Finding Christmas by Icecat62 Christmas. It's supposed to be a time of joy and happiness, but ever since I've become a paramedic I've seen things that make me think otherwise. Things have changed. I've changed. I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have much, but neither did anyone else I knew so it really didn't bother me. After my mom died, my dad and uncle tried to make it special, but it never was the same. The magic was gone. Now...heck I'm more depressed than anything. Christmas means overtime. It's an MVA caused by people drinking too much at parties. It's families burning to death because the tree was too dry and the lights too old. I don't even like shopping for gifts any more. I'm tired after workin' all shift and the idea of fighting the crowds just turns my stomach. I think I'm turnin' into the Grinch except I'm not gonna' steal Christmas, I just want it to go away. Aw man...I'm gettin' old. Old people get cranky at Christmas. I'm only twenty-six. How in the heck did I get like this? His thoughts were interrupted as the squad came to a stop. Jumping out of the cab Gage rushed over to the twisted mass of metal that had once been a Roadrunner. Peering into the wreckage he resisted the urge to turn away. Blood splattered the interior of the vehicle and the figure pinned between the steering column and seat appeared to be a young boy. He couldn't really tell if it was a boy or a girl because their features and body were too mangled. Reaching a hand in, he felt for a carotid. Pushing hard on the flesh, he frowned. Moving to the other side of the car he tried to see if anyone else was trapped. He breathed a low thank you when he couldn't find anyone. Looking up, he called over to Stanley. "Code F, no other victims." Making his way to the squad, he pulled out a yellow blanket and headed back to the Roadrunner. He grimaced in distaste as he noted the growing crowd that strained to look inside the crushed vehicle. He never understood why anyone would want to see pain and suffering if they didn't have to. Maybe if they saw it on a daily basis the way he did, they'd think twice about being so morbidly curious. Covering the body as best as he could, he jogged over to the other vehicle. Crouching beside Roy, he kept his voice bland. "One victim appears to be male...code F." Roy glanced briefly at him before speaking. His expression was blank, but Gage knew he was just as upset by the death as he was. "He's wedged in here pretty tight. We're going to need the jaws, backboard and collar." Wordlessly Gage stood and trotted back to the squad. Pulling the equipment from the various compartments, he waved Chet over. Chet nodded in the direction of the wreckage where Roy stood peering in through the broken window. "How's the kid?" Gage's eyes briefly flickered to the crushed Roadrunner. "Better than the one in the other car." Chet looked at the Roadrunner and frowned. He was glad he wouldn't be the one to have to tell the kid's parents that their child was dead. Grabbing the jaws, he followed Gage to the other vehicle. The young boy that sat pinned against the door was bloody, his mouth a mass of broken teeth, his face covered with gashes and his jaw hung at an odd angle. Roy stared at the figure, trying to compare him in some way to his own son. Wondering what the boy had looked like before the accident. Wondering if a plastic surgeon would be able to make him look normal again. They set about prying the vehicle open and extracting the teen from the wreckage. They didn't banter about as they did the rescue. It was at moments like these when they wished they didn't have the jobs that they had. ****************************** Gage closed the ambulance doors and gave them a slap. As the vehicle pulled away, he turned and walked toward Stanley and a police officer. As he neared them, he heard the officer telling Stanley that the accident was a result of two teenaged boys racing one another. A witness observed the vehicles speeding down the road and watched as one of the vehicles spun out of control and slammed into the other. Making an abrupt about face he headed directly to the squad. He didn't want to hear any more. The idea that one boy was dead and another one may die as a result made him both angry and sick. Two live ruined because of recklessness. Two families torn apart. Merry friggin' Christmas. ****************************** Driving down the street, Gage rubbed a hand over his face, fighting to stay awake. It had been one rescue after another and now he was bone tired. Coming to a stop at a red light, he observed the people on the sidewalks. The masses as they crowded the stores. All the pushing and shoving. As the light turned green and he pulled away from the intersection, he wished he could disappear. He wasn't in the mood for all the joyful noise. The parties. The non-stop gaiety. Not after some of the things he'd seen during the past shift. It started out bad with the two boys, then it went to worse with a heart attack and then a three year old girl choking to death on a piece of holiday candy. How could people celebrate Christmas with all the death and dying going on around them? How could they even think of gifts and family get togethers when loved ones were being mangled? ****************************** Flopping down on the couch, Gage stared blankly at the television screen. The evening news was just as depressing as his shift on duty. As he watched it, he found himself wishing he were back home. His uncle's house may have been crowded, but at least there he'd have family to lift his spirits. Looking around the empty apartment, he sighed. As tired as he was, he didn't feel like being cooped up all night. On the other hand, he