in agreement, then frowned. "It could be, but usually he won't shut up about it when it happens. We get to hear ever detail about how he's been wronged." Mike just sat quietly looking at everyone.

Cap shook his head yes. "It still could be that. How about it Roy, has John been seeing anyone?"

Scratching absently at his chin, Roy frowned. "It's not that Cap, he hasn't been seeing anyone...at least that I know of."

Chet snickered. "There you go. He's 'frustrated' then."

Cap winced. "That's enough Chet."

"But Cap, I didn't say it. You know how he gets when he hasn't..."

"I said 'enough' Kelly."

Chet smiled and winked at Roy. "Bet you." Cap stared hard at Chet, who gave him a questioning look. "What?"

"You have latrine duty for the rest of the week."

"Aw come on Cap!"

"Do you want to go for two weeks?" Chet clamped his mouth shut, but he shot Roy another smug smirk.

Marco picked up a roll and dipped it in the spaghetti sauce on his plate. "Don't you think you should ask him what's wrong?"

Roy shook his head no. "I was going to, but I think I should wait until he's ready to talk, then he'll tell me."

Chet snorted. "He's waiting for you to go and ask him so he can go off on a rant. Come on Roy, go get it over with so the rest of us don't have to suffer."

Roy gave Chet a confused look, his voice rising a little as he spoke. "Suffer? Chet, he hasn't said a word all day. How's that making anyone suffer?"

"I don't know...it's just getting on my nerves that's all." He motioned at the rest of the men. "Come on guys, you have agree with me on this. Isn't Gage getting on your nerves?"

Stoker gave Roy a guilty look, while both Marco and Cap nodded their heads reluctantly yes. Roy pushed away from the table in irritation and stood up. "Fine! I'll go and ask him. If he doesn't shut up for the rest of the night, then don't blame me."

Before any of them had the chance to stop him, Roy walked out of the kitchen. Now all the eyes turned to Chet. "What?"

Marco frowned. "I swear Kelly, if he keeps me awake all night..."

"Come on! You all agreed John's been getting on your nerves. It's not my fault." Stabbing a meatball, Chet smiled. "Besides...I can't wait to find out which nurse dumped him this time."
 
***

Walking into the locker room, Roy found it empty. Going into the bay, he didn't find Gage there either. Making his way around the station, he finally spotted him sitting on the hood of his Rover. Walking over to him, Roy stood by the front bumper, feeling uneasy. What was he going to ask him that wouldn't set him off? He settled on being direct. It would save them both a lot of aggravation.

"Uh...Johnny...you want to tell me what's bothering you?" That was about as safe and direct as he could make it. He didn't go directly to the 'who was the woman this time' question and it was guaranteed to get an answer.

Gage didn't even look at him, his answer bland. "No."

Well, it wasn't a good question after all. Sighing, Roy knew he'd have to be a busy body. "Can I sit down?" Gage shrugged his shoulders, still staring off into space.

Climbing up on the bumper, Roy settled next to his friend feeling more uncomfortable by the second. They sat silently next to one another with Gage staring off into the distance. Roy tried to see what he was looking at, but he finally realized that his friend was zoning. Running his hands nervously over his thighs, he decided to probe further. The silence was unnerving considering how talkative Gage usually was.

"You know Johnny, if you talk about things that are bothering you, you'll feel better." Gage looked over at him, opened his mouth and closed it before running a hand through his hair. Hopping off of the Rover, he looked down at the ground before kicking a small rock.

Looking back up at Roy, he seemed uneasy. "Roy...have you ever felt like just giving up?"

Roy was stunned. His heart began racing. It was worse than he thought. "On life?"

Gage looked at him clearly confused, then mortified. "No! On women!"

Roy sagged with relief. Women problems and Gage went hand in hand. This was something he could deal with. He relaxed even more, when Gage began pacing back and forth.

"I'm tired of everything!" He threw his hands up in disgust. "The games, the dates...trying to find someone who I like. It's gettin' on my nerves Roy! You don't know how lucky you are." Roy started to smile and was shot a cold look that made his smile disappear. Crossing his arms, Gage looked him in the eye, his voice sounding almost accusatory.

"Tomorrow when you go home, what're you gonna do?"

"Uh...I guess go to bed."

Gage rolled his eyes, his voice now turning snide. "After that."

Roy didn't know where this conversation was going. "Well...Joanne wanted me and the kids to go over and see her mom."

"And?"

"We'd come home after that."

"What then?" Roy was now beginning to get irritated by the twenty questions routine.

"I don't know! Maybe Joanne'll make dinner if we don't stay too long at her mom's and the kids will swim in the pool. We'll just relax."

"Uh huh." Gage placed a hand on his chest. "You know what I'm gonna do tomorrow?"

"No."

"Sleep."

"What about after you get up?"

Gage shrugged his shoulders. "That's the problem Roy, I have no one to do anything with. Do you know what it's like to be alone 'all' the time?" He waited for Roy to respond even though he already knew the answer.

"Well...I have Joanne and the kids..."

Gage cut him off, his hand punctuating the air. "Exactly! You have no idea what I'm talking about."

Roy shifted his position on the bumper. "I thought you liked being single?"

Gage leaned back on the fender, crossing his arms. "I use to like it. Sometimes I still do, but I don't like being alone 'every' single day." They sat in silence for a few minutes before Roy spoke again.

"What about that new doctor in pediatrics?"

