He sat in a corner of the waiting room irritated beyond belief. After being sent down to the exam room, Morton poked and prodded him and Dixie took what he thought amounted to a pint of blood. He was then ushered out of the room and down the hall to wait for the results. Shifting his position, he fumed in silence. He knew they'd find some lame ass reason to keep him from going back on duty. A bronchial infection or pneumonia, he knew they'd pick one of those. Stretching, he took a deep breath. He felt fine. There was nothing wrong with him. So what if he felt a slight tightness in his chest. It was because he was stressed out, not sick. Leaning back in the hard plastic seat he sighed. He was going to be off duty forever. Looking around the room, he frowned. The people sitting across from him were the sick ones. A woman held a bloody towel to her arm, her face twisted in pain. Another woman had a tight grip on a screaming child, her expression harried. To his left sat a man softly moaning in pain. He didn't belong with these people. He was healthy as a horse and he knew that Brackett was just picking at straws, trying to keep him off duty with a medical reason and not a mental one. Sitting up, he began flipping through a pile of magazines sitting on the table beside him. A colorful book cover caught his attention. Picking the book up, he flipped through the pages, smiling at the images. Roy's kids loved this book. Heck, he thought that Roy like it even more than the kids. Sam the Firefly. Once he was done the book, he tossed it to the side. He was getting antsy. Standing, he made his way out of the waiting area. Walking down the hall he stared at the floor lost in thought. What would he do with his life if they refused to let him go back to work? His worries evaporated as he staggered back, then quickly recovered to grab the person he'd run into. "Man, I'm sorry! Are you okay?" The nurse he'd run into openly glared at him. "Can't you take a hint? I don't want to go out with you." "Excuse me?" She pulled roughly away from him. "Look I know how you are so I'd appreciate it if you'd quit bothering me." "Ya' know, I don't even know who you are so you're wastin' your breath." She smirked at him. "You don't know me? That's original. You've only asked me out five times." "Maybe I asked you out and maybe I didn't, but you won't have to worry about me asking you now." "Johnny?" Gage and the nurse turned to look at Dixie who had come up behind them. "I've been looking for you. Kel has your results, he's waiting in room three." "Thanks Dix." Without giving the nurse a second thought, he strode down the hall. Dixie arched an eyebrow at the nurse. "Was there a problem Sara?" "Yes there's a problem. 'Mister' Gage won't stop bothering me." "What did he do?" "He practically ran me over in the hall, then he denied he even knew me." Dixie smiled at her. "He probably doesn't remember you. He has partial amnesia." Sara gave Dixie a look of disbelief. "You're joking." "I wish I were." "So he really didn't know me?" Dixie nodded her head in affirmation. Sara looked down the hall in the direction that Gage went. "I guess the next time I see him, I should apologize." "I think he'd like that. Things have been pretty rough for him lately." Dixie knew those words were an understatement and as she and Sara parted company, she hoped that Gage's life would get back on track. ************************* Pushing the door open, Gage walked in the exam room and went straight to the point. "So what's the verdict Doc?" Brackett held a folder tightly in his hands knowing that the man standing before him was not going to be a happy camper. "You're left lung is has an infection..." "It figures." "It not bad, but we're going to put you on a series of antibiotics to make sure it doesn't get worse." Gage placed a hand on his chest, his voice rising. "You 'had' me on antibiotics!" "Well you're going to be on them again and you'll stay on them until this infection clears up!" "Okay, fine...whatever. How long do you think this'll take?" "A week, possibly two." Gage bit his tongue resisting the urge to curse. Two weeks was ridiculous. He wanted to get back to doing what he was trained to do. "And once the infection's clear, 'then' can I go back to work?" He could see Brackett hesitation and decided it was time to be pushy. "Don't jerk me around, I want the truth. Are you gonna' let me go back on duty or am I supposed sit around the rest of my life doing nothing?" "The truth?" "Yeah, the truth and don't candy coat it." Brackett looked him directly in the eye, his expression serious. "Once the infection clears, you'll be given a thorough physical and mental work up. If you pass those, you'll