Live and Learn By Gabriele Mike Stoker, engineer of A-shift, station 51 adjusted his air mask. The visibility was almost nil. He revved up the K12 and attacked the wall again. Four firefighters were trapped behind it and they had to get them out right now. The fire in the huge warehouse was winning the battle; the watery barrage the firefighters kept up was no match for the fierce flames. He aimed the extrication tool at the spot he was attacking. Johnny and Roy were close by, waiting for him to break through. They wanted to get to their comrades as soon as possible, both fervently hoping, that they were still alive. Marco and Chet kept a steady aim at the approaching fire. Cap, as usual was right beside his men. Mike felt a strong jolt. The force jerked the tool out of his hand. He had no time to think, let alone react. A panicked scream reached his ears. He suddenly realized it was his own. The floor had buckled up; the pressure from the raging fire beneath exploded upward. Mike was thrown back. He flew through the air and crashed into the rubble that was once the third floor. His head struck against a concrete slab and he lost consciousness. "MIKE!" Five men yelled in unison. The buckling floor had not only thrown their friend into a pile of rubble, but collapsed the wall behind which the others where trapped. Hank yanked the HT out of his pocket, his mind reeling. He was trying to calm himself down, succeeding only marginally. It seemed like they lost five fellow firefighters, one of them their own in one fell swoop. "Battalion 14, this is HT 51. "Go ahead 51." "The first floor flashed and collapsed the wall by the missing personnel. Engineer Stoker is Code I. Request assistance at the second floor, southside." "Copy HT 51. 10's crew is on their way up. You have to be fast, we're losing control. You have ten minutes HT 51, after that you are ordered to leave." There was a small pause in the transmission. "Sorry Hank." Hank looked at the HT as if he wanted to smash it against the wall. He knew that Chief McConnikee was right, but he was not leaving without his engineer. 10's appeared by their side out of the smoke. Their paramedics and three others joined Roy, who was frantically digging at the collapsed wall. Johnny made his way to Mike, ignoring the pitfalls and shifting rubble. He knelt down beside his engineer. Mike was out cold; his breathing was labored. His skin was cold and clammy and Johnny saw blood seeping from Mike's ear. Johnny sucked in his breath. This was not good; not good at all. He wanted the stokes, a backboard, a c-collar, but he had no options. They had to get out, and they had to get out now. He knelt down and took Mike into the fireman's carry. Guided by Marco he carefully picked his way to the exit. Mike neither heard nor saw anything at first. Then he became aware of the fresh air. He opened his eyes and his favorite hiking trail swam into focus.  He walked up to the clearing. 'How did I get here?' He walked further along, when all of the sudden he was pulled back. "Mike, Mike, can you hear me?" Johnny was desperately trying to get Mike back into consciousness. The horrible pain in his head was almost too much to bear. Mike heard Johnny's voice and wanted to scream at him. 'Leave me alone, I want to go back!' He realized that he could not move. No words came out of his mouth. He heard Johnny yelling at someone. "Mike's reacting to voice stimuli. Brice, get on the damn bio phone. I'll give you his vitals. Hurry damn you, hurry." The pain threatened to overwhelm him. He tried to move his head, but his body would not obey his mind. He felt as if he had cottonballs in his ears. The voices receded to a dull murmur. Suddenly darkness came again. When the ambulance hit the pothole, it jolted everybody. Johnny jumped at the scream coming from Mike. The engineer was heaving. Johnny turned him on his side, so he would not asphyxiate on his own vomit. Mike started flailing. Johnny, with desperate determination, held on to Mike. He wanted the IV lines to stay in, he wanted to be at the hospital now, he wanted Mike to be well NOW! "MIKE, MIKE, you have to calm down. You'll be all right, we'll be at Rampart any minute now." Mike was dimly aware of Johnny's voice. He tried to answer, but suddenly a foggy swirl surrounded him. When the fuzz cleared he was back at his favorite trail again. He looked around. Yes, it was exactly as he remembered it. He took a deep breath. The air smelled clean and of wood and grass. Mike took a tentative step. Yep, it felt normal. He took another step and satisfied that he could move normally, he continued his journey. The ambulance came to a halt in front of the emergency doors. Alerted by the paramedics about Mike's injury, Joe Early was waiting at the entrance. Johnny jumped out and helped the attendants wheel Mike into the hospital. "Treatment 5." Joe was worried. A severe blow to the head could spell serious trouble. He looked at Johnny. The paramedic looked terrible. He was covered with dirt and soot. Sweat had created a surreal pattern on his face. He looked drawn and haggard. "Johnny I have the neuro team standing by. Why don't you go and get cleaned up a little, get a cup of coffee." He put a hand on Johnny's shoulder. "By the time you're done, I might be able to tell you more about Mike's condition." Johnny hesitated; he didn't want to leave. At last he gave in. "All right Doc." He turned to leave. He spun back and pulled Early's sleeve. "Make sure, that you keep your promise, hear?" He waited for Early's reassuring nod, and made his way to the showers. *** The firefighters at the scene of the fire were sad and exhausted. The crews managed to tear the wall apart. Unfortunately they recovered two bodies along with the trapped fire fighters. The two survivors were badly hurt.  The paramedics were on their way to Rampart with them. The prayers and grief of all were the companions of their journey. Hank Stanley leaned against the engine. His head hurt and his mouth felt as if he had taken a bite out of the burned timber. Six months ago he joined the crew of station 51. Captain Hammer transferred back to his home state of Maryland. Hank had been a brand new captain and very nervous.  