Johnny Come Home

by Icecat
 

Every muscle ached, every movement exhausted him. All Roy wanted to do was to get back to the station, take a shower and go to bed. He looked over at Gage's soot covered figure next to him in the squad. He was slumped against the door, staring blankly out the windshield. They were both bone tired, but he could tell something other than the run they had completed was dragging his partner down.

Entering the station, they quickly cleaned up, then made their way to the sleeping quarters. Gage made a beeline for one last trip to the bathroom and Roy headed for his bunk. As he sat down, Roy looked around the room at the men in various stages of preparing for bed. He smiled as the scenes reminded him of his days at summer camp as a child.

Laying down, he shifted, trying to ease himself into a comfortable position. Gage came around the brick partition, pulled back the sheets of his bunk and flopped down. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, then sighed heavily before throwing an arm over his eyes.

Roy kept looking over at him, expecting Gage to roll over and begin talking. Sometimes when he was bothered by things, he'd want to talk before trying to sleep. Instead, he remained silent and still. Just as Roy was about to whisper over to him and ask what was wrong, Gage flung the covers off, pulled his pants on and walked silently out of the room.

Roy stared at the empty bunk. A part of him wanted to let Gage have his privacy, but the larger part was dying to go out and play big brother with the younger man. He couldn't help it. Throwing the covers back, Roy stood and pulled on his pants and went in search of Gage.
 
It didn't take all that much searching to know where he'd be. Sitting on the small couch in the kitchen area, Gage stared at the television across the room. "Lassie Come Home" was on. Walking across the room, Roy motioned at the couch. "Do you mind if I sit down?" Without saying a word, Gage scooted further down the end of the couch leaving room for Roy to sit.

Sitting down, Roy watched the movie, patiently waiting for Gage to begin their conversation. It didn't take long for it to happen. "I know how she feels."

"Huh?"

"Lassie. I know how she feels." Roy turned and gave him a very confused look. Gage motioned at the screen. "She wants to go home, but can't. I mean, I know she does eventually, but at first it seems like she's never gonna get to."

Roy frowned. "Johnny, what are you talking about?"

Gage slumped back on the couch and sighed. "You remember last week when Chet made that crack about why'd I leave the rez?"

"Yeah."

"I really didn't want to, but had to you know. There's nothing there for me. It's...I didn't want to be like my dad." Running a hand through his hair, he blew out a deep breath.   "He worked himself to death and never got anywhere. I didn't want to do that. I wanted something better." Looking at Roy, he smiled slightly. "Things were bad back on the rez, but not the way you might think. I mean we didn't have much, but my mom and dad were the best. I use to follow them around and help with the chores and stuff when I was little. They never thought I was a pain in the ass. Mom use to sew stuff. She'd make dresses, wedding gowns and stuff for the women off the rez. She use to let me have the scrap material to make thing if she couldn't use it herself."

His eyes got a sad look and he turned to look back at the television. "She got sick when I was twelve. Medical treatment was hard to come by and really expensive. Mom didn't want to add to the bills and she kind of hid that she wasn't feeling right."

Roy smiled at him. "Sounds like someone else I know."

Gage gave him a weak smile in return. "Yeah, Dad always said I looked like him, but acted like her. He called it a good mix."

He closed his eyes briefly. Roy could tell he was holding back his emotions. When he continued talking it was in a tight voice. "By the time Dad noticed she wasn't feeling well, it was too late. The cancer had spread and there was nothing they could do for her except wait for her to die. The local medicine man gave her some really good stuff though. He'd never tell anyone what it was, all I know is Mom didn't suffer all that much. One day she went to sleep and never woke up."
"I'm really sorry Johnny."

"Yeah, so am I. Joanne reminds me of her. She was always making sure everything was clean and taken care of. Like I said, we didn't have alot, but she took pride in everything she did. She said, if you were going to bother to do something, do it with all your heart and you'd never fail. From cleaning the house to making those dresses, she was a perfectionist. It drove Dad nuts sometimes." Roy smiled again. That sounded exactly like Gage.

"After she died, Dad worked more and more. I took care of the house and I'd try to do all of the chores so he could rest when he came home from work. He did construction. I'd watch him come home and I knew he wanted to fall into bed, but if I couldn't get something done, he'd go and finish it. He'd say Mom wouldn't have let things go half done." Gage rubbed at his thigh. "Man, that made me feel like crap. He was dead tired and he'd have to go and work more when he came home."