be given the paramedic exam. If you pass that, then you'll be placed on a three month probationary period." Gage stared at Brackett, not believing he had to jump through all those hoops to get his job back, but at the same time he breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't going to have to go through the entire program again, but he also couldn't stop the words from coming out of his mouth. "I'm not a probe, I know my job." "You're going to have to prove it." "What genius made this decision?" "Several people, myself included, discussed it. What happened to you is a first so there aren't any set rules in how to go about dealing with it." "So a group...you, the Department and whoever, sat down and decided all of this. Instead of me getting to go back to work, I have to go through all of that?" Brackett shrugged his shoulders slightly. "I'm afraid so." Gage again resisted the urge to yell or curse. He'd play their game and when it was all over, he'd have his job back and that's all he wanted. "Fine. I'll take the drugs, take your tests and then I'll be back where I belong." ************************* Parking in front of the DeSoto's home, Gage sat in the Rover contemplating the bottle of pills in his hand. If he were lucky, in one week he'd be getting prepared to take some tests. Looking up, he sighed. He didn't want to stay here any longer. He was getting too use to the routine. Heck, he had to admit to himself that he was getting a bit too attached to Roy's little girl, but he was feeling suffocated. He wanted to go home. All he had to do was convince Roy that he would be okay. The man was more smothering with his attentions than Joanne at times. Opening the glove compartment, he chucked the bottle of pills in and snapped the door shut. He was going home no matter what Roy said. As he walked up to the house, he figured he could pack his things and be home by dinnertime. Home. It was still weird thinking that he owned a house, but at the same time it gave him a warm feeling. It had been a long time since he could say he had a home. Out of habit, he tapped on the back door before entering the house. Joanne and Roy had told him it wasn't necessary, he was family, but to him it didn't feel right. He felt like an intruder. No...a guest. A guest without a clue as to why he was there. Joanne turned to him with a big smile on her face. "So how'd it go?" He shrugged his shoulders, feeling weird again. He still couldn't see him and Joanne being friends. She was...had been...too angry, too hateful for him to believe he had forgiven her for all the nasty attitude that she had thrown his way. "I have an infection in one of my lungs." Joanne's smile vanished and was replaced by an expression of deep concern. "Is it bad? Are you going to be okay?" "It's not that bad. In fact Brackett thinks it should clear up in about a week." "That's good news then." "Yeah." They stood looking at one another and Gage could feel himself growing tense. "Uh...is Roy around?" "He's in the garage polishing his baby." "His what?" "The Porsche.' "Oh. Well I'm gonna' go and talk with him." "Okay. Tell him dinner'll be ready in an hour. I'm making fried chicken." Gage could feel himself starting to smile and couldn't stop it. He loved fried chicken. In fact Joanne had been making all of his favorite foods the entire time he had been staying there. "I'll let 'em know." Making his way out to the garage, he decided he'd stay until after dinner. ************************* Rubbing a spot on the rear bumper, Roy concentrated on buffing out the small scratch. How had it happened? He didn't remember bumping into anything. How could someone have done this and not tell him?! The door to the garage opened and Gage walked in. Roy pointed at the scratch, his voice rising. "Look at this! Someone scratched her...my car." Leaning down, Gage squinted at the small scratch. "It's not that bad, you can buff it out." "That's not the point. They did this and didn't have the courtesy to let me know." "Maybe 'they' didn't know they did it." "Yeah...maybe." Roy went back to rubbing at the spot causing Gage to smile. It was the first time all week that Roy hadn't immediately asked him how he was doing. He wanted to keep quite about his exam, but he also wanted to get this small talk out of the way. "Brackett found an infection in one of my lungs. He put me on antibiotics and said I should be clear in about a week." Roy's buffing stopped and he gave him a concerned look. "An infection?" "A small one." Roy went back to buffing. A small infection could lead to something more serious. It was a good thing Gage was staying at their place so he could keep an eye on him. "I'm gonna' go home