Junior's Junior by Nancy Roy pulled the squad up on the apron in front of the station.  Johnny had the window open. "I can smell it Roy, he fried chicken,"  he commented to his partner. "Johnny lunch was hours ago, you could not possibly still smell it." "I can," he asserted. Roy sighed but smiled, "Good, I hope he did and that Chet left you some. Cause I know he left me some."  Roy said shifting into reverse and backing the Dodge into the bay. Johnny leapt out of the squad before Roy even got it in park.  He dashed for the kitchen and smiled, Mike had made fried chicken for lunch.  He paused in the doorway and yelled back to Roy, "It is the chicken, I told you." He plopped himself in a seat as Mike put a plate in front of him.  He rubbed his hands together and said, "Thank you Michael," and he dug in, picking up the breast and ripped into it. Mmming as he chewed it, flavoring his first food, besides an apple, in close to twelve hours. A second plate was put on the table in front of Roy as he sat. Two glasses of milk appeared and were acknowledged with nods from both paramedics. Soon after, a whole leg quarter appeared on each plate.  Those too were quickly consumed, then the potatoes and corn was cleared from each plate with only sounds of gratification coming from the men. As soon as the last bite of chicken was masticated and swallowed, Johnny looked at Mike "Thank you,"  which was echoed by Roy. "No problem."  Mike said with a smile, then went back to reading the paper. ~ ~ ~ ~ They even had time for a piece of the apple pie Cap brought in. Then the tones sounded sending them out on yet another woman in labor call. They got back two hours later, and collapsed on the couch in the day room. "Next time there's a three day power failure, remind me to check the calendar and take a vacation nine months later, that was the fifth delivery call this shift."  Johnny griped. Roy just grunted.  He suddenly had the urge to call Jo and tell her he'd get the vasectomy they'd talked about a few months before. "John?"  Marco asked. Johnny grunted. "Did you remember to mail your taxes?" He grunted a gain. "Was that a yes grunt or a no grunt?"  Marco asked. "Better have been a yes grunt after listening to him gripe for the past three shifts because he had to pay 'cause he had no deductions accept his mortgage."  Chet said. "Joanne mailed them this morning for him." Roy said from his position on the couch. The doorbell rang.  Neither of the paramedics moved. Then they heard Cap call out, "Gage!" With a groan the junior paramedic pushed himself up off the couch. "Ug, what now?" He passed Cap on the way to the door. Cap went to the break room and got himself a cup of coffee. After a few minutes Roy wondered where Johnny went.  "Ah Cap?  Who was at the door for Johnny?" "A certified letter from private delivery service, I thought it was kinda late, but he had to sign for it."  Hank said. "Oh." Roy said.  Then after another five minutes without his partner returning, he was curious of his whereabouts, he pushed himself up off the couch. A search of the whole station did not enlighten him of his partner's whereabouts.  Walking by the back doors did.  Johnny was sitting cross-legged on the hood of his Rover. Roy went out and stood there for a minute or two watching his friend's face.  His eyes were closed and he had his head canted back a bit.  Finally he cleared his throat. Johnny slowly turned and looked at him, the brown eyes profoundly sad. "Johnny?" "Yeah?" "You okay?" He sighed, "No, but this too will pass." "John?"  Roy was concerned it sounded to him like John had been crying. "Not yet Roy."  He said then pushed himself off the hood and headed for the hose tower. ~ ~ ~ ~ They had two calls during the night one for the squad, one for the whole station.  They all got back to bed at 2 am.  All except Johnny, he laid in bed for an hour then got up.  He went to his locker.  He eased a picture out from behind the Smokey the Bear poster.  He looked at it, then as the tears came to his eyes he kissed his finger then touched it to the picture. "I'm sorry we weren't stronger babe."  Then he slipped the picture away. Roy ducked back away as Johnny stood and went to the day room.  Roy went back to his bunk and wondered about his partner. ~ ~ ~ ~ When morning tones sounded they the aroma of fresh coffee was in the air, and when A-shift  walked into the kitchen breakfast was on the table. And Johnny was nowhere to be seen, but he could be heard.  He was shooting baskets. Captain Stanley waved his men to eat while they could, then went to talk to of his junior paramedic.  "You okay pal?"  He asked the young man. Johnny caught a rebound then looked at his captain.  "I will be Cap." "Thanks for breakfast." "No problem, I was up, needed to do something." "Gonna have any of it?" John shook his head, "No, not hungry."  He said then took another shot, then chased the ball. Hank watched him, then knowing the young man wouldn't talk if he didn't want to he just said. "Well, if you need to talk..." Johnny gave him a sad smile, "Your door is open, thank you." Cap nodded and went back into the station.  He saw Roy and shrugged. ~ ~ ~ ~ Roy walked into the day room and said hi to Mike, then continued on to the locker room knowing Johnny wasn't in yet, he was concerned.  He hadn't answered his phone since they got off shift.  He froze when the door to the spare locker was closed to reveal Brice.  Craig Brice turned, "Morning DeSoto." "Brice," Roy got out then turned on his heel and went directly to Cap's office. Cap looked up at him, know what the question would be, he had been hoping Roy could enlighten him, but the look on the senior paramedic's face said he too knew nothing. So, not waiting for the question. Hank Stanley said,  "I don't know.  He arranged some leave time with HQ." Roy just sighed, his shoulder's slumping. Oh great a 'Brice day' he thought, damn you junior it had better been important. ~ ~ ~ ~ John parked the rental car just past the wrought iron gate, and climbed out.  He stood and stretched, too many hours sitting on his butt, first the plane ride to Helena from LAX, then in the car.  He drove straight here.  He looked up watching the sky for a long time, breathing in the fresh air. Springtime in Montana, well almost spring even though it was April, there was still a bit of a chill, especially for his California blood.  He looked around and saw the hint of green on some of the plantings.  Finally with no more reason for delay he moved to the gate and entered the holy place. He knew where the family plot was, he'd been there, in the background, for her grandmother's funeral so many years ago.  He saw the large family marker. He paused swallowing, he hadn't allowed his mind to think about the reason he came here, and it was one of only three things that could make him come back here.  She was dead, the love of his life.  Her name was there, and the date, her end coming six weeks before.  He'd only just found out four days before in the certified letter from a cousin, the only family member who knew where he was and that was because he'd helped pull her out of a car wreck when she visited LA five years before. He moved forward and touched her name. As his fingers traced the carved stone his knees weakened and he sank to the ground, his tears coming for the first time since he'd learned the news. She hadn't remarried.  Then the dates.  She was just few months younger than he was, but she was dead.  It had been twelve years since he'd seen her.  Since he'd been forced to leave her for the sake of his family.  He'd loved her so damn much.  So much, their lives had been ripped apart because of their love, because they had fallen in love and dared to defy her father.  His mind went back to all that had happened then, his life before. ~ ~ ~ ~ John was prepared to leave his family to be able to marry Grey Dove, not that his family had a problem with her, they didn't, and they loved her.  It was her father, Strong Bear.  He hated Johnny.  Hated him with a passion.  He actually told John to his face that there was no way in hell he would ever allow someone like John to have anything to do with his daughter.  That he, Strong Bear, would not allow his daughter to marry a half-breed, never, ever, no way, no how.  Strong Bear had said that if he ever heard that Johnny was sniffing around Grey Dove again he would take him to the barn and beat the crap out of him then geld him like he would any scrub horse he found. He didn't take him seriously.  He should have.  They left town the morning after their early June graduation from High School and drove south.  His family knew he was going and they knew why.  They regretted it but understood.  In order to be with the woman he loved he had to leave them behind, but he promised to call and to write.  He left that day and did neither, to have done so would have hurt them worse. They stopped in Idaho and got married.  Their honeymoon was the first night they were together sexually and it was more than either ever imagined it could be.  They wanted to stay there, in bed, longer but knew they had to keep moving the further away from Strong Bear the better.  They were heading for New Mexico.  Grey Dove's mother had some cousins there.  They offered John a job and a place for them to live. Strong Bear found them seven days later in Northern New Mexico.  Johnny remembered his choices, really no choice.  Disappear in one of two ways, alive or dead. If he went the living route he could not contact his family in anyway what so ever. If Strong Bear found out he got in touch with them then there would be dire consequences for his family.  So John chose the option of life without Grey Dove as long she and as his family remained unharmed. Though he chose life, he almost ended up dead at Strong Bear's hand.  It was only Grey Dove's interference that kept the irate father from killing him, instead he beat him severely, then almost made good on his threat to geld the young man Strong Bear then dumped him along the road on his way back through Utah. John spent several weeks in the hospital recovering.  Then when he was finally released he started to walk and hitchhike further away from his life, leaving behind all he loved and knew.  It was eight long months later that he found his way to LA.  