help

Roy made it downstairs just as the ambulance pulled in. He saw Johnny take Jeff's gurney to the surgical emergency room, with Jenny by his side. Then Chris' was wheeled out. He was close enough to see that his son's eyes were closed. Roy didn't know the nurse who was with Chris and he didn't want to intrude so he decided to wait outside like everyone else.

Ten minutes later Meg Hall dashed into the waiting room. Seeing Roy standing against the wall, Meg made her way down to him.

"How is he, Mr. DeSoto?"

"Roy, please all me Roy. From what Jen told me, broken shoulder and arm."

Megan relaxed a bit. "And Jeff? Is he okay?"

Roy shook his head no. "He may lose his right leg. They're operating on him now." Roy noticed the color fade from Megan's face. He held her to keep her from falling. "Come with me Meg. Let's sit down." He gently guided her to a bank of empty chairs. He placed his arm around her shoulder to hold onto her as she started weeping.

Several minutes later, Johnny walked out from the emergency room. He saw Roy and Meg and walked over toward them.

"Any word on Jeff, Johnny?"

Johnny looked away and ran his hand through his salt and pepper hair. "They couldn't save the foot. The damage was too severe. Now they'll see if they can save the leg." Johnny leaned on the wall next to the bank of chairs. "How's Chris?"

"I don't know. I didn't go in there."

Johnny looked perplexed. He straightened up and walked right into the room Chris was in. Roy smiled internally. There were some things that never got in Johnny's way; things that Roy felt intimidated to do, Johnny would handle with ease.

Johnny came back out two minutes later. "The x-rays show a break in the humerus and clavicle. He'll be here a couple of days."

"He's gonna be okay?" Megan asked.

Johnny smiled down at her. "Yes Meg, he'll be okay with time and some physical therapy. It's gonna take a bit but once he gets his arm strong again, he'll be back at work." Johnny looked at his watch. "Who's teaching my class?"

"You are?" Roy answered with a small smirk. "Nah, I put a note up canceling it."

"Good. When's JoAnne getting here?"

"I haven't called her yet. Actually, I want to go home and tell her." Roy stood up. "Will you be okay Meg, if I leave?"

"Yes, Roy. I'll be okay. I better call the station. They may need me back there." Meg stood up, took out her cell phone and walked outside.

Roy looked at Johnny and saw how drained he was. "You okay?"

Johnny shrugged his shoulders. "Remember years ago at that construction accident. You were gonna hafta amputate that guy's leg if we couldn't get him out?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"How did you feel?"

"Terrified."

"Now I know how you felt."

"Are you gonna be okay?"

"No, I don't think so, Roy. I don't think I'll ever be okay again."

***
Johnny arranged to pick Kaitlin up and wait at Rampart for Jenny to finish her schedule. He was without his car because it was at station 51. He'd pick it up later after he rested.

They got home late and Johnny gently put a sleeping Kaitlin into her bed. He stood and watched her as she settled down and reached for her favorite Pooh bear that Roy bought her. Watching Kaitlin had a calming effect on Johnny. A sense of awkward peace came over him. He was so out of it that he didn't hear Jenny come into Kaitlin's room. She wrapped her arms around his waist, which brought Johnny out of his trance.

He turned around and Jenny took his hand and guided him toward their bedroom.

"Have you eaten anything today?" He shook his head no. "Do you want me to make you something?" Again his answer was no. "Dad and Mom are staying with Chris. Dana's with Jeff, along with Marco."

Johnny shook his head acknowledging what he heard. He was sitting on the bed taking his shoes off. He was exhausted, physically and emotionally. Jenny sat behind Johnny on her knees and started to massage his shoulders and neck. He just closed his eyes letting his body relax.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jenny whispered in his ear.

Johnny rubbed his hand over his face and closed his eyes. "No, not really Jen. And don't take this wrong. It's not a negative against you. I'm just not ready and I don't know if I'll ever be." He turned around to face her and what he saw in her eyes was compassion, trust and love. He gently pushed Jennifer down onto the bed and started kissing her. He may not be able to tell her how he was feeling, but he needed her. He needed to reaffirm that he was alive.

After they made love, Jenny stayed wrapped in Johnny's arms. She was about to fall asleep when Johnny started to talk.

"Ya know I've seen some pretty awful stuff in my life, here in LA and back in Poplar. But, Jen, this was bad."

Jenny shifted and rolled onto him so she could look into his eyes. There was a full moon and its light filtered into their bedroom. She'd let him talk knowing he had to come to terms with what he went through.

"Hank had to hold me back. I was ready to put on a turnout and run in there." He looked into her eyes knowing she wouldn't want to hear that. She didn't want him to put himself in harm's way ever again. But she couldn't say anything. One thing being the daughter, sister, and now wife, of a fireman she understood what drove these men.

"Hank told me I was the only one there who could help. I had to stand by while the others went looking for Chris and Jeff. And then, when they were found and Hank told me about Jeff, I just couldn't believe it. Man, Jen and then when I saw it. It's been so long…" He trailed off taking a deep breath. "Here I am teaching the cadets about staying cool and I'm about to lose it."

"Aren't you being a bit rough on yourself?" Jen shifted her position as she tried to make her point.

He laughed. "Yeah, I guess I am. I've seen accidents that caused dismemberment, but I never thought I'd have to do it." There, he said it. But he knew it would be okay. Jenny was the one woman he could implicitly trust with his feelings, even though he kept his fears to himself. But once he started talking, he had to let it all be said. "I knew what I had to do and by doing so, I'd be ending another person's career. God if it had been Chris…"

Jenny looked up when he said that. She was sure people thought that, but for Johnny to say it.

"I know that's horrible for me to say Angel. When I saw Chris buried under the debris with that beam across his chest I was worried. And then he talked to me, Jen, and I heard that little boy's voice. He sounded so terrified. But he wasn't scared for himself. I think he was scared for Jeff."

"Johnny if anyone had to be there, I'm glad it was you. Think of all the years of experience you have. You didn't panic and did what you had to do without hesitation." She was stroking his hair and noticed his eyes glistening.

Johnny sniffled. "Yeah, I did what I had to do, but that doesn't mean I have to like it."

*****

Roy looked up when he heard a soft knock at the door. When Meg appeared, he smiled.

"Hi, Roy," Meg whispered. "Is Chris asleep?"

"Hi Meg, and yes, he is. Between the drugs and exhaustion, well…"

Meg smiled understandingly. Stepping further into the room, she stopped near the foot of the hospital bed and gazed at the man she had come to love deeply.

Roy gazed at the young woman that captured his son's attention over the recent months. She was a down to earth sorta girl who didn't thrive on trying to change who Chris was, but rather encouraged him with his endeavors. She reminded Roy of JoAnne when she was younger. Even when they faced the world with an unplanned pregnancy, a quickie marriage, and Roy working endless hours to complete his Fire Academy training, not once did JoAnne complain. She supported her husband and turned their rented house into a home that any man would have been proud of. In the beginning their marriage and home life were far from perfect, but Roy felt rich beyond words the way JoAnne supported him. Suddenly he found himself thinking about the conversation he had with Chris earlier.

"Jeff didn't have too bad a night." Roy waited to see if he would get any reaction out of his son. So far their conversation had been more one sided than two-way. Chris didn't even look at his father as he talked, but rather kept his head turned away.

"Maybe later, if you're up to it, and the doc's agree, I can take you up to see him. I know he'd love to see you." Roy stood and faced the window and looked out at the bleak day. The sun was hidden, it was overcast from clouds that had blown in overnight, so the day was dull and dreary.

"You know, Chris, you can't shut your partner out. You…"

"I'm not shutting him out, dammit. He's laying in ICU, without his right foot. They've probably got him so whacked out of it with drugs he wouldn't even know I was there. Besides, it's not like I'm mobile anyway."