He remembered walking toward the kitchen. Snatches of conversation drifted to his ears. They were taking about him. He listened to his future crew and their doubts, took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen. After the initial awkwardness he came to know and appreciate his crew. They were exceptional in their profession. He felt toward them, what a father might feel. All except his second in command. Engineer Mike Stoker was still an enigma. He seldom talked and never took part in the station activities. Sometimes Hank got the feeling that Mike purposefully buried his nose in a book or the paper to forestall any attempts to pull him into their conversations, games or follies. Hank shook his head. His headache increased as he thought of Mike's injury. The force with which he had crashed into the rubble had been fearsome. 'God, please help Mike and the other two men.' Roy, who accompanied the two firefighters to the hospital, walked to the base station. He saw his partner standing behind the nurses' desk, leaning against the cabinet, his eyes closed. Roy squared his shoulders and approached the silent man. Johnny was a sore loser where death was concerned; he usually fought the grim reaper with all his might. He had seen Johnny in the hallway when they wheeled the two men into the treatment rooms. The dark haired paramedic was looking past him, down the hall, waiting for two more stretchers. Roy heard his partners defeated sigh, when no more stretchers appeared. "Hey Junior, any more coffee?" Roy wanted to lift his friend out of his despair. Johnny opened his eyes and looked at Roy. "I saw you brought Clarke and Messer in. Where are the other two?" He knew the answer, but clung to a little bit of hope that Youngblood and Pieters had been transported to another hospital. He saw the answer in Roy's face. The pained look in his partner's eyes told all. Tears stung Johnny's eyes.  "So that makes two dead and ten injured, three of them critical. And for what? A damn warehouse is what. And a stupid owner who hires his brother-in-law to do the wiring. The man's not even a certified electrician. All to save a few bucks." Johnny wiped his sleeve across his eyes. He looked back at his partner, his eyes burning with an intense fire. "How did he ever get by the building inspector Roy? How the hell did the idiot pass the inspection?" The fire in his eyes went out, he slumped back against the cabinet, closing his eyes, willing the tears away. Roy rubbed his forehead and swallowed. "I don't have the answers to that, Johnny. I know that there'll be an investigation. I heard the Chief talking to the investigators. Youngblood and Pieters died doing what they had to do. We both know, that anytime we're called out, we might not come back." He laid a gentle hand on his distraught partner's shoulder. "How's Mike?" I haven't…" the sound of approaching footsteps made Johnny turn around. Dixie McCall walked up to her friends, a somber look on her face. Johnny's stomach flip-flopped; fear sprang into his eyes. Dixie looked at them; they looked exhausted. She took a deep breath. She wanted to give them good news, cheer them up, but she had none to give. Lying was not an option.  "Mike is still in a coma. The x-rays showed no skull fractures, but the concussion he has is severe. Joe and Dr. Stillman are worried about the swelling. So far it doesn't seem necessary to operate. They're now checking for ruptured blood vessels or blood clods. You both know they can be deadly." Dix looked up. She knew, she would never forget the look in both paramedics' eyes. She cleared her throat. It was going to get worse. "Tim Clarke has numerous broken bones, including three fractured ribs. One of them speared through the left lung, collapsing it. There is swelling in the lumbar region, Kel's worried about spinal injury. Tim's in OR right now, they are removing his spleen and repairing the damage to the left kidney. The right kidney and the liver are severely bruised. We're hoping that his body can withstand the shock to the system. He has lost a lot of blood." She stopped and took a deep breath. She wasn't finished yet, although she wished she were. "CJ Messer also has a lot of broken bones. His right arm was severely cut, but the tourniquets that you applied in the ambulance gave him a chance to keep it." She gave Roy a grateful look. Now to the bad part. "There was facial damage, mainly to the eyes. When they're finished with the arm, Dr. Biltner will try to repair what she can. She's the best ocular surgeon in the area. There is almost no hope for the right eye, but they might be able to do something for the other eye." Both paramedics looked at her, afraid of what she might say next. She smiled sadly "Why don't you go to the…" "Blind? CJ might be blind? And Tim might not even make it out of OR? And Mike could die at any given moment, or, if he's lucky never wake up again?" A strangled sob came out of Johnny's mouth. He turned and practically ran out of the hospital. He needed air and sunlight; the atmosphere in the hospital was smothering him. The doors opened and revealed the rest of A-shift, just about to enter. One look at Johnny and shock and fear sprang at them like a wild and vicious animal. "John, what's happening in there!" Hank's headache took on epic proportions. Johnny told them what he just heard. His voice shook and tears were running down his face. Exhaustion, grief and fear took their toll. He was at the end of his rope. When Johnny was finished he was met with stunned silence. Hank was as white as a sheet, and looked like he was going to faint. Chet's knees gave way; he had to steady himself against the parked ambulance. Marco crossed himself, his hand clutched the rosary, and tears were forming in his eyes. Roy followed Johnny, and this was what he walked into. He put his arms around Johnny's and Hank's shoulders and motioned to Chet and Marco to follow him. "Come on guys, let's go to the lounge. You need to sit down and have some coffee. Dix promised to update us as soon as she hears something." The men let him lead them, a picture of dejection and grief, the smell of smoke and sweat in their wake. *** Mike was oblivious to the activity surrounding him in the real world.  He was still walking up the trail, when a familiar voice startled him to a halt. "Grandfather?" Mike scanned the area, but saw nothing. "WHO IS THERE? ANSWER ME DAMN IT." His own fierceness startled him. "Patience son, just wait a moment and you will be able to see me." The voice was calm and soothing and Mike settled down a little.  He nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw a swirling fog, right in his path. "Wh…!" He wanted to turn and run, but fear and curiosity held him steadfast. He watched in fascination as the swirl took on human contours, gaining substance. Arms, legs, feet and finally a head formed, in what was for Mike, an interminable long time. Suddenly the face took on features and color, as did the rest of the body. Mike sucked in his breath. That thing looked like his grandfather. The apparition was clad in his grandfather's usual outfit, jeans and a flannel shirt. But he would not let this, whatever it was, fool him. His grandfather died, when he was 11 years old and this could not possibly be him. "Look, who or whatever you are, leave me alone and get out of my way." Mike was afraid. "Who I am is your grandfather. Don't you recognize me?" The figure looked sad. "My grandfather died, when I was 11 years old. You are not him." Mike felt anger welling up in him, and it surprised him. He learned, out of necessity, to keep his emotions in check. He thought he successfully buried them. Logical thought was all he needed. The old man shook his head, sadness and grief in his eyes. "Mike, I am your grandfather, believe me. You are not really on this trail, your body is at Rampart, your soul is here." "My what? You're nuts old man. Now get away from me, do your thing and disappear." Try as he might, he could not control his anger, and that made him even angrier. Seeing the apparition made him remember the childhood he was trying to forget. Mike shuddered. Growing up was painful for both his body and soul. The memories assaulted his mind, making him rigid with anger. "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU THING" Tears sprang out of his eyes, sobbing, he sank to his knees. "You are NOT my grandfather, he died. He died and left us, HE LEFT US AND EVERYTHING GOT WORSE!!" His emotions were running roughshod over him. He put his hands to his face, closed his eyes and forced himself to calm down. He didn't see the figure advancing toward him. "Son, you know it was not my plan to die. If I could've helped it, I would never have left you and your sister." The nearness of the voice made Mike jump to his feet. The thing that claimed to be his grandfather was right in front of him. He took an involuntary step back. "Why is my body at Rampart hospital? I don't remember going there." "There was a fire in a warehouse. You were trying to help fellow firefighters, when you were thrown against some rubble and got hurt. You are in a coma, your body can't move, your soul is free." The old man smiled at his grandson. The way Mike and his sister had to grow up, it could've easily ended badly for both, but they withstood the abuse and turned into fine people, both of them. They were just like his beloved wife, who died so young. Memory returned with a vengeance. He could almost feel the floor buckling up, felt his flight through the air, his head connecting with something, hot searing pain, and then nothing. "So you brought me here? Am I going to die? Is this what is next?" Mike felt the now familiar fear returning. His grandfather smiled at him again. He put a gentle hand on his grandson's arm. "You are not going to die, Mike, it's not your time yet. You haven't lived yet son that's why you're here. I have not brought you here, my wish to talk to you was granted and you came here, where I could meet you." Mike shook the hand off. He felt insulted and was immediately defensive. "What the hell is that crack supposed to mean,  'you haven't lived yet?' Of course I've lived. I'm a firefighter, and a damn good one. I help to protect life and property, and I'm a good engineer. The men trust me and I deserve the trust. I look after them and they know it." Mike felt his anger rising again and struggled to fight it down. "And what do you mean, you were granted the wish to talk to me, who granted…" Mike stopped, he didn't really want to know. "Have you ever really thought about your life? I've been watching you Mike, you and your sister. Although I was powerless to intervene, I've hurt with you and prayed for you. Your sister has adjusted well; she has a life and a lot of friends. She enjoys living. You on the other hand are exactly the opposite. After work you go home to your apartment. All the things you do, you do alone. You are unapproachable to your co-workers. Every attempt they make to include you is brushed aside. They are shocked and surprised if they hear you string two sentences together. You've built a huge wall around yourself and nobody can penetrate it. When was the last time you were out on a date? You don't enjoy life as a single young man should." Mike was stung. The old man's lecture took him by surprise. His grandfather, of all people, should know why he preferred his own company to that of others. "I've built a wall, ha, now all of the sudden you're a shrink. I'm happy with my life. I don't need any friends. I've always relied on one person only, and that's myself. Who needs a bunch of friends, always bothering you, needing you, and jabbering your ear off? As far as dating is concerned, I date enough, thank you." His voice rose in anger "FOR THE LAST TIME, LEAVE ME ALONE!" The old man nodded. "Yes, I understand why you or Hannah never had any friends. Your situation did not allow it. How could either of you bring any friend's home? But that was then, this is now. You are going in the wrong direction Mike, and I'm here to help you see that. Maybe it's fine for now, but how about later? You are a young man; a whole lot of life is still ahead. You want to go that long way all alone? You're already turning bitter and sarcastic, how will it be when you're older?" Mike's grandfather shook his head sadly. "Mike, friends do not only take, they give back in plenty, you need to see that, please be honest with yourself." "I am honest with myself. Why is being a loner so bad? I like solitude, I've never been a joiner. DAMN IT, I like my life. No entanglements equal no problems. I've had enough problems, all I want is to be left ALONE!" Mike felt uncomfortable and it made him angry again. His grandfather's words had stung and in the back of his mind he knew he could be wrong. He shook himself. No, he was right, the old man was talking nonsense. All these emotions, pain and anger at the forefront, were driving him nuts. He had shut them down so successfully, how the hell did they get out. "Send me back, I want to go back now, I've had enough of you." "No," the older man interrupted with a stern voice. "You distance yourself from everybody, you're barely in contact with your family. Think son, where is the good in that." He looked into Mike's eyes. "When was the last time you even talked to your sister?"  