Author's note: This story is the follow up on -Changes-, written by Icecat. You need to read that story first for this one to make sense. The Mike and Johnny Conspiracy by Gabbie Even the next morning the normally easy-going engineer was still steamed at the public humiliation he'd suffered at Chet Kelly's hand.  Murderous thoughts ran through his mind, in his opinion nothing short of slow torture could avenge the horrible moments he had suffered, thanks to Chet. Remembering the night before made him blush all over again. There he was, standing in the Ladies' Room, with his zipper open, wondering where the urinals had gone, when this woman came out of the stall and freaked out on him. Just as he and Johnny re-entered the bar, another woman inadvertently walked into the Men's room. Her plight alerted all patrons to the switched signs, thereby publicly absolving Mike of any and all wrongdoing, but it was still not enough. Mike wanted Chet to suffer, and suffer mightily. Breathing in deeply he rose from his kitchen table. He was going to attack the weeds in his backyard, taking his frustrations out on them; at least he'd be doing something productive with his anger. A grin spread over Mike's face when he thought of the rather large, very disgruntled boyfriend of the poor woman who'd innocently walked into the wrong bathroom. The man's loud voice carried all through the bar when he proclaimed that he'd 'get the clown who did that to his woman'. Later on, when Mike walked to the bar to get a bag of chips that same dude stopped him and asked the time. Seeing Chet twitch at the sight of that, Mike prolonged the conversation by making a few remarks about UCLA and their football team. Walking back to the table, he gave Chet the most evil grin he could muster, enjoying the fireman's very uncomfortable squirming and shifting. 'Oh, just you wait Chet; you ain't seen nothing yet'. The ringing telephone claimed his attention. "Hello" "Hi Mike, its Johnny, how are you?" "Fine, what's up?" "Come over to my house for lunch, I think we have things to talk about." "Okay, what time?" "Be here around 12:30, see ya then." "I'll be there, see ya later." ### It was 7:45 on a gorgeous morning when Johnny pulled his Land Rover into the station's parking lot. Shift was starting in fifteen minutes, he made good time. Whistling softly he climbed out of his vehicle. Seeing Chet's VW Bus pull in, he waited for the fireman. "Morning Chet, did you have a good time off?" Johnny grinned from one ear halfway to the other. "Not bad, not bad." Chet gave a carefree appearance, but inside was turmoil. He'd meet Mike in a few minutes and the thought gave him unpleasant moments. Maybe changing the signs hadn't been such a good idea after all; Mike was definitely the wrong man to play a joke on. He swallowed when he remembered the smiling stare the engineer fixed on him for the remainder of the evening. The pitying looks the rest of the crew gave him did nothing to alleviate his rising sense of doom. "Yeah well, just remind me not to stand too close to you in the next few hundred years. Man, Mike was really p'oed, wasn't he?" Johnny patted Chet on the back. "I'm not worried, what can he do?  He's always calm and quiet, I don't think he can come up with any pranks at all." Chet tried to reassure himself. Johnny shook his dark head. "That's not what I heard. I talked to Landes and Piner at 45's a few weeks ago. They went through the academy with Mike, you know." Johnny glanced at Chet. "A guy named Camron thought that Mike would make a good pigeon and pulled some pranks on him. Piner said the retaliation was fierce and ingenious, Mike got his revenge and then some." Johnny shook his head again. "The long and the short of it is, that Camron still starts shaking in his boots, even to this day, when he spots Mike. Man, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes for a million dollars." Johnny reached for the door. "It's the quiet one's that are the most dangerous, you gotta watch out for the quiet ones." Chet walked through the door Johnny held open for him, never seeing the satisfied smirk that crossed the paramedic's face. Walking into the locker room, Chet greeted his fellow fire fighters. The looks he received were pitying in various degrees, except for Mike…. Chet glanced at his engineer and a bad feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. Mike's grin was tight, his blue eyes ice cold. Trying to salvage the salvageable and to soften his impending fate, Chet walked to his engineer with an outstretched hand. "Hey Mike, no hard feelings, okay?" Mike overlooked the hand and clapped Chet on the