The moment Chris snapped at his father, Roy turned around. It was all he could do not to tell his son to shut up and show some respect. He knew Chris was hurting and he knew the pain went deeper than the physical pain he was feeling. "So, you're just gonna leave it at that, huh?"

"Let it go dad before we say something we'll both regret."

"Fine," Roy replied gritting his teeth. "Maybe when you're feeling better you can go visit Jeff. Or who knows with the medical wonders they have today, maybe you'll both be sharing a room in a day or two." Roy turned away from his son and again looked out the window. Had he reacted this way when Johnny got shot several years ago? He couldn't quite remember, but he did remember having words with JoAnne about his partner and best friend. He really needed to talk with Johnny about this, but right at this moment more than anything his son needed his presence.

"Meg called at the crack of dawn. She's gonna drop by on her way to the TV Station."

"I don't want to see Meg," Chris said abruptly. He hoped he could soon put an end to the conversation he and his father were having. He hated himself for his temperament around his dad, but at the moment he couldn't help but be this way. The doctors told him last night after he demanded to know, that Jeff had too much damage to his lower leg where his foot had been severed to re-attach the appendage. In fact the surgeons had to remove more of his leg to just below the knee so it would be clean and hopefully infection free as the stump healed. What was Jeff gonna do now? His career as a paramedic was over. The longer Chris thought about all the information he had been given right from the moment he demanded Johnny tell him the truth about Jeff's condition right up till he discovered he'd lost his partner, the more bitter he became. And the only question that continued to plague his mind was, 'Why? Why Jeff? Why anyone?'

"Why?" Roy asked, again facing his son.

Chris looked at his father and hesitated for several long seconds before he remembered that they had been talking about. Meg. "I have my reasons, Dad. And I'd appreciate it if everyone respected my decision."

"Okay," he agreed half-heartedly.

When Chris closed his eyes, Roy took this as his cue to let their conversation drop for the time being. Since Jenny had taken JoAnne out for some breakfast, he figured he'd sit back and try to make sense of what just happened in his son's hospital room. The temperature in the room seemed to drop twenty degrees with Chris' attitude. He was certain that Chris would need some help beyond what he could offer to deal with the situation. And he'd speak to Morton about it as soon as he could.

Roy ended his recollection. "He's gonna be okay. The doctors are very optimistic that he'll be out of the hospital and back to work in record time." Roy said.

Glancing over at Chris' dad, she smiled. "I know it's just…"

"…it's difficult seeing him like this."

"Yeah. How do you do it, Roy?" Meg asked noticing Roy's calm composure.

"Believe it or not Meg, it's difficult for me too," Roy sighed.

'It's even more so now because I haven't a clue as to why my son doesn't want to see his girlfriend.'

"Ever since Chris joined the Fire Department, he's had a few minor scrapes. One nasty one with smoke inhalation, and a couple spot burns. Nothing serious, but this is the first time he's ever come close to…"

Meg nodded. She knew what Roy meant. Chris could have easily been killed this time. Ever since she heard about the accident, her thoughts had been plagued with the 'what ifs' and 'what could have been'. Seeing him now, knowing he survived and would be okay, she was grateful and her mind was somewhat at ease.

"Have you been up to ICU?"

"Yes, but they won't let me in. I talked to Dana in the waiting area. She said Jeff had a so-so night. He's still critical, but he's alive and seems to be fighting. The doctors so far have given an encouraging overview of his condition and a good outlook for recovery."

"That's what I heard too. How are you doing?"

Meg closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "Okay, I guess."

Seeing her eyes fill with tears, Roy stepped closer to Megan and embraced her. "Let's go outside," he whispered in her ear. When she responded, Roy led her from the room and over to the vacant waiting room. Leading her to the couch, he gestured for her to sit.

"Here," he said passing her a box of tissues.

Suddenly the tears began to flow. After calming down some and blowing her nose she looked at Roy. "I don't want to lose him."

"Meg, you haven't lost Chris. Yes he was hurt but he's gonna be okay." Even though the situation was tearing Roy apart inside, he too hurt for Chris and Jeff, he needed to be strong.

"You don't understand. The other night, Chris and I went for a walk along the boardwalk at Venice beach. We talked. Actually Chris did most of the talking..." She paused momentarily letting her thoughts return to that night.

'No matter how good things were, I still saw the worry on my mom's face each time there was a major fire at a warehouse or a skyscraper, or when dad had to leave for days at a time to help with a brush fire. Then there was the few times over dad's career when he was injured and sometimes hospitalized. When I became an adult I made up my mind I wasn't gonna put anyone through that, the worry and the heartache. And I knew almost before I could read that I wanted a career in the Fire Department.'

…he asked me to marry him."

Roy smiled. "That's wonderful, Meg. I've always been worried that Chris would wait till he was in his forties or fifties before he'd realize…"

"NO! You don't understand. This, what Chris and Jeff are going through, he…doesn't want to put anyone through that kind of worry. I'm afraid once the impact of what's happened finally sinks in, he'll change his mind and shut me out." Glancing over at Roy she sees the smile that was on his face slowly disappear. "I love your son, Mr. DeSoto. And I don't want to lose him."

Roy didn't know all of what Chris and Megan shared as far as their private thoughts were concerned, but one thing he did know was that Chris was a loner much like he was when he was growing up. He was certain if he hadn't known JoAnne since fourth grade, grown up with her, and unofficially dated her, he'd likely still be single, lonely, and miserable. Chris was young and had his whole life ahead of him and he didn't want him to follow that path. But how would he get through to his son? Make him understand that one has to take the good with the bad as we grow up, mature, and age. And in doing so, survive no matter what obstacles life tosses at you.

"I don't think you're giving Chris enough credit, Meg. Asking you to marry him, I'd say he's very serious about a future with you. I know my son and he's not one to back away from an important decision like this." At least Roy hoped, but recalling the conversation with Chris and then with Meg, he wasn't so sure.

"But what if…"

"Meg, don't borrow trouble that might not exist. Right now Chris needs you. He needs his family and once he's come to accept Jeff's fate, he will get on with his life and you will be part of it."

"How do you know?"

"Cause I had to go through something similar at one time myself with my partner."

"You mean Captain Gage."

"Yes, Johnny. When he was shot up on that mountain a small part of my life ceased to exist when I realized he and I would never work together as partners again. But once I was able to accept the situation for what it was, that no one but the shooter was to blame, I moved on with my life and so did Johnny."

"I remember Chris telling me about that. It must have been difficult, seeing your best friend get shot and being unable to help."

"It was, but what was worse was leaving him with Chris and Jenny while I went for help. I don't think I prayed so hard in all my life as I ran toward the ranger's station. I didn't know if I'd get help in time. I didn't know if Johnny was gonna die in front of my kids. But it was a choice I had to make - to leave them together while I went for help."

"Chris told me he was scared. He said it's so much easier to treat a stranger than it is someone you know."

"It is, Meg, 'cause the emotional attachment isn't there. When it's someone you know, you'll always second guess every decision you made after you've handed the care of that person over to the doctors."

"But if you did everything you could possibly do, then…why?"

"…'cause a bond exists, whether it's a good friend, a family member, or even a neighbor you've known for years."

"Doesn't that happen even if the person is a stranger? I remember Chris telling me that sometimes he wonders if he knows enough to do his job efficiently."

"As paramedics we all go through the self doubt stages from time to time. The difference is, with a stranger we may never see that person again once they have been handed over to the hospital, but with a friend our paths will most likely cross on several occasions and we will always wonder if we did enough."

"And that's how you felt about Captain Gage?"

