Lost and Found
By Linda

Wednesday, April 3rd

Sarah walked out into the bright California sun, but didn't notice.  The emotional upheaval she was experiencing left her oblivious to the rest of the world. Sarah wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. Who the hell needs them anyway?  I knew it wouldn't last. I set myself up for this.  I've always been the throwaway, the one that got hurt, the bastard.   Coming to her car, Sarah got in and began to pull away.  She looked into the rear view mirror and saw Rampart.  They never trusted me.  Once again it's me against the world.  Well, to hell with them all. 

Dixie had gotten the call from one of the nurses in ICU telling her about what had happened between Roy and Sarah.  Dixie could not believe Roy would behave so hateful. Yes, the stress he was under since Johnny's injury had been intense but to say the things he had to Sarah was uncalled for.  Perhaps worse than that was the fact that no one had tried to stop him.  Dean and Kari Gage had heard the verbal lashing Roy had given Sarah, but were so distraught they hadn't said a thing.  Mike, Hank, Chet and Marco had only heard the end of it and tried to calm Roy down.  Joanne literally had to hold Roy back. When the dust cleared Sarah was gone. No one even remembered seeing her leave and some didn't care.  Dixie watched Sarah walk through the emergency department and had called to her but Sarah kept right on going.  Dixie tried to catch up to her but Sarah never slowed down.  Dixie could tell Sarah was fighting her emotions.  The clenched jaw, her hands curled into tight fists, and the tear filled eyes pulled at Dixie's heart.  Dixie saw Sarah pull out of the parking lot and feared it might be the last time she would see Sarah Gage.

Sarah arrived at the ranch.  She sat in the car and looked around.  Her mind flashed on all the good times she had had over the past year.  Sarah shook her head to clear those thoughts from her mind.  It's over, good times never last. Sarah exited the car and headed for the house. Opening the door she could almost hear Johnny's voice calling to her and laughing about something that had happened.  She saw the pictures he had taken of her and his friends.  His friends, they just let me tag along.   Sarah made her way upstairs and to her room where she started packing her things.  Packing is so simple when your whole life fits into a couple of boxes.  Within the hour she had everything that was hers packed into her car.  Looking around one more time Sarah decided there was someone she wanted to see one more time.  Sarah headed towards the barn.  Fury was in his stall.  Sarah remembered the night Dean Gage had given her such a wonderful gift.  Sarah remembered her reluctance to accept such a gift.  But the love she felt that night had felt so good.  But now Sarah knew she should have trusted her instincts and refused it.  Long term relationships never seemed in the cards. Sarah looked into the horse's beautiful brown eyes and began to scratch behind his ears. Sarah at this moment lost her tenuous grip on her emotions.  Sarah cried.   Fury began rubbing his face against Sarah's. 

"I'm done boy.  NO more giving my heart away.  I just gotta realize some people aren't meant to have family, and I'm one of those people."  Sarah was sobbing now, choking on the tears, " Sorry I can't take you with me, but Johnny will take good care of you." Closing her eyes and shaking her head back and forth, Sarah continued, "If he ever wakes up."  Fury kept rubbing his head against Sarah's face. "Bye boy, you are a great horse, and deserve better than me."  With that Sarah exited the stable and headed toward her car.  Sarah got in and drove down the driveway and away from the first place that had felt like home since before her mom had died.

* * *

"Would someone care to tell me what the hell just happened here?" Dr. Brackett whispered in an angry tone after all they were still in ICU.  "I get a report that one of my best paramedics and the sister of one of my patients are fighting in the middle of ICU."

Roy didn't care about anything but Johnny at this moment.  "That, that, girl, shows up here like she really cares about Johnny."

Dr. Brackett too was angry with Sarah for not seeing how injured he had been when he was thrown by a horse he had only owned for a few days. "Listen, Roy let's take this to the lounge."  Putting his hand on Roy's back Brackett gave a gentle push.  The guys, Joanne and the Gages followed.   

Once in the room Brackett again confronted Roy about what had happened between Roy and Sarah.  "So, care to explain the outburst?"

Roy was a little more under control now,  "Sarah misses all the signs that Johnny was seriously hurt and goes off the work.  He could've died doc.  If he hadn't gotten to the phone…  He could still die.   It's been a week and still he hasn't shown any signs of coming around.   Then Sarah doesn't even come by to visit or spend time with him.  And to top it all off she still insists he was fine that morning." Roy closed his eyes trying to regain his composure.  "Did you know she hasn't even been home?  Dean and Kari haven't seen her once.   Sarah's probably has been working overtime. To hell with her brother and his family."

"Roy we don't know what Sarah's been doing. It's not fair to assume she's been neglecting us," Kari said quietly.

"Kari, Roy's right."  Dean sighed deeply.  "Where has she been? Sarah should be here for Johnny and us but is she? No.  When we leave here is she ever home?  Has she even called? No."

Brackett could tell he needed to break this up and let tempers cool off.  "I agree with all that you've said but now is not the time to discuss it.  Let's call it a day and everyone go home and get good nights rest.  Johnny's condition is stable and I think all of you would benefit from a night out of this hospital."

Reluctantly, the assembled agreed.  As the group went their separate ways there concern over Johnny's condition and there anger at Sarah weighed heavy on their minds.

***

After driving around for a few hours Sarah found a half way decent apartment building that rented furnished rooms by the week.  Sarah hoped she could find something better but needed to get settled before her next shift, which was in a few hours. After meeting with the manager Sarah moved her belongings from her car into her new apartment.
Sarah sat in the dingy one room furnished apartment.  The boxes were in the closet with her clothes and uniforms. She had to be to work for the 11 to 7 shift.  Sarah knew she would have to change her address at work and some other things as well.  So, she went to shower and change to get to work early to fill out the proper forms.

Arriving at work Sarah requested an update of personnel information form from the desk sergeant.  "Sarah, how's John doing?"

"The same sir, no change."  Taking the form she added, "I'll have this back to you in a few minutes."

The desk sergeant couldn't miss the quiet and reserved mannerisms from the normally feisty Sarah Gage.  "Hey, Sarah something wrong?"

"No, sir. Just gotta update this and correct some misinformation."  With that Sarah went to sit down at a near by desk. 

Sarah changed the address and added the managers phone number since she didn't have her own phone.  But who would be calling me anyway.  Then she looked the other part of the form she had to change.   Sarah hesitated.  Her heart ached. But after taking a deep breath she wrote her answer next of kin- none.  Sarah stood and looked around.  Her job was all she had left.   Sarah walked over and handed her paper back to the desk Sergeant who was too busy to see the changes Sarah had made.  Maybe if he had someone could've talked to Sarah.

That done Sarah went out to her car and lit a cigarette.  "Well, thought I was done with these things." She took a long drag.  Her mind went back to a week ago when all seemed right with the world.

* *  *
Tuesday, March 26th

"John he's beautiful."  Sarah was all smiles as Johnny unloading the new horse from the horse trailer.  "John he's huge.  You sure he was broke proper?"

Johnny was overjoyed with his latest addition to his stable.  "The ranch he comes from prides itself on how well trained their horses are."  Johnny led the horse into the corral next to the barn.  "Sarah look at his lines.  We breed him and we'll get a good price for his offspring."

"John you'll be rich in no time." Sarah laughed.

"WE, little sister, WE.  With you helping me around here and pinching in on expenses I was able to get this guy.   So, the profits will be OURS."

"John that's not…"

Johnny released the halter and let the horse walk free in the coral.  "Don't even say it-yes it is necessary. "  Johnny exited the coral and walked to Sarah.  Putting his arm around her shoulder. "Sarah how many times do I have to say it. You're in this family now and there is no escaping it."

Sarah looked at John's smiling face and couldn't help smiling herself. Putting her arm around his waist.  "Okay, so when do you are you gonna show me what that animal can do?"

"Tomorrow morning.  I want to give him the night to settle in."

"You going to Roy's for dinner?"  Sarah asked.  She knew Johnny had not been over the DeSoto's in quite awhile.  Johnny had been showing her around and taking day trips to her his favorite spots. 

"I don't think so, I'm kinda beat."  Johnny answered.

"John you really should go.  Roy's been looking forward to seeing you away from work" Sarah had been sensing tension building between her and Roy.  Sarah knew that a lot of things she was doing with Johnny were things he probably would have ask Roy to do with him.  Roy wasn't use to sharing Johnny.  Time for some guilt.  "Jenny called today.  She said she really misses you and can't wait to see you."

"Oh man, I can't let her down.  Hey, how about you come with me?"

"Nah, gonna just sit back and enjoy the quiet."  Sarah gave Johnny a squeeze.  "I love ya, but I do enjoy alone time."

Johnny looked into Sarah eyes and nodded.  He understood.

"So, " Sarah said, " Go wash up and get over to that pint sized girlfriend of yours." 

"Okay, but I'm gonna have Joanne let me bring home the leftovers."

Sarah started laughing and shaking her head,  "Leftovers with you around, not a chance."

With that Johnny and Sarah headed into the house.  A short time later Johnny was on his way to the DeSoto's.  Sarah settled on the couch to watch some TV.

***

"Mommy, Aunt Sarah said Uncle Johnny will be coming to dinner even if she has to drag him here, " said a very happy Jennifer DeSoto.

Handing Jennifer another plate Joanne said, " Well, set another place at the table."

"Jen, did Sarah say if she was coming also?" inquired Roy.

"No, Daddy.  Aunt Sarah said she had work to do."

"Good."

"Roy," Joanne said angrily.  "Why would you say that?"

Roy knew his curt remark was uncalled for.  Sarah had been nothing but a wonderful new addition to John's family.  "Jo it's just that… they seem to be connected at the hip.  Johnny never seems to want to do anything without Sarah.   And if Sarah can't be included he backs out of plans." 

"Daddy, don't you like Aunt Sarah?"  Jennifer said tugging on her father's arm.

Roy had forgotten Jennifer was listening.  "Sarah is a great gal, sweetheart.  Why don't you go play with your brother."

"Okay."  With that Jen ran outside.

Joanne left the food she was preparing and went over to where Roy was standing.  "So, do you really want to tell me what's going on? "  Joanne wrapped her arms around Roy's waist.  "I've noticed lately that you have been a little cold around Sarah."

"It's that obvious huh."  Roy was embarrassed he thought he was doing a good job hiding his growing annoyance with Sarah.

"Roy, tell me what's going on.  Has Sarah done something or said something I should know about?"

Roy closed his eyes. Opening them again he tried to put his feelings into words.  "I just get so annoyed that Johnny doesn't seem to want to do anything unless Sarah can come along. I mean he always has to check with her first before agreeing to anything."

Joanne smiled at her husband.  "Roy are you jealous of the time Johnny is spending with Sarah?"

"Jealous of Sarah?  Jo don't be ridiculous."

"Roy," Joanne took Roy's face in her hands. "Johnny has always been available whenever you needed him.  Now, well he has someone else in his life.  Johnny wants to make sure Sarah doesn't feel left out."

Roy pulled away from Jo and turned to go sit at the table.  "Jo I know that.  But come on it's been a year.  Sarah is not a kid who needs to be babysat."

Joanne put her hands on her hips. "Roy DeSoto, Johnny is not 'babysitting'.  He and Sarah have been getting to know each other.  Between her training and work hours they had very little time to just enjoy themselves when she first moved down here.  When I see them together I see a change in both of them, a less frantic Johnny and a more trusting Sarah.  And you are jealous-you finally have to share your partner with someone.  He doesn't come running the minute you call asking for help with the honey do list."

Roy could not believe that Joanne was reacting so annoyed with him.  "Jo, come on, it's more than that.  Sarah is controlling him."

"What? You lost it. You really have. Roy, you need to stop acting like you lost your best friend and be happy that your best friend has found himself a wonderful person like Sarah to call his sister."

When Johnny arrived for dinner he talked non-stop about the new horse and his plans to expand the ranch.  Johnny and Roy talked about a camping trip they had been planning to take to Yosemite.  "Sarah would love Yosemite.  I should see if she could get the time off."

Roy lost his appetite and mumbled under his breath.  "Well, there goes the trip."

Johnny wasn't sure he had heard Roy right.  "What did you say?"

