The Conclusion to Twenty Minutes by Kajakat "Good bye Roy.  Take care, my friend…….  Sorry about not livin' up to our deal."  Johnny moved the SCBA mask off his face. "I can't breathe."  He coughed. "I CAN'T BREATHE. My brain is going to explode. Wha?  What just happened?  A minute ago……. Wait, what happened a minute ago?  Why can't I remember? Boy, I feel light.  But I can't see anything, I can't feel or taste anything either.  An' forget about hearin' anything. What was I so worried about a minute ago?  I guess it doesn't matter.  Wow, it's so calm and quiet.  I feel so at peace.  Hmm!  I could like this.  But there is something in the back of my head trying to remind me of something I gotta do.  I just can't remember it.  I guess I'll just float here 'til it becomes important." *** "Don't you do this to me John Roderick Gage!  Remember the deal we made?  You can't die on me without fulfilling your end of it!"  Roy yelled at Johnny, to no avail.  Roy's face was flushed with anger.  Mike Stoker was force-ventilating Johnny, Chet Kelly was performing CPR as Roy inserted an IV into Johnny's vein, hoping beyond hope that these medicines would reverse the damage that the lack of oxygen caused.  No one ever heard Roy speak in such harsh terms to anyone, especially toward his partner.  But no one ever thought that Johnny would stop breathing or his heart would stop beating, after being rescued from a building collapse after his air supply ran out.  Saying the situation was tense was an understatement.  Marco stood in the distance watching, twisting his rosary beads in his hands, saying a silent prayer.  Roy returned to performing CPR as Chet crouched next to Mike, ready to assist at a moment's notice.  He kept closing his eyes, willing his friend to breathe. The Captain was still maintaining the collapsed building scene but stood within distance to watch his crew, especially his injured man. "No spontaneous respirations Rampart," Roy glumly said to the hospital via the biophone.  He balanced the biophone between his head and his ear as he continued the CPR. "Continue using forced ventilation.  Watch his vital signs.  His heart rate is strong, so you can stop CPR.  But get him in here immediately, 51.  What's the status of the ambulance?"  Brackett barked. Roy, Chet and Mike looked up from that summons and noticed no ambulance was around.  With the handi talkie out of his pocket, Roy questioned the dispatcher for an update.  Although it wasn't hot, beads of perspiration dotted his forehead. "Rampart, the ambulance should be here within five minutes." "Dammit 51, we don't have time to spare!" Brackett yelled at Roy, but not meaning it as a direct slap at the paramedic.  He was frustrated, angry and scared.  He didn't know how long Johnny was without oxygen.  Under the best of circumstances, Johnny could start breathing on his own and suffer no ill effects.  Under the worst circumstances, Johnny could have brain damage from the lack of oxygen, which would mean a whole level of supportive care depending on how bad the damage was.  After taking a deep breath, Brackett composed himself.  "Okay, Roy, do the best you can.  Keep an eye on his vital signs and get him in here as soon as possible."  Brackett let out a heavy sigh and turned toward Dixie.  "This is gonna be tough Dixie.  You better alert Joe, since neurological testing will be needed."  Dixie nodded and left the base station to find Joe Early.  Brackett pounded the receiver in anger, breaking the pencil he had in his fisted hand. Roy didn't acknowledge Brackett's orders, but understood them.  He was to watch Mike force the air into Johnny's lungs.  Roy had to watch the heart monitor and Johnny's other vital signs.  Until they got to the hospital there was nothing he could do, unless Johnny took a turn for the worse. Within five minutes the ambulance arrived.  Malcolm, the ambulance attendant traded places with Mike and took over the ventilation.  Roy was settled into the ambulance; Mike closed the doors and thumped two times indicating it was okay for the ambulance to leave. Stanley looked at his men, who were looking to him for answers.  Times like this made it difficult for their captain.  He didn't have the answers or the miracles his men sought from him.  He knew his crew would be needed here to help with the cleanup of the collapse.  But Roy would need to be picked up from Rampart.  Stanley had to decide if Lopez or Kelly should be the one to do so.  Lopez was calmer and would offer more support for Roy, who would need it.  But Chester B., well, although he and Johnny usually sparred with one another, Chet and Johnny were good friends.  If something was to go wrong and Chet wasn't there, Stanley would regret it the rest of his life. Looking at his gathered crew Stanley spoke up.  "Chet, you take the squad to Rampart to pick Roy up." Chet ran toward the squad and shouted his thanks to his captain.  "I'll call you and let you know how Johnny is."  Stanley acknowledged Chet's statement and patted Marco on the back.  "Let's get this place cleaned up so we can go back to the station."  The two men slowly, somberly walked back to the collapsed building that until recently, was Johnny's tomb. *** The ride to the hospital was uneventful.  