John Gage, T.D.H.

by Icecat

Chet and Roy sat wearily at the kitchen table staring into their coffee mugs. Marco and Mike leaned against the counter waiting for the potato hash on the stove to brown. Cap slouched on the sofa with Henry reading the morning paper. They all frowned in irritation as Gage bounced into the room like Tigger through the Hundred Acre Woods.

Gage's voice was loud and happy as he practically sang his greeting. "Good morning, good morning, good morning! Isn't it a beautiful day?!" Striding over to the coffee pot, he poured a cup of java and began whistling a happy tune. Everyone cast baleful eyes toward him. He paused in a sip, noticing all of the grouchy faces turned his way.

"Boy, you guys are a load of fun this morning. How can you all be so crabby? It's a beautiful day!"

Chet had enough of him already. His voice dripped with sarcasm. "I guess you being dumped by Maxine last night makes it really special huh, John?" Gage gave him a blank look, while everyone else perked up. They hadn't heard this little tidbit. Instead of Gage getting indignant, he shocked them all.

"Chet my boy, you will never learn." With a smug smile, Gage sauntered over to where Chet sat. His smile grew wider. "Maxine dumped me, but as soon as she did 'Charlene' called me."

Chet's eyes widened and the rest of the men perked up as well. Chet's voice squeaked. "Charlene? She called you!?"

"Uh huh. It seems she was waitin' for me to be free. The moment she saw an opening...bam! I have a date with her tomorrow night." Gage resumed whistling a happy tune as he walked out of the kitchen.

Chet's mouth was hanging open. "Can you believe it?! Charlene asked him out!" He turned to Roy. "Have you seen what she looks like Roy?" Roy opened his mouth to answer him, but Chet rambled on. "She's a goddess! What in the hell would possess her to go out with Gage?!" Chet looked from man to man, they all shook their heads in confusion. Chet's eyes finally rested on Roy again.

"Come on Roy, you work with him all day. Hell, you even hang out with him after work. What has Gage got that would make a woman want to go out with him?" Roy looked at the coffee mug in his hand, then back up at Chet. He noticed that all of the other men were all now staring at him.

"Well...Joanne's bridge club says..."

Chet interrupted him. "Wait a minute. You're telling me, Joanne's bridge club talks about him?"

"Well...Joanne only told me about that one time so I wouldn't hear about it from one of the neighbors." All of the guys now moved closer to the kitchen table to listen to Roy's tale.

"It's not a big deal guys." Cap snorted. "Roy, your wife's bridge club is going on about him, so there has to be something to it." Roy swirled the coffee around in his mug.

"It's not a big deal." Marco spoke up. "Come on Roy, spit it out." Even the normally quiet Mike pulled a chair up and stared at Roy.

"Oh all right. Don't you guys have anything better to do than listen to stories about Johnny?" They all said nothing and continued to stare at him.

Roy looked embarrassed as he spoke. It was bad enough hearing this stuff from his wife and now he had to tell the guys. "Joanne's bridge club said that Johnny is...they said he's TDH."

Chet's face screwed up in confusion. "TDH? What's that?"

Roy's voice was bland. "Tall, dark and handsome."

Chet sputtered. "He's not 'that' tall!"

Mike folded his hands calmly before him. "If you're five foot six Chet, then six foot one would seem awfully tall."

Cap nodded in agreement. "He does have a point Chet."

"So...so he's tall." Marco smirked. "He does have dark hair."

Chet's voice was now irritated. "Yeah, but come on guys, Gage isn't handsome, he's...he's Gage!" They all turned to look at Roy again.

"Why are you looking at me?!" Chet scowled. "What else did the bridge club say?"

Roy put his head down and sighed. He should have never said anything in the first place. Cap of all people was now wanting more. "Come on Roy, spill it."

"You guys are worse than a bunch of women."

"The story Roy."

Roy continued speaking in a defeated monotone voice.

"Apparently Joanne's bridge club thinks he is handsome. He was over helping me plant those shrubs last month and Joanne said they were all making comments about him."

"What type of comments?" Roy felt like an idiot and went to stand only to have Cap stop him.

"Sit."

"But Cap..."

"Sit down."

Chet looked intently at Roy as he flopped back down. "What did they say?"

Mumbling under his breath, he looked more embarrassed by the second.

"What'd you say?"

Looking up, he spoke louder. "They said his butt was tight." He took a quick swallow of coffee and avoided looking at any of them.

Chet made a face. "That's gross." Then he leaned forward on his elbows.

"What else?" Marco smiled. "Yeah Roy, what else did Joanne say about Johnny?"

Roy's head snapped up to glare pointedly at Marco. "Joanne didn't say that."

"But you said they all agreed on it. That means she thinks so too."

Roy looked down at his coffee, swirling it around in the cup. "She said it's okay, but she thinks his eyes are nice."

Chet scratched at his head.   "I don't get it. All, of these women think he's good looking?"

Roy frowned. "Yes."

"Even Joanne?" Roy's voice lowered to a threatening tone. "Chet..."

"Okay, okay! Geez you don't have to get mad, but I'd be kind of worried if my wife and her friends all thought my partner was hot."

"Chet, Joanne didn't say that Johnny was...hot. She said his eyes are nice."

"Same thing."

Just as Roy opened his mouth to make a stinging retort, Gage walked back into the kitchen and over to the cookie jar. Taking a cookie out he took a large bite and turned around to find everyone staring at him. Roy looked a bit peeved. He mumbled around a mouthful of cookie. "What? What'd I do?" Chet smiled evilly.