"Nothing, just thinking out loud."  Roy started to help Joanne clear the table.

Johnny followed Roy to the sink.  "Wait a minute. You think having Sarah along would spoil the trip, why?"

Roy was stuck.  Johnny had heard him.  No going back now.  "It's just that you never go anywhere or do anything without her tagging along."

Johnny took a deep breath and tried to control his emotions.  " Roy, she isn't tagging along. I thought you liked having her around."

"Johnny I think she's great but…."

"But what Roy, you don't have an exclusive on using my off duty time anymore."

Joanne quickly shagged the children from the room.  She could tell both men had forgotten the children were still in the room.  "Guys, calm down."

"NO, JOANNE."  Johnny's voice was rising with anger.  "Seems Roy here is not happy that I have someone else around who likes my company."

Joanne came over to Johnny and placed her hand on his chest.  "Johnny, calm down.  Roy just misses…"

"Having me for a door mat."  Johnny was to far gone to listen to anymore,  "Jo the dinner was great, but I better get outta here."   Johnny stormed out of the kitchen and out the front door.

Joanne spun to face Roy.  "What came over you?  You got what you wanted a night with just Johnny no Sarah.  But were you happy, no.  Roy if you're not careful you are going to loose him and not because of Sarah."  With that Joanne stormed out of the kitchen. Roy didn't care what everyone said, all of this, was caused by Sarah.

***
Sarah was starting to doze off on the couch when she heard Johnny's Rover pull in.  It wasn't that late.  Wonder why he's home so early.  Sarah stood and stretched.  Suddenly she could hear hoofbeats and Johnny yelling.  Sarah bolted for the door.  Opening it she could see Johnny on the new horse in the corral.  Something didn't look right.  Sarah quickly went down the stairs and ran across the yard. Just as she was about to yell at John the horse reared up throwing Johnny to the ground.

"JOHN, OH DEAR GOD." Sarah leapt the fence and yelled for the horse to get back. Sarah couldn't be sure of Johnny's condition because he had rolled onto his side. Keeping one eye on Johnny, Sarah put herself between Johnny and the horse. The horse backed away as Sarah waved her arms and yelled at it.  Sarah was relieved when Johnny began climbing to his feet.  Sarah quickly went to his side then helped Johnny through the gate. "John, sit down." Sarah's eyes did a quick visual inspection. <No blood, thank God>"John, are you okay? Does anything hurt?"  Sarah began running her hands through his hair checking for bumps that could indicate head injury, < bump on the back of the head >  "John any pain anywhere," Sarah asked carefully feeling his arms for any signs of broken bones. "Johnny you got a nice bump back here.  I'm gonna call a squad."  As Sarah rose Johnny pulled her back down.

Johnny was still trying to catch his breath.  "I'm okay."  He ran his hand through his hair and winced.  Sarah saw him wince.

Sarah wasn't just gonna give up.  "Are you dizzy at all?  How's your vision?"

Johnny looked directly into Sarah's very worried eyes.  "No, I am not dizzy, I only see one of you. And nothing is broken.   So, can I get up now?"

"NO, I'm not done checking you over. Now be a good boy and just answer my questions." With that Sarah began checking his ribs for any sign of injury. "You know this would be easier if you didn't laugh."

"Hey it tickles, besides I'm fine."

Sarah began checking his legs. When Sarah's hands got to his thighs he swatted her hand away.  "Listen John you either let me finish or I will call a squad."

"You listen, I'm fine.  Besides having my sister squeezing my thighs and checking my hips is not something I want my sister to do."

Sarah looked straight at Johnny and in a dry tone she said, "John it wasn't good for me either." Then they both laughed.

With his head cocked to one side, "Can I get up now, please?"

Sarah let out her breath,  "Okay, but take it slow."  She held out her hand and he took it. Sarah watched Johnny very closely looking for anything that could indicate a possible problem.  But Johnny got up and didn't even wavier.  "How do you feel now?"

Placing his hands on Sarah's shoulders and getting nose to nose with her he said,  "I'm fine, stop worrying.  I've been thrown harder than that."

"Yeah, but I didn't have to watch" Sarah smiled.  "Now get in the house.  I gonna keep an eye on you. And " she began poking Johnny in the chest, "if I see anything that doesn't seem right I will call for a squad."

True to her word Sarah kept a close vigil over Johnny the rest of the night.  Even after he went to bed Sarah kept checking on him.

Wednesday, March 27th

The next morning Johnny woke up to see Sarah sleeping on the floor next to his bed.  Johnny hated that Sarah had spent most of the night worrying about him.  Sarah was scheduled to work the 3 to 11 shift and now she hadn't gotten a good night's sleep.  

Kneeling down Johnny gently shook her shoulders.  "Hey, come on let's get you to your bed."

Sleepily Sarah mumbled something.  As Johnny began to pick her up she became instantly awake.  "Hey, what are you doing?  Are you okay?  Is something wrong?"

Johnny laughed.  "The only thing wrong is that you slept on the floor."

"What?"  Sarah looked around and laughed. "I did didn't I." 

"Come on let's get some breakfast."

"No, not until I check you over.  You know how some injuries don't manifest themselves until hours later."

Johnny knew Sarah wouldn't let him go until she was sure he was okay.  "Alright. Little sister do you worst."

"Smart boy, you know when you're beat."  Sarah checked him over and was pleased that he did seem to come away from the incident uninjured.

"Sarah any other women doing that kind of exam I would gladly submit," Johnny watched Sarah blush.

"That horse may not have hurt you but I will," With that Sarah pinched his arm causing Johnny to jump.  "Your reflexes are fine, responds to pain stimuli, good." Sarah crossed her arms over her chest, "Well, since you are no worse for wear you can cook breakfast." 

"I think I'm gonna check the horses first."

Sarah stood in front of him and placed her hand on the center of his chest.  "No sir. You will not go near that barn today."

Johnny was going to argue but Sarah cut him off.  "Listen up, no horses or hard work for you today. Got that.  You are going to take it easy, just to be safe.  I'll call Dave to care for the horses this afternoon. But you mister are to relax and take it easy.  And if you ever go off and ride a new animal again without someone around I'm…"

"Okay, I get the point.  Man you're worse than my mom or Roy."

Sarah smiled and started laughing, "Man, Roy huh."

Waving for Sarah to move out the door,  "I never thought any one could worry more than Roy."

Leaving the room and heading downstairs Sarah looked back at Johnny and said, "Well, if you would stop giving us so much to worry about maybe we could lighten up."  Sarah quickened her step.  She knew Johnny would try to take a swat at her.

"Oh, hah, hah,."  Johnny did take a swat at her but missed.

"See ya in a bit. Gonna go tend to the horses."   Sarah watched Johnny walk into the kitchen.  She took a deep breath and sighed.  You scared me yesterday John. Don't do it again.  With that thought she headed out to the barn.

The day passed quickly and it was time for Sarah to head out to work.  She came downstairs in uniform.  Johnny came out from the den.  He looked at her. Johnny still had a hard time seeing her strap a gun on.  It just seemed so out of character.  But she loved her job and the dangerous that came with it.  Just like he did.

"So, what time do you think you'll be home?"  Johnny asked coming closer to Sarah.

Sarah didn't look up. She was busy checking to make sure her uniform was clean and everything was in its proper place.  "Well, suppose to be off at a 11 but don't wait up.  You've got work in the morning."  Sarah finished checking and looked at Johnny.  "What? I forget something."  Sarah looked herself over.

"No, it's just that…"

"Come on John it's been over a year, get use to it."  Sarah patted her sidearm. "Now, no horses today understood?"

"Yes, Mom."

"Dave will come by around 6 to do the last feeding.  I told him if you try to help he's to call me."

Johnny threw his hands up.  "I am a grown man you know.'

Sarah just put her hands on her hips.  "Uh, huh.  Stay away from those horses."  With that Sarah headed off to work.

Johnny did stay away from the horses.  He would never admit it to Sarah but he was sore. About 4:30 Johnny heard the horses in the barn.  He went to check out what the commotion was about.  Sure enough it was the new horse.

"Hey, big guy, you need to calm down."  Johnny went and got some carrots.  "Here you go try these."  The horse took the carrots from Johnny's hand.  "That's it, good boy."  Johnny leaned in a little closer.  Too close.   The horse flung his head upward connecting with the underside of Johnny's jaw.  Johnny stunned fell backwards hitting his head on one of the pillars.  The world spun and little lights danced in front of his eyes.  "Damm."

After several minutes Johnny was able to stand up. He headed back to the house and to the upstairs bathroom.  Seeing himself in the mirror he noted the swollen jaw and the bloody mouth.  "Sarah's gonna kill me."  Just then he became very dizzy and held onto the sink for dear life. When the sensation stopped he went to lie down on the bed.  Johnny never heard the doorbell when Dave arrived.  Johnny finally woke up around seven and though he wasn't able to think to straight he realized he was in trouble.  He reached for the phone and on the third try got Roy's number right.

"Hello," Roy said.  "Hello?"

Johnny was panting now.  "Roy, I…."

"Johnny, is that you?  Johnny?"  Roy was worried.

"Hurt, " With that Johnny fell from the bed and was unconscious.

"JOHNNY, COME ON, JOHNNNY, Damm."  Roy grabbed his keys and yelled to Joanne.  "JOANNE, CALL A SQUAD TO JOHNNY'S SOMETHING IS WRONG. HURRY."  With that Roy ran from his house and sped to Johnny's.  Joanne called for the squad then called Dixie and told her something was wrong at Johnny's.

"Okay, Joanne, Roy didn't say what the problem was? Well, be ready, I'll call you as soon as we know anything."

***

Roy arrived at Johnny's and nothing seemed out of place.  Racing up to the front door he pounded on it.  No answer, so he let himself in.  "JOHNNY," Roy yelled quickly looking around the first floor.  Finding nothing he ran upstairs taking them 2 at a time.  Coming to Johnny's bedroom he saw his friend on the floor.  "JOHNNY" Roy quickly began examining Johnny.  He soon found a baseball size lump on the back of his head.  Checking John's pupils he found them fixed and dilated. "Oh, God, Johnny what happened?"   Roy could hear the sirens in the front yard.

The paramedic made quick work of checking Johnny's condition.  The lump on the back of his head was large.  Johnny's pupils were dilated and very slow to react.  Roy knew that those assessments and Johnny's rising BP meant a serious head injury. Roy helped load Johnny into the ambulance, then got in his own car and followed.

Once at the hospital Johnny was rushed into a treatment room. "Roy let us take care of him, you go to the lounge," Dixie instructed Roy as he followed the gurney.

"Dix."

"No Roy, you've done all you can.  Now call your wife and Sarah." With that Dixie entered Johnny's treatment room.

Roy stood looking at the door.  Finally, he turned and headed to the phone.

***

"Hey Gage, somebody named DeSoto called said to call him at Rampart."  The desk sergeant called to Sarah as she and her partner dropped off suspect.

"Hey, Bobby, I gotta make a phone call.  I'm meet you in the squad."  Bobby nodded and Sarah went in search of a phone.

***

7:30 pm

Seeing Dr. Brackett exit the treatment room Roy went over to him.  "Well, how is he?"

"He's got a skull fracture Roy.  And the intercranial pressure is building. We need to get him to surgery."

Roy stumbled backwards.  Brackett reached out and steadied him  "Roy, I think you should call his parents."

"It's, it's that bad," Roy's mouth had gone completely dry.

Brackett hated this situation.  "It could be Roy." Placing his hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry Roy. I gotta get back in there."

The phone at the nurse's station was ringing.  Roy turned and answered it.  "Roy, is that you, its Sarah, is something wrong?"

Roy didn't know what to say. "Yeah, Sarah it's me."

Sarah could hear the tension in Roy's voice.  "Roy, what's wrong, why are you at Rampart?"

"I got a call from Johnny, he's here."

Sarah yelled for the other people in the room to be quiet.  "Roy why?"

"Sarah he's got a skull fracture, you need to get down here."

Sarah ran her fingers through her hair.  Bobby and the other officers present could tell Sarah was getting bad news.  "Roy how?  He was fine when I left."

"Sarah just get over here.  I'm about to call his parents." 