"You were only a little kid, Johnny."

"Yeah, I know that now, but try and feel that way when you're growing up." Running his hands over his face, Gage stretched his legs out in front of him. "As soon as I graduated from high school, I told Dad I was gonna leave the rez. He didn't yell or scream at me, but I could tell he was disappointed. I know he was hoping I'd stay and try and make things better there." Gage chuckled and gave Roy a smile.

"Believe it or not, I was one of the smart ones at school. My uncle and my dad thought that since I could think in two worlds, white and Indian, then maybe I could sort of bridge the gap. I could be a mediator or something when they'd discuss stuff with the government guys." His smile grew wider, the pride showing in his face.

"My granddad taught me all the history and legends of our people. I can tell you stories that most people never even heard of. He use to take me to meetings with all the other elders and some other boys they were teaching. They'd tell the stories, show us all sorts of cool stuff. Man , I use to love going with him to those things.  Him and my dad were the ones that taught me our language because the school wouldn't. If you wanted to learn it, you asked your family or you went to a special class once a week. Dad said the classes were worthless and Grandpa would spit on the ground every time I mentioned them."

Gage stopped speaking and stared at the television for a few more minutes. Roy shifted his attention back to the movie waiting for him to pick up where he left off. "When I left I figured he thought I was a failure. I know he was mad, but he never said anything or argued with me about leaving. He just let me go." He looked back at Roy. "I called him after we graduated from the paramedic program. He told me he was proud of what I'd done. That was the first time I figured out that he was glad I left. He knew I'd do better than him."

Roy could see something more was involved as Gage suddenly turned away from him. "Johnny?" He could see his breathing had increased a bit. It dawned on him that he was trying not to cry. Roy hated to see people cry. He wasn't a cold person, he just couldn't deal with it, so he remained silent, praying that Gage would get his emotions under control. It took a bit longer this time. Roy felt himself beginning to nod off and was about to suggest they go to bed, when Gage finally resumed talking.

"I was supposed to go back and see him last year, but I never got the time and I didn't exactly have the money for airfare, so I told him I'd see him this year. I was supposed to be going tomorrow."

Roy sat up straighter. "What happened?"

"He died six months ago of a heart attack. He died on the job Roy, sweating like a pig, waiting for an ambulance to pick him up. They don't have paramedics there. I keep wondering if I'd have been there, maybe I could have saved him."

"Johnny, you can't think that way. You don't know if you could have helped him. He could have still died whether or not you were there in the first place."

"Yeah...maybe."

"There's no maybe about it Johnny. You and I have both seen it. People that don't look like a candidate for heart attacks die all the time. You're father could have just as easily have died from an accident on the job. You wouldn't be able to prevent that any more than we can stop things from happening to us."

Gage sighed. "I know Roy...it hard you know. I really miss him." Roy stayed silent. He knew what Gage was feeling having lost his own father. There was nothing that could fill that empty space in his heart, but at least he had his memories of the man to lessen the pain.

"My uncle wants me to come home Roy. He's been buggin' me ever since Dad died."

"Why? You said there's nothing there for you to go back to."

"You try tellin' him that. The man is relentless. He says I should come home to my people." Gage placed a hand on his chest, his voice growing louder and tinged with irritation.

"What exactly is 'my' people? I think the department is my people, but he just doesn't get it! He thinks I'm being silly. All he keeps saying is I owe my people this and I owe my people that. The only people I owed were my mom, my dad and my grandfather and they're all dead. Do you think I'm being selfish? He thinks I'm wasting my life out here!"

Gage was a bit taken aback by the wide smile that Roy was wearing. He glared at him. "It's not funny!"

Roy held a hand up and shook his head. "I'm not laughing Johnny, it's just...I never thought of the fire department as being a tribe." Gage quickly relaxed and smiled back at him.

"Well, if you think about it, we are. I mean we have our own way of life, we practically have our own language and it's a brotherhood. We're all one family connected by what we do and who we are."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Maybe that's what you should tell your uncle the next time you talk to him."

"Maybe I will, but I bet he hangs up on me when I do. He'll think I'm being sacrilegious."

They lay back on the couch for a few minutes in a companionable silence. Gage slowly unfolded himself and stood, stretching toward the ceiling. Walking over to the television, he shut it off. "I don't know about you, but a bed would feel real good about now."

"I'm with you partner."

Standing, Roy followed Gage back to their sleeping quarters for what he hoped would be a good nights rest.