shoulder. "Don't worry Chet, everything's' gonna be okay, I'm gonna be fine, just fine." The grin never wavered; the eyes never warmed up. After roll call, the men assembled in the kitchen. Standing around the counter filling their coffee cups and exchanging banter, they all scattered when Chet walked up and reached for the cupboard, putting a safe distance between themselves and the marked man. Chet hesitated and glanced at Mike, who was standing on the far end of the counter. The engineer's arms were folded and a small smile danced around his lips. Chet cleared his throat, casually walked to the table and sat down. He turned to his friends. "Ahh, Johnny, do me a favor, will ya? Could you get me a cup of coffee? " Johnny, leaning against the doorjamb, shook his head. "No way man, fight your own battles. I'm staying right here where it's safe, I don't wanna get caught in the fall-out." "Aww man, come on, why…" Chet stopped when his captain entered the room and clamped his mouth shut. "What's going on in here?" Hank looked at his men in puzzlement. "I could hear your whining all the way to my office, what's up with that Chester B.?" "All I wanted was a cup of coffee, cap." Chet looked innocently at Hank. "Well, why didn't you get one then?" Hank was losing patience with his in-house prankster. He held his hands up when Chet opened his mouth. "Nevermind, nevermind, I'll get you one, if that'll shut you up." Hank reached for the cupboard as Chet turned to Mike with a smirk on his face. Now Mike would get it, his goose was cooked. Mike straightened up, but made no other move, surprising the fireman. Chet watched as Hank opened the cupboard took out two cups and filled them. To his eternal surprise nothing at all happened. Hank walked to the table handing Chet a cup. "Satisfied? Is there anything else we can do for you? Honestly Chet, what's gotten in…." Hank stopped short; understanding dawned in his eyes. "Oh yeah, I get it." He chuckled softly. "It's Mike's turn now, isn't it?" He looked at Chet, shaking his head. "You talked to the two guys at 45's yet?" Still chuckling, Hank walked out of the kitchen. "Come on Chet, we're supposed to hang hose, remember?" Mike motioned to the fireman. "You climb up and I'll hand you the hoses, come on let's get to it." The cold, tight smile was back on the engineer's face, making the hair on Chet's neck stand up. Chet rose and halted. Mike wouldn't do anything dangerous would he? On the other hand Mike had been very angry. As a matter of fact, Chet never seen his engineer so angry in all the years they'd been working together. He wouldn't put it past Mike to try and do something drastic to really get him, better not take any chances. "Johnny? Johnny, how about we switch chores? I'll do the latrine and you go with Mike huh?" Chet smiled nonchalantly at the paramedic. "Call it an early birthday present, I just feel generous today." He looked at Mike who stood staring at him with a frown on his face. "Well, that's mighty kind of you Chester B., what brought that on?" Johnny knew very well what brought that on, but he couldn't resist baiting Chet. The shoe was on the other foot for a change and Johnny felt great. "I feel a cold coming on, I don't want to make it worse," Chet lied. "I better stay inside for a spell and see what happens." Catching the double meaning of his words, the fireman corrected himself. "I mean, see if it gets any worse you know." He faked a little cough and cleared his throat. "All right, we wouldn't want you to get sick and have to stay home now, do we? Sure, I hang hose with Mike, no problem." Johnny's face was devoid of any expression as he fought for control over the laughter that threatened to bubble up. With a satisfied nod Chet strolled out of the kitchen, never realizing that he just handed himself the shorter end of the stick. He'd banished himself to soapy water, scrubbing and the solitary confinement of the latrine, giving Johnny the hoses and the opportunity to work outside in the beautiful sunshine with his crewmates for company. During the day, Chet's skittishness increased a thousand fold. Suspecting traps and ambushes around every corner, the Irishman was becoming more and more paranoid. Every time he turned around, there was Mike, grinning that tight grin of his, making cold shivers run up his spine. The only time he felt safe was on runs. Mike would never do anything during those; he was far to good an engineer, a true professional. Unfortunately, the runs for the engine were few and far between on this day. The squad was called out twice as often, making Chet grind his teeth in frustration. He was on the way to the latrine on urgent business, when Mike sauntered out, spotted Chet and gave him a quick, terse grin. Chet swallowed and stood rooted to his spot. The look Mike had given him was, in his mind, beyond evil and he was thinking furiously. He really had to go badly, but what if Mike sabotaged the john? Chet shook his head. No, impossible, how could Mike have known that it was him that needed to go? On the other hand…. The urge to relieve himself was almost overwhelming; Chet crossed his legs and clamped them together in desperate fashion as he debated with himself. Roy walked out of the office and spied Chet, playing 'Statue with Crossed Legs'.  