He's calling Dean and Kari, oh god; Johnny must be real bad.  "Alright Roy I'm on my way."  Sarah hung up the phone.  She leaned forward and covered her face with her hands.  Bobby noticed her hands shaking. 

"Hey, kid.  What's wrong?"  Bobby hadn't been partnered with Sarah long but they were a good match. 

Looking up at Bobby.  "Johnny's hurt real bad. Roy said I need to get to Rampart. Oh, God they're calling his parents."

Bobby took control. He went over to the sergeant's desk and quickly explained the situation.  The sergeant took their unit out of service.

"Come on let's go."  Bobby took Sarah by the hand and led her out to their squad.  Bobby drove with lights and sirens.  Sarah just stared out the window.  "He'll be okay kid."

"Bobby, Roy sounded scared."  Sarah just stared out the car window.

"Listen, we'll be there in a few minutes. I told the Sarge to pull our unit until I we know more."  Bobby stole a glance a Sarah.  Bobby could see she was scared. For Sarah to be scared he knew it had to be bad.  Bobby remembered the first day they were partnered together. He was sure Sarah wouldn't be able to handle the job. However, she not only handled the job,  Sarah excelled at combining both the policing and paramedic duties.

Arriving at Rampart Sarah was out of the car before it stopped.  Bobby was right on her heels.  Sarah looked down the corridor but didn't see Roy.  "Bobby…."

It was then the treatment room door opened and a gurney with Johnny on it was pushed into the corridor.  Sarah then saw Roy and Brackett. She raced to catch them.

"Roy, " Sarah called out.

"Come on, they're taking him up to surgery," Roy waved for Sarah to join them.

Sarah caught up to the gurney.  She looked at Johnny and all the tubes and monitors he was hooked up to.  It all meant he was in very bad shape.  Sarah looked to Brackett for some reassurance that everything would turn out okay but saw his deep concern.

"Sarah, do you have any idea what might have happened to cause this injury?"  Brackett asked.

"Doc I didn't tell her all the details."  Roy added.

Sarah just kept looking back and forth between Roy and Brackett.

"Sarah, Johnny's got a skull fracture. And pressure is building on his brain," Brackett told Sarah as the elevator arrived.  "Listen we gotta go. Tell Dixie anything you know about how this might have happened."  Johnny was pushed into the elevator and the doors closed.  Roy and Sarah just stood there for a minute thinking what losing Johnny could mean.

Sarah spoke first.  "Roy did you get a chance to call Kari and Dean?"

Roy hated making the phone call. "Yes, they're coming as fast as possible."  Roy hated making that phone call. "Since it's only a three hour flight, they should be here by morning."

Bobby decided to direct these two lost souls.  "Um, Sarah, Roy let's go to the lounge and sit down."

Roy had only met Bobby once but had a lot of respect for the man based on the stories Sarah shared about their partnership.

Once in the lounge Bobby poured Sarah and Roy some coffee. "Are there any other people that need to be called?  Or anything else I can do for you guys?"

Roy looked to Bobby. "No, Joanne is handling all that."

"Sarah I hate to say this but I gotta get back."  Bobby squatted down in front of her. "Listen, you call the station if you need anything.  Hey, look at me."  Sarah looked up.  "That's better.  He will be fine."  

Sarah closed her eyes and nodded. "Okay, see ya kid."  Looking to Roy, "Take care Roy. And again he'll be fine."  With that Bobby left the two alone and waiting for news.

"So, do you have any idea how this happened?"  Roy asked Sarah just above a whisper.

Sarah rose and went to the window.  "Roy he was fine when I left for work. I had even arranged for David to take care of the horses so he could relax."

Roy was confused, why would Johnny need to relax.  Roy joined Sarah at the window.  "Why did he need to relax?"

Sarah turned to face Roy.  "What?"

"Why would David have to take care of the horses?"

"After he got home from dinner at your house he rode that new horse and got thrown. So, I didn't want him overdoing it today."

Roy's anger was rising.  "Did you take him to see a doctor?"

"No, he was fine.  I checked him over." Sarah didn't see the point of discussing this now.

Roy snorted his disgust.  "Oh, you checked him out.  Seems you missed something."

Sarah couldn't believe Roy was blaming her for this. "I didn't 'miss' anything. He was fine last night and this morning.  Dam, he even cooked breakfast and lunch for us."

"Then explain why we are here now. Can you?"  Roy's voice was rising.

Sarah didn't know what to say.  What if I did miss something?  NO, he was fine.

"Roy I don't know, believe me, he was fine.  I never would have gone to work if I suspected anything was wrong."  Sarah voice was pleading.

Roy couldn't believe what he was hearing. Johnny was hurt and Sarah went to work. Roy could feel the rage building up inside of him. Roy knew his face had to be bright red with anger. "Why didn't you call me? I could have come over. Stayed with him." Roy's next words struck right a Sarah's own insecurities, "I certainly would have done a better job than you. Face it Sarah you blew it. He's having brain surgery because you were more worried about getting to work."

Sarah stood and listened. What could she say? Roy was probably right.

"Right now I don't want to even see you.  You might have just cost me my best friend."  With that Roy stormed out of the lounge.

Sarah didn't know what to do. She looked around; she was alone, alone, with her thoughts and alone with her doubts. 

Joanne raced into Ramparts emergency room.  She saw Roy standing by himself. "Honey, how's Johnny?"

Roy grabbed Joanne a pulled her into a tight hug. "It's bad Jo."

It was at this moment Sarah exited the lounge.  Sarah saw Roy and Joanne.

"Sarah," Joanne called.

"No, Jo. The hell with her."

Joanne was shocked. "Roy, stop that"

Sarah just headed out of the hospital with her head hanging down.

"Roy how could you?"

"Jo you don't know what she did."

"Okay, Roy you tell what she did that warranted that kind of cruelty."

"Johnny may die because she just didn't take the time or didn't know what she was doing after he got thrown from a horse."

Joanne was confused. "Are you saying Sarah is somehow responsible?'

"Johnny got thrown by a horse yesterday.  Did she call a doctor, a squad, or anyone?-No."

Joanne knew there had to be more.  "Roy I'm sure Sarah checked him out.  If she found…."

"Oh she said she checked him out.  Then why is he here? A skull fracture Jo-if she had brought him in when it first happened we would not be standing here waiting to find out if he is going to live or die."

Joanne didn't know what to say.  Could Sarah have been that wrong about Johnny's condition. JoAnne knew Sarah would never intentionally hurt Johnny and that Roy was being unreasonable.

***

Over the next several hours members of A-shift came in to check on Johnny. But Sarah had not returned.  This fact annoyed everyone.  Roy had shared the story Sarah had told him with everyone.  Though no one wanted to believe Sarah could be responsible they all were angry that she hadn't returned to answer their questions.

Dr. Brackett entered the lounge.  His face was not readable.  "Before you ask-Johnny is stable right now.  The skull fracture was minor but there has been quite a bit of swelling of the brain.  We had to leave a shunt in to help relieve the pressure.  Currently, we have him on medication to also relieve that pressure.  We won't know if there has been any brain damage, or it's possible extent until Johnny wakes up."

Hank Stanley stood asked,  "Doc any idea how long it could take him to wake up?"

Brackett shook his head.  "I'm sorry, there's just no way of knowing." Looking around the room he noticed Sarah was missing.  "Roy where is Sarah?"

"Probably had something better to do with her time."

Brackett was shocked. "Roy I'm sure she is just as concerned about Johnny as we are."

"Well, doc let me tell you just how Johnny ended up in this condition."  Roy said.  He then went on to explain the whole situation to Brackett.

***

Sarah sat in the small church down the rode from Rampart.  To her it was just a building. Sarah believed in the old beliefs of her people.  Her mother had taught her well.  But today it seemed no prayers or offerings would help. Once again she found herself alone. After some time had passed she decided to return to Rampart to find out about John. Roy could go to hell.  But John meant the world to Sarah.

Stealing herself for whatever Roy would say to her she entered Rampart,  Dixie saw her first.  "Hey, where have you been?"  Dixie had heard Roy 's version of what happened but knew there had to be more.

Sarah gathered her emotions,  "Dixie how's Johnny?"

Dixie noticed how Sarah was barely holding it together.  "He's out of surgery, and he is stable."  Dixie put her arm around Sarah's shoulders before she continued. "He is in a coma.  Now we just wait and see what happens."  Sarah hadn't noticed that Dixie was leading her towards the lounge. The door opened and she saw all of John's friends staring at her.  They looked so angry.

"Dixie it was a mistake to come back.  I'd better go."  Sarah tried to pull away from Dixie.

"Let her go Dix."  Roy's voice was deep.  "I know I don't want to look at her."

Sarah started to turn to face Roy.  Her breathing was getting faster, and her heart raced.
"What DeSoto?  Do you think I could be that stupid and miss the signs that Johnny was in trouble?  Or, Or or, that uncaring?  What kind of person do you think I am?"

Roy jumped up from where he was sitting and charged at Sarah. "The kind of person who left her brother to die but made sure the horses would be taken care of."

Sarah's eyes narrowed.  "You son of a bitch."

Roy knew what he said next would have a double meaning.  "YOU BASTARD"

Years of hearing people calling her that came flooding into her mind. Sarah wanted nothing more that to slap his self -righteous face. But she controlled herself . Straining to maintain control, "Thanks for reminding me of my place in this little group." That said, Sarah straightened her shoulders and pushed Dixie out of the way. Dixie tried to grab Sarah but got only air.

Chet couldn't believe the exchange between Sarah and Roy.  Though Chet and Sarah had only dated for a short time before they both realized it was just a passing fancy, Chet knew there was no way she'd ever hurt Johnny.

Chet rose from his seat and went over to Roy, "Roy, come on man.  Sarah would never do anything intentionally to hurt Johnny." Chet could tell Roy didn't want to hear it.  "Roy, Johnny's parents are gonna be here soon. Don't you think you should cool off before that."

Roy looked up at Chet. "You stop talking about Sarah and I'll cool off."

Chet shook his head and went to find Sarah.

"Alright, Dr. Brackett said there's nothing else to do but wait."  Hank Stanley said.  "So, I suggest we go home and get some rest.  We go on shift in a few hours.  Roy I'll get a replacement for you."

Roy smiled, slightly, "Thanks Cap, I really need to be here for when the Gages show up."

"No, problem pal." 

With that the group said their good byes.  Even Joanne had to get home to the kids.

Soon Roy was alone.

***

Chet found Sarah buying a pack of cigarettes in the hospital gift shop. Coming up behind Sarah,  "When did you start smoking?"

Sarah knew the voice. "When I was 13."  Sarah turned and walked passed a shocked Chet.

Chet had to walk fast to catch up.  "I didn't know you smoked."

"I quit about two years ago, but today, I need a drag." Sarah and Chet made their way to the parking lot.

Sarah opened the pack of Camels and lit up. "Sarah come on, put it out."

"Sure, but then we go out for a drink." Sarah snorted.  "So, Chet which will it be?"

"How about a ride home so you can change? Get something to eat and settle down?" Chet said taking the cigarette from Sarah's hand.

"My God, Chet Kelly, the voice of reason.  Who would have thought?" Sarah said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.  Sarah took another cigarette from the pack.

"You light that up you ride on the roof."

Sarah rolled her eyes but put the cigarette away.  "Are you happy now?"

Chet took Sarah by the arm.  "I'll be happy when I know Johnny's alright and you straighten things out with Roy."

Arriving at Chet's car Sarah looked into the star filled night. "Chet, Johnny's gotta be okay."  Opening the car door she added,  "But the hell with Roy."

Chet looked skyward and mouthed, "Give me strength." Chet knew Sarah was hiding behind her anger. Not letting on how much Roy's words had really hurt her.

Though Chet tried many times to get Sarah to talk, she ignored him.  Arriving home Sarah went inside to change.  Chet waited downstairs.  Sarah came back a few minutes latter.  Chet could smell the cigarette smoke on her.  "Just couldn't stop yourself?" Chet said.

"Well, you didn't take me for a drink. Come on we gotta get my car at the station."  With that Chet was once again following Sarah.

On the way to the station Chet tried again to reason with Sarah.  "When your parents get here…"

"Johnny's parents."

"What?" Chet didn't understand.