The first thing he did was go to the beach and walk in the sun-warmed sand.  It was February, back home he knew they'd have two feet of snow at least. Now, here he was barefoot on the beach.  He made his way to a youth hostel and settled down for the night.  The next day he picked up a paper to look for a job, just something to earn money for food, at least until he decided what he was going to do. John leaned forward and his head touched the cold stone, he opened his eyes and traced the name again.  "You would have liked it in LA babe.  It's warm and nice, the mountains are so close.  Sometimes the air is not too good, but those days are out numbered by the good ones. You may not believe it but I am accepted there.  Most people have no clue that I am a half-breed, and if they do, they don't care.  Not like here, not like here at all." He touched the stone again. "I missed you so much honey, I have lived, but never have I found another to love like you.  You had my heart.  There has not been another to touch me like you did."  He sighed and rocked back on his heels. He looked up at the brilliant blue sky.  Big sky country.  "I wandered for a while after I recovered.  I ended up in California, can you believe that? I found my Aunt Mona, she took me in.  I, I became a firefighter.  Then a paramedic.  I help people.  I like it, it is a good job, but I'm getting too old to run around in burning buildings, I'm thinking of going for a promotion."  He let his hand drop. His head sunk, his chin to his chest.  "I wanted to come back, I wanted to tell you that I still loved you and to take you away. But I knew I couldn't face him even after so many years.  We should have kept going all night, maybe he wouldn't have found us." ~ ~ ~ ~ "Trey?" the boy asked his companion, who he had just noticed had stopped his bike and was staring into the graveyard. "Trey?" he repeated to the distracted boy. But Trey did not acknowledge him, instead he left his bike there and climbed over the fence, and weaving among the graves, made his way to one he'd been visiting regularly. He stopped and watched the man kneeling there in front of his mother's grave.  He could hear him talking in Oglala.  He was apologizing to Grey Dove for not being stronger, for not being there, for not taking her away, for not standing up to Strong Bear when he challenged their love and commitment.  He told her that he'd made a good life that he hadn't found anyone else, that he still loved her.  That he should have been stronger, they should have driven all night and not stopped at that motel along the main road. Trey's jaw dropped, this was him, the man his mother whispered to him about.  The man she loved and ran away with and married. Johnny. Johnny his father.  He must have made a noise because the man was now staring at him, his dark eyes, red rimmed, his face wet from tears. ~ ~ ~ ~ Johnny heard a noise and looked up at the boy watching him.  He brushed the tears from his face and studied the boy.  Long dark hair, almost black.  A thin child, not too tall, could be anywhere from nine to twelve years old.  Dark eyes, staring at him, as he moved from behind one of the stones, like he was memorizing him.  Like he didn't believe who he was seeing. ~ ~ ~ ~ Trey walked out into full view and looked at the front of the stone but still keeping an eye on the man.  He had dark hair and brown eyes.  He was wearing dark jeans and a red flannel shirt, he looked like he belonged, but Trey knew he didn't. He didn't look like anyone from around here, not even like the Gages.  That was what his last name was supposed to be, but he was lighter skinned than they were. ~ ~ ~ ~ Johnny looked at the boy who was studying him intently.  He rocked back to his feet and stood up.  He brushed a finger along the top of the cold granite. He cleared his throat and spoke in Oglala.  "She was a friend, a ah... special friend." Trey noticed he used the familiar form of friend, and the man's tears, he had said earlier that he still loved her, maybe this was him.  Trey walked over and stood next to him and looked at his mother's name, he traced it as John had done and as he had done several times a week since it had been carved here. He looked up at the man and decided to take the chance.  "Are you Johnny?"  He asked in English in a very quiet voice. The man stared at him in shock.  Who was this boy, still a child really, to know who he was.  He swallowed.  "Yes, my name is Johnny." "Johnny Gage?"  Trey asked. John just stared, unable to speak. "You don't look like Tank or Pony."  The boy said not waiting for confirmation.  "Or even Lawrence."  He tilted his head and with a crooked grin said,  "Not even Marie or Peep."  He didn't even think to compare him to the youngest two. Johnny put a hand to the granite to keep from falling over; this boy knew his family, his brothers, all of them, and his sisters too. "How do you know them?" The boy looked around then back to him. "I see them once a year usually, but not for a year or so now.  Mom was sick last Christmas so I didn't get to see them." "Who are you?" John was finally able to ask. The boy smiled another lopsided grin and put a hand to his chest, in a classic Johnny Gage move, "I am Trey Traveler," he said proudly.  He pointed to the stone.  "Grey Dove was my mother." Johnny took a step back.  He stared at the face in front of him, the dark hair and the dark eyes, in a face one would swear was a full-blooded.  She may not have remarried but she had a child, a child with someone else, something they had wanted to do as soon as they settled, and something they would have done had Strong Bear Traveler not found them. "Trey Traveler," Johnny repeated. Trey nodded, he cocked his head sideways.  "You're really Johnny?" he asked again, in a way unable to believe the man really existed.  No one but his mom ever mentioned him, not even the Gages, except in vague references. Johnny nodded, heart broken.  Then with a sad smile he reached for his wallet and flipped it open, he pulled out his LACo FD picture ID.  He handed it over to the boy who studied it then touched it.  He looked back up at him.  "You're a fireman?"  He heard him tell his mother's gravestone, but he wanted to hear it too. "Yeah, a firefighter and a paramedic."  Johnny told him. "A paramedic?" "Yeah, I get to help people with medical needs, if they've been hurt the doctor's can tell me what to do and I do it for people."  Johnny explained. Trey nodded then touching the id once more he handed it back to Johnny.  He made a decision then.  "Trey Traveler is only one of my names.  My family name is....." Johnny put up his hand.  "That's just for family." he reminded the boy. He smiled at him, "But you are." Trey said. Johnny stared at him dumbfounded.  He was this kid's family? "My other name is John Roderick Gage, the third." the boy told him solemnly. Johnny ended up on his knees.  His breath was in short supply.  Hardly anyone but his immediate family knew that he was technically John Roderick Gage, the second, having been named after his grandfather.  But Grey Dove, his friend for life and his wife of seven glorious days, knew.  And Grey Dove was this boy's mother, and he was.....he was his father.  He had a son with the woman he loved more than his life. The boy looked at him, then moved closer. Johnny reached a hand out to touch his son's face, then stopped. Trey smiled then moved into the man's arms.  Having wanted to meet his father since his mom had told him about him. He didn't care if anyone saw him hug this man or if they saw the tears on his face. Johnny closed his arms around the boy his tears returning. "I'm sorry."  Johnny told the boy. "I never knew. I am so sorry." he whispered. "Mom told me, told me why you weren't here, why I could never tell anyone but you my name."  He told his father.  "She loved you.  But she understood why you made the choice you did." "That's good 'cause I never did."  Johnny admitted. Trey backed up a step, "There's a bench back there" he said pointed deeper into the cemetery. Johnny stood and they went to sit.  They started to ask each other questions, and talked. Both of them were not ashamed to be crying. Two hours later Trey notice the setting sun.  "I have to go," he said.  He was already late, if he was lucky Strong Bear wouldn't be home yet. Johnny nodded.  He felt his pockets and came up with a piece of paper, he wrote his phone number on it, then his address.  "Please take this, hide it, but if you ever need anything call me," he told his son, knowing he couldn't take the boy away from the home he'd known for his whole life. Trey took it and nodded.  He looked to the back path and saw his friend still waiting, patient soul that he was. "Do you have another piece of paper?"  Trey asked. Johnny found one and gave the boy his green pen.  He wrote an address then his friend's name at the top.  "This is my friend Tim's address, he'll keep the secret, and his mom was a friend of my mom's.  It was at her place I met your family.  Write me please. I want to know so much more about you." Then he looked at the pen.  "I like this." he said. Johnny smiled, "Keep it." Trey smiled.  Then he stood up, glanced at Johnny then threw his arms around the neck of the man who was his father and gave him a quick hug then ran off. After he was a few steps away Johnny called out, "Trey?" The boy stopped, "Yeah." "Do you... ah.... would you come with me if I asked?"  Johnny asked. Trey stopped, he wanted to, but he too was afraid of Strong Bear.  He'd been on the receiving end of his temper several times.  He did not want to anger him deliberately. He looked at Johnny then back at the sun, "Yes, but he would find us," he said then ran. Johnny sat there for a while, his world had turned on its side.  He had a son, a son with his wife, a wife no one knew about.  A woman who was now dead.  A son.  He put his hands to his face and cried a few more tears.  A son he could never raise or really get to know. He scrubbed his face and went back to the car.  He drove back to the main road then headed south to the motel several towns away.  He tossed and turned all night, then getting up at the crack of dawn drove to the airport and got on a flight back to LAX. ~ ~ ~ ~ Roy was glad to see the Rover parked in its usual spot. Johnny was already in uniform and leaning against the counter drinking his coffee when Roy walked in. Roy quickly figured out that whatever Johnny had done with his extra time off it hadn't involved sleep. "Hey Johnny." he said. "Hi Roy." "You okay?"  