"Yes Meg. That's how I felt about Johnny. His career as he knew it ended the day he got shot. And there was nothing more or different that I could have done to change the outcome. No matter how many doubts I may have to this day, I know the steps I took were the right ones."

"The authorities never found out who did it either, did they?"

"No, I don't know if they ever will. As far as I know it's still an open unsolved case." Roy smiled. "What do you say we go back and check on Chris?"

"Can you give me a minute to freshen up?"

"Take all the time you need, Meg." Roy leaned back on the couch and sighed as he watched Meg disappear into the small washroom at the back of the waiting room. Closing his eyes he recalled the events that took place up on the mountain many years before, events he found himself wishing from time to time never occurred. He also thought about his son and wondered if Megan's worries had any merit. Was Chris shutting her out? Even though Chris said he didn't want to see Megan, Roy hoped that once his son laid eyes on her, he'd change his mind.

***

Later in the morning, Johnny went by to visit Chris. This was a day off for him and Jenny was working. Kaitlin was in daycare, but Johnny promised to pick her up later and take her to McDonalds for dinner, much to Jenny's chagrin. Johnny walked to the nurses' station and took a look at Chris' chart. No one questioned Johnny's authority to do so, his status in the hospital wasn't questioned. He tapped on the door before walking in and saw that Chris was awake, staring out the window. Johnny walked in, picked up a chair and moved it closer to the bed.

"I don't want to talk, Johnny." Chris' voice was agitated. Johnny could see the dried tear streaks that lined Chris' face.

"Okay, you don't have to talk Chris. But you could listen." Johnny said as he stared at Chris who maintained his gaze out the window.

After shifting a bit in bed Chris looked at Johnny. "Don't treat me like a child Johnny. I'm not that little boy any more."

"No Chris, you stopped being that little boy when I was shot all those years ago. You and Jenny showed us all what caring and resourceful adults you became. And if I have treated you like a little boy, then it's not intentional. I think you know that I respect you as the fine paramedic you've become."

"A lot good that is now."

"Why Chris? Because you couldn't save Jeff from his injuries? My God Chris, you were injured yourself. And even if you weren't injured, Jeff's injuries were too much for anyone to handle in the field. The damage to the bones and tissues was too great. Only some skin and one part of a tendon were still attached."

Johnny tried to maintain an even keel, but something in the way Chris was behaving bothered Johnny.

"I like the sign on your door, 'No Visitors'. Who you trying to keep out? You know Jenny will stop in. It can't be your mom and dad or even me. Lemme guess, you're keeping Megan away. Why Chris?"

"I don't wanna talk about it. I'm tired Johnny. I wanna rest."

"No, you don't want to rest Chris. You want to brood. You want to blame yourself for everything that's gone wrong in your life. You want to push everyone who cares about you away. Why are you doing this?" Johnny stared at his brother-in-law but got no answer. "I know why. It's survivor's guilt or something like that. When I got shot, I pushed everyone away. Do you remember? I didn't want to see you or Jenny or your folks. I didn't want anyone to see me weak. And it was bad enough that you and Jen were with me when I didn't know if I would ever walk again, let alone have a career. I know what's going through your mind Chris."

"No Johnny, you don't." Chris stared at Johnny. "You have no idea how I feel. You weren't involved with someone."

Johnny suddenly understood what was causing Chris' fears. It was Meg. Johnny spent enough time with Roy to understand how a DeSoto man thinks. It was enough for Roy to cause JoAnne to worry. And now Chris causes the same worry for his parents and now his girlfriend. "So dump her Chris. If you don't want to hurt her in the long run because you may get injured or even killed on the job, them dump her and forget about any happiness you might achieve once you're over this injury."

"You know you're a cold person sometimes, Johnny," Chris hissed.

"Yeah I know. Maybe I put off getting serious with someone for the same silly fear. The 'what if' syndrome. But you know kiddo, fearing something that may or may not happen just defers life. And it took me a long time to figure it out. I'm not saying I'm not happy with Jen. She is a very important part of my life and I love her dearly. But look how long it took me to find someone. You, you're young and you seem pretty happy with Meg."

"I proposed to her the night before the accident."

Johnny beamed. "You did! Congratulations." But then he started thinking about the 'No Visitors' sign on the door. He shook his head. "So now you're having second thoughts. Well don't. I'm not gonna tell you what to do Chris cause you won't listen to me anyway. Get on with your life and get married to Megan. She makes you happy and that's what life is all about isn't it? Who knows you might give your folks another grand kid so they'll stop spoiling Kaitlin." Johnny laughed but Chris didn't and Johnny figured he was tiring Chris out. "I better leave. Take that sign off your door Chris. Let your friends back into your life." Johnny got up and gently squeezed Chris' uninjured shoulder and left. He saw Jake Forrestor outside the room on his way to do rounds.

As soon as the door closed, Chris started crying again.

***
Johnny was waiting outside of Chris' room when a petite brunette walked over to him. "Are you Captain Gage?" she softly asked.

"I am." Johnny answered.

"I'm Dana Conover, Jeff's fiancé." She reached out with her right hand. "I want to thank you for everything you did for Jeff. Captain Lopez and Chief Stanley told me what you did, all by yourself."

Johnny didn't expect to be thanked for performing what he considered half a job. He took her hand in his. "I don't feel comfortable saying you're welcome, Dana."

"But Captain Gage…"

"Please, call me Johnny."

"I couldn't."

Johnny smiled a grin that won over women's hearts for 25 years. "Yes, you can Dana. Remember you can, but Jeff can't."

The two laughed briefly but it soon became silent again. Dana started crying. Johnny reached over to her to comfort her and she allowed him to hold her while she wept. She cried for her best friend and lover, Jeff, and how this accident nearly took his life. And now she feared that this accident would take his emotional well-being as well.

Johnny said some comforting words and gently guided her toward the elevator. He offered to take her to his office where she could get herself back together. When the elevator door opened, he gently guided Dana in, with his arm around her waist. There were only two other people on the elevator, a member of the cleaning crew and Jake Forrestor. Johnny's compassionate motions were not lost on him.

***

It was quiet day in the Emergency ward so Jenny was doing some inventory. Dr Forrestor walked over to her.

"So I heard congratulations are in order?"

Jenny looked up confused. "For what?"

"I heard your brother got engaged."

"He did? No he didn't, Jake, em Dr. Forrester. If he did, I would know."

"Well I heard him talking with Johnny earlier today and I thought that's what I heard. But I could be wrong. Hey, there's a new bar that opened up about six blocks from here. A couple of us are going there after work today. Why don't you join us?"

As a rule Jenny declined offers to socialize with her peers. She was content with her family life and wanted to spend as much time with her daughter and husband as possible, so she usually turned down these kinds of offers.

"I don't think so Doc."

"You always say no. You can't today. It's Lorraine's birthday. You know Lorraine in x-ray? She's turning 30 and we need to help her overcome that hurdle."

Jenny laughed and inside Forrestor smiled. He knew he was wearing down Jenny's resolve.

"Let me think about it. In the mean time, I'm going to check on Jeff and Chris, since I have my lunch break.

Jake put his hand on Jenny's arm and said, "I hope you decide to come with us." He smiled at her and Jenny smiled back then looked down and walked away.

This rumor about Chris and Megan confused her. She knew hospital gossip usually proved to be true, but why wouldn't she know about it? She decided to go to Johnny's office since she knew he'd be there on his day off reshuffling schedules or grading tests or something else that he hated to do.

The light was on in his office and the door was ajar, so Jenny walked straight in. Johnny looked up and a soft crooked grin appeared on his face. He put his green pen down and motioned for Jenny to sit down. He looked at his watch. "Are you on your lunch break?"

"Yeah. But I'm not hungry. I'll grab a yogurt later."

"That's not enough to eat Jenny."

"I know, but I had a big breakfast."