"Kari and Dean Gage are Johnny's parents." Sarah said quietly.

Chet could tell Sarah was losing her steam. "Dean is your father."

"He's been my father for a year, whoopee."  Sarah said with feigned excitement.  "Come on Chet stop somewhere for a drink."

"No, you don't handle drinks well at all, remember." Chet recalled the night Sarah got a little tipsy. Sarah had loosened up and made Chet very uncomfortable when she came onto him.

"Oh, come on. I didn't realize how strong that drink was. Come on Chet one beer," Sarah laid her head on Cheat's shoulder.

"Sarah stop it. This isn't funny." Chet said trying to shake Sarah off.

Sarah started blowing in Chet's ear. "Sarah stop it."

"Awe, what's the matter Chet getting a little hot for my fireman."

Chet pulled over to the side of the road.  "Okay, you didn't get this friendly when we were dating. So, what are you trying to do?"

Sarah was shocked by Chet's outburst.  Chet was right Sarah realized.  "I'm sorry Chet. I'll get out here it's only a couple of blocks to the station." As Sarah made a move to open the door. Chet grabbed her.  She turned to face him.  "Chet, how will, what if," Sarah dropped her head.  "Chet I'm scared."  Her voice was small, like a child's.

"Come here," Chet said with his arms open. Sarah moved back over to Chet.  She felt his arms wrap around her. 

"Chet I sorry about behaving that way.  I just get nasty when I'm scared. I guess I try to scare the people around me so they don't see how scared I am." Sarah closed her eyes and rubbed her face against Chet's neck.

"You know Sarah you're not the tough cookie people think you are."  Chet ran his hand over Sarah's hair.

"You know Chet if we had had more times like this we might have made it as a couple." Sarah lifted her head and smiled at Chet.
 
"Problem was we would have killed each other in the process," laughed Chet.

Soon Sarah joined in the laughter. "Okay, okay, take me to my car."

Chet still wasn't sure leaving Sarah alone was such a good idea.  "What are you going to do after that?"

Sarah let out a large sigh, "Don't worry I'll be good.  I think I'll head back to the hospital.  Dean and Kari should be there."

A short time later Sarah was on her way back to the hospital. Sarah didn't want to wait with Roy so Brackett let her crash on the couch in his office.

Thursday, March 28th

Kari and Dean Gage arrived at Rampart around 6 am.  Brackett had not gone home so he could be available.  "Dean, Kari, it's good to see you.  I wish it was under different circumstances."

"Doctor, how's Johnny?" Kari asked holding hands with Dean.

"He's stable, but let's not talk in the hall."  Brackett led them to his office. Kari and Dean entered first. They saw Sarah sleeping on the couch.

"Sarah, "Brackett whispered.  "Sarah"

"Doc what's…. Kari, Dean."  Sarah got up from the couch and went to them.

The threesome hugged.  Sarah pulled back.  "Did the doc explain Johnny's condition yet."

Brackett answered, "No, Sarah, they just got here.  So, we came in here to talk. Could you get Roy for me?"

Sarah eyes shot back and forth between the Gages and Brackett. "Ya, I'll go get him."

Sarah went to the lounge.  Roy was asleep on the couch.  Though still angry at Roy for what he said to her she knew Johnny would need both of them.  So, putting away those feelings, she gently shook Roy. "Hey, Roy, come on.  Wake up.  Roy."

"What? Is Johnny alright?" Roy said coming fully awake.

"He's the same Roy. Come on his parents are here." Sarah reached out to help Roy get up.

Roy looked at the offered hand and pushed it out of the way. "I don't need your help."  Roy stood up and stretched.  "I'll be civil to you around the Gages, but beyond that I want you to stay away from me."

Sarah stiffened at the words. "Fine if that's the way you want it.  Let's go."

The two headed off the Brackett's office, Where Roy was as polite as ever.  The Gages were informed of Johnny's condition then went to see their son in ICU. 

Johnny was on a respirator and his head was bandaged.  The heart monitor and other apparatus pinged and dinged with regular rhythms.  Kari gasped when she got her first look at Johnny.  Kari saw her normally active child lying so still and pale. She felt her knees waver.  Dean held her tightly around the waist.  Sarah had stayed to the back of the room.  Roy had gone to Johnny's side and spoke softly to him. Dean and Kari did the same.  Sarah stayed back and watched.  Sarah flashed back to a time she sat by another bed and talked and prayed. She had to get away.  The memories of her mother's finally hours made her sick.  Sarah went down the hall to the ladies room.  She had only dry heaves since she hadn't eaten for some time.  Going to the mirror she saw that frightened little girl.  Sarah cleaned herself up and went back to ICU.  The Gages, Roy and Brackett were now outside Johnny's room.

"Sarah you alright." Dean asked of his daughter.

Shyly Sarah answered, "I'm okay, just hadn't seen him before. Sorry, I ran out on you like that."

"Oh, honey, it's fine."  Kari said,  "Just make sure to take care of yourself as well."

Roy shot Sarah a disgusted look. Sarah caught it.

"Doc, can I go in for a minute?" Sarah asked despite the look she got from Roy.

"Just a minute."

Sarah reentered Johnny's room and went to his side.  "Johnny come on now, please come back to us ---to me.  Your mom and Dad are really worried." 

The heart monitor started beeping faster, and then the respirator alarm went off.  Sarah jumped.  Brackett came rushing into the room. "Sarah what happened?"

Sarah just shook her head.  She was feeling light headed and needed out of the room.  Sarah stumbled into the arms of her father.  "Sarah, what happened?  Is Johnny alright?" Dean not getting an answer shook Sarah and asked again if Johnny was all right.

"He's okay," Brackett said coming out of the room.  "He must have had a reaction to hearing Sarah's voice.'

Dean looked back to Sarah to see tears in her eyes. "Sarah…"

"Let me go, " Sarah said with a flat deep voice.

Dean immediately released her.  Sarah though shaky turned and walked away. Dean called after her but got no response.  "What's wrong with her?"

Brackett was confused.  Sarah loved these people so why the cold-shoulder.  He knew she and Roy were not getting along but the Gages knew nothing of that.

Sarah couldn't believe the reaction Johnny had to hearing her voice.  Does he blame me? Maybe it is my fault.  Sarah kept walking down the hall until she came to a little lounge.  Sarah could feel the world begin to spin so she sat down and lowered her head to her knees.  Damm don't you pass out. That's all I need.  Dean and Kari don't need another scare. 

Dr. Brackett excused himself to follow Sarah.  Sarah looked very pale and shaky. Brackett saw her head into the lounge. Looking into the lounge he saw that Sarah had her head down between her knees. He rushed over.  "Sarah, are you dizzy?" Brackett gently rubbed her back. He felt her stiffen so he stopped.

"Not so much anymore.  God I feel like such an idiot."  Sarah began to sit up. Feeling the world spin she gripped the armrest of the chair.

Brackett saw this.  "Put your head back down for a few more minutes. I'll get you something to eat."

"No, I'm alright."  Sarah wanted some answers.  "Dr. Brackett I really did check him out. He was fine.  Nothing was wrong at all."  Sarah went to stand but soon realized that was a stupid idea and fell back into the chair.

"Hey, take it easy."  Brackett guided her to put her head back down. She complied. "Sarah it sometimes can take a few days for an injury like John's to manifest itself.  I really don't see the point in arguing over what ifs."  Brackett went to the hall and told a nurse to get a drink and a sandwich for Sarah.  Then he returned to the seat next to her.  "I know Roy's giving you a hard time but he's scared. "

Though Brackett meant to reassure Sarah, his words had an opposite effect. Sarah raised her head slowly.  "So you think I missed something too?" Now Sarah felt worse than ever. The highly respected Dr. Brackett was also telling her she might have killed John.

"I didn't say that."  The nurse arrived with the food.  "Now eat before I make you a guest in my hospital."  Brackett watched Sarah eat, he figured if he left she would stop eating.
As Sarah finished up Kari and Dean Gage came into the lounge. Seeing Dr. Brackett next to Sarah they became concerned.

"Doc something wrong?"  Dean asked going to sit on the other side of Sarah.

"No, just someone let her blood sugar get too low.  But she's fine now."

Dean nodded and asked, "Sarah can you drive us out to the ranch?"

"Of course, sure.  Where did Roy go?"

"Roy went home for some much needed rest.  So, should you.  You've been here all night."  Dean said in a calm voice.

"We can come back later," Kari added.

"I've got to work.  The department's been a little short staffed."  Sarah knew it was a lie. But she couldn't just sit for hours on end in the hospital.  Also, someone needed to make sure everything was taken care of at the ranch.

Kari stood in front of Sarah and said,  "That's okay, you come by when you can.  We know how worried you are about Johnny."

The ride to the ranch was quiet.  Dean and Kari set up the spare room as Sarah showered then tried to catch some sleep. But that was an act of futility.  The Gages returned to the hospital around noon.  Sarah had to be to work for 3.   Bobby had called to ask about Johnny.  "No change," was Sarah's reply.  Bobby was surprised to hear that Sarah was coming into work.

Over the next couple of days the only time Sarah visited Johnny was after her shift ended.  She didn't have to face all the people she had let down.

Saturday, March 30th

On the fourth night Johnny's eyes had fluttered open put then shut again.

Monday, April 1st

Kari called Sarah at work on day six to say Johnny had squeezed her hand. 

Everyone noticed that Sarah was not coming by the hospital.  This only served to deepen the rift that began the day Johnny was brought in.  The guys were spending every moment not on duty sitting with Johnny.  Brackett told them talking to Johnny could help him come around.  Joanne made sure the Gages had hot food and clean clothes. 

Roy was seething with anger over the neglectful way Sarah was treating Johnny and his parents.  Dean and Kari commented about how Sarah was never around or she was sleeping.

Wednesday, April 3rd

On the eighth day Johnny kept his eyes opened and even blinked answer to simple questions.  When Sarah got Kari's phone call she sped to the hospital.

The lounge on the ICU was filled with Johnny's friends celebrating his return to consciousness.  When Sarah burst through the door everyone stopped talking. As far as they knew Sarah had not visited her brother since the first day.  Sarah looked for Dean and Kari when she spotted them she tried to make her way to them.

"You have some gall to come here now." Roy spat at her. The assembled just watched.

"For over a week you never come to visit or even call to check on him.  Now here you are.  What's wrong?  Are you mad you didn't finish him off?"

Sarah was speechless. She hoped her absences would allow things to cool off.

"Roy," Joanne called.

"NO, Joanne we've all been worried and scared about what could happen to Johnny.  But his 'sister' here can't fit visiting him into her schedule.  No, she can't even fit time in to be there for her parents."

As Sarah looked from face to face she interpreted their looks as agreement, when it was actually shock over Roy's behavior.

Roy continued to lash out at Sarah. "Well, it is painfully obvious I never should have told him about you. Johnny would have been better off if you had never come into his life. Now get out.  We are his family."

Dean and Kari didn't know what was going on put everyone around them seemed to. No one spoke up for Sarah. 

Sarah spun on her heels and left.   Walking through the ER she heard Dixie call her name but if she stopped she new she would collapse on the floor.

Back up in ICU. The group in the lounge was somber.  Chet was first to speak.

"Roy, why?" Chet stepped up to Roy.  "Sarah felt horrible about this whole thing."

"Really, Chet how would we know."  Roy shot back. "Not once Chet did she ever come by, not once."

"That's not true," a small voice said.

Everyone turned around to see a nurse they hadn't seen before.  "Sarah was here every night."

Kari stepped forward. "I'm Johnny's Mom we haven't met before."

"I'm sorry, I'm Tina Murray. I normally work the 11 to 7 shift. But today I'm filling in for someone."

Kari was curious about what Tina said concerning Sarah visiting Johnny. "Tina, Sarah visited Johnny? When? We never saw her."

Tina sensed the tension in the room.  "Sarah would get here around midnight and stay to about 4 am."  Tina saw the surprised looks on everyone's faces.  "I could set my watch by her.  Sarah would talk and sing to him."

Joanne was curious so she asked, "Sing to him, I didn't know she could sing."

Tina turned to Joanne. "Oh, she has a lovely singing voice. I didn't understand the words.  Sarah told me they were Sioux lullabies and prayers."