What was going on now? Determined to find out, Roy walked up to the fireman. "Chet…." Roy was totally and utterly startled at Chet's reaction. With a holler Chet turned around, jumping two feet in the air. His hands were held up as if to ward off an attack, his breath came in a short, fast rhythm. "DAMN IT ROY, " Chet lowered his voice with an effort. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" With that he turned and stormed into the locker room, leaving a thoroughly shocked paramedic in his wake. Roy stared after Chet's retreating figure, his mouth hung open. He quickly recovered. "Where are you going Chet?" "Change my pants, that's where," came the angry reply, explaining nothing to the now very curious Roy. The sound of laughter diverted his attention to the kitchen. Mike and Johnny were standing in the doorway, doubled up with mirth. "Oh I get it, this is your handiwork, isn't it Mike? Man, remind me never to make you mad at me, you're a menace." Roy shook his head in disbelief, who knew that Mike had it in him? The afternoon went on in similar fashion as Chet's paranoia mounted. They were sitting in the kitchen taking a break. Mike was busy making coffee, when the doorbell rang. "Get that Chet, will ya? I'm kinda busy right now." Mike nodded at the fireman. "Okay." Chet walked to the door, opened it, and came face to face with two nuns. "Hello young man, were Sisters Mary Robert and Mary Catherine. We're from the church down the street. We see you working so hard day after day, so we thought we'd give you a token of our appreciation." With that one of the nuns held out a box. "We baked you all some cookies, we hope you enjoy them." The nuns smiled at the fireman. Chet, in turn, smirked at the two nuns. Of course, that's why Mike wanted him to answer the door.  "Oh no you don't. I know exactly what you're trying to do and it's not gonna work." Chet's smirk increased, alarming the two women. They drew back in unison, staring at the fireman. "You just keep your poisoned offerings, and tell Mike that it was a nice try." Chet reached up to push the box away from him, when a hand caught his arm. "What are you doing Chet?" Marco's voice was a hiss as he drew the startled man back and planted himself in front of the Sisters. "Hello, I'm Marco Lopez. Don't mind him, he's not himself today, overwork you know." He smiled and reached out for the box. "Thank you so much Sisters, we appreciate it. It's nice to know that the people in the neighborhood care." He gave the two nuns a great big smile and bowed to them, hoping to undo the damage Chet's paranoia had inflicted on the poor women. "He said our cookies are poisoned", Sister Mary Catherine was shocked. "Maybe your friend should see a doctor?" "Yes of course, you're right Sister." Marco nodded in agreement. "Please forgive him, he's usually quite a nice guy." The nuns nodded, they would forgive. After all, they were in the forgiveness business. With a last smile at Marco they left. Marco closed the door and whirled to Chet. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Insulting nuns, really…." Marco shook his head and propelled Chet toward the kitchen. "Man, in our business it doesn't do to make the Big Guy mad, don't you know that?" With a last shove Marco pushed Chet trough the kitchen door and deposited the box on the table. "What was that all about?" Johnny questioned. They heard some of the commotion, but couldn't understand the words. "Chet here just scared the daylights out of two nuns and accused them of trying to poison him." Marco said by way of an explanation and got a cup of coffee. "Oh yeah, I bet they weren't even nuns." Chet turned to Mike. "Good try, where did your friends get the nun costumes. I'm not gonna fall for that old ruse." "I don't know what you're talking about, but keep away from me on our next call. Only you Chet, only you." Mike shook his head.  "Making the Big Chief mad is just about your style." Mike smirked at the fireman. "Really? Well then," Chet shoved the box at Mike, "go ahead, try some, I'm sure they are delicious." Mike's smirk intensified. He accepted a cup of coffee from Marco and reached for the box. He opened it and looked at the mouth-watering offerings it held. Taking a chocolate chip cookie he took a big bite, savoring the taste. "Wonderful, go ahead guys they're great." Mike watched as everybody took a cookie, everybody but Chet that is. Giving the fireman a nasty smile, Mike finished off his cookie and reached for another. "Chet, you're losing it." Roy enjoyed his sugar cookie. "Pull yourself together man, and accept the inevitable." "No way Roy, I'm cool, calm and collected and tarp as a shack." Chet argued. "Tarp as a shack?" A giggle rose in Johnny. "Don't you mean 'Sharp as a Tack'?" The giggle turned into outright laughter. Chet glared at the paramedic and opened his mouth to say more, but Hank's arrival forestalled that. "I just had a very strange phone call from the priest of the church on the next block." Hank raked his fingers through his hair. "He asked about you Chet, he wanted to know if you had a good doctor, because a friend of his would be willing to help you out." Hank put his hands on the back of a chair. "Somebody better explain, you wouldn't want to make your captain mad, now would you?" After the laughter subsided, Marco explained the poor nuns' ordeal. Hank shook his head and frowned. "Chet, go and sweep the bay." Pouting, the stocky fireman went through the door, to do as he was bid. After Chet was gone, Hank turned to the rest of his men. He fastened his eyes on Mike. "Mike, have mercy on him, he's turning into a basket case. Do what you have to do and put him out of our misery." Mike gave a short laugh. "We're only on a 24 hour shift. By tomorrow morning it'll be over." He grinned at his captain. "He knows he's safe on runs, don't worry about anything. After what he did to me, he deserves the royal treatment, don't you agree?" Mike stood up and went to the fridge. "Cap, what if it had been you who walked into the Ladies' room?" Hank sighed, Mike was right. "Okay, just keep an eye on him. Being paranoid is one thing, scaring two nuns is something else." Mike nodded, finished checking the fridge for the supplies he needed to cook dinner and headed for his engine. The others followed suit and deployed to their various duties. Chet was in the bay sulking. He swept the floor in angry strokes, muttering to himself. Marco couldn't resist. "So, now you're talking to yourself? Man, Roy is right, you are losing it. Why don't you just crawl to Mike and beg his forgiveness?" "Me? Crawl? That'll be a hot day in July!" Chet attacked the floor with new vigor. "What?" Marco started laughing. "Chet old friend, all the days in July are hot, good golly Miss Molly, by the end of shift we're gonna have to scrape you off the floor." "Huh?" Chet stared at his friend. "Oh man, I meant cold day in July, jeez Marco, that was just a slip of the tongue." "Yeah right, I forgot, you're as tarp as a shack." Grinning Marco made his way to the engine to help Mike. "Ha, ha, very funny Marco, very funny." Chet scowled after Marco's retreating back. ### "DINNER, come and get it!" Mike stuck his head into the apparatus bay to summon his friends to the kitchen. He made his famous chicken and was just loading the plates when everybody rushed in and seated themselves around the table. Mike commenced handing out the full plates. Turning to Chet he grinned. "Here Chet, here's your dinner." "Thanks Mike." Chet started to dig in, but froze before his fork reached his mashed potatoes. "Hrmph, Mike?" Chet looked at the engineer, seated to his right. "What?" Mike was just about to eat, but stopped and looked at Chet. Chet grabbed Mike's plate and replaced it with his. "If you don't mind, I just feel like changing plates. You eat my portion and I eat yours." The fireman leered at Mike, certain that the engineer would be caught in his own trap. Mike returned Chet's smirk, an impish light danced in his eyes. "No problem Chet, as a matter of fact that was to be expected, wasn't it?" "Oh, so that's how it is." Chet switched plates again. "On the other hand, why don't we stick with the original plan?" "Sure, as you wish." Mike's eyes held an abundance of mirth, not unnoticed by Chet. "I see, I get it, I get it!" Chet smiled triumphantly at Mike. "You figured I would insist on switching plates, that's why you're so calm. In reality your food's all right, you just thought I wouldn't figure out the double switch. Well, you're gonna be disappointed pal, let's just switch again." "All right, but make up your mind, my food's getting cold, and