"A big breakfast for you is a whole bagel." She smiled and Johnny laughed.

"Johnny, I heard a rumor that Chris proposed to Megan." She looked at him for an earnest reply.

"He did."

"He did? Why didn't you tell me? When did he do this?" Jenny became a bit agitated.

"Well, Angelllll, Chris proposed the night before the accident and now he's having second thoughts."

"And you were going to tell me when?"

"Oh come on Jenny, he just told me today. And I haven't seen you until now."

"So it's more important for you to do your paperwork then to tell me this."

Johnny slammed his fist on his desk. "Listen to me Jennifer. I just didn't think it was something to be discussed. Chris is having second thoughts about his proposal because of the accident. And he really wasn't in a talkative mood. You know sometimes men are Martians." He thought his comment would ease her mood but it didn't.

"This is just another example of how you keep things from me. I just don't know anymore Johnny." Tears started flowing from her and Johnny reached around to comfort her, but she pushed him away.

"Uhmm, I know you're taking Kaitlin out to McDonalds tonight. I'm going to go out with some people to that new place… 'Say Ahhh' for a drink. I'll talk to you when I get home." Jenny stood up and walked out as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

Johnny was confused. Jenny was so emotional lately that sometimes he wondered if he was meant to be married at all. He loved her. There was no doubt about it, but the constant bickering lately was too much for him and it was getting on his nerves. There was nothing he could do about her fiery temper and her lack of lifetime experiences. He just would have to let it slide. But how long could he compromise his own beliefs before resentment would dig in?

*****

Chris didn't even glance sideways when he heard the door opening. He figured it was one of the nurses coming in to do one of their checks on him, checks that Dr. Morton ordered every couple hours. He didn't appreciate the constant interruptions, but he knew complaining wouldn't getting him far. When it came to Dr. Morton's orders, they were to be done with no exceptions.

"Chris," Meg said her voice barely above a whisper.

He turned his head and looked at her. She could see the coldness etched into his features and suddenly she felt very unwelcome in the room. "I was wondering if we could talk now, now that you've rested some."

"What part of my words from earlier didn't you understand, Meg? I don't want to see you."

"Chris…"

"It's over Meg. You and me, we're finished."

"Chris, I know you're upset. You have every reason to be upse…"

"Upset," Chris said, his mouth forming a mock smile. "My partner, my best friend, is up in ICU, minus a foot and from what I gather he isn't doing all that great and you have the nerve to… Go away, Meg. Just go away."

"No. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not gonna let you push me out of your life. You need…"

"Need what Meg? You?! No, I don't need you. I don't need anyone. I should have stuck with my gut feelings. I should have…"

"Not proposed."

Chris held Meg's gaze for several long seconds. Although he was seething inside at just about everything and everyone in his life at this moment, he held his composure. The only emotion visible was his steely stare. "I was a bit overzealous when I asked you. I was floating on a high, a result from my best friend's happiness. We all do foolish things when we are enthusiastic. I never should have..."

Meg stared wide eyed at Chris as the words he spoke sank into her. 'Overzealous, foolish things' "This was all a game to you? Us? Our relationship? You never had any intentions…The past few months… I guess I'm just a fool for believing in you, believing you actually cared. I'm glad for one thing though. I'm glad I'm finding out about this now instead of weeks or months down the road, after you've had a chance to take my career away from me."

Meg inhaled deeply. She steeled her frame, trying to collect herself, to keep from showing how deeply Chris had hurt her. Walking over to the door, she pulled it opened then turned to look at Chris one last time. "I won't be bothering you again, but I do extend my best wishes and hope you make a quick recovery. I also hope Jeff comes out of this with his zest for life intact. As for your things you have at my place, I'll pack them up and have someone deliver them to you along with your key."

Chris sighed heavily and tears welled up in his eyes as he watched the one woman he had come to love more than life itself walk out of his room and out of his life forever. All because he was afraid of what might lie ahead in their future.

****

Once out of Chris' room, Meg ran along the hallway toward the stairs. At the moment, she wanted to avoid people especially anyone she might know. Breaking up was hard enough without everyone feeling sorry for her. She hoped that she would be out of the hospital and out of the city before anyone would realize what happened between her and Chris.

Pushing the door open to the stairwell, Meg came face to face with Roy. Before either one could say anything, tears filled Meg's eyes and began tracking down her face. Alarmed, Roy gathered her in his arms. "Chris, Jeff?"

"They're both okay, Roy," Meg said sniffling.

"What's wrong?"

"My fears, they've come true."

"My son broke up with you?"

Meg only nodded as she was too choked up to speak.

"I'll talk to him, Meg. It'll be alright, you'll see."

Pulling back, Meg shook her head. "No. It's over Roy. Chris made his feelings plain and clear. There was never going be a future for us."

"Meg, you're wrong. I know my son and I know how much he cares about you. He's just upset right now."

"It doesn't matter anyway."

"Why?"

"I got a job offer in Chicago. I was gonna turn it down because I thought I had a future with Chris, but…now…I'm gonna fly out to see what it's all about."

"Meg. Are you sure this is what you want?"

"I don't have anything or anyone holding me back, so I guess it is. Roy, I do love Chris and I wish he could have loved me too, but that just wasn't the case. You and JoAnne are wonderful people. I'm glad I got the chance to know you. Just promise me one thing... that you'll take care of Chris for me."

Roy nodded then he watched Meg jog down the stairs and out of sight. Standing just inside the stairwell, Roy thought about the recent chain of events that had brought his family nothing but heartache. And now through self-pity his son was ruining his chance for happiness. Fury erupted inside Roy, fury he hadn't felt since the day his daughter and best friend told him he was gonna be a grandfather. The situation with his daughter was one thing, but this situation with his son was quite another.

*****
Jenny, Jake Forrestor, and several other hospital workers went to the bar. This was not normal behavior for Jenny, but she need to be out with people her own age and to not have to think about life right now. Her life or her family's life.

Jake was more than happy to be the host for the evening. He bought drinks and some munchies that everyone shared. He made sure Jenny's drink was never empty and she obliged by consuming each beverage. When it came time for them to leave, Jenny was in no condition to drive. Jake insisted on driving the inebriated Jennifer Leah DeSoto Gage home.

John Gage was in his living room, reading a book and sitting on his favorite piece of furniture, their new oversized couch. True, it wasn't as comfortable as the one that burned in the fire, but it had potential. Many evenings were spent on this couch with the love of his life nestled in the crook of his arm. Many of those evenings led to passionate lovemaking that started on this couch.

At 10:00PM Johnny began to wonder what time Jenny would get home when he heard the distinct sound of keys in the lock. Then he heard the keys fall to the wooden doorway. Keys were inserted into the door successfully the second time and the door opened. Jennifer stumbled into the house. She dropped her purse and jacket on the floor.

"Hi!" She giggled.

Johnny knew immediately. "You're drunk!"

"So I am," she giggled again. "I'm gonna go to bed now." Her eyes were half closed as she walked over to Johnny to kiss him. The smell of cigarettes and stale alcohol preceded her. As much as he didn't want to, he pushed her away.

It didn't bother Jennifer. Her brain was so foggy Johnny's rebuff never registered. She shrugged her shoulders and walked upstairs to her bedroom.

Johnny got up from the couch and picked up Jenny's belongings. The coat was hung on the coat rack and her bag was placed on the banister. He turned off the lights in the living room and headed upstairs.

Johnny was angry. How dare Jennifer get drunk like this! There was her inconsistent behavior again. When he walked into his bedroom, Jennifer was just sitting on the bed. Her eyes were closed. Johnny knew she would need help doing everything. He untied her shoes and took them off. After unbuttoning her blouse, Jenny lifted her arms so he could remove it. He unfastened her slacks, but couldn't take them off without her help.