tonight after dinner." Roy stopped buffing the bumper and stood up. "I don't think that's a good idea. You're not a hundred percent yet and..." "Roy, it's a little infection. I feel fine and I want to go home." Roy wadded up the rag in his hand, then tossed it onto the shelf behind him. "Why don't you stay a few more day just to be on the safe side." Gage's voice grew irritated. "Safe? Come on Roy it's a minor infection. I've dealt with things worse than this on my own. I don't need to be hovered over." "Hovered? Who's hovering?" Gage frowned. "You hover, Joanne hovers, and your son hovers." Roy smirked slightly. "What about Jennifer?" Gage waved a hand at him. "She's just a little kid, she doesn't know what she's doing." "Yes she does. We all do. Its called caring Johnny, not hovering. We care about you, that's all." "Well I'd appreciate if you'd care without hovering." Roy could see that there would be no talking Gage out of leaving. Hell, he'd been lucky enough to have kept him there for an entire week. He would just have to make a point of checking up on him every day. "It's your choice." "Yeah it is and I'm going home tonight." Roy sighed and reached over to the bench and picked up a container of rubbing compound and a clean rag. Bending down, he went back to the task of buffing out the scratch. Gage was a bit surprised when Roy caved in so easily. He was also a bit put out about being ignored as Roy's entire attention centered on the car's bumper again. Walking around the garage, he fiddled with a socket wrench. "Joanne said dinner'll be ready in about an hour." Roy looked up briefly. "What's she making?" The smile worked its way to Gage's face again. "Fried chicken." Roy grinned back at him. "I love her fried chicken." Gage patted his flat stomach. "Yeah so do I." Roy turned his attention back to the bumper. It was no accident that they were having fried chicken. Joanne had gone out of her way all week to make sure she had prepared meals that Johnny liked. That meant that he benefited indirectly being that Johnny was never on a diet and all the foods he liked were extremely tasty and highly fatty. "Roy, I don't want you to think I don't appreciate what you've done for me, but I need to go home. You know what I mean?" Roy nodded his head in understanding. "If you're not use to having a family it can get a bit overwhelming." "You ain't kiddin'." Gage had the grace to look guilty the moment the words left his mouth causing Roy to chuckle. "Don't feel guilty. I sometimes wonder how Jo and I deal with it." They spent the rest of the time before dinner talking about work. Gage questioned Roy on the changes that had taken place in the past few years and was amazed at how much the job had changed. By the time Joanne sent Chris out to tell them that dinner was ready, Roy had promised Gage that he would help him study for his re-certification. While they were eating, Gage announced that he was going to go home after dinner drawing cries of disappointment from Jennifer, disinterest from Chris and a look of disapproval from Joanne. After dinner, he made a quick exit to what was his room and began packing. He felt someone staring at him and as he turned, he resisted the urge to start laughing. Jennifer stood in the doorway looking pathetically sad. In the short week that he had been at the DeSoto's, he had come to the conclusion that the little girl was a master manipulator. "Well hi there Jenny, whatcha' doin'?" "Don't gooooooo!" He couldn't hold the smile back. "Jennifer, I can't stay here forever." "But I don't want ya' ta' go." "Jenny, this isn't my home." Jennifer sniffled dramatically. "But you don't' 'member me yet." The tears began to slowly track down her cheeks. Feeling guilty, Gage held his arms out and Jennifer immediately rushed into his embrace, tucking her head on his shoulder. Patting her back, he reassured her. After a moment he held her slightly away and looked her directly in the eyes as he wiped the tears from her face. "Just because I don't remember the old stuff we use to do together it doesn't mean we can't make new memories." Gage couldn't believe himself. When in the hell did he get so soft and mushy? He was telling this little girl he'd spend time with her in the future when he didn't even know if he was interested in hanging around Roy's family. It wasn't exactly the life of a bachelor to spend his down time with a family when there were all those single nurses needing his attention. Jennifer on the other hand wasn't about to let him go home without a little more arguing. "Mom said if you left, you wouldn't take care of yourself. You'd get real sick like last time." Gage couldn't remember what last time Jennifer was