Roy asked. Johnny nodded. Everyone was glad to see Johnny back and asked him where he'd been.  But he avoided answering them and even avoided time with Roy.  Spending most of the slow morning looking at the world from the hood of his truck. ~ ~ ~ ~ Roy backed the squad in the bay and turned to Johnny who was already hopping out.  By the time Roy got out Johnny had vanished. Roy shook his head and went to see the Cap. He closed the door behind himself. "Well?"  Hank asked. Roy shook his head. "I don't know.  He's not talking, I think he wants to but when he opens his mouth he just ends up shaking his head and not saying a thing.  But he has a look in his eye." "What?  Is he distracted?" "Yes and no, he's working well, but he's avoiding me and everyone else." "Should I talk to him?"  Hank asked. Roy shook his head, "No.  I'll try again." "Let me know if there's anything I can do." "Sure Cap." Roy said then left. ~ ~ ~ ~ Roy found Johnny in his locker,  writing intently in a small notebook.  Roy tapped on the side of the locker. Johnny looked up at him and sighed.  He knew he'd be cornered by either Roy or the Cap sooner or later.  He closed the notebook, and slipped it into his shirt pocket. "Johnny.." Johnny put up his hand. "I'll tell you." He pulled himself out of the locker and sat on the bench, closing the locker. "The letter was from a cousin, she wrote to tell me that a friend, a good friend...."  John swallowed.  My wife he really wanted to add, but knew the questions he'd be subjected to, so he kept that to himself but had to blink a few times,  "had ah, died.  It happened six weeks before."  He paused.  "I went back to say my farewells and then came home."  Leaving a son I knew nothing about there with the man who almost killed me and would destroy my family if he knew I'd been there.  "It was just hard you know, we were the same age, we... had...."  She was the love of my life, as Joanne is yours.  He closed his eyes.  "It's just hard, ya know." Roy put a hand to Johnny's shoulder.  Figuring Johnny, ever the carefree soul was feeling his own mortality. The tones pulled them from their reflection and sent the station to a garage fire. ~ ~ ~ ~ John rebuffed Roy's effort and those of his shift mates/friends to go out to breakfast.  Even refused dinner invitations from Roy and Marco.  He finished the letter he started during his first shift back and mailed it off to Trey. He they stayed to himself on his days off, thinking of more he could have told his son. The next shift was busy enough to keep anyone from trying to find out more.  Before supper it calmed and Johnny asked Captain Stanley if he could use his office.  Stanley agreed. ~ ~ ~ ~ Roy came into the break room wiping his brow, he'd just won a game of horse with Marco.  He got himself a glass of cool water then looked at the Cap and Mike playing cards at the table.  No Johnny, he was up next for the game. "Where's Johnny?"  Roy asked already knowing what the answer would be. "My office.  He asked to use it, so..." "Again?" Roy asked.  It was four shifts since John told him why he took time off.  And this was the fourth time he was taking time in the captain's office.  Roy thought that by now Johnny's mood would have lightened, but he still seemed lost in thought most of the time.  Johnny came over the first of their last off shift days and asked if he could take Chris for a while.  Roy and Jo agreed and Chris was agreeable so Johnny took him on an all day hike.  They came back exhausted.  Chris telling them everything they saw.  And for the first time since Johnny received the letter Roy saw the Johnny Gage grin. "Yeah.  Again."  Hank said then went back to the cribbage game with Mike. Roy rinsed is glass then left the room; he went to the office and tapped on the partially closed door. Then went right in.  Johnny was sitting at the desk writing.  He looked up at Roy, his dark eyes flashed a bit, but Roy couldn't tell with what emotion.  He stopped just inside the door, not wanting to intrude too far. "Yeah?" Johnny asked. "Ah, I uh.." why did he feel like he'd interrupted something important for him.  "Marco's waiting to play you for first place." Johnny looked down at the paper, then sighed.  "Ah... can you tell him I concede it to him, I want to finish this up." "Sure Johnny." Roy said and turned to leave.  Then stopped and turned back.  "Chris really loved the day trip you took him on." Johnny smiled. "He's a good kid Roy.  I like spending time with him, Jen too."  He looked down then back up.  "Thanks for lettin' me."  Though Johnny thought he'd rather be spending the time with Trey, teaching him things as his grandfather and father had taught him. Roy smiled nodded and left the room. Johnny looked at the letter to Trey.  It was his fifth one he wrote to his son since he returned home from Montana.  He hoped to the spirits that he was getting them. He finished the last line and wrote 'love dad' at the bottom with a sad smile. With a sigh he folded the pages up and put them in an envelope.  He sealed it and slipped it inside his shirt.  He'd put it in his coat when he went through the locker room. ~ ~ ~ ~ He dragged in the door, beat beyond tired.  He saw the horses in the pasture so he knew his neighbor had been up to feed them.  So he only felt a small bit of guilt in not going to see them first thing.  He was just too tired, he just wanted to find his bed and sleep for ten hours. He went thought the kitchen and looked down at the mail, the neighbor brought in.  He flipped through then stopped.  A lopsided grin came to his face.  He took the envelope out of the pile and dropped the rest back on the table. He cut the envelope open and pulled out the notebook pages.  He smiled, so like the first letter he wrote to him.  Sleep forgotten, he leaned against the counter, and read what his son had written. ~ ~ ~ ~ "Roy whatever you're doing for Johnny keep it up okay."  Cap told his senior paramedic. "You know Cap besides him seeing the kids more I haven't done a thing.  He's pulled himself out of this funk."  Roy told him as they watched Johnny beat the pants off Chet in a game of horse and gloat about it. ~ ~ ~ ~ Joanne peaked into the door of the room, then came in all the way.  Johnny was asleep, arm thrown over his eyes.  She sighed.  Again, the man kept her husband from harm, to end up here.   John pushed him out of the way of a beam in a fire and gotten clocked with it himself so he was at Rampart for at least 48 hours due to the chemical laden smoke he'd inhaled.  She sat in the chair and took up her husband's vigil.  He had been called back to duty and called his wife to take his place.  Jo had gotten then kids off to school then came in. It was, sadly, a familiar ritual.  As she waited for him to wake up, she reviewed all she still had to get for Thanksgiving dinner three days hence.  The guys were going to get off shift that morning and Johnny was joining them for their meal.  She knew that soon Johnny would wake up, smile at her and say she didn't have to sit with him.  She'd smile and say she wanted to, then she'd offer to go by his house and pick up his 'hospital kit.'  She picked up his hand; there was a small scrape on the back of it.  She held it carefully then became aware of the brown eyes looking at her.    "Hi Jo." he rasped, his throat irritated by the smoke when his facemask was knocked off. She let go of his hand and poured him some water. "Hi Johnny."  She put a straw in it and offered it to him. He took a sip.  "Thanks, I'm glad you came." She smiled, okay a change in the routine. "Want me to go get your kit?" He smiled, "No, Wade is bringing it in, I called him earlier to let him know I was here for a few days.  He's coming in for a doctor's appointment, so..." She patted his hand. "Thank you for offering." He said to her with a sad smile.  He wondered if Grey Dove would have been able to handle his being a firefighter. "No problem Johnny, with all you've done for us and what you do every day at work for me, it's just a drop in the bucket for what I owe you." He blushed. She reached over and brushed some hair from his face.  "Oh Johnny, you gotta move faster once you drag Roy out of the face of danger." She told him solemnly. He sighed, "Yeah, I think I'm losing a step here and there watching over him. I'm getting older.  I'll have to start thinking about my future soon, I think."  Joanne looked at him with this statement; he sounded so introspective. "Johnny?"  She asked. "Yeah Jo." "Are you okay? I mean in life?  I know you lost a friend a few months back." "Yeah I did, she.... she was real special to me for a long time."  He sighed.  "She was my best friend, she was my everything." Joanne said nothing, just provided an ear for him.  She realized there were some things he told her more about, than Roy.  She kept Johnny's confidences too. "Sorta like you and Roy ya know, only I knew her almost my whole life." he said very quietly.  "Only sorta?"  Joanne asked with a smile, teasing him a bit. He looked at her and corner of his lips upturned. "Well more than just sorta, more like a lot. Her father owned the ranch next door.  He bred horses and cattle.  My dad bred horses and trained them too.  He was well known for that.  Dad and I, we could train almost any horse." he whispered.  "He said I could sweet talk the worst horse into riding nice, said it was the Irish in me.  Said my brother's would be good at it too but I had that special touch, they didn't have the Irish he'd say. He'd tell me how good my mom was with horses, and that was how they'd met." This was more than she had previously known about his family. "Johnny did you love this girl?"  Jo asked quietly, if that was it then it would explain a whole lot of what had been going on with him.  Not the mortality thing Roy thought it was but something else, deeper even than that. "Yeah, I did, she.... we....even got........." The door opened and Roy came in.  "Good, you're finally awake," he said and put the vanilla shake on the bed table.  "This should help your throat."  