"Jen, you need to lie down so I can take your pants off."

"An' then what are ya gonna do to me?"

Other times in Johnny's life, yes, he would have taken advantage of a situation like this, but not tonight and never with Jennifer.

"I'm going to give you some hangover medicine and then put you to bed."

Jenny sat up after her pants were removed. She was wearing only her bra and underwear. She wrapped her arms around Johnny's neck and began kissing him. The odor from the bar permeated her, which really disgusted him. He took her arms off him.

"Not tonight Jen. You're going to have a bad headache." He stood up. Part of him was very angry but a part of him understood what Jenny was going through. He doubted she spent many evenings doing this during her college years. Perhaps sewing a wild oat or making up for something she felt she missed out on.

Johnny got up and went to the bathroom to get Jenny some aspirin and water. When he returned to give it to her, Jenny's demeanor had changed along with her skin color. He knew she was about to throw up. Gently putting his arms under hers, he led her to the bathroom. Jenny instinctively curled up beside the toilet and threw up. Johnny sat on the floor next to her and gently rubbed her back. Her vomiting reminded him of his old days of drinking; a memory that reminded him of Poplar which wasn't a pleasant thought.

After Jenny was sober he would have a long talk with her. He planned to remind her about drinking and driving among other things.

*****

Sunlight filtered through the mini-blinds and Jennifer groaned and rolled over in an attempt to stop the unwelcome intrusion into her fog-filled head. She groaned again when the movement reminded her that maybe her actions last night weren't as mature as she had believed. A steady pulsing was followed by a throbbing in her head and her mouth felt like it was full of cottonballs.

"Good morning."

She heard her husband's greeting but it sounded like he was on a loud speaker.

"Please don't shout," she mumbled into the pillow.

"I'm not. How're you feeling?"

"I - uh - feel like hell."

"I don't doubt it. Hangovers are no fun."

"That's an understatement."

"Ready to get up and face the day?"

"No."

"Okay. I'll let you go back to sleep. I'm taking Kaitlin to your parents. I have to go to work. When you feel up to it you can go and rescue them."

Jennifer rolled over and went back to sleep. The pounding in her head a constant reminder that the previous evening wasn't nearly as much fun as it had seemed.

Johnny took the opportunity at lunchtime to drive home and check on his wife. He had tried several times to reach her by phone and was not successful. He was a little worried.

He opened the door and was surprised to find his wife sitting on the sofa sipping a cup of black coffee.

"Jen?"

"Hi."

"Feeling better?"

"A little. What are you doing home?"

"I came to check on you. I was worried. You didn't answer the phone."

"You called? I must have been in the shower. I never thought to check the messages."

He sat next to his wife and put his arm around her. She laid her head on his shoulder and they sat next to each other talking quietly about the previous night. Johnny expressed his concerns and Jennifer hers.

Jennifer had another cup of coffee while Johnny ate a sandwich. He kissed her and left to go back to work. He told her he'd pick Kaitlin up on the way home so she could get some more rest. Jenny went upstairs, turned the TV on and lay down.

*****

Several days later and it was a typical night at the Gage household. Both Jenny and Johnny were home and Kaitlin was asleep. Johnny, as usual, brought some work home with him. If he wasn't grading papers, he was reading up on new medical protocols. He had a choice, he could do it at Rampart after hours or he could bring it home and do it in the comfort of his home, with his wife and daughter nearby. He usually chose the latter.

Johnny was sitting on the loveseat with his paperwork on their cocktail table and Jenny was sitting on the couch reading a novel. It was way past 9:00pm and the house had been quiet for sometime. That was until Jenny broke the silence.

Not looking up from her book Jenny asked, "Johnny? Have you ever been in a threesome?" Her eyes remained buried in her book.

"Wha?" Johnny was only half listening as he was reading some technical information.

Jenny closed the book and rested it on her lap and looked at Johnny. "Have you ever been in a threesome?" Her request was a serious one.

"A threesome as in three people having, em, foolin' around?" The words came out choked up.

"Yes, have you?"

"Do you mean two men an' a woman or two women an' a man?" Johnny didn't really want to answer the question but he thought his question might stall him for some time.

"Two men, two women, a man and a woman, it doesn't matter. Have you?"

Johnny put his stuff on the table, got up and sat down on the couch with Jenny. "Is this something you're interesting in doing Angel, cause I've been your only lover?"

"You are avoiding my question, Ole Man." She pointed her finger into his chest.

Johnny was quiet before he answered Jenny. "What I did sexually before I met you, is my business. Now why do you want to know? You didn't answer me. Is this somethin' you want to explore?"

Jenny moved closer to Johnny and leaned her head on his chest. "No, I'm not interested in it. You are all I'll ever want or need. But I was thinking that with my inexperience, you might want, I don't know, something different."

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Johnny looked at Jenny with such a serious expression he didn't see her giggling, but he felt it.

He pushed her back onto the couch and lowered himself on top of her. "All this talk about sex has given me a hard decision to make. Should I finish my work now or…" Jenny put her right finger over his mouth and pulled his head down with her left hand.

She ran her hands through his hair while Johnny nipped at her ear.

"You really know how to turn me on, Jenny."

The two made love on their couch and fell asleep entwined. Sometime during the night, Johnny got up and carried Jenny up to their bedroom.

****

When the alarm sounded, Johnny turned it off and stretched. Jenny rolled over, but didn't open her eyes as Johnny stirred in the bed. He looked at his wife and smiled. He had an idea and what the hell - if he missed the first flight to Sacramento he'd take the next one up.

Johnny moved closer to Jenny spooning her. He moved her hair away and he began to kiss her neck. Jenny purred and a smile appeared on her face. Johnny continued to stroke and caress his wife as his hands aroused her passion. Jenny shifted in her bed and lay on her back, giving Johnny full access to her.

"I love you Angel." He whispered in between kissing her. He was placing kisses down her chest, between her breasts. The sensations caused Jenny to arch her back. As he was kissing, his hands were moving ahead of him, gently stroking her. Jenny moaned with delight as her husband gave her pleasure, not asking anything from her. When she couldn't take the nipping and teasing any longer, Jenny opened her legs letting Johnny know she wanted him in her. Johnny saw the invitation and totally fulfilled his husbandly duties.

After a passionate early morning, the two showered together before waking Kaitlin up for daycare. As they dressed for the day the two started talking.

"I see you'll miss your flight, Johnny."

A crooked grin appeared on his face. "It was well worth it." He walked up behind her, placed his arms around her and kissed the top her head. "They run every hour and I really don't need to be there until noon. And if I'm late, they'll wait for me."

"Mommeeee?!"

"Yes Kaitlin."

"I need help!"

"I'll get her Jen, since I won't see her tonight." This was the first time since Kaitlin's return that Johnny left home. He felt it was safe and it was only going to be one night. Chris was going to be released from the hospital today and Jenny convinced him to stay with them. Since Jenny's schedule was flexible, she asked for several days off to take care of her brother. Johnny left the room to take care of his daughter's needs.

"So my little Katie Kat, what do you need help with?" Johnny asked as he walked into his daughter's room.

"Tie my sneakers!" She pointed to her shoes, cocked her head to the side and smiled at her daddy.

"No, I won't. Not the way you told me to do it." Johnny had his arms crossed in front of him, but tried to keep a straight face. The two most important women in his life knew exactly how to manipulate him.

"Please daddy? Tie my shoes?"

He couldn't hold the grin any longer. He sat down on Kaitlin's bed and started to tie her shoes. "Now you know I'm not coming home tonight, but Momma will pick you up from Poppie and Granma's house later."

"Are you and Momma having a fight?" Kaitlin sweetly asked.