didn't want to go out and have to battle the crowds just to get a beer. Slouching further into the cushions, he yawned. Maybe a nap would cure his case of the blues. Just as he settled back and closed his eyes, the phone rang. Groaning, he pushed off the couch and made his way to the phone hanging on the kitchen wall. He hoped it wasn't anyone wanting him to do some holiday bar hopping. The last thing he wanted to do was pretend that he was having a good time and only end up getting drunk. Depression and alcohol were not a good mix. Picking the phone up, he steeled his resolve to say no to whoever was on the phone. "Hello." A voice that matched his own tired one answered him. "Hey Johnny." There was a slight pause as an audible yawn came over the phone, then was replaced by Roy's voice again. "We're going out to get the tree tonight and I wondered if you'd like to come along." Gage smiled. The tiredness was now joined by a pleading tone. Roy didn't want to go out and get the tree any more than he wanted to go along with them. Rubbing a hand across his eyes, he sighed. What the hell, misery loves company. "Sure, why not. When do you want me to come over?" The relief in Roy's voice made him smile. "We'll pick you up in about twenty minutes." "Okay, I'll be ready." "Good. See you then." "'Bye." Hanging the phone up, he scrubbed his hands over his face in an effort to wake up. Making a beeline to the bathroom, he stripped down and jumped in the shower, hoping it would wake him enough so that he didn't embarrass himself by falling asleep in the car ride to the tree lot. Drying off, he quickly dressed. Grabbing a heavy wool sweater from the dresser, he pulled it on, then returned to toweling his hair dry. Tossing the damp towel on the back of a chair, he laced his hiking boots. Finger combing his still damp hair, he looked at the image of the man in the mirror across the room. He looked out of place. He doubted that there was another man in LA that was dressed like he was at this moment. Waving an irritated hand at his reflection, he plucked a jacket from the closet just as a knock at the door sounded. Opening it, he smirked at the slouching figure before him. Roy looked like something the cat had dragged in. "My do you look perky." Roy frowned and waved him forward. Closing the door behind him, Gage walked along side of Roy. "I was just about to lay down for a nap when Joanne 'decided' that it was time to get the tree." Gage smiled. He knew it was more like the kids had been nagging Joanne all day and she was tired of hearing them whine. His smile grew wider as they neared the station wagon. The faces of two ecstatic children were pressed against the passenger side window. Opening the door, he slid in the back seat amidst the giggles and happy chatter of Jennifer and Chris. "We're gonna' get the biggest tree there!" "Mom said we could have hot chocolate and marshmallows after we get the tree!" "What kind of tree do you have Uncle Johnny?" "Are you gonna' stay over night this Christmas?" Joanne turned from her place in the front seat to give them a stern look. "Calm down now or we go back home." Gage clamped his responses back, receiving a wry grin from Joanne in return. "I didn't mean you Johnny." "Okay...mom." He gave her an innocent grin and turned to poke Jennifer lightly in the ribs, drawing a giggle from her. ****************************** The trip had been quick and now he found himself walking slowly through a small parking lot packed with trees of varying sizes. His depression grew as he passed the rows of cut trees. What a waste. Some of these trees would die for nothing. Back home they only cut the tree that they were going to use. Jennifer clung to his hand, keeping up an endless chatter, ranging from what she wanted from Santa to the type of decorations they had made in art class. He wished he could find some of her enthusiasm within himself, but he felt more exhausted than anything. He found himself wishing he were back on the couch instead of looking for a Christmas tree. Looking to his left, he noted the same glazed look in Roy's eyes. For some reason this struck him as funny. Choking back his laughter, he scooped Jennifer up and bounced her in his arms as they walked around. In his mind he chanted over and over again, misery loves company. There they were, two burnt out paramedics trying to pretend that they were in the Christmas spirit just like those around them. ****************************** Dragging the tree into the living room, they set it into the stand and wired it to the wall. Joanne fluffed out the branches, then stood back to admire the greenery. Turning to Roy and Gage, she gave them a wicked smile. "You two can put the lights on while we get the hot cocoa ready." Chris and Jennifer squealed in delight and ran out of the room followed by Joanne. Roy stared at the box of tangled lights, then back at the now empty doorway. Gage smiled at Roy's mumbled curse. The smile faded as Roy dropped a glob of lights and wires in his arms. "Thanks a lot pal." Roy smiled thinly at him. "Misery loves company, Junior." Staring at Roy for a second, he burst into laughter. Roy looked at him like he was crazy. Sitting cross-legged on the floor, he began untangling the lights. "Roy, I've been thinking the same exact thing. We have got to be the most miserable people in the entire county." Roy sat down in a chair and began working on his own pile of knotted lights. He frowned while shaking his head in agreement. "I just can't seem to get into the holiday spirit this year." He lowered his voice as he peeked in the direction of the kitchen. "Jo's been calling me the Grinch." Gage chuckled again. "Man, aren't we a pair." They continued untangling the