Johnny's vitals stayed the same.  Roy knew that as soon as they were in an emergency room, Johnny would be intubated.  Roy was sort of glad he didn't have to intubate his friend.  It was such an invasive procedure, even though his friend was unconscious and wouldn't feel the violation.  Perhaps Brackett realized that and that's why he ordered the force ventilation.  Roy knew he could do it if he had to.  But then, Roy looked at his hands and saw they were wet with perspiration.  He raised his right hand and saw it was shaking.  Yeah, Brackett was wise not to have him do the intubation, he thought. The ambulance arrived at Rampart and backed into the emergency bay.  Dixie, Brackett and several orderlies were at the back door waiting for them. "Any changes Roy?"  Brackett asked as they walked toward treatment room two. "No."  It was said without emotion.  Roy made eye contact with the doctor.  Brackett saw the fear in Roy's eyes.  Now it was Brackett's turn to be strong and support Roy's anxiety. "Roy, how about you grab a cup of coffee and clean up a bit?  You've been at it for some time and must be exhausted."  Brackett said with compassion. But Roy ignored Brackett's comment and followed the gurney into the treatment room.  Brackett turned around and stopped his entrance.  Brackett looked at Dixie and she understood.  "Come on Roy.  Let Joe and Kel take care of Johnny."  Dixie softly said.  It was then Roy realized Brackett's statement was a quasi order and not a gentle request.  With Dixie taking the dejected man by the arm, she led him to the Doctor's lounge to give him some time to gather his thoughts and clean up. *** "I wonder where I am?  Hmmm.  Wherever it is, it's sure quiet.  I wonder if I'm dead?  Am I dead?  Wow, whenever I'd think that thought, about death, I'd get a queasy feeling in my stomach.  But I don't feel that way now.  I guess I am dead. So this is death.  Not what I thought it would be.  Kinda quiet.  Really quiet.  Don't think I like this.  Hey, what's that?   I can see something.  Lemme concentrate on that and see if I can get over there." *** Roy sat in the Doctor's lounge, alone.  A tepid cup of coffee was in front of him.  Maybe he took two sips, but it didn't matter.  It didn't taste good.  Nothing would taste good any more if Johnny didn't make it.  His whole way of life would be different if Johnny died. The door opened and Chet walked in.  "Any word yet Roy?"  He asked as he walked over to the table and sat down across from his friend. He was eager to hear some good news about Johnny's condition. "No, nothing.  And they don't want me waitin' in there."  Roy leaned back against his chair and pushed the coffee further away from him. Chet sighed heavily and looked at the dejected paramedic. "Come on Roy.  That doesn't mean anything.  They know……if they needed your help, they'd tell you to stay.  Remember when he got bit by the snake, they threw us all out.  We'd just get under feet."  Chet earnestly said. Roy gave out a weak laugh, sort of agreeing with Chet's reasoning.  "Yeah, I guess you're right.  They don't need me there, but, if….."  Roy couldn't complete the thought. It took Chet a moment to figure out where Roy's comment was going.  "Roy, you can't think that way.  We're talking about Johnny here.  He's scrappy.  He'll get through this."  Chet paused, running out of positive ideas.  "And if something were to happen, Roy, Dix knows where you are.  They'd come and get us to say, to say…."  Chet couldn't continue.  Roy looked up at Chet and noticed how afraid he looked.  It only made it harder for Roy to maintain his composure.  Their anxiety was feeding off each other, so Roy decided to get up.  He picked up his cup of coffee and brought it to the sink to wash it out.  After drying the cup and putting it back on the shelf, he walked over to the couch, sat down and rested his weary head on his hands.  Time was moving too slowly for him now. *** "I wish I knew what time it was.  I mean how long have I been dead?  But I guess time doesn't matter here, wherever I am.  Hey, that light is getting closer.  Good, I'm getting somewhere.  But there's something still botherin' me and I wish I could remember what it was.  It doesn't really matter' cause I can't do anything about it anyway." *** Brackett walked into the Doctor's lounge and found JoAnne, Roy and Chet sitting there.  It was more than twenty minutes since Johnny was brought in and he knew he'd have to give them some information. Fear and hope greeted Brackett as he opened the door and walked in. "Johnny's still holding his own.  He's intubated and his vitals are steady.  We're running some tests to determine his oxygen saturation level, but…."  Brackett trailed off and put his hands in his overcoat's pockets, a trait they'd all seen in the doctor when he was worried.  He grimaced then continued, "He shows no sign of consciousness and isn't reacting to any pain stimuli." Roy let out a heavy sigh.  "Does this mean…." "It doesn't mean anything Roy.  Johnny could wake up now and start talking." "…Or he could never wake up."  Roy finished Brackett's thought. "We won't know that 'til we've run the tests.  