referring to. All he knew was he wanted to get packed and go home and he wouldn't be doing that until he got Jennifer to give up on keeping him captive. "What if I promise to call you everyday so you can see that I'm okay?" Jennifer gave him a wary look. "You promise?" "I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die." The sad face before him immediately transformed itself into a winning smile. She reached out and hugged him tightly. As she released him, she spoke the words he was hoping to hear. "Can I help you pack?" ************************* Pushing the door open with a foot, he carried the suitcase in and dropped it down with a loud thud. Before he had a chance to close the door, a ball of orange fur dashed in past him and headed straight to the kitchen. With a tired sigh, Gage shut the door, then followed the cat into the room. "Now that's a real friendly greeting. I come home and all you want is food." Oscar looked up at him and meowed loudly as he walked in and around Gage's legs. "All right, all right, I'm gettin' it." Digging around in the pantry, he found a bag of dry food. Looking around the kitchen, he didn't see a bowl so he took a plate and poured some food onto it. As the kibble hit the plate, Oscar stretched up and picked his claws on one of Gage's legs. "Hey, knock it off!" Gently pushing Oscar away, Gage set the plate of food down and watched him eat. Crouching down, he ran a hand over the cat, smiling as the tabby arched his back into his hand. Standing, he walked over to the refrigerator, then changed his mind. He was still full from dinner. Making his way out to the living room, he looked at the suitcase, then at the sofa. The sofa won out. Turning on the television, he flipped the channels until he found something decent, then flopped down on the sofa. Sighing he settled back hoping to relax and enjoy the quiet. The only problem was it was too quiet. Pushing off the sofa, he walked over to a desk in the corner of the room. Papers and envelopes were surprisingly stacked in neat piles or put away. Since when was he organized? Picking up a stack of papers, he went through it, whistling at the amounts of money he owed. The mortgage, the utilities and the food alone were astronomical. Setting the pile down he picked up a recent pay stub. Well, at least he made more money. Going though the past few pay stubs, he found he worked a lot of overtime shifts. Apparently that was how he could afford living here. Dropping the pay stubs, he frowned. Was owning a home really worth working himself to death? Walking back to the sofa, he flopped back down. Running a hand through his hair, he sighed. Maybe owning his own place was worth working hard for it, but if he worked a lot of overtime, when did he get the chance to enjoy the place? His attention was drawn to a folded magazine sitting on the coffee table. Picking it up, he found the real reason for his overtime shifts. Circled in pencil was a horse for sale. Flipping through the magazine, he found several others circled. He was saving up to buy a horse. Lying back on the sofa, his thoughts wandered to the empty barn out back. If he bought a horse, how was he going to afford the feed and vet bills? Who would take care of it when he was at work? Tossing the paper down, he shook his head. He had to be nuts if he thought he could own a horse and pay for the house at the same time. Maybe some day, but not right now. His thoughts were interrupted and the breath rushed out of his lungs as Oscar jumped on his chest. "Umfffffff! Oscar!" The cat rubbed his face on the hand that was prepared to propel him to the floor. Gage immediately began petting the cat, smiling as the feline settled on his chest like a large orange meatloaf. The purrs that followed relaxed him. The remainder of his night was spent on the sofa napping along with Oscar. He woke once to the late show playing. He should get up and go to bed. He should get up and let Oscar out. Instead he closed his eyes and followed Oscar's lead. Sleep, relax and forget all his troubles, they could be dealt with in the morning. ************************* Popping the pill in his mouth, Gage chased it with a large swig of water. Placing the glass back on the sink, he took a close look at his reflection in the mirror. Shaking his head, he turned away and walked into the bedroom. Pulling a pair of faded jeans on, he frowned as he buttoned them. Brackett was going to give him hell for losing weight, but he couldn't help it. He was too keyed up to eat. All he could think of was getting back on the job. Every spare minute was spent studying the paramedic manuals or thinking about studying them. Speaking of said manuals, he had a date to