Roy could feel an ache in his chest.  Could I have been so wrong?

Brackett entered the lounge not knowing what was going on.  "Johnny's talking some now.  Kari, Dean, Roy he asked to see you."

Kari, Dean, and Roy followed Brackett to Johnny's room and entered.

Johnny waved his hand weakly. Dean and Kari went to one side of the bed and Roy the other.

"Oh, Johnny it's good to have you back." Kari cried as she spoke. 

"Good to see you boy," Dean added.

Johnny then turned to Roy.  "Johnny you're not going to need a haircut for a while."

Johnny swallowed hard then in a whisper, "Where's Sarah? She mad at me?"

Roy was confused, "Why would Sarah be made at you?"

Johnny closed his eyes and swallowed and mustered his strength,  "After the horse threw me she told me not to go near it again unless someone was around," Johnny was breathing a little fast,  " but did I listen no. Damm animal head butted me and I fell against a post in the barn."

Roy exchanged looks with Dean and Kari.  "You mean after the horse threw you, you were okay?" Roy asked afraid to hear the answer.

Johnny smiled.  "Sarah checked me out over and over.  She even slept on the floor that night to keep a better watch on me."  Johnny was getting tired.  "I bet she's never gonna let me live this down."  Johnny fell asleep unaware of what his words meant to Roy.

Dean, Kari, and Roy left Johnny's room.  Roy leaned against the wall.  "What have I done?"

"Roy were all guilty of thinking the worst of Sarah.  Now what are we going to do about it?"  Dean said.

"First, I think it is time everyone knows the truth.  Second, we find Sarah and hope she can forgive us," Kari planned.

The threesome went to the lounge and filled everyone in on the terrible injustice done to Sarah.  Chet went to call the ranch but got no answer.  Next Chet called the station and found out Sarah was scheduled to work 3 to 11.

"Listen Mike and I will stay here with Johnny.  Roy, you Dean and Kari, check the ranch.  Maybe she's just not answering the phone. Chet can you think of a place she might go?" Hank ordered and asked.

"There are some spots I could check out."  Chet said as he left.

"Listen, I've got to get home to the kids," Joanne said checking her watch.  "Why don't you all call me there with any information you come up with and I can pass it on."

Hank slapped his hands together.  "Okay, let's put this plan into motion."

Everyone went on his or her way.  However, Joanne took Roy by the arm and pulled him back.  "Roy you better think hard on what you are going to say to her. You, we, have hurt her terribly and we may only get one chance to fix this mess."  Joanne kissed his forehead.  "I love you Roy.'

"Even though I've been a fool." Roy kissed Joanne's cheek.

"Yup, now go."

When Roy and the Gages got to the house nothing looked out of place until they got to Sarah's room.  Kari opened the closet door.  It was empty.  Dean went to the dresser and found drawer after drawer empty.

Kari sat on the bed,  "We're to late she's gone."

"She's got no where to go," Roy said.  Instantaneously he realized how horrible his words sounded.  "Eventually, Sarah's gonna go to work. Let's check with the station."

Roy called the station hoping to get information on Sarah. He checked his watch 2:30.
"Good afternoon, Sheriff Department, how can I help you?"

"Hi, my name Roy DeSoto I'm trying to reach deputy sheriff Sarah Gage."

"I'm sorry sir, but we do not give out information about our officers.  You could leave a message and I could she that she gets it."

Roy didn't want to have to wait. "How about a family member? Could you give information to a family member?"

"Yes sir. But the person must be listed on the officers personal information sheet."

Roy began waving for Dean to come to the phone.  "I've got Sarah's Dad here, hold on."

Dean Gage took the phone from Roy.  "Hello, I'm Dean Gage."

"Please hold on sir while I get Officer Gage's file.  If you are listed on her contact sheet, I will ask you a question to verify who you are.  Uh, sir there is a problem."

"Problem," Dean said and looked at Roy.  "What's the problem?"

"Sir, Officer Gage has no next of kin."

Dean shouted into the phone, "What? Yes she does, I'm her father."

"Mr. Gage, I am looking at an update form that Officer Gage filled out today. On the line for next of kin she wrote none. I'm sorry sir, goodbye."  The line went dead.

Dean was shocked.  He lost her. "None."

Kari was growing concerned, "Dean what do you mean 'none'?"

Dean blinked his eyes several times.  "Sarah filled out an update form or something today. On the line next of kin-she---wrote---none."  Dean watched as Roy and Kari began to understand what he was saying. 

Kari went over and hugged her husband.  Roy raced from the house on his way to the sheriff's station. 

You just couldn't be happy for Johnny could you.  Sarah never did anything but be a good friend and sister.  Roy drove with on thinking of how he had may have cost his best friend a sister.  I'm not letting her go until she agrees to at least see Johnny.  Sarah may never forgive me but I can't let her give up on her family. Roy pulled into the station a little past 3.

Roy entered the station and went to the front desk.  "Excuse me, I'm Roy DeSoto." Roy took out his fire department ID.  "I really need to see Sarah Gage.  She's my partner's sister."

"I'm sorry, they are about to go on duty."  The sergeant saw the look of disappointment on Roy's face.  "Listen, if you go around back, you might catch her before the pull out."

Roy raced from the station and went around to the back of the building. He saw many officers getting in their vehicles, but no Sarah.  Then he saw Bobby and went to talk with him. 

"Bobby, Bobby, wait," Roy called out.  Bobby turned and waved to Roy.

"Bobby where's Sarah? I really need to talk to her," Roy said taking hold of Bobby's arm.

"Hey, Roy calm down," Bobby said.  Suddenly Bobby had a bad feeling as to why Roy was there.  "Roy, Johnny, he's not…"

"No, Johnny's fine.  As a matter of fact he's awake."

Bobby smiled,  "That's great Roy.  Can't tell you how worried Sarah has been."  Bobby face became very serious;  "Sarah took it real hard.  She hasn't been herself at all.  I mean she still did a great job, but the spark has been missing."  Bobby shook his head;  "Sarah just kinda shut everyone out.  My wife tried several times to get Sarah over for dinner but she just …Well now that Johnny's doing better things will get back to normal."

Roy was feeling worse than ever.  Sarah had turned away from everyone. 

Sarah came out of the station and walked toward her vehicle.  She saw Roy talking to Bobby.  Sarah stopped.  Johnny.  He must be here to tell me Johnny is gone.

Bobby saw Sarah exit the station and motioned for Roy to turn around.  Roy locked eyes with Sarah.  Roy could see the fear in her eyes. Oh, no she thinks I'm here to tell her Johnny's gone.  Roy made a beeline for Sarah.

Sarah couldn't move.  Roy was walking quickly toward her and smiling.  He's smiling.  Johnny must be okay. 

Roy stopped in front of Sarah,  "He's awake and talking.  He's been asking about you."

Sarah said nothing.  Roy thought he saw the beginnings of a smile but nothing came of it.
"Well, come on this is great news."

"I'm glad for Johnny.  His family must be relieved," Sarah said coldly.  "Now if you will excuse me I've got to get to work."  Sarah began to walk past a dumbfounded Roy.

Roy moved to block her path.  "Sarah I know I've been rotten and I don't know what to say to have you forgive me, but Johnny and his folks need you."

Sarah was getting angry,  "Need me!"  Sarah blew out an angry breath.  "If I was so 'needed' how come you all turned on me so quick.  How come everyone was so willing to believe the worst of me?"  Sarah began to walk away but then she turned.  "You know Roy I should have known you all would turn on me.  It's happened so often I can't believe I didn't see it coming."  Sarah shrugged her shoulders.  "Roy, there's an old saying, 'fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me'. Well Roy shame on me."  With that Sarah went to join Bobby. 

Roy knew at that moment that he had destroyed what little trust and sense of security Johnny had been nurturing in his sister. Roy watched Sarah walk away not knowing what he should do.

"Sarah, good news about Johnny huh?"  Bobby asked getting into the car.

"Yeah, great news," Sarah got into the car. "Let's get to work."

"DeSoto doesn't look to happy," Bobby added as they drove out past Roy.

"Bobby, leave it alone," Sarah's tone let Bobby know not to continue the conversation.

Roy was now faced with having to tell Johnny that his jealousy and outright cruelty cost him his sister.  Roy went back to his car and headed home. He knew everyone would sooner or later end up there or call there.

Sure enough Roy recognized the many cars parked in front of his home.  Today Roy dreaded walking into his home.  Opening the front door he could hear the voices of his friends.  Roy turned and stood in the doorway to the living room.  All eyes turned to him and the room became quiet.

"I-umm-  I-"  Roy stuttered. " I found her."

Kari and Dean spoke together,  "Where is she? Is she here?"

Roy dropped his head, "Sarah's working.'

Dean could sense there was more,  "Roy she's not coming back is she?" Kari hand went to her mouth.

"Dean," Roy thought of his own children and how devastating it would be too never see them again.  "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."  Roy stumbled into a nearby chair.  Joanne quickly went to his side.

"Roy, honey, come on.  Sarah will come back.  We just gotta show her how much she means to us."   Joanne looked at all the faces watching Roy.  "We can be an unstoppable force when we put our minds to it."  Joanne gave a little laugh.

"We'll corner her when she gets off shift tonight," Chet added smiling.  "We'll use her own handcuffs if we have to."

"We can force her to listen to your jokes, that will make her listen to us," Marco said.

The mood in the room lightened slightly.  Then the phone rang.  Hank and Mike were wondering what was the latest on Sarah.  Joanne filled them in, then hung up the phone.

Looking around the room Joanne explained that Johnny was doing very well, and asking for Sarah.

"Well, I better get over there. I have some explaining to do."  Roy stood.

"Roy, we'll go with you." Dean said taking Kari's hand.  " I think we all let Sarah down. So, we all should be there to explain to Johnny why she hasn't been around."

Arriving at the hospital the group made there way to Johnny's room.  When they got there, Hank and Mike greeted them. 

"Brackett's in there now checking on Johnny's progress, " Mike said.  "Johnny slept most of the afternoon."

Brackett exited the room and came face to face with the group. "He's looking really good. I don't see any reason not to expect a full recovery."

"Doc, is it okay to go in a see him.  We need to explain why Sarah's not here," Roy explained.

Brackett looked around and made decision,  "This has been an exhausting day for Johnny.  I think it would be better if everyone went home and let him rest." Brackett looked directly at Roy,  "You know he is not going to be happy with what you have to tell him.  Johnny needs to get his strength back. I think he will probably sleep most of tomorrow."

Hank added, "We are on duty tomorrow anyway. We'll come back the day after.  When things are given more time to calm down."

Roy didn't want to have to wait that long.  His guilt and remorse was eating at him.  But if this is what Johnny needed he would have to put his own needs aside.

The assembled went there own ways. Dean and Kari back to the ranch, the guys to their own homes.

Though the plan was to get to Sarah after her shift everyone thought it would be better to wait till after they spoke to Johnny.  Chet however had different plans. 

Midnight Thursday, April 4th

Chet waited patiently parked across the street from the sheriff's station.  No one knew where Sarah was living and he figured he would follow her home.  Within a short period of time Chet saw Sarah's car pull out and he followed her. Chet couldn't believe where she was leading him.  He knew this area very well.  They had many responses to this neighborhood. It was filled with run down buildings and run down people.  Chet watched as Sarah pulled up across the street from an apartment building.  He quickly also pulled over.  Sarah got her things from her car and crossed the street and entered the apartment building. He debated with himself whether or not to go in and talk to her.  But before he could make up his mind Chet saw Sarah come out of the building.  Sarah had on very tight jeans and t-shirt.  Sarah walked into the bar a couple of buildings down the road.  Damm, he thought.  Not a good idea Sarah.  Chet knew he couldn't leave her alone in a bar in this section of town, cop or not.

The bar was filthy. The stench of old beer, dirty people, and vomit greeted Chet as he entered. Looking around he didn't see Sarah.  Walking further in he saw a large man at the end of the bar.  That's when he heard Sarah laugh.  Sarah was acting very seductive. Tossing her hair and eyeing the man.

"So, beautiful what brings you here so late?" the man asked smiling at Sarah.