That question threw Johnny for a loop. There were strained times but he'd hoped Kaitlin wasn't aware of it. He had learned to never underestimate a child and how much they understood. After tying her sneaker laces, Johnny put Kaitlin in his lap. He took the brush from the bed and started brushing her long golden locks. When she was born her hair was dark, leading everyone to believe she'd favor her father's looks, but over time her hair lightened and she favored her mother's looks. "What makes you think we're fighting?" he asked his daughter.

"Cause I hear you yelling. And when we yell at school, the teachers tell us not to fight."

It was true that Johnny and Jenny yelled. Although Jenny had Roy's looks she had JoAnne's temperament where Chris had both Roy's looks and easygoing nature. And Johnny wore his emotions on his sleeve. So the two tended to have fights, but it was never serious and they always tried to compromise. The only issue that was brewing was the adoption issue and Jenny had not brought it up since Chris' accident.

"Kaitlin, sometimes Momma and I talk loud, and it may seem like a fight, but we love one another and always will. I don't want you to be afraid of our fighting or shouting. Do you understand?"

As Johnny started to tie Kaitlin's shoes, he noticed a look on her face, as if she wanted to ask him something.

"Is there something else you want to ask me?"

Kaitlin looked up from her sneakers and looked at Johnny. "Daddy?"

"Yes Kitty Kate?"

"What's a half breed?"

Of all the questions a child could ask an adult, this was one of the more upsetting to be asked. He never expected to hear those words again, not in this day an age.

He tried to keep the smile on his face, a trait he learned treating patients years ago. "Why Kaitlin are you asking? Did someone call you that?"

Kaitlin shook her head yes. "I bet it's a word for a special person. Cause you and momma tell me how special I am."

How a little child's innocence helped her father answer this question.

After finishing tying her laces, he sat on the bed next to her. He ran his right hand through his hair, trying to gather his thoughts.

"Well Kaitlin, you know I'm a Native American, an Indian. And your Momma is from California." Johnny could see that Kaitlin wasn't following his thoughts. "A half breed is special Kaitlin, cause you're one-half Indian, like me and the other half like your Momma."

Kaitlin looked at her father and ran her tiny fingers over his face. "Which half daddy? I don't have your face cause everyone says I look like Momma. Am I gonna have your bottom?"

Johnny laughed and shook his head no. "No, you're not going to have my bottom. You're a girl, silly."

Jenny was wondering what was taking so long so she walked to the room and stood by the doorway listening to their conversation.

"I know I'm a girl and you're a boy." She pointed as she said her sentence. "Poppa? When are we going to meet your momma and poppa?"

Kaitlin was full of tough questions, something she must have learned from her mother.

"Well Kitty Kate, my family lives in Montana which is far from here. Maybe one day soon we'll take a drive there and you can meet my mother. And maybe we can look for a baby brother or sister for you."

Jenny quietly walked out of the room. She didn't want Johnny to know she was there.

"Poppa?"

"Yes?"

"Can I have a puppy instead?"

Johnny burst out laughing.

Before he had time to answer, Jenny walked back into the room. Kaitlin's eyes lit up and she bounded out from her daddy's lap. "I'll finish getting her ready." Jenny took the brush from Johnny's hand.

Ten minutes later, Johnny was about to head out the door, driving his Rover to the airport for his flight to Sacramento.

Kaitlin was sitting on the couch looking at one of her books. "Daddy, I gonna take this book with me tonight so Poppie can read it to me." Johnny bent down and saw it was the book they recently bought from the Book Nook.

"I think Poppie will enjoy reading Franklin and The Hero to you." He bent down and kissed her head. "Now I want you to be the bestest girl around. And don't give Uncle Chris a hard time tomorrow, 'cause he's gonna be nursing his boo-boo. Is that a deal my darlin'?"

Kaitlin raised her head up and looked at her daddy and grinned. One could swear she was developing her own crooked grin. "Okey, dokey smokey!" Kaitlin said as she gave her daddy an okay sign with her little fingers. Johnny paused capturing the moment. Life couldn't get any better than this moment he thought. No matter what either of his ladies would do, he'd always unconditionally love them.

Johnny found his keys and then went looking for Jenny. She was in the spare room fixing it up. Johnny snuck up from behind and grabbed her. Jenny started giggling.

"Don't start anything, Ole Man. I'll make you pay up." She rubbed her backside into his groin and Johnny pulled back.

"If I didn't have to leave right this moment I'd take you up on your threat."

Jenny turned around and faced him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and
Johnny had his arms around her waist.

"I'll call you later this afternoon when the meeting's over. We're going out after. Do you want me to call you when I get back to the hotel tonight?"

"No that's okay. If it's late, I don't want to wake up Chris or Kaitlin."

Johnny looked at his watch. "I gotta go." He pulled Jenny closer and gave her a passionate kiss which left her breathless and flushed. As much as she could flirt with Johnny, he could give it back and then some.

Johnny left the room, stopped to pick up his overnight bag, kissed Kaitlin goodbye and left.

Jenny was going to be working til six o'clock. Then she'd take Chris home with her and settle him in and pick Kaitlin up from her mom's. That's what she planned until the phone rang.

"Hi Munchkin," Chris said.

"Chris, what's wrong?"

"I had a fever last night, so they won't let me out today. If I'm okay today, then you can take me home tomorrow."

"Boy Chris, you can't get a break. I'm still going to be off tomorrow, so I can still pick you up and take care of you. I'll stop by later today and have lunch with you. I gotta run, so I'll see you later." She hung up the phone.

"Okay Kaitlin, let's get ready to go!"

Jenny picked up Kaitlin's stuff and the two drove to their final destinations.

Indeed Chris had a low fever the night before, but his temperature was normal now. Unfortunately the hospital rules stated that the patient had to be fever free before he could be released. Jenny spent her lunch time with her brother, discussing things. She didn't want to press the issue with Megan and felt Chris would speak about his relationship when he felt it was appropriate. On her way back to the ER she ran into Jake Forrestor.

"Hey Jenny."

"Hi Jake."

"Busy day?"

"Yes, you could say so. I'm bummed. Chris was supposed to be let go today, but they're keeping him for one more day."

"It's for the best." Forrestor got closer to Jenny. You doing anything after work? A couple of us are going to 'The Suite' for some drinks. Why don't you join us?" Jake held his breath waiting for her answer.

Jenny thought about it. She was getting off at 6:00PM. She could have a drink and still pick Kaitlin up at 7:30PM. Why not? "Sure Jake, why not. I just have to make a phone call." Jenny maintained her privacy and didn't disclose what purpose the call would be for.

Jake smiled knowing he'd be able to spend more time with Jenny tonight in an informal setting.

***

Jenny dialed her parent's number and left a message on their machine. "Hi Mom. You know that Chris has to stay another night in the hospital so I'm going out after work since Johnny won't be home. But I plan to pick Katie Roo up at 7:30. Thanks for watching her and I'll see you tonight. Love and kisses." Jenny hung up the phone and went back work. Little did she realize that Jake overheard the message she left.

***

Five people from Rampart went to 'The Suite' for drinks. Jake made sure everyone was drinking, being generous and paying for rounds. Jenny looked at her watch at 7:20 and realized she had to leave to get to her parents. Jake saw her getting ready to go.

"Come on, stay for one more drink."

"Jake, I really shouldn't. I've got so much to do."

"Can't your husband take care of things?"

Jenny gave Jake a strange look. She never mentioned her husband to Jake, but then again, he could know about Johnny from the hospital gossip.

"Look Jake, I gotta pick up my daughter."

"One more drink and then you can leave. We're having a great time and your leaving will dampen the mood."