keep. Roy had promised they could do some studying together and that meant him going over to the DeSoto's. A part of him was glad to be going, but another part of him was reluctant to go. He could tell they were still hoping that he'd remember them the way he use to. He knew it wasn't going to happen and so did they, but they just wouldn't give up in hoping. Scooping the books up, he headed out to his truck. As he made his way to the vehicle, his eyes rested on the empty barn. There had to be a way he could buy a horse and not go broke, he just hadn't figure it out yet. Living here meant a long commute to work. If he was going to put himself through that, then he deserved some kind of reward. Getting into the Rover, he started it and drove down the dirt lane. He was going to get a horse come hell or high water. Roy had said he was pretty close with his neighbors so maybe he could make some type of arrangement to watch the animal when he was on duty. Making his way down the highway, he switched on the radio and turned the volume up. By the time he'd made it to Roy's house, he'd worked himself into a good mood. He was going to buy a horse, he had a great house and he was going to be back on the job soon. Life was pretty damn good. Pulling into the driveway, he parked the Rover and picked up the manuals. As he made his way up to the house, Jennifer came running out to greet him. "Uncle Johnny, Mom said that if you wanted to you could spend the night!" Gage stopped in his tracks and regarded the small girl as she stood before him. She smiled brightly up at him, her expression completely open. She trusted him. Deep down inside, he knew this child loved him. He didn't know if he could handle it. Every time he opened up to someone, he always ended up getting burnt. Before he could say no, she grabbed him by the hand and pulled him toward the house. "We're having roast meat, smashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, an' corn." She grinned at him, the pride shining in her eyes. "Me an' Mom made cookies for dessert." "What kind?" "Your favorite." Her voice lowered dramatically. "Peanut butter." "That was really nice of you to make my favorite cookies." Jennifer pushed the back door open and urged him into the kitchen. "Dad, Uncle Johnny's here and he brought his books again!" She let go of his hand and gave him a solemn look. "When you get done studyin', can you play with me?" Gage stared down at Jennifer, not knowing what to say. Play with her? What in the world had his life come to? He had engrained himself into the lives of a family to the point that he was the object of a child's adoration and affection. He'd promised himself that he'd never trust anyone again and it looked like he had gone a bit overboard in that department. The words left his lips without him meaning them to. "Sure sweetheart." Jennifer rewarded him with a wide toothy smile and was about to say something else, but was interrupted by Joanne who walked into the kitchen and headed directly to the stove. As she opened the oven door and checked on the roast she spoke over her shoulder. "Hi Johnny. Jennifer, go wash your hands and tell Chris that supper will be ready in twenty minutes." Jennifer's smile turned into a pout. "If dinner's in twenty minutes, then why do I hafta' wash my hands now?" Joanne closed the door to the oven and walked over to Jennifer. Placing a hand on her back, she gave a slight push. "Because by the time you go tell Chris to get ready and you actually do wash your hands, supper will be on the table." "But Mom..." "No buts. Skiddaddle." Jennifer's pout grew and she stomped out of the kitchen. Joanne shook her head and gave Gage a smile. "So how are you feeling today?" "Pretty good actually." She ran an appraising eye over him, immediately noticing the weight loss. Roy could lose a few pounds and no one would ever notice, but let Gage lose the weight and it was glaringly obvious he wasn't eating right. "I hope you brought your appetite with you." Patting his stomach, he smiled. "Yeah I brought it with me. Although I'm gonna' hafta' watch what I eat 'cause Jen said you two made peanut butter cookies." Going over to a cupboard, Joanne pulled out the dinner plates. Without thinking about what he was doing, Gage put the manuals down and smoothly took the plates from her. Pulling a drawer open, he picked out the silverware and headed to the dining room. Joanne followed him into the dining room and watched as he set the table. It seemed so normal, like nothing had ever changed. When he turned to go back in the kitchen and saw her watching him, he seemed almost embarrassed. "Don't worry, you always set the table." Joanne thought for a second and