lights in silence. When they finally straightened out their strings, they tested them for unlit or loose bulbs. Replacing a cracked bulb, Gage sighed. "Ya' know, maybe if everything wasn't so commercial it wouldn't be so bad. I mean looked at the department stores. I swear I saw decorations up a week before Thanksgiving." Roy's eyes widened. "You're kidding?" "Nope. Over at that store..." He snapped his fingers. "Murphey's." Roy shook his head in irritation. "The next thing you know they'll be up before Halloween." Gage stuck out his tongue in distaste. "Don't even say that. If they start doing that I think I'll go nuts." "You and me both." Once they had the lights checked, they carefully strung them around the tree. Plugging them in, they stood back to admire their handiwork. Gage sighed wistfully. "I remember when Christmas was about family and people being together, not what you gave or got." Roy nodded his head in agreement. "I know. Every time the Sears catalog comes out now, I cringe." Gage's shook his head quickly no. "No way! I loved looking through that thing. I just knew not to expect anything from it. My dad use to make most of my stuff. He's really good with wood carving and fixing things. The best gift I ever got was a bike that he had salvaged. Man, when I saw that thing by the tree, I freaked out." Roy felt a twinge of guilt. He never remembered getting second hand gifts as a child. The guilt quickly faded as he thought of his own childhood Christmas'. "I use to love this drink my grandmother use to make. It was called wassail." Gage smiled broadly. "My mom made that stuff too." Roy smiled back at him and Gage chuckled. "See what I mean? We're talking about a hot cider and it's put us in a better mood. It's the small things that make the best memories, not some fancy store bought gift." ****************************** The remainder of the night flew by. Joanne and the kids came back bearing mugs of steaming cocoa. Together they decorated the tree, chatting happily about Christmas memories. Gage's tales of sledding on snow-covered hills completely captivated the kids and as a group they made plans to head to the mountains after the holiday so they could experience the fun he had as a child. By the time he was ready to go home, Gage's Christmas depression had disappeared. It had taken simple things to remind him why he had loved Christmas as a child. So what if the holiday was over commercialized. So what if things had gone bad this past shift. He couldn't control what went on around him, but he could do something about he how celebrated the holiday season. As he drove back to his apartment, he knew exactly what he was going to give Roy and the rest of the people on his Christmas list. ****************************** Sitting in front of his locker, Gage buttoned his shirt, pausing to look up every few seconds to see if anyone was coming into the room. He could barely contain his excitement. So what if it was Christmas day and he was stuck working, he had found the spirit of Christmas within himself and it made him giddy beyond belief. As he stood to tuck his shirt in, Roy walked into the room giving him a surprised look. "I saw your truck in the lot, but I couldn't believe it. What are you doing here so early?" Turning to his locker, Gage opened it and pulled out a rectangular wrapped package. Holding it out to Roy, he smiled. "Merry Christmas partner." Setting the small duffel bag in hand down, Roy took the package from Gage's outstretched hand and turned it over once before hefting it's weight. He gave Gage a curious look before setting the package on the bench by his locker. Opening the duffel bag, he pulled out a small wrapped package. "Merry Christmas, Johnny." Taking the brightly wrapped package, Gage repeated Roy's motions. "Well...it's bigger than a bread box." Smiling he pointed at the package on the bench. "You open yours first." Roy grinned. "No, you go first. The youngest 'always' goes first." Gage made a face at him that was quickly replaced as he began unwrapping the package in his hands. Peeling the paper back, a wide grin split his face. "Cool! I've been looking for a set of carving blades like these, but haven't been able to find them. Thanks Roy." He nodded at his gift to on the bench. "Now you." Picking the package back up, Roy carefully tore the paper off. He ran his fingers over the gift, his voice soft. When he looked at Gage, his eyes were full of wonder. "You made this?" Gage's face was full of pride. "After our trip to the tree lot, I decided to put the holiday spirit back into Christmas." He gestured to a small bag in his locker. "I made everyone's gift. It took me every spare minute I had, but I did it. No battling the shops and the crowds, just me, my knives and some wood." "This is really nice Johnny. Thank you." Roy held the carved wooden frame, taking special note of the intricate leaf patterns and the figures of small deer dancing along the edges. The photo behind the glass was one of him, Joanne, Chris and Jennifer taken at their last picnic of the summer. He remembered them posing for Gage, laughing at his antics behind the camera. Gage hefted his own gift. "This'll come in handy for next Christmas. I'll have all year to make stuff instead of a week." Putting their gifts away, they continued changing, greeting their station mates as they filtered into the room. Even though they had to work on Christmas day, they could still enjoy the holiday. The simple things that made the day special were still there. Good food (provided by Stoker and Marco's magic hands - noone wanted to chance leaving their Christmas feast to Kelly or Gage) and more importantly, good friends. Seasons Greetings! :) Feedback for Icecat |