Gage rolled his eyes and pushed away from the Rover, his voice sarcastic. "Yeah, right." He began walking back to the station. Roy stared at his retreating figure, feeling confused again.

Hopping off of the Rover, he caught up with him. "Johnny..." Gage ignored him and walked into the kitchen making a beeline for the coffee pot. Roy followed him. "What's wrong with asking her out?"

Gage made an irritated face as he poured himself a cup of coffee. "She a doctor, Roy."

Chet looked over at them from where he and the rest of the men were still eating dinner, his tone smug. "I told you it was about a woman."

Gage slammed the mug in his hand down on the counter spilling the coffee on himself. Shaking his scalded hand he yelled. "Shut up Chet!" He stomped out of the kitchen, leaving everyone staring at Chet.

"What?" Cap pointed his fork at him. "Two weeks latrine duty Kelly."

"Aw come on Cap, I was right!" He turned pleading eyes on Roy. "I'm right aren't I? Gage got dumped again."

Roy shook his head no. Chet was adamant. "Well, I'm still right anyway, it has to do with a woman."

Cap looked at the door and then at Roy. "Aren't you going to go and finish talking to him?"

"No, I think I'll leave him alone for a while."

Marco nodded in agreement. "I think that's a good idea. He didn't look too happy." Chet raised his hands in exasperation.

"Guys...it's Gage. Either he's happy as hell or he walks around in a deep funk. What's the big deal?"

Marco picked his plate up and rinsed it off in the sink. "You have no heart Chet."

Mike stood up and shook his head, giving Chet a sad look. "Aw, not you too Mike. Are you going to let Gage suck you in too?"

Roy sat down at the table and poked at his now cold dinner. His voice was tired. "Just leave him alone Chet."

Chet smiled as he stood and took his plate to the sink. "Sure thing Roy. I just hope the Phantom doesn't make an appearance." Roy looked up at Chet and then at Cap, his expression panicky.

Cap looked pointedly at Chet. "Tell the Phantom, that if he does anything, you'll be pulling a third week of latrine duty."

Chet finally gave up. "Oh okay. Man, you guys baby him way too much."
 
*** 
 
Gage stared at the ceiling as he lay in his bunk, absently rubbing at the small burn on his hand. Listening to the soft snores of the men around him, he blew out a long breath and shifted to lay on his side so that he now looked at Roy in the bunk opposite him. His partner was asleep, his arms lay across his chest and stomach. He felt a pang of guilt run through him as he watched his friend sleeping so peacefully. He shouldn't have been so snippy earlier. Roy had only been trying to help him, just like he always did. It wasn't Roy's fault that he had a better life than he did.

Sighing softly, Gage sat up and silently slid his legs into his pants. Standing, he pulled the suspenders over his shoulders as he quietly made his way out of the room. Walking into the kitchen, he turned the television on, moving the screen so that it faced the small sofa against the wall. Walking over to the sofa, he picked Henry up and flopped down, pulling the dog into his lap. Leaning his head back, he idly scratched behind Henry's ears as the dog snuggled against him. He found himself smiling as the dog relaxed.

"Ya know Henry, maybe I'll ask that doctor out. It's not like I haven't been shot down before." His smile grew bigger. "Dixie did say she likes to bowl. That means she can't be all that bad." Getting no response from Henry, he continued to pet the dog as he stared aimlessly at the old movie that flickered across the screen. It didn't take long for his hand to slip down to his side. His head fell back and his body slouched down as the days events finally caught up with him. Within seconds he was sound asleep.
 
*** 
 
Roy yawned and stretched as he woke up. Peeling his eyes open, he wasn't surprised to find the bunk next to him empty. When Gage was wound up or upset, he never slept very well. Pulling his pants on, he quietly made his way out of the room and into the kitchen. He smiled as he spied Gage asleep on the sofa with Henry on his lap.

Looking at his watch, he decided to wake him. The alarm would be going off in a few minutes anyway and he wanted to have some time alone to talk with his partner. The moment he turned the television off, Gage began stirring. As he rubbed at his eyes and yawned, Roy couldn't help but compare him to his son, Chris. For a grown man, he had a remarkable penchant of looking like a little kid at times.

Gage slowly sat up, looking around he appeared disoriented. "Mornin' Junior."

Blurry eyes regarded him. "Huh...oh...mornin' Roy." Yawning again, he ran a hand through his hair as he looked down at the still snoozing dog in his lap. Rubbing Henry behind the ears, he picked the limp dog up and set him aside.

Standing, he shuffled slowly over to the counter and began preparing the morning pot of coffee. Roy took out a skillet and dug through the refrigerator looking for eggs. Depositing everything on the counter, he began making breakfast. The morning alarm tone went off and Gage winced as he stick a finger in his ear. "Man, I hate that thing."

"Me too." Stirring the eggs, Roy smiled. "We're lucky though. We didn't get a call all night."

Yawning, Gage turned to Roy and then looked down at the floor, then he looked back up at him. Rubbing absently at the back of his neck, he exhaled loudly. "Ya know Roy, I'm sorry about yesterday. It's just...well you know...I'm sorry."

Roy smiled at him. "It's okay. I didn't mind."

Gage cleared his throat and looked sheepish. "Well...thanks...for listening to me."

"Anytime Junior." As the rest of the crew filtered in, Roy could tell that Gage was relaxed. He was back to his normal self again. Well, as normal as could be expected for being John Gage.