suppressed a smile. "You usually do the dishes too." He frowned at her. "I do? Then how come you didn't make me do the dishes last week?" Snickering, Joanne went back into the kitchen. "Johnny, you never do the dishes. You told me that since you end up doing them all the time at the station, you weren't about to do them anywhere else." "I don't do the dishes 'all' the time." Joanne arched an eyebrow at him and Gage frowned. "Okay, so I'm lousy at cards, but I don't lose all the time ya' know." Snickering, Joanne pulled on two oven mitts and took the roast out of the oven. It was almost like it had been before the accident. They were talking together and joking so easily. As she set the roast down and began carving it, she noticed that he was beginning to fidget. She knew it had been too good to be true. "Roy'll be down in a few minutes. He did some work on the wagon and had to get a shower." Gage nodded his head in acknowledgement. Picking up one of the books on the counter, he leafed through it until he found the section that he had left off at. The relaxed feeling that he had only moments ago evaporated and was replaced by the tense mistrust that he was use to feeling around Joanne. It confused the hell out of him to have his emotions seesaw up and down the way they did. Maybe it was him. Maybe he was the reason for him and Joanne not getting along. It seemed as though she was more upset at him not talking with her, than when he wasn't talking. Reading the same paragraph a third time, he closed the book. Maybe it was time for him to close a chapter of his life as well. He knew what he felt, but he also knew that he had changed over those missing years and so had she. "Joanne...I wish I could remember how we are...I mean you and me...ah, you know what I mean." Opening a can of corn, she dumped it in a pot and set it on the stove. Turning to him, she could see frustration and even a touch of anger in his expression. "It's okay Johnny. I think I...all of us...know that there's a good possibility that you're never going to get your memories back." Wiping her hands on a towel, she took a can of biscuits out of the refrigerator and with more force than was necessary she smacked the tube against the counter. As she place the round circles of dough on a cookie sheet, she sighed. "I know we've talked about this, but believe it or not, we are good friends. It took a while, but once we got use to one another...Johnny, you're the closest thing I have to a brother and I don't want to lose that." Looking at him, she almost laughed. He had that scared little boy look that he wore so often when she would tease and flirt with him. "Like a brother huh?" "Yes." Turning away from him, she placed the sheet of biscuits in the oven. Walking over to Gage, she smiled up at him. "I know this is a bit daunting, but I'm hoping we can be like that again." Running a hand through his hair, Gage let out a nervous laugh. "I can try...I mean it's not like I won't be seeing Roy. And there's always the company picnics." "I hope you see us more than the picnics. I expect you to come over once in a while for dinner or picnics here." She gave him a gentle poke in his stomach. "Someone has to make sure you don't starve to death." The smile that appeared on his face this time was more relaxed as he backed away from her touch. "I'm not gonna' starve to death." "At least not tonight." Looking at the clock on the wall, she went over to the stove and stirred the corn. "Dinner'll be ready in a jiff. Could you go round up the troops?" "Sure...no problem." As Gage left the kitchen, Joanne knew this was something of a new beginning. Her finally saying out loud that she knew he wasn't going to remember the past set the stage for them laying down the foundation of a new relationship. With an evil smile, she checked on the biscuits. Maybe this time around, she'd be able to set him up with the right woman. ************************* Dinner was a typical DeSoto affair. The kids tried to jog his memory and Roy and Joanne reprimanded them. The bad part was he did remember a few things. Or at least he thought he did, but everything was becoming a blur. He'd had so many people throw out things from his past that he was probably recalling what they told him, not the actual occurrence. It bugged him to the point that he felt like yelling at them to shut the hell up, but as he looked around the table, he knew he could never do that. These people cared about him. His co-workers all acted like they truly liked and respected him...with the exception of Kelly. He still hadn't figured out if they were friends or if he was just a patsy for the guy's pranks. Poking at the meat on his plate, he hoped that