He did not seem to notice the serious air in the room or the look of dagger's his wife was sending him. Johnny glanced at Jo, almost guilty like, then reached for the shake, "Thanks Roy." ~ ~ ~ ~ John wrote two letters during his 72 hour stay at Rampart. There were three waiting for him when he got home, which brightened his day considerably, Trey wrote him at least four times a week.  Just telling him about his life in general.  He mailed his when Roy came to pick him up and take him back to his house for Thanksgiving dinner. Two days later he went Christmas shopping.  He knew he couldn't get anything big or noticeable for Trey, Strong Bear would notice, so he got him a nice pocketknife, something that could stay hidden.  He remembered that he was twelve when his father gave him his first good pocketknife.  That was one thing he still had, it had been in his pocket the night Strong Bear had found them. ~ ~ ~ ~ Early in the afternoon of New Year's Eve, the phone rang in the break room.  Roy was closest to it so he picked it up. "Station 51, DeSoto. How can I help you?" he answered. "Is Johnny there?" came a very young voice. "No, I'm sorry he's not, he's off shift today.  Can I help you? My name is Roy and I'm a friend of his."  Roy said.  It sounded like a kid. Trey knew all about Roy, but really needed to talk to Johnny.  "Oh, ah, if you're working why isn't Johnny?" Roy smiled, "Johnny worked for someone on Christmas day so they could be home with their family, so he'd working tonight for Johnny.  Can I help you?" he asked again. "No, I really need to talk to him. I'll try his house." and he hung up. Roy stared at the phone and then slowly hung it up.  Why would a kid be calling Gage? ~ ~ ~ ~ Johnny leaned back against the back wall of his locker.  He was tired, they had a long and busy shift.  A fire at 1 am and then back and forth to Rampart four times with injured men.  Then a call out for just the squad at 7am.  They dragged back in at 8:30, handing the keys over to B-shift.  And he had to make a decision, today marked the one-year anniversary that he'd known about his son. And a week since he'd found out about the abuse.  Trey admitted to him, in his last letter, that living with his grandfather was getting harder, that the man was hitting him, punishing him for made up offenses and just getting meaner to him every passing week.  Now knowing his son was being abused by his grandfather John knew he had to do something.  He knew the man hated Trey for being his son, for being proof that his precious daughter had been with him. Johnny knew had to do something he had to make a decision, he couldn't go on like this, knowing he existed and not being able to do a damn thing about it.  He knew he could provide a good home for his son, but knew he wouldn't be able to take on Strong Bear, even though the man hated him, he would never give up Grey Dove's child to him. He had been doing some serious thinking and knew if he went for the Engineer's exam and passed he would be making more money with less danger and be able to provide a stable environment for his son. That would look good on any kind of formal paper work, when he could make the motions to get his son.  He just had to figure out a way to get his son away from Strong Bear without his family paying he price.  It gave him a headache to think about all this, he knew he had to talk to someone and he knew that someone was Roy.  He wanted to tell him about Trey since he found out but couldn't. He didn't want to admit to his best friend that he left his wife because of her father.  He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands then sighed. Roy came in from the day room.  He looked at his partner sitting in his locker.  Johnny usually only did that for some heavy thinking or privacy from the phantom and Chet was long gone. "Johnny, Jennifer insists that you come to breakfast." He told his partner as he sat to finish changing his clothes, having been interrupted earlier by a call from home. "Shouldn't she be in school?"  John asked. "You 'd think, but no, it's only half a day and she woke up with a fever so Jo kept her home." Johnny sighed. "You can catch a nap on the couch after." Johnny still hadn't budged. "Blueberry pancakes and those maple sausages you like."  He saw an eyebrow perk up on that one. Then he sighed again, maybe he should, then they could talk.  "Roy," he started in a tone that bespoke of a long topic. "Yeah Junior." "We're getting to old for this shit." Roy stared at his partner.  "What?" "You should take the Captain's exam.  I'm gonna try for the engineer's exam." Roy blinked slowly, wondering where the heck these ideas came from. He didn't get a chance to ask. "GAGE!!  Phone!" came a voice in the doorway. Johnny grunted and then pulled himself out of the locker. ~ ~ ~ ~ Roy finished dressing, then went to find Johnny. He found him still on the phone, his notebook in his hand writing something down in it.  "I know, I'll have to call the airline."  Roy overheard. John sighed then leaned against the brick wall.  "I know, and I'll get there, even if I have to drive it.   You're sure he doesn't know where he is.  Okay.  Yeah, I will.  Yes, I do want him.  I did since I found out.... Ah, tell him I'll be there for him, just...."  Johnny rubbed his chest, he had a pain.  God he'd done nothing for too long, now Trey was hurt, hurt badly. "Can you tell him I love him.  Tell him tell him that please." Johnny asked. "Thank you. See you in a couple of days."  He said then hung up.  He slapped his palm against the brick wall with a heartfelt 'dammit'.  When he turned, he was surprised to see Roy. He saw the questions in his friend's eyes, questions he couldn't deal with, not now. "I gotta go Roy, sorry, tell Jen I hope she feel better but... I gotta go," and he was gone out the door. ~ ~ ~ ~ Roy was getting dressed wondering when Johnny would get in when Charlie Dywer walked in. "So what's up with Johnny Boy, Roy?" Charlie asked. "Damned if I know.  Took off outta here after the last shift and that was the last I heard from him.   I tried calling, even went out to the ranch.  Nothing.  What do you know?" "I know that there is gonna be OT to be had here for at least the next two weeks."  Charlie told Roy. Roy sighed.  Where the hell was his partner and why hadn't he called him. "Hey just be glad that Brice has a permanent spot now.  You won't be getting him."  Charlie said, misinterpreting the sigh. "No that's not it, I was, well hoping John would have called to tell me what was going on.  But he didn't." "He'll tell ya at some point, he always does doesn't he?"  Charlie said. Roy sighed again.  "I though so, but not for the last year."  Roy confided. "Hmm, girl problems?"  Charlie asked. "I don't think so.  This is different He's been really quiet."  Roy said as he finished tying his shoes.  He stood and put his badge and nametag on. "See you in the bay Charlie, thanks." "No problem Roy." Charlie said.  Then added quietly, "Not that I helped ya at all." ~ ~ ~ ~ John checked into the motel just after midnight, and dropped his bag in the room.  He used the bathroom then left, the hospital wasn't too far away.  He knew he should get some sleep, having driven as long as he could then caught catnaps in the back of the Rover while he drove to Montana. He also knew it was too late to visit Trey at the hospital, but he could still check on him, maybe look through the door at him.  He had to see his son. There were two nurses at the desk in the pediatric ward. They watched him walk from the elevator. "Can we help you sir?"  The older one asked looking the exhausted looking man over.  He was clean but needed a shave.  His hair a bit disheveled.  Worry lines prominent around his eyes. Johnny sighed, then smiled.  "I hope so, my name is John Gage, I'm....." "Trey's father." The other filled in.  They had been waiting for him.  The social worker had told them he would be coming in. "Yeah, I am.  I ah, just got in, can you tell me how he's doing?" "He's healing well, and once he knows you're here he will only get better," the younger one told him. Johnny smiled.  "Good, ah the social worker didn't go into too much detail when she called, ah can you tell me the extent of his injuries?" They glanced at each other. "I'm a paramedic in LA, so I'll know what you're talking about," he assured them. They looked at each other, then the older one stood and motioned for him to follow her. He did. She talked as the walked down the hall. "Trey suffered some bad injuries.  He has a broken nose, two black eyes, three broken ribs, a punctured lung and a green stick fracture of his fibula.  He is deeply bruised all over his back and his buttocks.  He was really worked over." She stopped now and pointed in the window. A boy Johnny could barely recognized lay on the bed.  He had an IV in one arm and looked so battered Johnny wanted to cry. The nurse then pushed the door open.  "Ten Minutes," she whispered to him and left him there. ~ ~ ~ ~ Johnny walked to the bed slowly.  He looked at his son and felt his heartbreak.  His son laying in a hospital bed because of his grandfather.  Beaten, and hurt badly.  He wanted to go and kill the man responsible for this tragedy.  He brushed a lock of hair from the bruised forehead, then sank into the chair. "I am so sorry this happened to you Trey. You should be safe, I should have done something more, and I should have come back for you. Strong Bear almost killed you.  I'm sorry, so sorry baby," and he rested his head on his son's hand.  "I promise I won't let them send you back, I promise you that." Johnny fell asleep in the chair, his hand holding Trey's. ~ ~ ~ ~ He put his coffee down and stared at the social worker as she sat.  He'd been at the hospital for ten hours already and had three hours of sleep.  He'd been waiting for her for the last four hours. "Miss Cole.  What do I have to do to keep Trey?  To not let my son go back to the Travelers?" "That depends what are you willing to do?" "Anything."  Johnny said firmly at his point he would do anything for his son. "Okay, beside the word of his dead mother to Trey can you prove you are his father?" Johnny sighed, then pulled out the folder he'd gone down to the truck to get.  This was his only proof that he and Grey Dove had a legal relationship.  He put his marriage certificate on the table, plus the one picture he had from the event.  God he thought, they both looked so damn young.  