Mike held up his hands as if to ward off his grandfathe'rs words. He turned around, not wanting to look into the eyes that mirrored his own. He heard his grandfather's voice, but he didn't want to look at him. He knew he was being childish, but he could not help himself. He felt a hand on his shoulder. With a surprisingly strong grip his grandfather forced him to turn and look at his face. "Mike, you need to open up and let people in. You're not living; you're existing. There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. You are missing so much; I can't stand to see it any longer. I'm afraid of what will happen to you." "Nothing will happen to me, I'm fine, I want to go back now." Mike's blue eyes bored into his grandfather's. He turned and started walking up the trail. "I'll not let that happen to you, son, never," came the gentle voice. "You will not turn into a bitter, hateful man." Anger was boiling up in him again, and he whipped around, a biting comment on his tongue. He was stopped short by the sight of tears in his grandfather's eyes. All defiance and anger evaporated. He felt deflated and defeated.  To his dismay, his own eyes stung with tears. Memories came flooding into his consciousness. He remembered how his crewmates tried to include him in their lives, tried to induce him to take part in their plans. He remembered the hurt in their eyes and faces, when he once again brushed them off. Hell, he was downright nasty at times. He was barely civil with them, mumbling a greeting and burying himself in the newspaper or a book, making himself unavailable to them.  Johnny's face appeared before his minds eye. He remembered, when Johnny tried to talk him into a hiking tour. Almost against his will the memory of that day rushed to Mike's mind. Johnny decided to draw Mike into the circle of friends. The outgoing man could not understand why someone would purposely isolate himself, and thought that Mike was just too shy. He approached Mike in the kitchen, where he found the engineer with his nose stuck in a newspaper. Johnny was an avid hiker and knew than Mike enjoyed the same thing. Wanting to share the beautiful trail he found in Santa Rosa County, he walked to the table and sat beside Mike, who did not even bother to acknowledge the paramedic. "Hey Mike," Johnny tried to get the engineer's attention. "Mike, I found this great trail in Santa Rosa. I know you like to hike, well so do I." Johnny found it harder and harder to talk to the silent man. He cleared his throat and plunged on. "I was wondering if you would be interested in exploring it together. I mean, it's more fun with company, you know." Johnny looked at Mike expectantly. "No thank you." Mike hadn't even bothered to look up from the paper. "Come on man, it'll be fun. Johnny was not easily dismissed. "It's a beautiful country side, you'll enjoy it, I can promise you that." The engineer sighed. He thought he made it clear, that he was not interested. "No, Johnny, I don't want to." Mike looked up and into the paramedic's face, his voice had been cold and his countenance forbidding. Thinking he made his wishes known, Mike returned to the paper. Johnny felt very uncomfortable now. All he had wanted was to reach out to the lone man, but he was obviously not getting anywhere. He opened his mouth to apologize. "Mike…" Mike had enough. He looked up, directly into Johnny's dark eyes. The sharp movement startled the dark haired man and he stopped short. "Look Johnny, how can I make myself any clearer? I don't want to go on any hiking trip, and I don't want your company. Your whining is driving me up the wall, stop it. Why on earth would you think I'd enjoy hours of incessant babbling? Just leave me alone, now and in the future, is that understood?" Mike's voice was icy. Johnny jumped up as if the engineer struck him. His face was ashen, hurt written all over it. He turned and walked out of the kitchen without another word. Mike snapped out of his reverie. He swallowed hard, his hands shook. He knew he was rude and insulting. Johnny's stunned and pained look shook him now, Mike felt deeply ashamed. His grandfather's voice interrupted his thoughts "Yes son, they do want you to take part of their lives. Even now, after all your tries to distance yourself they think of you as one of their own. As a matter of fact, they're all together at Rampart, waiting to hear about you. They are worried and upset." "How do you know that grandfather, can you see them?" For the first time Mike had called the old man grandfather. The old man smiled, he had gotten through, now he had to follow it to the finish. He beckoned for Mike to accompany him. They came upon the small lake, where Mike had spent a lot of time, just fishing or sitting in the grass, enjoying the surroundings. The grandfather gestured toward the water. "Watch the surface Mike." Mike stared at the shimmering surface. Suddenly he was looking into the doctor's lounge at Rampart. He saw many men, all of them firefighters. All were subdued and sad. He looked around and saw his Cap. The other members of A-shift were gathered around him. Johnny was slumped in a chair, his eyes closed, his face a mask of fear. Roy was staring out of the window, his eyes were glassy, and he was not moving a muscle. Chet was alternately sitting and pacing. Hank looked defeated, his shoulders were slumped. Marco was fingering a rosary, prayers streaming over his lips. Chet slammed his fist against the wall, everybody in the room flinched. "DAMN IT, where are they, it's been hours, I want them to come in and tell us about Mike and the others now." Hank looked at Chet. "Hey Pal, calm down, I'm sure they let us know as soon as they know themselves. Sit down Chet, take it easy."  