Jenny thought about it. One more drink wouldn't be bad. She'd drink it fast and call from her cellphone letting her parents know she'd by late. "Okay, but let me go to the ladies room." Jenny got off the bar stool and made her way to the bathroom. Jake watched how she walked away, savoring the sight of her body in motion. The bartender put another round of beers down. Jake gave him a twenty and motioned for him to keep the change. When the bartender turned around, Jake poured a small vial of liquid into Jenny's drink. It fizzled for a moment and then dispersed into the amber liquid.

When Jenny got back, she was determined to drink her beer fast and leave. After her first taste, she made a face, thinking the beer was a bit bitter.

"I ordered something different," Jake said seeing her expression. He couldn't wait until the drug took effect. He placed his hand on the small of Jenny's back, she didn't seem to notice. He moved closer to her in anticipation of what the drug would do. Jenny guzzled the beer and when she stood up she almost lost her balance. Instead she fell into Jake's awaiting arms. He pulled her close and held her, allowing her to get to her feet.

"I'm not feeling too well. I guess I shouldn't have, shouldn't have, ah... had that beer." Jenny was having a difficult time keeping her thoughts straight. She had her hand on Jake to keep herself from falling. People not knowing the couple would have thought that something more romantic was going on.

The other people they came with had scattered, leaving Jenny and Jake alone.

"Jenny, let me take you to your home. I remember how to get there. You can't drive like this."

Through her confused brain, Jenny heard the word home and she shook her head. Jake had his right arm around Jenny's waist as he escorted her to his car. He waved good-bye to his coworkers as he left. Under other circumstances their departure would have caused gossip, but the remaining Rampart employees just watched. This wasn't new to them as over the years they witnessed other people having affairs. What people did during their own time was no one's business but their own.

Jake gently placed Jenny in his car, closed her door and walked around to his seat.

"What's happening to me?" Jenny stuttered.

"You'll be okay, once I get you home." Jake placed his right hand on her thigh as he drove her home. His own needs became apparent at the thought of finally achieving his desires.

Jenny was awake but out of it. Her brain was aware, but she couldn't get her body to comply. She even had trouble talking but she felt safe knowing Jake was taking her home. There was one nagging thought and if her brain wasn't so foggy, her thoughts would be on Kaitlin and Johnny.

****

Roy stood by the entrance to the bedroom that Kaitlin had used since her first sleep over at his house and watched his wife get her ready for bed and tuck her in. He smiled at the interaction between JoAnne and his granddaughter. It was as though nothing tragic had happened in recent weeks. For a small brief moment in time JoAnne seemed to be her old self again, but Roy knew it wouldn't last. He knew once she stepped away from Kaitlin's presence and back to her routine, she would once again begin to think of her sons, the one she lost so recently and the one she nearly lost a few days ago.

Roy smiled when JoAnne picked up Katie Roo's favorite Pooh bear, the one he had given to her. JoAnne laughed and played a kinda peek-a-boo game with Kaitlin and the bear. It had been a long time since he had heard laughter in the house, and even longer since his entire family was happy.

Gone were the days when he and Johnny were young and carefree. Well, almost carefree except for their financial complaints. His wife and children were happy, his partner most of the time was happy except for an occasional rant about something more or less trivial. Life at the station, well there were days it was an adventure, especially when Chet was in one of his 'get Johnny with a prank' moods.

The noise from JoAnne trying to give Kaitlin a rub on the tummy and the fit of giggles coming from the little girl and JoAnne caused Roy to glance over at two of three girls he cherished most in his life. Laughter, it's the best medicine for anyone, he thought. Would it be enough to heal his shattering family?

"Is anyone in this room up for a story?" he asked glancing from one lady to the other.

"Me…Meeeeeee," Kaitlin shouted bouncing up and jumping out of bed. "I'll get one."

JoAnne chuckled at the young one's antics. Kaitlin never passed up an opportunity to be read to by her grandfather.

"Gramma, are you gonna stay and hear Poppie read?"

"Actually Kaitlin, I think I'm gonna let Poppie do this one on his own. And while you're both enjoying the story, I'm gonna take a long leisurely soak in the whirlpool tub," she said smiling at Kaitlin, then giving Roy a wink.

There was a time, Roy knew exactly what that wink was for. Now, after all they had recently endured, he didn't know if she wanted him with her the way they used to be or if it was just a sign that she would be okay by herself for awhile.

He couldn't help but worry about his wife, after all they had known each other since fourth grade and as time passed, his love for her only deepened. How would he ever get along without her? It was something he never took time to think about. He had always considered with his line of work that one day he would be the one leaving her behind. Ultimately, someone he loved wouldn't be around any longer.

JoAnne gave her granddaughter a final kiss and pulled the comforter up, tucking her in. Before leaving the room, she leaned over and brushed a kiss over Roy's forehead and gave him a hug. Roy blushed. It was rare that they showed this kind of affection so openly in front of the children. Giving Roy's hand a squeeze, which he squeezed back, JoAnne left the room and left Katie Roo in the capable hands of her grandfather.

"What book did you pick out, Katie Roo?" Roy asked grinning.

"Frankin and The Hero," she replied climbing back out from under the comforter and showing Roy the brightly colored book.

"What? No Pooh tonight?"

"No Poppie. We can read Pooh another night. I want you to read the new book that Daddy bought me from the Book Nook yesterday."

"Okay," he replied taking the book from Kaitlin's hand. Glancing at the front cover he smiled. Franklin sat on a braided rug, a blanket around his shoulders like a cape, a ball cap on his head, a bat leaning against a dresser, a snail on his shoulder, a stuffed animal that looked like a kangaroo leaned next to a book shelf, and in his hand was an open book which he was reading.

"Daddy bought this book for you yesterday, huh?"

"Yes. After he picked me up from school, we went to the Book Nook."

"I see," Roy replied, thumbing through the book that seemed to include all the primary colors, and lots of them. A small piece of Roy wondered what prompted Johnny to go shopping at the Book store so early in the week. Saturday was Johnny and Kaitlin's day together. It included a trip to the park, the book store, and then to McDonalds for lunch. After that they would pick up Jenny's favorite flavored coffee at the Coffee Emporium and head home surprising her with it. Even though Jenny always knew it was coming, she made sure to be surprised each time, making Kaitlin feel like she did something special for her mother.

"Will you read it to me?" Kaitlin asked in a tiny voice. When Roy glanced at her, he had a difficult time controlling the laughter that was quickly erupting from deep inside him. A pout the size of the world and teary looking eyes looked back at him. She looked so much like her mother at that moment, his heart melted. Seeing this, Roy suddenly realized the kind of hold Jenny had over Johnny all these years. The bond that existed between his daughter and his best friend was cemented together so tight that nothing would ever shatter it, or so he thought.

"Of course I'll read it to you, my Katie Roo."

"Goodie," she replied climbing up on her grandfather's lap.

"Why don't we go over and sit in the rocking chair. Then we will both be comfortable while we are enjoying this book," he suggested.

"Good idea," Kaitlin replied.

Roy scooped the little girl up into his arms and hoisted her over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. He loved to play rescue games with her. After all, next to her daddy, he too was a hero in her eyes. One thing he did notice every time they played this game, Kaitlin was a lot lighter than many of the ones he had to carry in this fashion for real over the years while he was a rescue man, a paramedic, and then as an active Captain of his own station. The huge difference, being Katie Roo's rescuer, it was much less frightening. He didn't have to face walls of flames, partially collapsed buildings, or any other of a dozen dangerous scenes that he didn't want to think about, while he brought himself and his charge to safety.

"Are you ready, Katie Roo?" Roy whispered into her ear.

"That tickles Poppie," she giggled.

"What? This," Roy said making a panting, snorting noise next to Kaitlin's ear just like a dog would.

"Poppieeeeee," Kaitlin laughed as she squirmed in Roy's lap.