I'm hungry." Mike's face betrayed nothing. The other men followed the exchange with astonishment that turned into amusement. Johnny started giggling again, trying hard to hold back the roaring laughter that tickled his throat. Roy and Marco exchanged glances and chortled. Hank rubbed his nose to hide his grin. "Chet, that's enough. The plates stay where they are, let Mike eat his dinner for goodness sake!" "But Caaap…." The Chet whine was in full force. "But nothing, eat, that's an order!" Hank glared at his hose jockey. "Yeah Chet, go ahead, eat." Mike said in a soft voice and grinned at Chet, while he started digging in. The now thoroughly discombobulated Chet rose and faced his captain. "Cap, I'm not really all that hungry. Can I go and watch TV for a little while?" "Kelly… aww heck, all right," Hank knew Chet wouldn't touch his food with a ten foot pole, so he gave in. He watched as Chet walked to the couch and sat down. Turning, he looked at Mike with raised eyebrows. Mike smiled and shrugged. There was nothing wrong with either plate, but Chet would never believe that now. There was nothing he could do about it even if he wanted to. All evening long Chet jumped at the slightest noise, and tried to read Mike's expression without success. Any suggestion Mike made was thoroughly analyzed by Chet, searching for hidden traps. He neither sat down, nor took anything in his hands unless he checked it out first, not once, not twice, but three times. When Chet asked Marco to escort him to the weight-room, Hank had enough. "Okay, that's it. Everybody to their bunks, let's get this shift over with so Chet can recover his sanity." After lights out, Mike laid in his bunk a satisfied smile on his face. Suddenly he opened his eyes. What was that? Listening closer, he suddenly realized it was Chet's stomach, growling up a storm. Stuffing the edge of his pillow in his mouth to smother his laughter he listened to the volleys of coughing in the dorm. Everybody heard Chet's stomach's protestations and tried not to laugh out loud. Mike drifted off to sleep, only to be awakened by movement behind the wall that separated his bunk from Chet's. As his eyes got accustomed to the darkness he made out the form of the fire fighter, trying to quietly make his way into the kitchen. "Where are you going Chet, can't you sleep?" Mike's voice was smooth, but Chet started violently nevertheless. "Uhm…ah…I was just going into the kitchen, get a little snack, you know." Chet silently cursed his luck. Why did it have to be his Nemesis who woke up and heard him, why? "Of course, I figured you would do just that." Mike leaned on his elbow, his teeth showed white in the darkness indicating the wide grin on his face. "You didn't have any dinner at all, you must be starved." Chet hesitated then turned to the latrine. "On the other hand, I'll just go to the john, I'm not that hungry after all." "Oh, is it that time already?" Mike was having oodles of fun. "What do you mean by that?" Chet was totally confused. "Well, you go every night at the same time, don't you? I could set my watch to it." Mike had a hard time keeping the laughter out of his voice. "Ahh… well…."Chet turned this way and that, from the bay door to the latrine door and back, unable to come to a decision. "Chet, you're gonna get yourself all dizzy, what are you doing, trying to learn the pirouette?" Mike bit his tongue to keep from busting up. "Go to the john and do your business, you wouldn't want to wet your bed do you?" Chet glared at Mike and suddenly realized that the engineer couldn't see it. Cursing softly he pushed through the door and went into the apparatus bay. Mike buried his face into his pillow to stifle his laughter. "Mike, you are truly evil." Marco laughed softly and was joined by Johnny's giggle and Roy's chortle. Even Hank had to grin. Meanwhile Chet stood on the cold floor of the bay, trying to come to a decision. He really had to go, but he wouldn't use the latrine, no sir, he wouldn't give Mike the satisfaction. Making up his mind he slipped through the door into the back lot and went to the shed. Sighing he started to relieve himself. Suddenly something furry ran over his bare feet. Screaming he jumped back in mid-stream. While trying to get his bearings, the floodlights came on and his crewmates scrambled out the door and into the lot, alarmed by Chet's panicked scream. There was Chet, in all his glory. Further over to the right sat a possum with and indignant look on its face and wet streaks down its back. Giving the exposed fireman a last outraged glare, the animal turned and ran out of the lot. The laughter echoed all