"Just got off work and needed to have some fun," Sarah commented taking down the shot of whiskey. "Think you can help me forget some problems and have some fun?"

The man leaned over and put his on the side of Sarah's neck.  "Fun, I could be fun."

Sarah tilted her head down and to the side.  Looking at the man out of the corner of her eyes.  "How about a game of pool?" The bartender had put another shot down and Sarah downed it without batting an eye.

"Sure, beautiful," Man, I gotta get me some of this squaw.  Leading Sarah to the backroom he ran his hand up and down her back. "Hey, bartender send a couple of beers to the pool table will ya?"    Shots and beer, this is going to be an easy score.

Chet watched Sarah not believing what he was seeing.  Sarah had barely let him kiss her. Now her she was behaving like she would…Chet couldn't let this continue.  Sarah could be about to make a serious error in judgement.

Chet made for the poolroom.  "Sarah," Chet called out loudly seeing the man leaning over Sarah's back "helping" her with her shot.  Helping my foot.  Damm Sarah.

Sarah looked up at Chet.  "Hey, Chet come to join the fun?"

The man looked at Chet. I ain't sharing tonight.  "Get lost she's busy tonight." The man's words slurred. It was obvious he had a lot to drink.

Chet straighten up.  "Listen Sarah you know you shouldn't be here."  Chet moved up to Sarah.  "Come on."  Chet put his hand on Sarah's arm.  "Sarah what would people say if they knew what you were doing?'

"What people Chet? It's just me against the world."  Sarah looked over at the man, "Maybe I should make new friends, friends who don't tell you they care only to stomp on you."

The man backed up and then went to stand next to Chet. The man was a good deal taller that Chet. "Listen, runt, the squaw knows a real man when she sees one." 

Sarah's eyes shot up to look at the man.  "Squaw", shoulda known. 

"Sarah is this what you want? I can't believe you would do something like this."

The man got closer to Chet, Chet started backing up.  The man began poking Chet in the chest.  "Get lost. Me and the little lady don't need a chaperone."  With that he shoved Chet knocking him to the floor.

"Congratulations Sarah you found a real winner here."  Chet rose and began to leave.  "I'm sorry for you Sarah."   Chet felt horrible about leaving Sarah knowing what the outcome of the night would probably be.

Sarah watched Chet go. Control, just want some control over my life.  I wouldn't let a guy like this within ten feet of me back home.  Roy's right I may be a bastard but I'm no ones whore.  Looking at the man she made up her mind.  "Uh, this is a mistake. Sorry."  Sarah walked toward the front of the bar.

"Just a damm minute."  He grabbed her arm forcibly. "You don't just walk out on me, squaw."

Sarah whipped her arm from his grasp.  "This squaw does."  Sarah started walking away.

Grabbing Sarah and placing his hand over her mouth he began dragging towards the backdoor.  "I want to see if it's true, that squaws fight like wildcats."

Sarah began kicking and flailing her arms. She heard him laugh.  Oh, god, no god no.  You went too far this time.  Sarah had seen enough rape victims to know she needed to fight if she was to get away.  Rape, please someone help me. Sarah kept struggling as the man kicked the back door open and dragged Sarah into the alley.  Shoving her up against the wall he began running his hand over her body.  Sarah kicked him but he kept touching her. She felt his hand fumbling with her belt.   NO, No.  Sarah fought harder. For her efforts he flung her into some nearby garbage cans.  Momentarily dazed she just lay there.

"Oh yea, we gonna have some fun squaw," her attacker said undoing his belt and pants.

***

"DAMM, I can't leave it like this. Sarah's leaving here with me even if that guy beats the crap out of me," Chet said to himself walking back to where he had last seen Sarah.

Arriving in the backroom Chet didn't see Sarah or the man.  They could've passed me.  Where the hell did they go?  Chet stood there for a minute.  Then he heard something that sounded like trashcans being slammed together.   What the….no, oh shit.  Chet sprinted to the backdoor and slammed it open. Looking around what he saw made his blood boil.

There was Sarah struggling, fighting, and crying trying to get the man off of her.

Sarah heard the door slam open.  "CHET," she screamed.

Chet grabbed the man by back of his shirt, pulled him off Sarah, and flung him into the wall.  Between the alcohol and hitting the wall the man slid to the ground, to stunned to right himself. Allowing Sarah and Chet to get away without further injury.

Sarah and Chet ran out from the alley.  Chet could see that though Sarah's clothes were messed up and torn nothing had been 'undone'.  "You and I gotta talk," Chet led Sarah to his car.  Sarah never let go of his hand. 

"Get in," Chet held the door open for her. Sarah looked at him and got in. Once Chet got in he turned to her.  "You 'okay', he didn't I mean."

"No, Chet you got there before…"  Sarah leaned her head back.  She took several deep breaths.  "You know Chet I think I took stupid to new heights tonight.  Chet he kept calling me squaw.  It was like being back on the res.  Man, how stupid to think anyone would be interested in me for any other reason."

"That's it. Stop it. You put yourself down more than that idiot ever could.  Do you think I would have put myself between you and that monster if I didn't think you were worth it." Chet stared her down.

"Chet, I'm sorry," Sarah said sorrowfully.  "I really should get going."  Sarah climbed out of Chet's truck.

"No, Sarah, let me take you home," Chet tried to salvage the situation.

"I am home Chet."  With that Sarah crossed the street and went into her apartment building.

Chet watched her go. Then slammed his hand into the steering wheel several times.  Damm and I thought Johnny was stubborn.

That morning A-shift gathered for roll call, Dwyer had been working Johnny's shifts.  The men went about there chores.  Dwyer had heard the good news about Johnny's recovery and couldn't understand why everyone was still down.

At the hospital Dean and Kari waited to be allowed to visit with Johnny.  Yes, he was still asleep but they gathered comfort from just watching him and knowing he would be all right.  They had also learned Sarah had not stopped by after her shift.

Between runs Roy spent most of the day in the bunkroom trying to figure out what to say to Johnny.  At lunchtime Chet brought him a sandwich. 

"Hey, Roy you gotta eat."  Chet handed Roy the plate.  "Roy we'll get this straighten out."

"I just don't know Chet.  I think … I talked to Dean this morning.  He said the nurses told him Sarah didn't go see Johnny last night."  Roy started fiddling with his sandwich.

"I know," Chet said looking at the floor.

Roy looked over to Chet.  "You know. How do you know?"

Chet looked at Roy apologetically,  " I followed her home last night. Before you say anything. I wanted to know where she had been living." If I tell him about what almost happened last night he'd freak.  Roy feels guilty enough.

Roy just nodded.  "You really care for her don't you."

"Roy, she and I had a brief romance and that was it."  Chet stood up to walk away.  With his back to Roy,  "Yea, I care, she is a special person."

The tones went off.  <Station 51, Ladder company 2-fire at  3211 East Harwnigton> time out  11:45

Roy jumped and bumped right into Chet.  "Come on Chet move it."

Chet's eyes were wide,  "Roy that's where Sarah's been living."

With that both men raced to their respective vehicle.  The squad leading the way exited the station first.  As they arrived they could see flames coming out of the windows of the 3rd floor.  People were scrambling out of the building.  Roy thought he recognized one figure, but she was going into the building.

Roy and Dwyer quickly donned their turnouts and airtanks.  Cap ordered Roy and Dwyer to search and Marco and Chet to follow with an inch and a half.  Cap then radio dispatch to send addition units. 

The ladder company was setting up to shot water directly into the 3rd floor.

The manager ran up to the Captain,  "Not everybody is out yet."

"Don't worry we'll get them out.  Can you give me any ideal how many might still be inside." 

At this time Roy and Dwyer were next to their captain.

"I'm not sure.  But that cop said she was sure there were still people on the third floor,"

Captain Stanley was confused. "What cop?"

"Some lady sheriff that's been staying here," the apartment manager said.

Roy grabbed the man's arm,  "Sarah Gage, is that who you mean?"

The apartment manager was surprised, "Yeah, yeah that's her name."

Roy and Hank looked up at the flames.  "Cap when we pulled up I think I saw her run inside."

"You did, she's been going in and out bringing people down, damm fool if you ask me," the manager added.

"Roy, Dwyer go, " Cap ordered.

Roy and Dwyer entered the building. The smoke was intense.  Chet and Marco followed close behind.  The group slowly ascended the stairs. A quick check of the first floor showed clear.  The group started for the second floor. As they got the landing Roy felt his foot hit something.  Looking down he saw a hand, then the arm, and finally someone curled up into the fetal position.  As Roy rolled the person over the head moved freely. Roy found himself looking into Sarah's soot covered face.  Removing one of his gloves he felt for a pulse.  Dear god, too faint. She's not breathing.  Gotta move now, he thought. 

"Dwyer it's Sarah. She's in respiratory arrest. We gotta get her outta here now," Roy stated while he swiftly swung Sarah over his shoulders.

"I'll guide you Roy," Dwyer said.  Then reaching for the HT.  "Engine 51 this is HT 51-we're coming out with a victim in respiratory arrest.  Have the equipment ready."

Roy silently thanked God that Dwyer had thought of that.  Sarah was going to need to be treated as quickly as possible to survive.

Roy and Dwyer exited the building and were immediately met by Marco and Chet.  Roy quickly laid Sarah down.  He reached around and grabbed the o2. Placing the mask over Sarah's faced he depressed to button to force oxygen into her lungs.

He could see her chest rise only when he forced the oxygen into her lungs. Sarah was not breathing on her own. He repeated the process several times while Dwyer made contact with Rampart.

"Sarah, please, come on breathe," Roy said each time he forced air into her lungs.

Sarah BP and pulse rate improved on the way into Rampart.  As Roy updated the hospital on her condition she opened her eyes. Sarah stared at Roy and he back.

"Hey, you're going to be alright," Roy said in a quiet and calm voice. Sarah just stared back. "Sarah you and I are gonna have a long talk.  I've got some serious apologizing to do."  This time Sarah looked up and stared at the ceiling of the ambulance.  Roy was getting nervous.  "Okay, Sarah you just relax. We'll be at Rampart soon."

The rest of the ride Sarah just stared at the ceiling.  Roy was relieved when they got to the hospital.  Dixie and Brackett quickly hustled Sarah into a treatment room.  Roy was about to follow when Dixie told him to call ICU and let the Gages know about Sarah.

"Excuse me, Mr. Gage," the nurse whispered,  "Roy DeSoto is on the phone for you."

Dean patted Kari's leg and quietly left Johnny's room. Taking the e phone from the nurse Dean spoke,  "Hello, Roy."

Roy heard Dean's voice,  "Dean, I'm down here in the ER.  Sarah's here."

"What, Why?"  Dean said a little to loudly.  Kari heard him and immediately went to see what the problem was.

"There was a fire where Sarah's been staying. But she's alright." Roy closed his eyes.

"Roy was she burned?"  Dean said a silent prayer. 

"No, no she was not burned.  But she took in a lot of smoke."  Roy said then added.  "Why don't you come down here?"

"Roy, I'm coming right down," Dean hung up the phone.

Kari heard some of the conversation.  "Dean what happened to Sarah?"

"I'm not sure, but she's in the ER.  Why don't you stay here with Johnny?"

Kari shook her head.  "Johnny's sleeping. The nurse will let us know if he wakes up. Let's get downstairs and see how she's doing."

Dean told the nurse to call them in the ER if Johnny woke up.

When Roy got off the phone he went into Sarah's treatment room.  Sarah was hooked up to the heart monitor. It emitted a strong steady rhythm.

"Sarah how are you doing?" Brackett asked. 

"Okay," Sarah's voice was weak and sounded rough.

Roy moved in closer.  Sarah's face was still covered in soot.  Sarah spotted Roy and looked away.  Dixie saw this and leaned over and whispered in Sarah's ear.

"Sarah, Roy pulled you out of that building.  I've known Roy for sometime and I can tell you he really does care about you. Please give him a second chance."  Dixie smiled.

Sarah shook her head and whispered back, "Just doing his job."

Dixie was shocked. "You are even more stubborn than your brother."

"Dix, let's get her moved up to a room," Kel instructed. 

Dixie nodded.

Dean and Kari pushed the door open slowly and entered the treatment room. Kari went right over to Sarah's side. "Hey there, are you okay?"