once he was back at work, people would just accept things the way they were. Joanne had said she hoped they could start over. That's what he wanted with everyone else. They were the ones who were having a problem with moving on with their lives, not him. He was the one who had lost his past, but if he couldn't remember it, then what was the big deal? Stabbing a piece of meat, he shoved it angrily in his mouth drawing a look from Roy. Ignoring him, he remained silent. If he told Roy that he didn't care about his lost memories, the man would think he was loopy. Sure it would be nice if he regained them because then everyone would stop yapping about it to him! He also wouldn't have to jump through any hoops to get his job back. "Johnny, do you want another piece of meat?" "Huh?" Joanne was holding the platter out to him; a fork poised above it, ready to hand him over another large piece of roast.. 'Uh...yeah...sure. Thanks." He knew he'd given the right answer when she smiled. It was easy to make her happy. All he had to do was eat the food she cooked and talk to her. If everyone else were like this, his life would a heck of a lot easier. ************************* Chewing on the end of a pencil, he could hear the clatter of dishes in the background as Joanne cleaned up the remnants of dinner. Scribbling a few notes on the paper before him, he wondered if Brackett was devising a ball-busting test or if he was going to give him a standard re-certification exam. "Are you ready?" Setting the pencil down, he shot Roy a cocky grin as he sat back and crossed his hands behind his head. "Take your best shot." For the next twenty minutes he flawlessly answered question after question. He knew he was ready for anything they would throw at him when Roy's face split into a wide smile. Snapping the manual shut, Roy smiled again. "You won't have a problem passing the test." "I told you I knew my stuff." "Yes you did, but now you have to show Brackett and the review board as well." Gage snapped his fingers. "Piece of cake. Tomorrow I go see Early for my physical, then all I have to do is wait for the test and we both know I'm gonna' ace it." Roy scratched idly at his chin, feeling uneasy bringing the subject up. "Um...what about the...you know...the mental review." Surprisingly Gage smiled. "Early's doing that too." "He is?" "Yup. Tomorrow I kill too birds with one stone. Before you know it, I'll be back at the station." ************************* Walking down the hall, he nodded and smiled at anyone who acknowledged him, whether he knew them or not. In the past few weeks he had discovered that if he faked remembering things, people wouldn't make such a big deal out of his current condition. As he neared the nurse's station, he grinned. Dixie was busy directing patients and nurses like a sergeant directing his troops. She looked in his direction and her face broke into a large smile. Inwardly he felt a warm fuzzy feeling. He was her favorite. Sure she treated everyone the same, but deep down inside he knew he was special to her. The reasons he didn't know and he really didn't care. Just knowing she liked him so much made him feel good. "Well hi there Johnny! Are you ready to see Joe?" "Am I ready? Heck yeah, I'm more than ready." He gave her a cocky grin and she arched an eyebrow at him, not missing the inflections he added to his statement. It wasn't like he'd ever date her, but heavy flirting was another story. "Johnny, what am I going to do with you?" Leaning against the counter, he smiled innocently. "I don't know, you tell me." Shaking her head, Dixie tapped him lightly on the arm with a clipboard. "You're a bad boy." "Someone has to be." The smile never left her face as she gestured down the hall. "He's in treatment one." "Thanks Dix." As Gage strode down the hall, Dixie's eyes followed him. The bounce was back in his step and he was acting more and more like his old self. She was sure that he'd pass all the tests, mental and physical and that meant that one of her favorite paramedics would soon be back on duty. ************************* Poking his head in the room, Gage cleared his throat. "Are you ready for me, Doctor Early?" Early turned and waved him in, then patted the exam table. "Hop right up so we can get this show on the road." Gage couldn't help grinning. The difference between Early and Brackett was like night and day. He hardly ever felt stressed when he was around the man. "So Johnny, how're you feeling?" "Like a million bucks." "Well, how about I verify that." Early poked and prodded him, but it never irritated him the way it did when Brackett or Morton did it. Early always joked or talked about sports. Brackett was so stiff sometimes