Chet did as he was bid, but he was not finished talking. "You all saw how hard Mike hit his head, you guys are paramedics, tell me when he'll wake up!" Johnny shook his head; words would not come. It was as if saying it would make it come true. Roy turned and faced Chet. "Mike will wake up, he has too." Suddenly Marco slumped forward. He put his head in his hands, crying. "Marco." Mike reached out to the firefighter, but his hands touched nothing but water. A ripple started, was widening and the lounge disappeared. He turned to his grandfather. "They're all worried about me. Even after I treated them like I did." Surprise etched his face. He started crying. It was as if his emotions were taking revenge for being shut off for so long. They were washing over him in rapid succession, tearing him hither and yon. His grandfather smiled. His relief was evident in his face. His beloved grandson started to turn the corner. He looked at Mike's face, so closely resembling his own at that age. "There are unfortunately a lot of people who had a hard life growing up. There is one among you all, who also had to deal with a harsh life. I heard about him from his ancestors."     Mike looked at his grandfather, his curiosity roused. "Who is that grandfather?" "The young man named Johnny Gage. When he was young, he took horrible beatings, taunting and hurtful insults while he was still living on the reservation. He had a hard life indeed. His parents tried to soften it up, but he was helpless against the nastiness and cowardice of bigots." Mike was puzzled. "Why was that? Johnny's a very nice guy, and a loyal friend." The old man's heart warmed. Even the extremely hard knocks life dealt Mike, he had kept his basic innocence. He was still incapable of seeing the evil motives of others. The man smiled at his grandson and nodded. "Yes he is, but he is also a half breed. He fit into neither world. The whites despised him because of his Indian blood and the Indians resented his white heritage. You know yourself that he still has to deal with bigots. Even now some of his friends hurt him with their thoughtlessness. Mike remembered the peace pipe incident. He knew Chet would never purposely hurt Johnny, but he could be mighty thoughtless. Shame and humiliation leaped into his consciousness, as he again thought back at his own nasty behavior toward his friend.  Johnny never hurt him. Sure, he grated on his nerves sometimes with his ranting and raving, but that was just…..Johnny. He smiled. Don't ever change John Gage. The older man saw the smile and relief washed over him in great waves. 'Well Art, the hurdle was successfully taken, now Mike has to go on alone,' he thought to himself.  "Mike, son," he touched his grandson's arm. "Time to go back." "Grandfather, will I remember all this, will I remember talking to you?" His grandfather hugged him. "Yes son, you will remember. You need to in order to stay on the right path. Tell Hannah that I love her." "Tell Hannah about all this? She'll think I lost my mind. How could she possibly understand this?" Mike made a sweeping motion with his hand. "You underestimate your sister, just as you underestimate everybody else. Follow your heart every once in a while, not your head."  His grandfather patted his arm. "Good bye now son, live well." "Wait grandfather, wait. I need to talk to you some more, don't go yet, grand…" There was a dizzying motion and then there was darkness. ### Dixie and Carol walked to the lounge. Firemen were everywhere; the phone had been ringing off the hook. There were a lot of people worried about the three men, but she could give them no reassurance. She spotted chief McConnikee walking down the hallway and the two nurses changed course to intercept him. "Chief, is there anything you could do about these men. I don't want their feelings hurt, but they're impeding the operations of the ER." Dixie asked. "Sure, but I don't think I'll have any luck with 26's and 51's. I'm pretty sure they'd even disobey a direct order in spite of the consequences." The Chief looked at Dixie, hoping for her understanding. He obviously didn't know her very well. She wouldn't even think to eject the two engine companies. The men upstairs were their crewmates after all. She gave the chief a fleeting smile. "No, no the companies directly involved can stay. They're in the doctor's lounge anyway. We were on our way there right now. Are you going to join them?" The chief nodded. "Yes, as soon as I'm done here." When they walked into the lounge, all eyes fell on them. "Hi fellas, no, I don't have any news yet, except, that so far the men aren't any worse." She cleared her throat. "The doctors will be joining you as soon as they're done. For now, keep up the hopes and prayers, it'll not be much longer before we'll know something." She nodded to the men and walked out. Carol went to the coffee machine and set a new pot to brewing. "You help yourselves to some coffee." She smiled and also left. The men sank back; the long wait was fraying their nerves. They were jumpy and exhausted at the same time. Chief McConnikee joined his men in their vigil. After what seemed to be hours, the door opened again. Doctors Brackett and Early walked in, their faces carefully blank. A jolt went through the assembled men. Everybody jumped to their feet and rushed toward the doctors. Brackett held up his hand. "Easy does it, lets go back to the chairs, I need to sit down." After taking his chair, Joe Early looked at each member of A-shift in turn. "We checked Mike and found no ruptured vessels or blood clots. The swelling has stopped; hopefully it will start to recede now. We'll keep an eye on that around the clock. The blood in his ear came from a minor blood vessel in his ear canal. He's in ICU now, and he's still in a coma. For now that's not a bad thing, it'll give his head a chance to heal without outside interference. After all, the concussion he has is severe. We're hoping he'll wake up in the next 48 hours." Before anyone could say anything Brackett turned to the men from 26's.  "Tim is in recovery. We almost lost him twice during surgery. The shock to his system was massive. We removed his spleen, and repaired the damage to his left kidney. The bruising on the liver and the right kidney is worrisome. His heart is working on it's own now, it had to deal with great blood loss. The damaged kidney looks good so far, but we won't know if it'll start working again until later. We also repaired and reinflated the lung, but he is still on the respirator and will be for some time to come. Thankfully there are no spinal injuries. The broken bones are set and in a cast, luckily they were clean breaks. He is in an induced coma, we want to give his body every chance it needs to heal." He took a breath. "CJ's arm has been repaired. It looks as if we were in time to save it. Blood has already resumed flowing and the arm is pink. Dr. Biltner has been able to definitely save the left eye. As for the right eye…" he let the sentence trail out. He frowned and continued. "Well, I don't want to assault you with a lot of doctor talk, the right eye was so severely damaged, that even Dr. Biltner was unable to save it. He will have to get a prosthesis, the eye was a total loss. The broken bones are in a cast. CJ is in recovery, he'll be moved to ICU in the next day or so." Kel looked at the men. He knew that this was not what they wanted to hear, but there was no way to sugarcoat it. Warren 'Red' Hergefelt, 26's Captain, buried his head in his hands. He hoped that his men would make it through their ordeal whole and would be able to return to work. Now it looked as if both of his men would loose their careers as firefighters. CJ was definitely unable to return, Tim, if lucky might, but not with only one kidney. If he survived that is. He heaved a quivering breath. The thought of his men, so terribly hurt, made him sick. Hank's heart went out to his fellow captain. Sure, he had his own man to worry about, but it looked as if Mike would make it through okay. He was going to be sick when (yes when, NOT if!) he came out of the coma but he would get him back eventually. He didn't even want to think of 115's captain, Robert Smith. The dead men belonged to that company.  Smitty had to be devastated. He rubbed his eyes, wishing the grueling headache would go away. Chief McConnikee stood and headed toward the grieving men of 26's. He patted Hank's shoulder in passing and stood beside Cap Hergefelt. "Red, don't worry about CJ, the department will take care of him. He'll be offered an internal job. He can stay with us till he retires or till he finds something he'd rather do instead. We are all praying for Tim, he's a strong and healthy man that'll help him immensely. The families are in the nurses lounge upstairs. Would you like me to come with you?" Red Hergefelt looked at his Chief gratefully. "Thanks Chief, I'd like that. I know you just had to go through much worse with Youngblood's and Pieters' families, so I really appreciate your offer." Red looked at his remaining men. They looked like they were about to burst into tears. "Go  home and get some rest men. I know I'll see you here tomorrow." The men looked at each other and their captain. They were reluctant to leave just yet. "Come on guys, you need to rest. Neither of you will be any use here. You all look like you're gonna collapse any minute now. CJ and Tim need you now, but you can't help them if you yourselves get sick." Red was reluctant to give his men a direct order, he knew exactly how they felt. Hesitantly the men got up. They nodded to their colleagues from 51's and left the lounge. Red and McConnikey shook Hank's hand and followed. "Well men…" Hank could not finish his sentence. Marco had stood up and was now facing him. "I wanna see Mike." The usually easygoing man had a very determined look on his face. He turned to the doctors. "I know he probably can't hear me, but I've got to tell him that we're gonna be there for him. Hannah Stoker can't be here until morning, I don't want him to go through the night without somebody having been at his side." Joe opened his mouth to speak, but Johnny beat him to it. "Yeah, doc, what can it hurt? Let us see him, just for a minute, please." The others, including Hank looked hopefully at Joe Early. Kel smiled. "Let them see him Joe. I don't see any other way to get rid of them short of bodily tossing them out of here." Joe chuckled. "Sure, come on, follow me." They stood around Mike's bed, looking at their crewmate. Mike was pale and attached to monitors and IV's but other than that he looked fairly normal. Hank patted his engineers shoulder. "Mike get well, but don't forget to come back. Have a restful night and heal up, we need you." "You need to get back to Big Red. She'll miss you." Johnny squeezed Mike's hand. Anyone but Johnny would still be angry with Mike for the nasty way he talked to him, but Johnny couldn't hold a grudge to save his life. That fact made it possible for Chet to go on living. Had he pulled on anybody else, what he continually pulled on Johnny, he would be dead by now. Chet patted Mike's leg. "Yeah man, you scared me half to death, hell you scared all of us half to death. You better come back, so we can chew you out for that." Roy put his hand on Mike's shoulder. "What he says Mike. Get better, and come back soon." "Hey amigo," Marco had taken hold of Mike's other hand. "You have to come back, there's so much you haven't done yet, too many things you haven't seen yet. We'll be back in the morning. Your sister is on her way to LAX. There were no flights out of the airport in that dinky little town in Wyoming till morning, but she'll be here. Just concentrate on getting better, and don't take all week to do it." Deep in the recesses of his subconscious Mike was aware of their presence. The words made no sense but they eased his mind. His features relaxed visibly, his breathing deepened. The men surrounding his bed smiled at the sight. It was the most beautiful thing they had seen in a long time. Mike was still here, just not all here. He would come back, they were sure of it now. They wished him a good night and left. *** Hank Stanley was waiting at LAX for Hannah's plane to arrive. He volunteered his services. Heck, they all volunteered, but being the captain, he overruled everybody else. His wife Helen readied the guestroom for Mike's sister. She insisted that the young woman stay with them. They had a perfectly suitable room, no need for Hannah to stay at an impersonal motel. As usual, he smiled when he thought of his wife. Even now, after 17 years of marriage he thought of her as the loveliest, sweetest woman on the face of the earth. An announcement caught his attention. The plane arrived; the passengers would come through the doors shortly.  