He in the one suit he'd owned and Grey Dove in a long off white peasant dress. She looked at them both. "Trey was born 284 days later."  Johnny said quietly.  "Dove and I were together for seven days." She looked at him an eyebrow raised. "We had seven days until Strong Bear found us.  We left the day after graduation, got married the next day in Idaho then headed for New Mexico, she had cousins there.  He found us.  He...."  He closed his eyes, it still hurt to remember. She let him talk. "He broke the door down, then he hit her, I tried to help then he hit me, a couple of times, managed to break my arm.  Then he hit her again, I still tried to help her.  She was crying.  I tried, he kicked me.  He dragged her into the bathroom.  I don't know what he did to her but I couldn't hear her anymore.  I...... I....." he put his head down on the table.  "I loved her, I'd loved her for so long, we... we... planned on having kids.  We wanted them."  He closed his eyes. "He came back in and picked me up, he sat me in one of the chairs and started talking like we were sittin' down to coffee. I'm holding my arm and listening to him.  He's tapping his bowie knife on the table in front of me.  Says if I come back home and tell anyone what I had done to his precious daughter then he'd ... he'd drag me out to the barn beat me, then he'd ... he'd... geld me, and that was after he'd ruin my family.  He said that he'd ruin them financially, that he'd poison the wells. That he'd burn the barn and shoot the stock.  Ruin everything my parents had worked so hard to..."  Johnny closed his eyes again.  "If I didn't come back life would stay the same for my family except I'd not be there and no one would know what his daughter had done with me.  He even threatened to hurt her, his own flesh and blood." "And you never went back?"  She asked. Johnny shook his head.  "No.  After our 'talk', I agreed with him.  Promised I wouldn't go back.  I had no reason to at that point.  We were planning on living in New Mexico, so they knew I was leaving and had said my good byes, but he took Grey Dove back, and I ... I went away without her." "Did he leave you alone then?" "Not right away, he wanted to get his point across in a more physical way." John breathed, "He said 'damn right you're not 'cause I changed my mind, you're not going back 'cause you're gonna be dead' and then he hit me again, and again. I lost track, I finally passed out after I was on the floor and he started to kick me." "He obviously didn't kill you." Miss Cole said. He smiled a wry smile, "Came damn close.  I don't know why he didn't. He dumped me in Utah near a town that had a hospital.  I had a skull fracture, a broken arm, six broken ribs, a lacerated liver......" Johnny shook his head.  He didn't want to remember the rest. "John, did he use the knife on you?" "Yes." Johnny admitted. "I'm sorry John, but believe it or not this helps.  I have some papers to fill out, then I'll take them to a judge and have him grant you custody." "But he'll find out where Trey is." "No, he won't.  You know what life is like there, I'm sure you know the amount of abuse that exists.  We have gotten good at getting these kids out and with decent families.  We can do the same for Trey and you.  Please believe me on this.  It may take a few days maybe even a week, but Trey has to stay in the hospital for a while yet anyway so we have some time to get this done right."  She told him. He nodded. ~ ~ ~ ~ John pulled into his driveway, beyond exhausted.  He sat for a moment to get used to the truck not moving.  He looked at Trey, asleep in the seat next to him.  They had stayed in Colorado for ten days.  Trey at the small hospital social services had gotten him into to get away from his Grandfather, his abuser.  Johnny at the motel working with the social worker to get Trey legally without Strong Bear knowing.  They had some blood tests run to prove to the court that he was more than likely the father of the child and he swore up and down he was and that he would take good care of the boy.  He stayed as long with Trey as the hospital staff would allow and Trey bounced back quickly.  The bruises had faded a bit and he seemed happy, but now he was asleep.  John sighed then grabbed their backpacks from the truck then went into the house.  He went upstairs and dropped his bag in his room and Trey's in the spare room.  He pulled the covers back on the bed then went downstairs.  He woke Trey gently then guided him into his new home.  Not that he saw much of it, still more asleep than awake. Johnny got him onto the bed, took his shoes off and his sweatshirt then pushed him over and tucked him in.  He stood at the door and watched him sleep for quiet a while. ~ ~ ~ ~ "Roy, any word yet from John?"  Hank Stanley asked his senior paramedic. "No. Nothing I call his house twice a day, on the off chance he may be home.  But nothing." "I wonder why he had to leave?  Think it was family problems?"  Hank wondered out loud. Roy sat in the chair by the desk. "You know Cap for as much as Johnny talks I know very little about his family.  What I do know is that he spent a lot of time with his grandfather, he's half Sioux, and his father is a horse breeder and trainer. He ran track in High School and was the editor of the school paper. That's it, oh and he's from Montana, besides that, nothing." Hank sighed. ~ ~ ~ ~ The phone ringing next to his head woke him up, he grunted, remembering he was in his own bed, finally.  The phone rang again. He pulled it off the base. "'ello" he got out. "Johnny?"  Roy's voice said, in a very surprised tone. "Roy," Johnny grunted, still barely awake. "You okay Johnny?" "Yeah, tired.  What time is it?" "It's noon." "Okay, what day?" "It's Sunday.  Johnny, are you feeling okay?" Johnny smiled, Roy ever the mother hen. "I'm fine, been on the road, just forgot what day it is." Johnny stifled a yawn. "Sorry about that.  Ah Roy you gonna be home tonight?" "No, I'm working." "Oh," Johnny really was out of it, he forgot what shift was on. "Sorry, I forgot." he admitted to his friend. The tones went off, and the phone line was disconnected. Johnny yawned again then pushed the covers away and climbed out of bed. ~ ~ ~ ~ Roy turned from hanging up the phone to find himself the center of attention.  None of the guys had moved for the tone. "He's home, that's about it." he said and headed out the door. ~ ~ ~ ~ Johnny found Trey out by the pasture.  He was sitting on the top rail scratching both Smoky and Dancer's forelocks.  Standing behind them he could hear Trey talking to them.  Telling them he was glad to meet them that he hoped they'd like him since he already liked being here, with his dad and them. Johnny closed his eyes.  Then he scuffed a foot. Trey turned around. "Hi dad." He said with a huge smile. Johnny smiled too, "Hi son, been up long?" "A couple of hours.  I checked out the barn, met the cats." "Good, and I see your letting these two get used to you." Johnny said scratching each of the horses on their neck.  Smoky put his nose up to Johnny so John kissed him. Trey laughed, "So that's what he wanted."  He had wondered why the dapple grey had kept putting his long nose up to him. "Yeah he loves kisses, but he loves these more, " he said producing a butter mint and let the horse have it.  Dancer nosed in too. "She hasn't learned to do kisses yet." He told Trey as he held the mint up and as the mare reached for it he kissed her on the nose.  She was much more interested in the mint than kisses. Trey laughed again. Johnny smiled at hearing Trey laugh.  "Oh, let me give you a piece of advice, don't go and try to kiss your girl after doing this, especially if they've seen ya do it.  It is not appreciated." Trey found that real funny he laughed so hard he almost fell off the rail. Johnny put a hand on his back.  Trey flinched, and his laughter died away. "I'm sorry Trey." He said softly. "It's not your fault Dad." He said looking at his father. Johnny sighed. "I should have done something when I found out about you." "What?  Come back so he could kill you?"  Trey asked, from everything Strong Bear ranted about, killing his 'no good father', was one of the man obsessions. Johnny looked at him.   "Are you sure your only eleven?" Trey smiled, "Yeah just eleven, but ......" "I know, you had to grow up fast." They were silent each with their own thoughts then Johnny smiled again. "Come on, let me show you our ranch." "Cool." "Now it doesn't compare to Strong Bear's acreage or even my Dad's.  But it's nice and in ten years it will be ours." "Ours.  I like that dad." "So do I son."  Johnny agreed and they climbed the fence and went into the pasture. ~ ~ ~ ~ They wandered the pasture on foot, Smoky trailing along behind them, which was a good thing because Trey's leg, the one with the greenstick fracture, started to ache, so Johnny put him up on Smoky's back until they got to the pond. Johnny pointed different things out to Trey.  Who beamed the whole time.  He was just happy to be somewhere safe. At the large pond they waded a bit then skipped rocks laughing.  On the way back from the pond, with Trey back up on Smoky's back they walked the fence line back to the barn. John led the way into the house and as Trey sat at the table. Johnny cooked him a late breakfast. "I have to warn you, breakfast is about the only meal I can cook well.  I'll have to get Joanne to give me some lessons so I can feed you decent meals." he told his son as they sat eating. "I like hot dogs and hamburgers," he said letting him know he didn't need anything special, he didn't want to be a bother. "So do I, but not at every meal, so I think we'll have to take a trip to a few stores soon.  One for cookbooks, one for clothes for you and then the grocery store for food. Hmm maybe Jo could give us both cooking lessons."  Johnny though, Trey was more than old enough to start to learn how to cook.  He'd been to busy working with his father in the early days of getting his business going to be in the kitchen under his mom's foot. "This was good dad."  Trey told him as he cleaned his plate.  Then he waited for Johnny to clean his then he took them both to the sink.  As he rinsed he looked back at Johnny and smiled, "Mom taught me some stuff; I helped her make cookies." Johnny smiled, remembering.  "Yeah, she made good cookies."  