"If Joanne wasn't married to Roy, would you ask her out on a date?" Gage choked on the cookie and quickly swallowed it.

"What?!"

"If Joanne wasn't married to Roy would you ask her out?"

"Chet, what is wrong with you? Roy, what's wrong with him?"

Roy sat up straighter in his seat. "Go ahead John, answer him."

Gage looked at Roy and then at everyone else. He could feel the tension in the air. He knew he was being backed into a corner some how. "I don't know. If I didn't know Roy, I wouldn't have ever met Joanne."

Chet smiled. "Pretend you met Joanne at the grocery store. Would you hit on her?"

Roy stared blankly at him. "Uh...I guess...I...why are you asking me this?"

"Yes or no."

"Well...if Joanne weren't married...which she is...I might ask her out. Is that what you wanted to hear?" Chet smiled knowingly and nodded his head at Roy. Roy frowned and Gage knew that some how he had given the wrong answer. He could feel the tension mounting. Roy pushed his chair back and walked silently out of the kitchen. Gage looked at all of the guys at the table, clearly confused by what had just happened.

"What's going on?"

Chet smirked. "Joanne thinks you have nice eyes."

Marco grinned. "And her bridge club thinks you have a nice butt."

Gage started smiling, but it faded, his face becoming a mask of confusion. "Then why is Roy mad?"

Chet folded his arms. "You just said you thought Joanne was a hot chick."

"I did not! I said I might ask her out if she wasn't married!"

"And you only ask out hot chicks."

Shaking his head in annoyance, Gage exited the kitchen in search of his partner. What had started out as a wonderful morning was turning into a real mess. Walking around the squad, he found Roy checking the trauma box. Roy didn't look up when he stopped in front of him making him feel uncomfortable. All he did was answer their question and now he was being given a cold shoulder by his friend.

"So do we need anything?" Roy ignored him. "Um Roy." He couldn't believe this was happening to him. He hadn't done anything wrong. "Oh come on Roy, I didn't do anything wrong! Why're you mad at me? You should be mad at Chet for even bringing it up!" Closing the case, Roy stood and put it back in the squad, locking the compartment shut he turned and gave Gage a cold look.

"So you'd ask Joanne out on a date, huh?"

Gage held his hands out. "Yeah I would, if she wasn't married! She's can cook, she's good with kids, she keeps a nice house and she's pretty...but she's married...to you." He got no response. He was now getting desperate. "When have you ever seen me ask a married woman out?"

"I haven't, but that doesn't mean you've never done it before."

Gage stared back at Roy in shock, then he began getting angry. "Ya' know, you think you know someone and then all it takes a something like this to really let you know what they think of you. Do you really think I'd stoop so low as to ask out a married woman? Why would I need to do that anyway, it's not like I'm desperate or anything?"

"Oh so now you'd have to be desperate to ask out my wife!"

Shaking his head in disgust, Gage finally gave up. "Man, I don't know what's gotten into you, but I don't need this crap." Turning, he quickly walked away from the squad, leaving Roy to stand alone and fume. Making his way to his locker, he flung it open and began pulling things out. It didn't take long before everything was laying in a pile on the floor. Looking up at the locker door, he sighed as he looked at the picture of him standing with Joanne, Roy and their two children.

He stared hard at the picture, wondering what had brought on Roy being so upset with him. Looking closer at the picture, he frowned. He had never thought about Joanne as anything other than Roy's wife. She was like family to him. A sister. The idea of even asking her out on a date made him queasy.

Someone walked up behind him and he knew they were looking at the picture just like he was. He ignored whoever it was and began cleaning up the mess he had made of his locker's contents. As he began placing things back he resisted the urge to look over his shoulder to see who it was. Instinct told him it was Roy so why bother causing any more trouble.

"Johnny...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did." Pausing as he placed a pair of sneakers in the locker, he debated on whether or not to answer him. The sting of Roy's accusation still rang loudly in his ears. He chose to ignore the apology. He was getting tired of having people be ignorant to him and then expect him to be all happy and forgiving at the drop of a hat.

"Johnny?" Roy stared down at Gage's back, noticing his tense posture. Looking back at the picture taped to the locker door, he knew his partner had a right to be angry with him. Gage would have never even thought about asking Joanne out or even brought up the subject unless Chet had prodded him to give an answer. He felt even more guilty when he knew he had also demanded an answer as well.

"I'm sorry...I know you've never even thought about Joanne like that..." Gage snorted as he hung his jeans up.

"...it's really my fault...I shouldn't have told them what Joanne's bridge party said about you to begin with." Gage's ears perked up at that.

Turning around he gave Roy a curious look. "Who said what about me?" Roy knew Gage was on the verge of forgiving him if he was speaking to him. The man couldn't hold a grudge if his life depended on it.

Resisting the urge to smile, Roy quickly told him everything that he had told the rest of the crew. By the time he was done talking, Gage was actually smiling. "So Joanne's bridge club thinks I'm good lookin' huh?" Roy nodded his head yes. "It's a shame they're all married though isn't it?" He gave Roy a pointed look, making him feel guilty again about what he had said.

"Look Johnny, I said I was sorry."

"Yeah, I know you are, but from now on Roy give me the benefit of a doubt. You know me...or at least you should by now. Think before you start agreeing with Chet. I mean come on, you agreed with Chet!"

Roy smiled and shook his head. "Yeah, I did kind of let him get me riled up."

Gage looked cautiously around them and smirked as he lowered his voice. "How about you and me paying ol' Chester B. back for causin' all of this?" Roy's smile in return said it all.