He stopped short when the doors opened. That had to be Hannah Stoker. The woman was almost as tall as his engineer. She had the same brown hair and deep blue eyes. The resemblance was uncanny. Everything that was masculine in Mike was feminine in Hannah. He stepped forward.  "Hannah Stoker?" The woman looked at him with those deep blue eyes. "Captain Stanley, how nice to meet you. It was very nice of you to pick me up at the airport." She held out her hand and Hank shook it. "Call me Cap…" Hank blushed and continued. "I mean, call me Hank, Ms. Stoker." "Well, call me Hannah, and thank you, yes I will call you Cap. It has a nice ring to it. How is my brother?" "He's still in a coma, but his doctor is very optimistic. You'll like Joe Early, he's one of the best in the county." While walking through the airport to the luggage carousel, Hank told Hannah the whole sad story of the warehouse fire and the subsequent disaster. "I've always worried about Mike. Fire fighting in such a dangerous profession. Every time I hear or read about dead or injured firemen it's as if my heart cramps up." Tears were rolling out of Hannah's eyes. Hank stood beside her feeling awkward. He didn't know how to console the distraught woman. He put a hand on her shoulder and offered his handkerchief. Hannah took it, smiling gratefully. Wiping her tears and taking a deep breath to steady herself, she looked at Hank. "Cap, we better get my stuff and get going." Hank nodded, they retrieved her luggage and walked toward the exit.  They reached the parking lot and were heading toward Hank's car. Hank had opened the passenger door and was just lifting her suitcase into the trunk. "If you drop me at the hospital, I'll find a cab afterwards. I'm sure there's a nice motel somewhere nearby." Hank shut the trunk and got in his car. "Oh no Hannah, my wife would never forgive me if I do that. We'll stop at my house and get you settled in, I'll drive you to the hospital right after." "No, I couldn't impose on you like that. I'm sure there are some perfectly suitable motels around. You've already done enough, you shouldn't have to put up with a houseguest." Hannah was touched by the nice gesture, but she was not about to intrude into their family life. Hank grinned. "I guess you have to slug it out with Helen. That's my wife." He explained. "She insisted that you stay at a nice and safe place, and I agree." When they arrived at the hospital, Helen of course having won the argument, they found the rest of A-shift already there; Dr. Early was with them. After introducing Hannah, Hank led his men away, so Dr. Early could talk to her in private. Joe and Hannah walked to the elevators and to the ICU. "The swelling has gone down quite a bit, its almost back to normal. He did that in record time. Now we just have to wait until he wakes up." Joe pulled a chair to Mike's bed and motioned for Hannah to sit down. "Just let the nurses know if you need something." He smiled at Hannah and left. Hannah took hold of her brother's hand. "Oh Mike, why did it have to come to that for you to need me?" Tears sprang into her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. ### Marco was sitting beside Mike, they finally succeeded in persuading Hannah to go back to the Stanley's and rest up a little. He looked at the still form on the bed and took a deep breath. He started talking about his family and his hobbies. He wasn't entirely convinced that Mike couldn't hear him. At he very least his incessant talk might go on Mike's nerves enough to wake him up. Marco told Mike about his sister Consuela and her passion for her job as a social worker. Then he went on to his cousin Rico and his love for his fiancee Esme and Esme's beauty. Cousin Rosa and her uncanny luck with the fishing pole were next. He stopped short when thought he noticed a movement on Mike's face. Marco redoubled his efforts. He was talking about his Mama Carmelita and her warm and loving nature, when he saw Mike stir. He was out of his chair in a flash. "Mike, Mike are you in there?" He pushed the call button to get somebody's attention. "Mike, can you hear me?" Deep down Mike had heard Marco. The words weren't entirely clear, but something in them soothed his troubled soul. He would never forget the feeling. Mike fought his way through a thick mist. He had heard voices all around him for a long time. He thought he recognized his sister's voice, followed by many more voices that sounded familiar. After that his sister was back, then a man's voice that sounded like… Marco…? He heard Hannah's crying and the worry and concern in his crewmates voices. He needed to go back and assure them that everything was all right. It was a mighty struggle, but Mike succeeded in returning to consciousness. A searing pain going through his entire head made him nauseous. Maybe waking up was not such a good idea after all. He felt hands turning him to his side. The heaving that wracked his body made his head hurt even worse. Mike tried to put his hand up, but his body would not obey. Panic set in. He was turned onto his back and something cool and soothing touched his forehead. Voices reached his ears. "Mike, do you hear me? You have to calm down. You'll be all right, we'll give you something for the pain and something that'll help you calm down." He could not quite place the voice, but it nevertheless calmed him down a little. He felt a tuck on his arm and the voice came back. "Take your time Mike, don't rush it. You've all the time you need." Little by little the pain receded and the panic subsided. The tranquilizer and pain medication started working, the fog that seemingly swallowed his mind cleared. He concentrated on breathing and battling the nausea that would not let him out of it's clutches. After, what seemed like a long time to him, he was ready. He concentrated on his thoughts and the memory of his grandfather came back. He remembered everything. A warm feeling flooded through him, his mind and heart opened. 