She'd bake cookies and give him some at school.  Then he had to blink and look away.  She'd baked a bunch of cookies and made some sandwiches for their ride south. "Dad?  I'm sorry I made you sad.  I... I won't mention her again."  Trey said seeing the sadness in his father's eyes. "No Trey, please talk about her, she is the reason you have your life.  She loved me enough to marry me and loved you enough to have you.  Please, I want you to talk about her.  Yeah it makes me sad because I missed so much, but it makes me remember good times too.  You need to talk about her and I need to hear about her."  He moved over to his son and put a hand to his shoulder.  "Okay?"  He asked then hugged the boy, "Promise me you'll tell me about her." Trey didn't even flinch when his father's arms went around him and he hugged his father back.  "Yeah I will Dad." he promised. ~ ~ ~ ~ With food in their bellies  they were ready for more adventuring.  So Johnny saddled up both horses, giving Trey Smoky to ride since he was an easier horse, Dancer still felt her oats, a lot, and until he knew how well Trey rode he felt better putting him on the calmer horse.  He took him further a field this time, showing him the neighbor's property that he had permission to ride on.  Near sunset he was getting tired so he lead the way back to the barn.  They hadn't got any shopping done but figured he had a few days before he had to go back to work, then remembered he'd also have to get Trey enrolled in school.  He sighed thinking of all the stuff he had to do, then smiled, none of that mattered, he had his son, here in his home, safe and sound. ~ ~ ~ ~ Johnny showed Trey how to groom a horse using Dancer as an example, worked on brushing the dust and dander from the buckskin coat and talked to him and to Dancer. It was obvious Grey Dove had taught the boy to ride, but it was also obvious that Trey hadn't had many opportunities to practice, or even got to spend much time working with the animals.  He casually asked about what he did at his grandfather's ranch. Trey sighed.  He felt comfortable enough to tell Johnny the truth. "At the ranch I tried to stay out of his sight unless mom was with me." John sighed, he had been very lucky growing up a father who loved him, a stepmother who was a mom to him, a grandfather who was a traditionalist and taught him so much of his father's people and he had  brothers and sisters who loved him and a host of other accepting relatives. The ranch was his haven.  Not so for this child.  He had an absent father and a grandfather who hated him because of who his father was. He reached over and picked up the wide toothed comb, "Here, comb out her mane, but watch out for snarls." They worked silently for a bit, then Johnny stopped when he noticed that Trey was staring at him.  He raised his brow, Trey looked away. "Ah, dad?" "Yeah," he answered with a smile.  He liked the sound of that, 'dad'. "Ah, um......I've meet Grampa Martin and Gramma Grace and Tank and Marie and Pony and Lawrence and Peeps and RJ and David." "I'm glad you got to know them."  Johnny said to him, he did wonder who RJ and David were.  "How are they?" Trey smiled.  "Peeps is fun she goes to school in Florida, say's it was all your fault she's called Peeps." He smiled, remembering how he loved those little marshmallow Easter Peeps, and his mom had kept dressing her in a yellow outfit that reminded him a lot of them.  So he started calling her Peeps or Peeper, and well apparently it stuck around longer than he did. "Yeah it is, but I'm tellin' ya it was mom's fault if she didn't keep dressing her in that yellow outfit it wouldn't have stuck." Trey laughed. "How about the rest?"  Johnny asked, he was curious.  He was the oldest and only child of Martin and Maureen Gage.  He was five before his father had remarried and started having children with his second wife, Grace.  "Does Tank still fit his name?" "Yeah he is big, played football at South Dakota State he's a State Policeman.  Pony is just as tall but not as wide, he went to school too, he's a lawyer." "Pony a lawyer?" Johnny said with a laugh.  "And Tank is a cop?" he started to chuckle.  "Oh my god." "Marie is a nurse, she married some guy named, ah Rocco." "Rocco Lane?" he laughed again, he went to school with Rocco.  Big kid, one of the other half-breeds in his class.  He moved into town junior year, from Arizona he was half Italian and half Hopi. "Well damn." Trey smiled, glad he could give his dad some contact with his family.  "They have four kids." "What about Lawrence?" "I've only met him twice, Grampa Martin says he is the 'Angry Indian' he's going to law school too." Johnny sighed.  So who was helping dad with the ranch?  He wondered.  He was the oldest it should have been him. "RJ and David were in school with me." he said, "We were friends, I just didn't let Strong Bear know I knew them." Now he was lost. "Ah Trey who are RJ and David?" Trey stared at him.  "My uncles even though they are less than a year older than me, so they're your bothers, right?  They're twins." "Yeah, I guess" he said, he was shocked.  His parents had two more kids after he left.  Wow. "Well um, I've met them all and I was wondering dad, ah why don't you look like them?" Trey asked, it's what he'd been wondering about since he saw Johnny at the cemetery a year ago. Johnny smiled at him, "Well that's a very good question.  You've meet Grampa Martin and Gramma Grace, well Gramma Grace is Grampa Martin's second wife.  Do you understand that?" "Yes." "I am his son with his first wife, Maureen.  She died in a car accident when I was two.  It was a year or two later that he met Grace and married her, then they had kids.  My half siblings. Grace is full blooded Sioux, my mom wasn't, she was Irish."  Johnny told him.  "But Grace loved me and treated me no different from her own children, she was my mom." Trey nodded, now finally understanding some things Strong Bear would say to him. "You understand?" Johnny asked. "Yeah," he answered still thinking about things. "So what are you thinking about?"  Johnny asked. Trey looked at him surprised he knew he was thinkin' on something. "Uh, well it was something Strong Bear said. And well." "He used to call the me the half breed.  I still wonder if he ever knew my name."  Johnny said quietly. "I don't think he did.  Don't think he knew mine either."  Trey told him. Johnny sighed. Trey sighed too, "He'd call me breed, didn't know why, or kid or boy or even brat. But sometimes he'd just..."  He drifted off. Johnny put down the brush and went to him.  He wrapped his arms around him.  Trey fought it but then he cried into his father's shoulder. "He'd call me a no good bastard, said I ruined my mother's life just like the...... the no good....the no..... " Johnny rocked him.  Reassuring him.  "Just like the no good bastard who sired you?" he asked quietly, thinking Strong Bear would say something like that to an innocent child. Trey though that was close enough, Strong Bear had actually called him a dog, but the meaning was there.  He squeaked out "Yeah." "Well honey all I can say is yes, I am a half breed, but my parents were married, so I am not a bastard and neither are you.  Your mother and I where married when we created you.  You are not a half-breed, you are three quarters Sioux and one quarter Irish.  And I love you very much." he said giving the boy another hug. ~ ~ ~ ~ Johnny was hanging the pitchfork in its proper spot when he heard a familiar truck door slam.  He went to the door.  A smiled crept onto his face. Roy.  They must have been out this way on a call since and he sent his partner in on the ambulance since he was alone. He looked back into the barn, Trey was sitting on a bale of hay playing with a kitten. "Trey," he called softly. He looked at him. "My friend Roy's here, do want to meet him now, or wait?"  Johnny did not want to push him. Trey stared at him.  He didn't know what he wanted to do. "I'm gonna go talk to him.  If you want to, come out.  If not I'll see if we can do dinner tomorrow then you can meet his family too.  Okay?" "Okay," was the faint answer. Johnny brushed hay from his pants, then picked up his shirt, he exited the barn, pulling it on, but he left it unbuttoned. Roy was headed for the house. Johnny gave him a wolf whistle and headed for him. Roy stopped and turned, smiling at his partner.  Assessing him as they closed the distance between them.  He thought he looked tired, but happy. "Hey Junior"  Roy said when he was within speaking distance. Johnny smiled. "Hey partner, not stuck with Brice are ya?" "No, Charlie.  We had a call for a man down a few miles further out, so...."  Roy told him as they stopped by the squad, leaning against the grill. "Good, sorry I didn't let you know, but I had to leave in a hurry." "Where did you go?" Johnny sighed.  Now was not the time to go into it so he gave him a short version, very short and very bereft on details.  "Had to go to Montana.  Something important came up and I had to take care of it right away." "Oh, so problem solved now?"  Roy asked concerned.  Johnny never talked about home, as open as he was it was like pulling teeth to get anything about his childhood from him.  He had mentioned in passing once he was from Montana. Johnny smiled, "Yeah, things have been put right. I got what was mine."  He said softly.  Then he lifted his head, Trey had come out of the barn.  His grin got bigger. Roy turned then did a double take.  A kid was walking from the barn, a dark-haired slender child.  Roy looked back at Johnny and then at the child. "Junior?  Do you have a junior?"  He asked. The grin got wider.  "Yes and no." The boy came over and stood next to Johnny, almost leaning against him.  To Roy it looked like some one had worked this kid over good.  Bruising on his face and arms still visible. "Roy I'd like you to meet Trey Gage.  My son." Roy smiled and put his hand out. "Hello Trey." "Trey this is Roy DeSoto, my partner and friend." Trey put his hand out and shook Roy's "Hello sir, it's nice to meet you." "Good to meet you too Trey." "My Dad's told me a lot about you." Trey said. Roy's look to Johnny implied Johnny would be doing a lot of explaining. "Wish I could say the same Trey." Trey smiled.  He nudged his father, "Got some explaining to do huh?" "Your better believe it Trey."  