Joe's going to run an EEG to see what's going on in his brain, if there's any activity.  We'll have those results soon." Roy expected Chet to make some sort of sarcastic comment about Johnny's brain waves, but didn't.  Instead Chet said, "Roy, I gotta go back to the station."  The expression on Roy's face was sheer dismay.  He didn't want to leave now, but understood that although the squad was out of service, the engine wasn't and Chet was part of the engine crew.  Chet stood up and Roy reluctantly followed that action. "Roy, honey, I'll stay here and call you if anything comes up.  Maybe by the time you get back to the station, Captain Stanley will have a replacement for you and Johnny."  JoAnne stood up and gave her husband a hug and whispered something into his ear that made him smile. "I agree JoAnne." "Bye JoAnne," Chet said as he moved Roy out of the lounge.  JoAnne and Roy made eye contact one last time before he left. JoAnne sat down and the couch holding a stuffed animal that Jennifer gave her to bring to her Uncle Johnny.  Although JoAnne knew the likelihood that Johnny could accept this small token anytime soon was small, she couldn't disappoint her daughter by saying no. *** "Boy that light is getting closer.  And I smell something, like baby powder.  No, not that, but something like it.   Wow, wherever I am, it's weird. Ow!  What was that?  That's funny.  That's the first time I felt pain, but it's gone now.  Where did that light go?  Oh, there it is.  Let me head that way again." *** For twenty-four hours, there was no change in Johnny's condition and he was settled in ICU.  Numerous machines were attached to Johnny, monitoring his condition.  The good news was the EEG showed brain activity which meant the oxygen deprivation didn't caused too much damage, if any, to his brain.  Now it was a matter of time to determine if and when Johnny would wake from his coma. *** Roy walked into the Emergency wing at Rampart and found Dixie sitting outside the base station.  "How is he today?"  Dixie looked up at her friend and saw how exhausted he looked.  "There's no change, Roy." "Oh."  That's all Roy would say.  He wanted to say he was scared, knowing the longer Johnny remained in this state, the less likely he would come out of his coma.  He wanted to tell Dixie he was afraid, but didn't.  She'd know how he felt so he didn't have to voice his concern. "I'm gonna go upstairs.  I'll tell him hello for you."  Roy smiled at Dixie before he made his way to the elevator. The ride up to the ICU ward was a slow one, allowing Roy too much time to think about the 'what ifs'. What if Johnny wakes up and he's not himself?  What if Johnny doesn't wake up?  How long can Johnny stay at Rampart before they need to move him to a nursing home? This wasn't the first time Roy had these thoughts, but they confronted him bluntly as he headed for Johnny's bed. Annabelle, the nurse in charge of Johnny, acknowledged Roy's presence. Roy smiled back at her as he sat down in the chair to carry out his vigil. *** "Every time I get near to that light, it moves away.  I don't understand it.  I wish I could remember what I had to remember.  It keeps gnawing at the back of my mind.  Oh well, if I meant to remember it, it'll come back to me." *** Roy was sitting next to Johnny reading the newspaper to him, specifically the sports section when an alarm went off.  He put the newspaper down and looked at the monitor that was sounding. "Roy, you've got to leave," Annabelle said as she ran to Johnny's side.  An intern and another nurse who pushed Roy back out of the way, joined her. Roy stood back watching the activity, wishing Brackett or Morton was up here supervising the activity.  The inside of Roy's lip was raw from his constant biting.  He felt so helpless. *** "I can't believe I've made it to the light.  Wow it's so bright and warm.  And that smell, ummm, it's so nice. *** "Get that crash cart in here now!"  One of the doctors shouted at anyone who would listen. For a man of action, Roy was motionless. His arms were wrapped around his chest as he witnessed Johnny seize.  He was watching his best friend die and there was nothing he could do but stand against the wall.  *** "I'm here!  I made it to the light! But I still have that nagging feeling I've forgotten something.  Oh yeah, I had to tell Roy something.  What was it?  Ah, um, what was it?  Oh yeah, I remember." "GO BACK!" "Huh?  Who said that?" "GO BACK!" "There it is again.  Go back where?" "GO BACK.  WE'RE NOT READY FOR YOU!" "Huh?  I don't get it?" "IT'S NOT YOUR TIME." With that said, Johnny's essential quality was catapulted away from the light. *** The bevy of activity around Johnny settled down and Roy approached the bed once Annabelle called him over.  Immediately, Roy looked at the monitors and saw the readouts.  Johnny's vital signs were back to a more normal level.  The crisis was over, for now. *** Several hours later, Roy was taking a break at the Rampart cafeteria.  Brackett saw him sitting there and walked over to talk with the stricken man. Roy looked up with a worried look, fearing another setback.  "Doc?" Brackett smiled, "he's okay for now.  Actually, the tests are looking better.  