through the station. Johnny had to be supported by Roy; he was laughing so hard, his knees buckled. Tears were streaming down Marco's face; Mike was bent over because his stomach hurt from laughing so hard. Even Hank gave into the urge and was laughing out loud. The picture was just too funny; you'd have to be made out of stone to stay stoic. After regaining his composure, Hank restored some degree of order and sent his men to bed. Giggles were heard for a while before the guys finally drifted off to sleep. Hank shook his head. He'd never known how truly dangerous his second in command was, holy cow, he even felt a little sorry for Chet. The Irishman was no match for Mike, he was bush-league to Mike's big-league superiority. The men were happily ensconced in slumberland, all but Chet. He tossed and turned, but sleep wouldn't come. He was certain, that the minute he drifted off, Mike would spring into action. He listened to every noise, the creaking of the bunks, the traffic, and the normal noises of the night. When the tones sounded the men rose and slipped into their bunker pants. Johnny turned around to wake Chet and was startled by the man's look. Chet hadn't slept a wink; his eyes were puffy with purple smudges underneath. He looked worn and exhausted. Johnny shook his head; Mike really did a number on Chet. He doubted that Chet would ever play a joke on their engineer again. After tending to morning business, the firemen went into the kitchen to enjoy their first cup of coffee. B-shift started to straggle in, joining them. Tony Bergner, B-shifts engineer looked up when Chet entered the kitchen and let out a slow whistle. "Good grief Chet, what the hell happened to you, you look like shit!" "Yeah well, I had a rough night. Stoker threatened to get me, but he didn't." Chet turned to Mike a self-satisfied grin on his face. "You failed Mike, you tried, but you didn't get me." "WHAT?" Johnny grinned at Chet and turned to the assembled men. "Mike got him, and he got him good." He turned to Chet. "You were a basket case, nervous as a cat all day and all night. You checked everything before even touching it; you didn't even dare to use the john. You didn't eat dinner or get a snack later because you were afraid of what Mike might do. You scared the living crap outta two innocent nuns, convincing them that you're sick in the head. You volunteered for latrine duty, and when Roy came up behind you, you were so scared you peed in your pants. I bet you didn't sleep a wink all night.  I'd say he got you, he got you and a half. No wonder Camron is still scared witless of Mike." The dark haired man's grin widened, it had been a wonderful day for Johnny Gage. The phantom was utterly and thoroughly defeated. "Yeah," Marco put in, "let's not forget the poor possum." That elicited new fits of laughter from A-shift, really that one was too priceless, the crown jewel of the day. C-shifts men wanted to be filled in and their colleagues complied. Their combined laughter echoed through the station as each man from B-shift pictured Chet and the possum. "That doesn't mean he got me…." Chet tried to plead his case, but was interrupted by Mike. "I didn't get you? That's a shame, but there's another shift yet to come." Mike grinned at the paling Chet. "I'll see you in 24 hours Chet, maybe I can come up with something by then." Chet swayed and closed his eyes. No, oh God no, he couldn't go through another shift like that. He was beaten, and he knew it. Marco was right, time to crawl, the phantom met his match and then some. He put his cup on the table and slowly turned to Mike. Taking two steps forward he faced his engineer, and to the surprise of everyone sank to his knees. "Uncle, uncle." Chet raised his hands in a gesture of defeat and surrender. "The phantom accepts defeat, please forgive me, I'll never ever play a prank on you again. I surrender to the superior mind, forgive me Mike." "Superior mind is right. Man, Mike really did a number on Chet, totally psyched him out." Marco mumbled to Ray Monk one of C-shifts paramedics. Mike grabbed Chet by the shoulders and raised him up. "Okay Chet, apology accepted, truce." He held out his hand and Chet gladly shook it. "Truce." Chet grinned at Mike, then yawned, he needed to go to sleep, he was exhausted. "Wow, the phantom defeated, I thought I'd never see the day." Tony looked at Mike. "Tell me Mike, what did you do?" "What did he do?" Johnny grinned at his friends. "I'll tell you what Mike did…" He paused and turned to Mike, grinning at his co-conspirator. "What Mike did was… ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!" The end return to main menu