'Okay, here goes nothing. Just be yourself for a change'. Mike tried to open his eyes. It was as if his eyelids were weighed down with lead. He heard the voice again. "Dim the lights." He tried to place the voice and gave up. He concentrated on getting his eyes open. He finally succeeded, he saw faces, but they were all out of focus, their features swimming. He blinked several times to get a clearer picture. When he looked again the contours sharpened, he saw clearer. Marco, Dixie and Dr. Early were hovering over him. He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. He cleared his throat. "What's the matter, neither of you ever seen a fireman before." Mike's voice was raspy from disuse; nevertheless the faces around him lit up like children's faces on Christmas morning. The sight of that stunned Mike. It was as if he was looking at them for the first time. Happiness made his head light. "Okay Mike, I've got a few questions for you." Joe smiled at his patient. Hopefully they'll sound like dumb questions. What's you name, where are you and what's your birthday?" The doc looked at Mike with a smile, but he could not hide the anxiousness in his eyes. Mike grinned. He'd heard Roy asking similar questions of an accident victim with head injuries once. "I'm Mighty Mouse this is never-never land and my birthday is everyday." Mike laughed. It was a hoarse, but infectious laugh that drew in everybody around him. Marco marveled at the sound. He suddenly realized that he never heard Mike laugh out loud before. Mike stopped laughing and looked at Joe. "All right Doc, have it your way. He had to concentrate to retrieve the answers and it surprised him a little. My name is Michael Stoker, I'm unfortunately at a hospital; Rampart, right?" He looked at Joe for confirmation before continuing. My birthday is May 17th, 194…6. Satisfied Joe chuckled. "Yes Mike, very satisfied, welcome back, we missed you." Dixie couldn't hold her feelings in any longer. She bent down and kissed Mike on the forehead. "You've just made a lot of people very happy, you know. I've got to go and call your crewmates and your sister. Expect a lot of people coming here wanting to see you." Mike swallowed hard and blinked to get the tears out of his eyes. He shot her an odd look. 'Yes, isn't it strange?' He thought.  'I've tried to keep everybody at a distance, but they took me in anyway. I just never realized it before.' He turned his head and looked at Marco. "You better be prepared to prove Rosa's luck with the fishing pole. I know a great little lake and I'm gonna take you there. She better catch a whole lotta fish amigo." Marco was stunned. He never heard Mike talk this much. He looked at Mike, worrying whether the blow to his head had damaged him after all. Mike saw Marco's strange expression. "Don't worry Marco, I've not lost my mind, I've come to my senses. I've shut everybody out and that was a mistake. One of these days I might be able to talk about it, for now, just bear with me." Marco breathed in deeply. "All right, the first weekend after you're cleared, I'm gonna come and pick you up. We'll go to my neighborhood and get Rosa. You'll meet a lot of people, including Rosa's husband Fernando and my cousins Rico and Cora. And my mother Carmelita and my sister Consuela. Then there's Esme, Rico's fiancee and Juan, Cora's boyfriend." He looked at Mike. "Have I scared you this far?" Mike looked at Marco. Hearing about such a close knit family was new and strange. Maybe it was all relative. He chuckled at the unintentional pun. He tried to analyze his feelings. Was he scared? Well maybe, but it was not an altogether unpleasant feeling and it surprised him. His own experience scarred him badly, but there were families out there who genuinely cared for each other. "Bring 'em on friend." Mike grinned. "You better believe it friend." Marco smiled. He always liked the silent man and was glad about the changed attitude that had seemingly come out of nowhere. Suddenly the door burst open and a whole lot of people exploded into the room. Hannah made her way to her brother's side. She was smiling while tears were streaming down her face. Mike looked at her and all the love he had for his sister came to the forefront. He remembered the many dark hours of childhood. They had been each other's light and comfort, especially after their grandfather died. "Rain and sunshine little sister? Where's the rainbow?" Mike reached out for his sister. Hannah bent down to him and he drew her into a hug.  "Right beside us big brother, right beside us." Hannah was sobbing and smiling at the same time. The shared childhood memory obliterated time and distance, the rift disappeared as if it had never existed. The others hovered around Mike's bedside, clearly happy to have him back. They overwhelmed Mike. Joe Early cleared his throat. "Okay everybody, time to leave, all but Hannah, go home." Mike let go of his sister. "Doc, I need to talk to Johnny for a minute, please let him stay." Joe frowned, but seeing the pleading look in Mike's eyes, he relented. Mike turned to Hannah. "Sis, I need to talk to Johnny. Give me a minute, will you?" Hannah nodded and left the room. Mike turned to Johnny. "I'm sorry Johnny. I never should've said what I said to you. I've never realized how nasty I must've sounded to you. I…" Mike stopped. He didn't know how to go on. Johnny patted Mike on the shoulder. "Relax Mike, I'm not mad at you. Hell, I'm used to much worse." Mike swallowed hard. "I know, and that makes my behavior all the worse. I didn't mean to hurt you, you've got to believe that. It was shameful, and believe me, it'll never happen again." Johnny nodded. He easily accepted Mike's apology. "Hey, no problem Mike. He shot Mike his crooked grin. "Don't worry about it friend, you just concentrate on getting well." He squeezed Mike's shoulder and walked to the door. He turned and looked back at Mike. "You're gonna like the hiking trail I picked out, it's amazing." "Get outta here ya nut." Mike laughed. Johnny's grin intensified. He pulled the door open and disappeared. Hannah returned to her brother's side. "All better now big brother?" Mike looked at her. "All better now little sister." Somewhere out in the heavens, one small star twinkled a bit brighter and an  old man smiled. The end. Authors note: This story takes place before Twisted Love. I started it and got stuck. So I decided to let it rest for a while and started a new story. I hope you forgive me. return to main menu