Johnny said. "I'll call you later, maybe dinner tomorrow. Okay?" "Okay." Johnny agreed.  "Oh and Roy , ah, can you not tell..." "Won't mention it." "I wanna bring him down to see the place, figured the next A-Shift so he can meet the guys, ya know." Roy smiled, "I know Junior" ~ ~ ~ ~ Roy back the squad in, returning from the follow up at Rampart. Dwyer looked at him, "Well?" "You know there gonna pounce as soon as I walk in that door."  Roy said. "Yeah, and tell 'im what you told me."  Dwyer told him then got out of the squad. As soon as Roy cleared the door into the break room it started and Cap was the first to ask.  "Did you go by his place? Was he home?" "Yes I went by. Yes he was home."  He glanced at Charlie with an I told you so look. "Well, how did he look, Roy?" Chet asked. "He's fine, look tired but happy." "So why wasn't he here?"  Marco questioned. "He had to go to Montana to take care of something, and no he didn't explain what.  Okay?" He said then went to get some coffee. ~ ~ ~ ~ Johnny and Trey were out early Monday morning.  The first stop was the school, to see what they had to do to get Trey enrolled.  Other than a physical he had everything for that including a discrete copy of his previous school record.  He called Rampart to see if he could get Dr. Early to fit him in. Joe agreed to his request even though he knew Johnny had had a physical not that long ago. Johnny walked in just as Dr. Early was coming out of the call room. "Johnny good timing I have..." his voice trailed off as he saw the boy with Johnny.  His white brows went up and he gave Johnny a questioning look. Trey was looking around at all the people and the stuff.  It was a lot bigger than the hospital he'd been in. "Doc, this is Trey Gage, my son."  Johnny said putting a hand on his shoulder. Trey turned to look at the man he gave him a quick but shy smile. "Trey this is Doctor Joe Early, he's gonna do your physical for school." Joe recovered quickly from the shock of Johnny Gage walking in here with a son. "Yes I am Trey. So why don't you guys come down to treatment seven and we can get going on this." In the room Johnny handed Dr. Early the form from the school. Joe looked it over, standard stuff, he glanced at Johnny then looked over the information already on it, like the age, he was eleven, kinda small, so Johnny was what?  Eighteen or nineteen when the kid was born.  Then he saw the name, John Roderick Gage the third? Then Johnny handed him another folder with Trey's medical record in it.  This interested him even more.  He had noticed the fading bruises but knew Johnny would tell him in the privacy of the exam room about them so hadn't questioned him in the hall. "John why don't you get him a gown then get him undressed.  Get a urine sample then do his vital and weight okay?  I'll look these over."  Joe told him. "Sure doc."  Johnny said, knowing Dr. Early wanted to look over his file.  Given what he walked in here looking like. Trey did what his father told him, and got into the gown he'd pulled out from one of the drawers.  He peed in a cup and hopped on the scale then climbed up on the table.  Where Johnny took his BP.  Trey was captivated as Johnny did what the Doctor asked him to. "How come he had you do all that, don't the nurses do it?" "They usually do, but I was here and can do it so..."  Johnny said with a smile as he jotted down the vital signs Joe had wanted. "Oh."  He looked around the room.  "Where did the doctor go?" "He's probably reading your record." "Oh." ~ ~ ~ ~ "Joe? Are you busy?"  Dix asked him as he was leaning against the wall looking the medical record over. "Yeah.  Why?" "Oh, I think I might need to get my hearing checked." "Oh why?" "Well, I was in treatment one, and I would have sworn I heard Johnny Gage's voice saying something about a son." Joe chuckled, "No Dix, your hearing is just fine."  Dr. Early assured the head nurse and his friend. "Oh?" she said in a questioning voice. Jo opened his mouth to tell her, but his answer proved unnecessary when Johnny popped out of the room. "Hey Doc? Oh hi Dix.  Come on in I have someone I want you to meet."  He looked at Joe. "Another few minutes."  Joe told him.  This son of John's had been abused for a while. Johnny nodded and followed Dix in. "Trey you remember me telling you about Dixie?" Trey nodded. Johnny grinned, thrilled to be able to do this. "Well Trey, this is Miss Dixie McCall." "Dix this is John Roderick Gage the third, Trey, my son."  Johnny said with a proud smile. Dix was stunned.  She looked from Trey to Johnny then back. "Dix?"  Johnny asked. "Uh," she shook herself. "I'm sorry but you really surprised me on this one."  She looked at Trey and smiled. He smiled back, with the Gage grin. "Hi Trey you can call me Dixie." "Hi Dixie." "Well tiger it looks like you've had a tough time of it, huh?" She asked looking his face over. Trey glanced at Johnny who nodded. "Yeah I did, but then Dad came and got me so I'm doing a lot better now." Johnny had a pained smile on his face.  He watched them as they continued to talk.  Dix relaxing Trey and got him to laugh.  Johnny moved back against the wall, then Joe came in.  The quick look he gave Johnny told Johnny he'd be leaving Trey with Dix for a while when they talked. ~ ~ ~ ~ Johnny was spared the talk with Dr. Early when a head injury case came in that required his touch.  So Joe signed the forms for Trey, then shook his hand said he was glad to meet him and would more than likely be seeing him again. Dix gave them each a long hug, whispering to each.  John's message was that he'd be doing a lot of talking when he got back on duty. To Trey she said he had a great dad and to keep an eye on him. ~ ~ ~ ~ Joanne DeSoto opened the door and stared.  Her jaw dropped as she beheld Johnny Gage with his hand on the shoulder of a ten or eleven year old dark haired boy.  She could see something of a resemblance, but that could just be because of the dark hair and eyes, and that they were dressed similarly, in jeans and dark red flannel shirts. "Jo this is Trey, Trey this is Joanne DeSoto or Aunt Joanne." Joanne smiled at that. Then she smiled at the boy.  "Hello Trey come on in.  I hope you boys are hungry. I made lasagna." "Oh good, I think Trey needs a real meal." "I like hamburgers, dad," Trey said looking back at his father. Jo stopped in her tracks.  Johnny saw that out of the corner of his eye and smiled, then he laughed. "Hey Jo think you could give us some cooking lessons so we won't starve out at the ranch on our own?" "Ah, well, ah yeah, I think I can." she said still shocked by the appearance and Trey calling Johnny dad. Johnny chuckled again, then put an arm around her waist and steered them both back into the house proper. "Johnny?"  She asked.  "Are you going to explain?" "When everyone is here."  Johnny said. "Everyone?  I thought it was just you and a.. .. ah....guest."  She was thinking her husband was due for a talking to, alluding to the fact Johnny was bringing a girl over, not a boy who may just be his son. "Well everyone who is family, you, Roy, the kids."  Johnny said. "Oh, ah the kids, well Jenny is at a sleep over, and Chris is at a school dance. He won't be home until late." Johnny stopped, "Oh" came his disappointed comment.  He'd wanted to tell them all at the same time. "I'm sorry Johnny, but if Roy had clued me in I would have made sure they were home."  Jo told him, putting a hand to his arm. "That's okay they'll just have to meet him later." Johnny said. ~ ~ ~ ~ "So Junior?  Supper first or talk?"  Roy asked when he came in from the deck.  He noticed the puzzled look Trey gave Johnny. "Supper would be great, good food will make it all go much easier."  Johnny told him. "That's good since it should be ready in just a few minutes."  Jo said. So Roy went into the kitchen and got himself a beer, Johnny declined the offer of one and went with a glass of milk, as did Trey.  Joanne accepted the wine her husband brought to the dining room for her. Johnny put the milk glasses by the plates at seats next to each other.  He pointed to the seat nearer the head for Trey to sit. Trey glanced at the two other adults, he knew they were watching him. Johnny sat and trey leaned over and whispered to him. "Why does he call you Junior?" Johnny smiled then whispered back. "He's the senior partner, I'm the junior one, so....." "Oh, cause your not one right." Johnny smiled, "No, I'm not." "Well I was wondering since..." "I know I'll explain it."  Then louder he said "Okay?" Trey nodded "Okay." The kitchen timer went off so Johnny got up and followed Jo into the kitchen to help her bring out the meal. The salad and bread came first to give the lasagna time to sit. "So Trey where did you live before coming out here?"  Jo asked. Trey glanced at Johnny, who nodded slightly as he buttered a piece of bread. "Montana."  He kept the answer short and did not elaborate. Johnny smiled, Jo and Roy looked from father to son, exasperated. "So what do you think of your Dad's horses?"  Roy tried. "Oh they are great, nice breeding and confirmation too."  Trey replied.  Trey then grinned and he looked at his dad. "Smokey gives kisses for butter mints.  But Dad said not to kiss girls after kissing the horses cause they wouldn't like it." The adults all tried not to laugh since that advice was related so seriously. "I mean it can't be that bad, I think girls have more germs then horses anyways."  Trey told them. Johnny closed his eyes, he was holding in his laughs. "I'm sure your opinion of girls will change in a few years."  Roy said, "Chris' certainly did." "I hope not, yuck."  Trey said then took a mouthful of salad. "Oh it will son, it will." Johnny said then took a bit of his bread. Roy had to laugh then, the look of doubt on Trey's face was so similar to one he'd seen so many times on Johnny's he was amazed. Laughing at them all Jo went and got the lasagna. They talked about small stuff over dinner, then Johnny helped her clean up, with Trey bringing the stuff to the kitchen. Finally they all settled in the living room.  And John knew the time of reckoning had arrived.  He looked at Trey sitting next to him and wondered where to start.  He sighed. "Start at the beginning Johnny." Joanne said quietly. He looked at her and smiled. "The beginning, well I know I haven't ever said much about where I'm from except to say it was a reservation in Montana.  