Sarah just looked away. Kari looked to Brackett for answer.  "Sarah took in quite a bit of smoke.  Right now her lungs sound pretty good.  But I'm keeping her overnight to keep a close watch on her." Brackett then motioned with his head that they should follow him into the hall.

Kari kissed Sarah's forehead and felt her cringe.

"Doc, what's going on? Is she really gonna be okay?"  Dean asked when finally out in the hall.

"Yes, Sarah will be fine," Brackett answer in a firm manner. "But with all that has happened and now this she seems to be withdrawing into herself."

"Doc, why overnight if she doing fine?" Dean asked.

Roy ventured a look at Dr. Brackett. 

"Dean, Kari.  Sarah also suffered a respiratory arrest at the scene.  Although everything looks good I feel she should be watched closely the next couple of days."  Brackett tried to tell the information as calmly as possible.

"Sarah was dead," Kari whispered.

"She's fine now," Dean hugged his wife.

Two orderlies began to wheel Sarah out of the room.  Dean and Kari took up positions on either side of the gurney and went with her.  Roy and Brackett watched them go.

"Roy, Cap says we could make ourselves available from here," Dwyer said approaching Roy.

"Good, I'll be Johnny's room," Roy left to spend some time with his best friend.

Roy entered Johnny's room and was surprised to see Johnny awake and sitting up.

"Hey, Roy," Johnny rasped.  "You on duty?"

"Yea, but we made ourselves available from here.  So, how are you doing?"

"Sore, but better.  Brackett says I probably could go home in a few days." Johnny said laying his head back.  "Roy why hasn't Sarah been around?"

Roy pulled a chair up to Johnny's bed.  Roy didn't know where to start. "Johnny I've got to tell you something and I need you to listen."

Johnny sat up growing very concerned, "Roy, what is it? Is something wrong with Sarah?"

"No, yes," Roy stammered, "Johnny just let me tell you what happened."

"Roy…"

"NO, John, please let me talk, please."  Johnny decided to just listen.  "When you called me and then I found you.  I was really worried. Then when Sarah told us how the horse threw you the day before and yet she went to work."   Roy ran his hand through his hair. "I got very angry and said something's that I shouldn't have."

Johnny could see the tension building in his best friend.  "Like what Roy?"

"I told her she cared more about the horses than you."  Roy put his elbows on his knees and bowed his head.  " I also told her I should have never told you about her.  That you would have been better off never meeting her."

"Roy, why?"  Johnny said in an understanding manner. "Sarah would never risk my health."  Johnny shifted in his bed uncomfortable physically and now mentally.

"Johnny you got to understand we didn't know about you getting hurt after Sarah left.  We thought she hadn't check you out, or that she missed something."

Johnny had a puzzled look on his face.  "Roy what do you mean 'we'?"

Roy looked at Johnny.  "The guys thought the same thing" Roy swallowed hard. "We all kinda blamed her."

"Oh Roy she must've been devastated.  Please Roy get her in here to straighten all this out."

"Johnny, I wish that were the end of the story but it's not."  Roy said almost choking on the word.

"Roy, what else happened? "Johnny was getting tired but he had to hear the rest.

"Johnny she moved out of the ranch.  Johnny we didn't realize she was visiting you at night.  I accused her of not being here for you or your parents.  I-I-I called her a bastard."

That was it.  Johnny had little energy left but it all went into what he said next.  "Roy how could you? She had no control over her birth.  It is still a sensitive spot for her.  Sarah must have been hurt right to her core.   Roy she thinks the world of you and Joanne.  Sarah had stopped calling the ranch a house-and started calling it a home.  She stopped calling all of you my friends-instead she would say 'our' friends."  Johnny laid his head back.   "Roy what about my parents?  Were they able to get through to her?"

"No, Johnny, Sarah broke off all contact with all of us."

Johnny tried to sit up further and winced, "Roy you gotta find her. Sarah can't be alone. She's been alone and an outsider most of her life.  Please Roy get her and bring her to me.  I can talk to here make her understand."

Roy got up and took Johnny's shoulders in his hands.  "You've gotta calm down.  Johnny please lie back.  I know where she is and I plan on having a heart to heart with her."

Johnny relaxed a bit, mostly because he had no energy left.  "Roy then bring her here to me.  We could all talk this out."

"Johnny I can't….She was… Sarah's here at the hospital."

The look of confusion on Johnny's face changed to one of fear.  "Roy what happened? Is she hurt?"

"Johnny she will be fine. There was a fire at building where she was staying.  Sarah kept going back in to make sure everyone was out.  She took some smoke so Brackett wants to keep a close eye on her.  But she's okay."

Johnny put his head back and closed his eyes. "Roy, just tell me, do you still not trust her?"

"Johnny the truth is that was just an excuse.  I was jealous. I felt like I was losing my best friend.  Sarah had never done anything to make me doubt her desire to be anything but a loving sister and friend."  Roy had finally said everything he needed.  The burden of the truth finally being told felt good. 

"Roy, I'm sorry that I didn't see how I was treating you."  Johnny said rubbing his hand across his face.  "Roy I just wanted Sarah to have what I have always had. A loving family and good friends."

"Johnny I'm gonna do my best to see that she has that," Roy said heading for the door.  "Now you rest. I'll check on Sarah and start working on making things right between us."

Johnny closed his eyes and nodded.  Sleep overtook him.

Roy stood outside Johnny's room. Leaning against the wall he wondered how to begin the healing process.

"Roy, we've got a run, sorry," Dwyer called from the elevator. Roy immediately nodded and headed to join his temporary partner.

Once Sarah was settled in her room Kari and Dean took up positions on either side of her. Kari gently ran her hand over Sarah's cheek.  Dean held Sarah's hand. Sarah was sound asleep.  Over the next few hours Dean and Kari would alternately visit Johnny and Sarah.  Johnny woke up feeling better yet very concerned about what Roy had told him.

"Well, Johnny you're looking a lot better. How about we see if we can get you to sit in a chair."  Brackett said smiling.

Johnny knew what kinda of chair he wanted to get into.  "Doc, how about a wheelchair so I can go see Sarah."

"Johnny it's late.  Why don't we wait till tomorrow?" 

Johnny looked liked he'd been kicked.  "Please, just for a few minutes.  Promise I'll be good."

Brackett knew Johnny still needed to take it easy and would tire quickly but he also knew Johnny wouldn't really relax until he saw Sarah for himself.  "I'll give you 5 minutes and nothing more."

A nurse and Dr. Brackett helped Johnny into the wheelchair. Brackett, himself, wheeled Johnny to Sarah's room.  "Now Johnny she's still pretty out of it.  Last time I looked in she was asleep.  Between the smoke and the respiratory arrest her body…Johnny what's wrong?"    Johnny suddenly looked very pale.

"Respiratory arrest?"

Brackett understood.  "Roy didn't tell you?"

Johnny's head shook slowly back and forth. 

"Johnny I'm sure he just didn't want you to worry any more.  Sarah is fine now.  Her lung sounds are good."  Watching Johnny closely Brackett decided to take him back to his room.  So, he started to turn the chair. "Johnny I think we should wait till tomorrow. This is too much stress for you right now."

"No, Doc, please.  I need to see her more now more than ever.  I could have lost her today."   Johnny's voice was trembling.  "Please Doc."

Dr. Brackett could be an ogre.  But he could also be extremely sensitive. "Alright, but only 5 minutes."  Brackett turned the chair back to Sarah's room. 

When the door to Sarah's room opened Johnny saw his parents on either side of Sarah's bed.   Then he looked at Sarah, so still.  He could hear the heart monitor ping a steady beat and see the O2 mask that covered part of her face.

Kari was still gently caressing Sarah's head.  Kari smiled at the sight of her son up out of the hospital bed. Dean went over to his son.

"Good to see you up and about," Dean whispered. "You go on that side, so you can be close to her.  I stand with Mom and the other side." Dean took the wheelchair from Brackett.

Brackett looked sternly at Johnny and said, "Remember 5 minutes, that's it."

"Don't you worry Doctor, we'll make sure he follows orders," Kari waved her finger at Johnny.

Brackett left the room knowing Johnny's parents would see to it that Johnny didn't over do it.

Johnny took Sarah's hand in his and looked at her face.  "We almost lost her."  Johnny whispered to his parents.

Dean stood behind Kari with his hands on her shoulders. Kari was running her hand over Sarah's hair.  Sarah head moved slightly toward the touch. Her eyes fluttered.

"Shh, Sarah, you're okay. Shhh," Kari whispered. 

Sarah moved her head toward the voice. "Momma, momma."  Sarah mumbled still not awake.

Kari looked up to Dean then over to Johnny with tears in her eyes. "Oh, sweetie."

"Momma, I missed you ."  Sarah said a little more clearly.

"Sarah it's Kari.   Honey, Dean and Johnny are here too," Kari could barely control her tears.  Dean squeezed her shoulders.

Sarah struggled to open her eyes.  At first her vision was blurry but as it cleared she saw Dean and Kari smiling at her.  Sarah stared at them then rolled her head in the other direction.  Sarah didn't want have to look at the people she had let down. 

"Johnny," Sarah gasped with her hand going to her chest.  Her breathing and heart rate jumped making the monitors beep widely.

"Easy, Sarah, get your breathing under control," Johnny urged smiling.

Sarah nodded and closed her eyes to concentrate on getting her breathing under control.  However her lungs had a different idea.  She started coughing and felt the searing pain.

"Dad, get Brackett.  Mom, turn up the oxygen, over there, " Johnny instructed his parents.  Turning his attention back to Sarah,  "You're okay, try to relax."

Sarah still coughing just rolled her eyes at Johnny's instructions.

Johnny smiled, "I know, I know.  It sounds stupid but try."

Brackett came into the room and went directly to Sarah's side and taking the stethoscope listened to her lungs.  "Sarah keeping slowing down your breathing.  Good." Sarah's breathing slowed and she was relaxing.  "Okay, lay back down."

"Doc, she okay, " Johnny asked taking Sarah's hand again.

Brackett moved back and cupped Sarah's chin.  "You need to stay calm. Your lungs need time to heal."

Sarah closed her eyes and nodded.  Then looking at Brackett,  "It's his fault."  She nodded her head in Johnny's direction.

Johnny chuckled,  "Me what did I do?"

Sarah just smirked.

"Okay," Brackett began,  "Just a couple more minutes.  For the both of you." Brackett left the room.

Sarah rolled her head to look at Johnny.  "You really are okay?"

To Johnny she sounded like a little girl.  "Sarah I'm fine.  Got a new dent in my head is all."

Sarah started crying, " Johnny I'm so sorry I didn't realize you had gotten hurt.  It was so stupid, I should have taken you in to the hospital."  She was gasping.

"Hey, calm down it wasn't your fault.  If I had listened to you none of this," he said pointing to his head,  "would have happened."

"What?" Sarah was confused. Her breathing was easing up. Sarah's eyes narrowed and she scowled at Johnny.  "You went near that horse didn't you. After I specifically told you not to John." 

Kari and Dean laughed.  Sarah sounded like a parent scolding a child.

Sarah heard the laughter and immediately realized what the joke was.  Though another time she would have joined in this time she just laid back against her pillow.  Sarah also remembered how the Gages hadn't stood up to Roy.  She wasn't going to get hurt again. 

Johnny noticed Sarah's demeanor change.  Dean and Kari stopped laughing.

"Johnny it's good to see that you're okay."  Sarah's voice was professional not at all friendly.  "You and your parents should go.  You still need your rest." With that Sarah closed her eyes.

Johnny and his parents just looked at each other.

Johnny was going to be the peacemaker,  "Sarah, please, let's…"

"There is nothing to discuss. Now please leave."  Sarah hadn't even opened her eyes.

"Sarah this isn't over, not by a long shot."  Johnny's voice was firm and demanding.  "Tomorrow we will straighten this out."   Johnny waved his hand at his father indicating to help him wheel out of the room.

Kari lightly touched Sarah's face.  "Please don't Mrs. Gage."   Kari was shocked.  Putting her hand to her mouth Kari backed away and left the room.