"Okay Katie Roo. I'll stop. Are you ready for your story?"

"Yeppers!" Placing her small delicate hands over Roy's large callous ones, Kaitlin helped him open the book to the first page.

"Franklin could count by two's and tie his shoes. He could say the alphabet without stopping, and he as learning how to read. His favorite books were about Dynaroo, the kangaroo superhero. Franklin wanted to be just like Dynaroo."

"Poppie!"

"Yes Katie Roo?"

"Is daddy a superhero too?"

Roy had to chuckle. Kaitlin never missed a beat. Whenever they read, whatever they read, she always asked questions. The questions usually involved relating the story to real life. "I guess in a way your daddy is. Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering, that's all."

"Okay, sweetie." Roy kissed Kaitlin on the temple then went back to reading the story.

"One day Franklin and Snail were reading Dynaroo to the Rescue. "Look Snail," cried Franklin. "Dynaroo pulls Koala out of the quicksand with one mighty tug!"

"Dynaroo's the best," Snail sighed happily. Franklin agreed. "I want to be as strong as she is."
"I want to be as fast," said Snail.

"Poppie!"

"Yes Katie Roo?"

"If daddy's a superhero, can he fix things?"

"Daddy is always fixing things sweetie. He helped fix your house after the fire. He helped Poppie fix the broken rail on the deck out back. He helped Gramma…"

"I know all that stuff, Poppie. What I was wantin' to know is can daddy fix things so people are happy again?"

Roy wasn't quite sure he understood what his granddaughter was talking about, but he felt it was very serious or at least very serious to the four year old sitting on his knee. One thing he learned over the years was children tend to see and hear things most adults don't realize they can. Because they are young, and really don't understand about life's trials they would end up worrying over the smallest of issues that were in fact no big deal. With all the things Kaitlin had seen, heard, and witnessed in life so far, he knew whatever was on her mind now was important and he was damn well gonna talk her through whatever was troubling her.

"What do you want your daddy to fix, sweetie?"

Kaitlin shrugged and bowed her head.

"You know Katie Roo, as hard as they try, sometimes even daddies can't fix everything."

"That's what I thought." Taking the book out of his hand, Kaitlin slid off his lap, placed the book on the book shelf, then walked over and climbed into her bed.

Roy was dumbfounded over the actions of his granddaughter. Not less than five minutes before she had been laughing, giggling, and squirming in his lap, and now she was sullen and didn't even want to finish reading her book.

Getting up from the rocking chair, Roy walked over to the bed and sat down next to Kaitlin. "You know Katie Roo, sometimes it helps to talk about what's bothering you and then just maybe someone can fix what's wrong."

"No body can fix it, Billy said so."

"Who's Billy, Sweetie?"

"Billy McGuire from school. He tried to get his daddy to fix things and his daddy couldn't do it either."

Roy was totally baffled now. He had no idea what this thing was that Johnny was supposed to fix, but whatever it was, it was important to Kaitlin. "Katie Roo, why don't you tell me what you want daddy to fix and maybe I can get him to fix it?"

Kaitlin's eyes grew wide and a smile appeared on her face. Jumping up, she landed in Roy's arms with an humph and hugged him tight. "Oh Poppie, do you think so? Do you think you can get daddy to fix things?"

"I'll give it my best shot Katie Roo, but first you have to tell me what it is I have to talk to daddy about so he can fix things."

Kaitlin placed her tiny hands on either side of Roy's face. She looked him right in the eyes then she appealed her case. She was sure that her Poppie could help, after all he was a hero too. "A divorce! I don't want mommy and daddy getting a divorce. I don't want to end up like Billy and live with my mommy part of the time and my daddy part of the time. I want us all to live together in our house and be happy. And I know daddy can make it happen 'cause he's a superhero just like Dynaroo."

'A DIVORCE!' Roy's mind screamed.

Taking a deep breath, Roy tried to calm himself before he continued his conversation with Kaitlin. He knew things between Johnny and Jenny had been strained since the day he called them interrupting their honeymoon to tell them that Kaitlin had disappeared. Even after her return, there was still considerable tension between the two. He never thought that a divorce would be part of the equation. He figured whatever the problem was that might exist between them would eventually work itself out.

He remembered what it was like early in his marriage; only one bread winner in the house because he and JoAnne felt the children needed their mother home while they were young. There was no end to the list of 'needs' for the family and when the budget was stretched thin so was their patience from time to time.

Occasionally he and JoAnne quarreled, but they tried hard not to do it when the children were around. There were a few times throughout the years the children did hear the angered words he and JoAnne tossed back in forth. And then they found Chris and Jenny staring at them with wide, curious, frightened eyes. It was the hurt he and JoAnne saw on their children's faces that curbed whatever heated exchange they were having at the time. Sometimes it took days to settle the children's minds that everything was indeed okay, that sometimes adults disagree over things, but it doesn't mean they don't love each other or their children.

'Had Johnny and Jenny been quarreling and Kaitlin overheard? He hoped not 'cause if so, they'd be getting a piece of his mind,' he said to himself. 'He was certain that neither of 'his children' would like what he had to say.'

"Katie Roo," he said with a serious tone. "Why don't you tell Poppie why you think daddy and mommy are getting a…divorce?" The word 'divorce' left a sour taste in his mouth as though he had just eaten an entire bowl filled with cherry blasters.

Kaitlin looked down at her pretty Pooh print pajamas and began to pick at an invisible nub. She wondered if she had said too much. She could feel a change in her grandfather's mood. He wasn't merry any longer. He was more profound just like her daddy was when he was doing work around the house.

"They fight," she whispered keeping her head lowered.

"What do you mean, honey? Do they talk at each other using loud words or do they…" Roy had to shake his head. He didn't even want to think about physical fighting. Lord knows he had seen enough victims with serious injuries

"Just loud talking Poppie, but it's really loud and mommy and daddy get really angry with each other."

In a way Roy was grateful that it was just verbal, but that didn't excuse the fact that 'his children' upset his granddaughter. "You know Katie Roo. Sometimes mommies and daddies don't always agree about things and when they talk about them, they talk loud, but it doesn't mean that they don't love each other. And I know they love you."

"That's what daddy said this morning, but…"

Leave it to Johnny to try to smooth things out with Kaitlin. But Roy was certain that Johnny's trip to Sacramento didn't give him ample opportunity to squash all her fears.

"But what, honey?"

"It was like that in Billy's house too. His daddy told him the same thing, but it didn't stop his mommy and daddy from getting divorced."

How does one explain to such a young child that there are differences between people, families, and even couples? Just because one family can't get along and keep the family unit intact, didn't mean it would be the same for another family. "Katie Roo. I don't know what your mommy and daddy were fighting about, but I promise you I will find out and I will talk to them both."

"And then they won't get a divorce?" Kaitlin replied somewhat happily.

Roy crossed his fingers behind his back and then sighed. He hated lies and he especially hated when family lied to each other, but he wanted to reassure his little granddaughter that things would be okay, or so he hoped anyway. "And they won't get a divorce."

"Thank you Poppie," Kaitlin replied. After kissing her grandfather's cheek, she climbed under the blankets and pulled them up.

"What, no more story?"

"Not tonight Poppie. I'm bushed."

Roy chuckled. There were times Kaitlin could be very amusing with the way she used words. "Okay then," he replied leaning over and giving her a kiss, "I'll read it to you in the morning, how about that?"

Kaitlin nodded and then closed her eyes. Roy reached over and turned off the lamp then walked over to the doorway. Before he left the room, he turned and looked at Kaitlin. She looked peaceful lying there, tucked in the way she was. But in the back of his mind, he was worried about her, worried about Jenny, worried about Johnny, hell he was worried about Chris, Jeff, and JoAnne too, and all for different reasons.

onto the conclusion