Which is true technically.  We lived on the far edge of it.  I am the only son of Martin Gage, a full-blooded Sioux, and his first wife Maureen Feeney, she was Irish through and through, born and raised in county Cork. Dad met her when he was stationed in England."  Johnny chuckled, "I'm probably close to the real Irish roots than Chet." Roy smiled, "You probably are." Johnny sighed.  "My mother died when I was two." "Johnny I am so sorry." He nodded.  "My dad remarried when I was five, a very nice woman, Grace Blue Heron.  She was a full-blooded Sioux too. She loved me and treated me great, then when I was six when their first child was born, a boy, he was named Antony, but we called him Tank.  Then two years later they had Marie, then eighteen months later, Pony, then three years later they had Lawrence and then two years after that, Peeps." Trey nudged him and gave him a look. "Oh yeah and Trey informs me there are two more just a bit older than him, twins RJ and David."  Johnny added. "Johnny you have seven brothers and sisters?"  Joanne asked.  All these years she thought he was alone. "Yeah, that what it adds up to, but I only knew five of 'em."  He clarified.  "Well, when I went to school I met this girl on the bus, she got on early and well, I got on last and because some of the other kids, who didn't care for the fact I was a breed, they wouldn't leave me a place to sit.  Well this girl, Grey Dove, moved over for me that first bus ride and well I was a goner even then.  We road that bus every school day, and she always saved me a seat.  When I got my license I used to drive her all over the place.  She was my girl, well everyone but her parents knew she was my girl.  Her father, Strong Bear, hated me I never knew how much until later.  Once when I was at her place I made the mistake of whispering something to her. He dragged me out to the barn and threatened me.  He didn't want the likes of me around his daughter.  Grey Dove had warned me that he had a temper well I saw it that day.  So I stayed away from their ranch, but not from Grey Dove."  He glanced at Trey. Trey smiled at him. "I had been working for my father since I could walk and helped him train the horses. I had money saved up.  When Grey Dove turned sixteen I asked her to marry me." he admitted to them. They stared at him.  Johnny who never went on more than three dates with a woman had asked a girl to marry him at sixteen. "She said yes, I gave her a ring and she wore it on a chain around her neck so her father wouldn't see it.   We planned to get married as soon as we graduated from high school, we'd both be seventeen and she wouldn't need her parents' permission.  She had some cousins in New Mexico, they had been up visiting over the last summer and knew we wanted to be together, but also knew that Strong Bear would never allow it.  They told us I could have a job on their ranch and a place to stay after we got married.  I told my parents, they knew too that Strong Bear would not allow his daughter to marry me.  I told them about New Mexico, and they gave us their blessing.  We left the morning after graduation." He had to pause. Trey looked at him then spoke.  "She loved you a lot dad, she says she would have gone anywhere with you." "I loved her too.  Enough to give up my life for her." he told Trey then glanced at Jo and Roy who were mesmerized by the story.  Seeing a whole other side to Johnny. "Then....?" Jo asked. "Then we crossed the state line into Idaho and got married stayed the night at a motel."  A smile crept onto his face.  "It ah, was our ah, first time together." He admitted to his friends. "Then we kept going south. We should have been further south, but, well we weren't, one night I was so tired from driving that we stopped at a motel just off the main highway. He found us." he said in a quiet voice. "What?  Who?"  Roy asked. Trey answered. "Strong Bear.  He beat up my dad and hit my mom too, then he made Dad leave and took my mother back to his ranch." Johnny was trying to fight the tremors that had started, this was harder than he thought it would be. "He broke down the door and in the first hit broke my arm.  Then he hit Grey Dove.  Then he locked her in the bathroom while he ah 'talked' to me.  He gave me a couple of choice.  Said I could live but I couldn't do it back home or anywhere near his daughter.  That I couldn't have any contact with her or my family. If I did then he'd ruin my family.  Financially and morally.  He.... My father worked long and hard to make a success with his horses, both in the breeding and training.  If I went back he'd kill me and destroy my family.  If I didn't they would be fine, and so would Grey Dove.  They'd all be fine, but they'd not have me." "He'd do something to his own daughter?"  Jo asked. "Yes." Trey whispered. Johnny nodded. "He said if I ever went near her again or even talked about having married her and been with her then he'd destroy her too." "How could a man threaten to do something like that to his own daughter?"  Joanne asked. Trey whispered something to his dad who nodded. "He had no soul." Johnny said. Trey nodded. Johnny sighed then.  "So I agreed to leave.  Said I wouldn't go back and then he said 'damn right you're not gonna 'cause you're gonna be dead' and then he hit me again, and again. I lost track, I finally passed out after I was on the floor and he'd started to kick me." "But he didn't." Johnny snorted. "No he didn't, I don't know why.  He did leave me in a world of hurt. He dumped me in Utah near a town that had a hospital.  I had a skull fracture, a broken lower arm, six broken ribs, a lacerated liver......" Johnny shook his head.  He still didn't want to remember the rest. "I walked out of the hospital two weeks later and got on a bus."  He told his friend. "Mom said she picked the lock on the door and threw herself at Strong Bear, begged him not to kill you." Trey told his father. He closed his eyes. He nodded, figures, Grey Dove would put herself in the middle.  Johnny then looked at his friends.  "I wandered around the western part of the country for a while, hell I was only seventeen.  I ended up in California, then I found my aunt, really my great Aunt Mona.  She came over from Ireland years ago, before world war two.  She'd been to the ranch to visit shortly after my mom came over with my dad., and would visit every couple of years on her way cross country to visit all her relatives.   I stayed with her until after I got out of the academy." "Johnny why did you go into firefighting?"  Roy asked, he'd always wondered. He smiled, "Uncle Mort, came to visit his sister, Aunt Mona, and he was a retired New York City Fire Fighter, well he talked a lot. And the end result was that I looked into it and seemed like a not so bad a way to make a living." "No great calling.   No desire to save the world?"  Roy asked with a smile. "No, it was a job and they paid me during training." "And you never went home, never had any kind of contact?" "Never went home until a year ago.  Contact yeah I had that in a round about way.  One of the first rescues I went on after I was a boot was an MVA.  One of the victims was one of Grey Dove's cousins from New Mexico.  He recognized me.  He agree to talk to me after I got off duty." Johnny sighed.  "He agreed to not say that he saw me.  He knew something had happened something between Strong Bear and me.  Grey Dove never elaborated in her letters. I told him some of it, the threats the beating.  He understood.  Said If I wanted he'd let me know what Grey Dove passed along."  He looked at Trey and touched his dark hair. "He never passed along anything about this surprise thought" he said with a smile. "He read her letters.  Anything she got he looked at."  Trey told him. Johnny closed his eyes. "So that's who sent you the letter about Grey Dove..." "Yeah.  That was the first time I went back.  I had to, I had to say good-bye because I couldn't before."  He looked at Trey again, this time with tears in his eyes. "That's when I met Trey.  At the cemetery."  Johnny put a hand to his son's head.  "It about killed me to leave you there, son."  Johnny told him. Trey just looked at him.  Then Johnny looked at Roy.  "I wanted to tell you when I got back but I couldn't figure out how to tell you that I had deserted my wife because I wasn't strong enough to stand up to her father.  And that she'd had my son, but she was dead now.  And I still wasn't strong enough or brave enough to bring my son home, with me, where he belonged." Roy didn't know what to say. "Then that phone call, it was a social worker."  He looked at his son again, more tears.  "I'm so sorry I left you there Trey.  I......" "Johnny what happened?"  Jo asked quietly. "Strong Bear, he...he... beat him, he..." Both Jo and Roy knew some one had laid a hand to the boy, the bruises were still visible despite the boy's darker skin tone.  But to know it was the boy's own grandfather.  That was sickening to them. "Some one called social services and they removed him from Strong Bear's home.  Trey gave them my number and then they called me.  I drove back there and the social worker and I went to court and I got custody of him, and his record was sealed. Strong Bear was told his custodial rights were severed and that Trey went into the foster care system." Johnny smiled at Trey, "So I'd like to introduce you to John Roderick Gage, the third.  My son." Roy and Jo smiled sweetly, then Roy's changed, and it became a bit devious.  "Johnny you mean to say that for all these years you've really been a Junior?" Johnny was shaking his head, "No."  He said.  "I am not and never have been a junior.  My father's name is John Martin Gage."  "Then how can Trey be the third?"  Jo asked. Johnny smiled, "My grandfather is John Roderick Gage.  I was named after him.  I am John Roderick Gage the second." he ruffled Trey hair.  "Grey Dove named him after me, he is the third of the name in my family.  He's my son." Johnny said then looking at Trey smiled and pulled him into a hug.  Trey wrapped his arms around his father's neck.  Something he had never though would happen.  He was being accepted because of who his father was.  Not hated.  He was home. Where he belonged, with his father. End? Feedback for Nancy return to main menu