When Sarah opened her eyes the Gages were gone.  She rolled onto her side and hugged her pillow to her chest hoping it would stifle the sound of her crying.    A short time later a nurse came in and took her vitals.  The nurse noted the red eyes but said nothing. "Excuse me, I want to make a request."

The nurse looked at Sarah. "Of coarse. What can I do for you?"  The nurse listened and wrote down what Sarah wanted.  "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes."  Sarah answered sheepishly.  "Please make sure everyone knows.  Thank you."

Friday, April 5th

The next morning the Gages were waiting in Johnny's room for Roy to get off duty. They didn't have to wait long.  Roy didn't even go home, he went straight to the hospital from the station. Once Roy arrived the Gages planned on confronting Sarah.

"Okay, I'm here.  Johnny how are you feeling today?"  Roy said racing into Johnny's room.

"Good, Roy, Brackett said he's going to move me to a regular room this afternoon."
Johnny then turned to his father.  "Dad, help me get into the wheelchair." 

Both Dean and Roy helped Johnny out of his bed and into the chair.

"You doin okay Junior," Roy was well aware that Johnny was still very week.

"Roy, I'm fine.  Not up to speed but fine."  Johnny shot Roy a crooked grin.  "Now let's get this whole mess cleared up."  Then speaking with a very bad British accent Johnny said, "Drive, James."

Roy rolled his eyes and the Gages laughed.  Together the group exited Johnny's room and made their way to Sarah's room.

"Excuse me, are you here to see Miss Gage?"  A nurse asked blocking the way to Sarah's room.

Dean took lead.  "Yes, were here to see my daughter.  Is there a problem?"

The nurse didn't quite know how to answer that question. She was being put in an awkward spot because of Sarah' s demand.   "Um, I'm sorry sir.  Miss Gage has instructed the staff that she doesn't want any visitors."  Shrugging her shoulders.  "I'm sorry."

Johnny couldn't believe how far Sarah was taking this. He looked to his parents and saw the shocked expressions. 

Roy could see the disappointment and hurt on Johnny and his parent's faces. All because of me.  Well this ends here and now.  "She doesn't huh, well we'll see about that."  Before Johnny could stop him Roy walked around the chair and slammed Sarah's door open startling a sleeping Sarah.

Sarah sat bolt upright. "ROY", she gasped and fell back onto her pillow.

"We are having this out now."  Roy turned to close the door.  Dean Gage was standing there. "No Dean, this is between Sarah and I, wait outside."  With that Roy shut the door.

Dean turned to Johnny and Kari.  "Do you think I should go in there?"

"No, Dad. Let Roy handle it."  Wow never expected that kind of reaction from Roy.

Inside Sarah's room Roy turned to face Sarah. Sarah was lying back gasping and coughing.  "Roy, get out. You and I have nothing left to say."

Roy went over to her bed and checked the monitors.  Her heart rate was up but not bad.  Roy saw her O2 level was a little low so he increased her oxygen flow. "Sarah I didn't mean to startle you but we've got to end this now."

Sarah turned her face away from Roy;  "Roy, you and I have nothing left to say to each other."

"Okay, that's your version. Time for mine."  Roy pulled a chair next to Sarah's bed. "Sarah did you ever have a best friend. Someone you are so close to it's, it's almost scary." Roy waited for her to reply. None came.  But Roy was pretty sure he knew the answer.

Roy sat in the chair bent over and began looking at his fingers.  "Well, that's what Johnny is to me.  Some days he can almost drive me mad and yet if he weren't around my life wouldn't be the same.  So many happy times have involved him and my family that it would be impossible to separate the two."  Roy looked up to see if Sarah were listening.  But her face was still turned in the other direction.  Roy sighed and looked back down at his hands. "When you came into his life, our lives, I was happy for him.  It seemed he couldn't tell me quick enough about stuff the two of you were doing. Slowly, I don't even remember when, I started thinking about how Johnny and I use to do all those things together.  Even my kids noticed Johnny didn't come over as much. And only if you could come too.  Joanne was right when she said I was jealous.  I was, still am."  Roy heard a noise from Sarah's bed.  Roy looked up and saw Sarah staring at him. Roy smiled, it almost hurt since he hadn't done it for so long. "Those things I said, were hateful, and meant to drive you away."  Roy rose from the chair and took Sarah's hand in his.  He gently touched her hand and looked at her fingers.  "I think I can share Johnny now. But more than that I would like you to share your family with me. Dean and Kari were shocked by what I did, and worried about Johnny.  They love you, Johnny loves you, and Sarah, I love you.  Please don't turn us away.."  Roy was rubbing Sarah's hand.

Sarah didn't know what to say. Tears filled her eyes.  She lifted her other hand and placed it on top of Roy's.  Roy looked up at Sarah.  "Roy, you hurt me.  I never really felt at home anywhere since my mom died. I was starting to feel like I had a home here, and then when you said those things…I thought maybe people were only being nice to me because of Johnny.  Not because they actually liked me."  Roy wiped the tears from Sarah's face. 

"Kid, you underestimate yourself."  Roy said smiling.

"No, Roy it's just that I've…" Sarah leaned her head back and looked at the ceiling. "Never had a best friend. Or any really close friends.  See, once Mom died and I went to live with the Metz's the res kids wouldn't have anything to do with me.  The white kids spent most of the time teasing me."  Sarah lowered her eyes to look at Roy.  The understanding in those eyes made her smile that unmistakable Gage smile.

"Sarah, you've got friends and family now.  Please can I let Johnny and his-your parents in," Roy said hopefully.

"Oh, sure now that my eyes are puffy and I probable look like death warmed over." Sarah giggled.   Then Sarah thought of something.   The sudden change in her expression worried Roy.

"Sarah, what is it?"

"Roy you saved my life. Thank you.  Actually, I think you saved my life twice now."

Roy and Sarah shared a quiet moment.  Roy leaned over and hugged Sarah.  When she hugged back Roy shed his own tears. 

Sarah could tell be the way Roy's body was moving he was trying not to cry.  "Ha, now your eyes are going to be red too."  With that she slapped his back, kinda hard.

Roy pulled away.  "If you're going to beat me up kid I'm telling your Daddy."

Sarah smiled and tilted her head downward giving Roy a shy look.

"Oh, don't try that Gage charm on me, I've been around it too long."  Roy tilted his head toward the door.  "You know there are some people on the other side of that door who are pretty anxious to see you."  Roy couldn't miss the nervous expression on Sarah's face. "They're family, family will love you no matter what, kiddo."

Sarah looked at Roy with a lopsided smirked and her eyebrows furrowed together.  "Roy what's with the kid and kiddo comments."

"Well, kiddo, it just sounds right next to Junior and Pally."  Roy smiled and shrugged his shoulders.   Then Roy went to the door and motioned for Johnny, Dean, and Kari to join he and Sarah. 

The threesome looked at Sarah then to Roy.  Sarah tried not to smile but shortly gave in. "You still want a daughter.  I know where you can get one."

"Oh sweetie we never would have given up on you."  Kari moved around Johnny and took Sarah's face in her hands and kissed her cheek.

Dean also made his way to Sarah's side.  "Now, wait a minute Kari, this 'daughter' she promise not to go running off and drive us nuts anymore?"  Dean stood with his hands on his hips.

Sarah was feeling uncomfortable.  She really had hurt them.  "I can't promise anything accept to try harder to put old feelings aside in favor of new ones." Sarah was being very serious. " A lot of what I am is deeply rooted in some nasty stuff."  Then a smile began to spread across Sarah's face.  "But I gotta say I have had a lot of good stuff happen lately and you've had a lot to do with that.  Thank you."

"Well, it looks like things are going well in here," Brackett said entering the room.

Johnny smiled broadly.  "Doc I think things are going great in here."

"Johnny I think you're right.  Isn't he kiddo?"  Roy said knowing Sarah was not pleased with the new nickname.

Sarah knew what Roy was trying to do.  She bit her lower lip and scowled.  "Yea, Pally-Wally things are just peachy-weachy."   She blinked flirtatiously at Roy.

Dean turned to Kari and smiled.  It sounded so good to her these three people getting along.

Dr. Brackett walked up to Sarah and sat on the end of the bed fingering something in his pocket.  "Sarah now that your lungs have cleared up I like to keep it that way."

"What?  Trust me Doc, I'll leave the fire fighting to John.  I had enough smoke to last a life time."

That's when Brackett pulled the object he had been fingering out of his pocket. "So, I can throw these away?"  In his hands was a packet of camel cigarettes.

Sarah tried to hide under the covers.

"Doc, Sarah doesn't smoke," Johnny said looking at Sarah.  "Wait a minute you smoke.  When? I never saw you.  How could you?  Don't you know how dangerous it is?" Johnny rolled himself up to Sarah's bed.

Sarah licked her lips and swallowed hard. "I…. It's…"

Dean stepped up and pointing at Sarah said, "You've had your last one. Do you hear me? No more of that filthy habit. It's bad enough you put your life on the line, but to slowly kill yourself with those things is just plain stupid.  How long have you been smoking anyway?"

"Since I was thirteen."  Sarah smiled and shrugged her shoulders.  She felt like a little girl.

"Christ, thirteen," Dean rolled his eyes.   She started smoking around the time her Mom died.  Turning to Johnny, "And I thought you were giving me gray hair.  I think she's gonna make me go white haired overnight."

"Guess I better not tell you about the drinking then…" Sarah said jokingly.

"What, oh, don't even joke about something like that.  Do you believe this girl?" Dean said waving his thumb at Sarah.

"Hey, Dad I was joking.  Sorta."   Sarah couldn't believe what she said.  The room became extremely quiet.

Dean put his arms on Sarah's shoulders.  Sarah could see tears in his eyes.  "That sounded wonderful. It sure took you long enough."  Sarah found herself on the receiving end of a bear hug.

He's gonna squeeze me to death.  "Hey, this is nice but I'd like to be able to breathe, Dad."

"Oh, sorry," Dean said releasing his daughter.

This whole time Kari stood back enjoyed watching her husband's wish come true. Dean had only discussed with her how he longed to hear Sarah call him Dad. Kari had however never expected to have Sarah call her Mom.

Sarah looked at Kari. Well, in for an ounce in for a pound.  "Hey, um, Mom I think I'm gonna need to buy some things since the fire destroyed my stuff."

Kari mouth opened and closed. She didn't know what to say. "Oh, baby."  Kari gently but firmly pushed Dean out of the way to get to Sarah.  Sarah was once again struggling to breathe thanks to Kari hugging her.

"You were there when I started coming to. You were running your fingers through my hair just like Momma use to do when I didn't feel well. I never thought I'd feel that safe again since Momma died."  Sarah whispered to Kari.  "I called to her, but I heard your voice.  I think Momma would be happy if I called you Mom."  Sarah then pulled back as it dawned on her that maybe Kari wouldn't be thrilled with the result of her husband's infidelity calling her mom.  "I'm sorry maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea.    I mean I'm not even related because of how…"

Kari caught on quickly to why Sarah might be changing her mind. "When a woman has a child the love is instantaneous."  Kari looked over to Johnny.  Johnny for his part blushed. "But today I get to choose to have another child.  You are the child I choose to have.  And I'm even prouder because you choose me to stand in for your Momma."

"Dmam I haven't cried this much since…. second thought I've never cried this much."  Sarah joked as she laughed and cried. Kari just hugged her again.  Dean moved in and joined them.  "You two just don't want me to breathe do you."  Peeking over Dean's shoulder.  "Do you think they will ever let go?"  Sarah said to Johnny. 

Johnny just laughed and wiped some stray tears from his own face.  "Sorry, you're doomed.  Remember they've got a lot of time to make up for."

Roy stood behind Johnny with his hands on Johnny's shoulders.  "Other than the look on their faces when you finally woke up, I don't think I've ever seen two happier people."

"Roy, I think we all finally woke up." Johnny said watching his parents with Sarah.

Roy shot Johnny a dazed look.  "What do you mean by that comment?"

"It's just that thanks to all that happened Sarah finally really opened up and let us in. Oh, she may have seemed like she was adjusting but she still held back."

"Johnny you never cease to amaze me."

"Yea, well that's me the amazing Johnny Gage," With that Johnny smiled broadly.  Roy looked up saying a silent prayer for himself.









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