Sometimes it takes a crisis such as Johnny went through to set the mark." "So will he recover?" "I think so, Roy.  It just may take time." Roy shoulders slumped as he relaxed hearing the tentative good news.  "Are there plans to move him to a long-term care center if he doesn't wake up?" Brackett grimaced and placed his hand on Roy's arm.  "It's too early to talk about that.  And, I'm not ready to release my favorite patient." "I'm gonna go back upstairs then."  Roy stood up, leaving Brackett alone. *** Later that afternoon, Roy was sitting by Johnny's bed, dozing.  His head was leaning against the wall and he was slightly snoring.  The nurses and residents smiled at the sight, only imagining how difficult it was for Roy to keep his vigil. The vent alarm went off startling Roy and Annabelle.  Roy looked over and saw Johnny's eyes open, staring at him.  A huge grin appeared on Roy's face as he turned the vent alarm off. "I'll have Dr. Brackett paged."  Annabelle said after she checked Johnny's readings. "So Junior, you decided to come back home." Johnny blinked his eyes twice, indicating yes, indeed he was back home. *** Two days later Roy was sitting in Johnny's room, amazed at his recovery.  Johnny had some weakness in his hands, but with physical therapy and time, he would gain his strength back.  There were also some memory lapses, which Joe Early believed would heal with time and patience. "So I was clinically dead Roy?"  Johnny asked.  His voice was gravelly from the smoke inhalation and from the intubation. "Well I wouldn't say that.  Your heart was beating and there was brainwave activity, but you couldn't breathe on your own."  Roy didn't want to tell Johnny that indeed he was at death's door.  He decided to change the topic. "Doc Early says you don't remember anything about the collapse." Johnny touched his casted leg.  "Well, I kinda remember some things, but it's all jumbled together.  I had this nagging feeling that I had to tell you something too, but I couldn't remember it.  But, I'm not worried.  Doc Early says this kinda amnesia is typical with people who went through what I went through.  I still can't believe I was without oxygen."  Johnny flexed his hands, doing some exercises the therapist wanted him to do. "Yeah, we don't know how long you were deprived, 'cause when we found you, your tank was empty." Johnny thought for several seconds before speaking again.  His expression became serious. "Boy Roy, that musta been tough for you." "No more than when you were hit by that car."  Roy smiled trying to reduce the magnitude of Johnny's injury. "I think this was a bit more than that, Roy."  The two men laughed.  "I don't remember much, except floating, being in limbo kinda lost.  How long was I out of it?" "About three days." "Man, that's a long time.  Were you here the whole time?" Roy blushed, "well, not when I was working, but even then, I did stop up." "Brackett told me I crashed." "Yup you did." "Did you see that Roy?"  Johnny was serious, worried that Roy saw something no one should ever witness, the death of a friend. "Yeah, but then Annabelle pushed me away." "Hey, I'm sorry."  Johnny grabbed his water, put a straw in his cup and took a sip.  His hands were still shaky so Roy helped steady the cup.  "Thanks." "Well don't ever put me in that situation again, okay Johnny?" "Roy I promise." "Yeah, Junior we made that deal and you nearly broke it." "The deal?"  Johnny asked. "Yes, the deal.  That we'd both grow old together and retire from the department on the same day. "Oooh, yeah that deal."  Johnny was pensive and quiet.  "You know I had this strangest dream, I guess, when I was dead." "You weren't dead, Johnny." "I know Roy, but I wasn't alive either.  Like I was sayin' this dream I had was weird, at least what I remember of it, which isn't much.  I kept trying to get somewhere but when I got closer, it got further away.  And finally when I got there, someone yelled at me to go away or go home or go back.  I dunno… I can't remember it and when I try hard to think about it, I get really tired." "I guess, Johnny, if you were suppose to remember it, you would."  Johnny yawned, indicating it was time for him to take a break.  "Look Johnny you need to rest now.  I think Chet's gonna come by tonight and I gotta spend some time with my family."  "I know Roy and I appreciate all you've done and all you had to face…" "Johnny….." "Roy, listen to me.  I know what happened in ICU and I know you saw it.  An' all I'm sayin' is thanks." "Okay."  No other words were said by either man for several long seconds. "Now, go home to your family and let me get some sleep before Chet talks my ears off for twenty minutes without comin' up for air. Roy stood up and started to leave.  He looked back at his partner, his friend and saw Johnny's eyes were closed. "Rest in peace, my friend, rest in peace." *** Author's comments - I got some wonderful feedback about doing the point of view story.  I hope to come up with another one so you authors and readers can have some more fun. Any medical errors are mine.  I want to thank Betty & Ria for their assistance with my story.   Remember, editors who are authors like feedback too!  Kajakat return to main menu