that Gage thought he had a stick up his ass and Morton was about as gentle as a green horse that had been stung by a bee. As Early checked his lungs, Gage remained silent. He knew he was fine, but it was up to Early to clear him. If his lungs weren't clear, it would mean another week of his life wasted sitting around the house doing nothing. The exam continued. His blood pressure, weight and everything else was checked. Walking away from the exam table, Early jotted some notes down on a clipboard. He wore a slight frown as he turned back to him. "Your lungs sound clear, but I'm worried about this weight loss." Early looked him directly in the eye and he shrugged his shoulders. "I've been too busy studying to eat." Early stared blankly at him. "It's the truth! Ask Roy. I've been studying every single spare minute and then some." Tapping his pencil on the clipboard, Early frowned. "You've lost close to six pounds in one week. That's a bit much don't you think?" He busted his ass studying all week and now he was going to be punished for it? When was he going to get a break? Placing a hand on his chest, his voice rose in irritation. "So I lost a few pounds! I was too busy getting ready for the 'test' that Brackett's gonna' spring on me." He could feel his blood pressure rising with each word. Lucky for him, Early had already taken his heart rate and pressure or he would have had inaccurate readings on them. "That doesn't mean you stop eating Johnny. Your body recently went through a traumatic experience and you abusing it is not going to help you any." "I'm not abusing myself, I was busy studying." Early looked at the clipboard and then back at Gage before scribbling a few notes. "How do you feel about having to be re-certified?" "How do I feel? I'll tell you how I feel." Early suppressed a smile as Gage began what he knew to be a typical rant. "I know my job! I think it's ridiculous that I have to take a test and I'm tired of people asking me how I feel. Okay, so I can't remember people or some things I've done, but I can answer any question out of the paramedic manuals without batting an eye. Do you know what it's like to have everyone staring at me like I'm a freak show? Feeling sorry for me? I sick of it!" Clamping his mouth shut, Gage tried to get his anger under control. Knowing his luck, Early would have him committed to the psychiatric ward for extra evaluation. To his surprise, Early smiled at him. "I'm sure you are, but we have to make sure you're physically and mentally prepared to go back on duty. We're only doing 'our' jobs." "Well...yeah, I know that, but do you have to run me through the ringers to do it?" "Yes Johnny we do. You know as well as I do that you have to be in top shape to do the job that you do. If we send you out in the field knowing that you're not ready, then we've failed and the people whose lives depend on you have also been put at risk." Running a hand through his hair, he left it in a disheveled mess. "Look, have I passed the physical or not?" "Physically you're fine, mentally...it's understandable that you're frustrated. The good thing is it's because of how the people around you are acting, not because you've lost your memories." "Well, I can't do nothing to bring them back, so why keep harping on it? Its Roy and Joanne and everyone else that can't accept that I'll never remember stuff." "You don't think you'll ever get your memories back?" "If I was going to get them back, I think they would've come back already. What do you think?" Taking a deep breath, Early scribbled another note. "More than likely you'll never regain all of your lost memories. You might experience small flashes of your past..." "Yeah, I know. On, off, on, off. I feel like a light switch." Early smiled and wrote a few more notes before looking at Gage again. "I'll let Kel know you're clear to take the test." Gage stared back at him dumbfounded. "That's it? I'm done?" "Other than the weight loss, you're fine." Tearing off a sheet of paper, Early handed it to him. "I want you to follow this diet and exercise program. If you haven't regained the lost weight in three weeks, we'll have to see about putting you on supplements." Looking at the paper in his hand, Gage smiled. "Oh don't you worry, I'll gain the weight back in less than a week." Jumping off of the exam table, he held a hand out to Early. "Thanks a lot Doc." Shaking Early's hand, he left the treatment room and headed down the hall at a fast pace. He wanted to get out of there and do some celebrating. He was back in business! ************************* He had to resist the urge to run as he made his way past the nurse's station and an extremely curious looking Dixie. Yes it was rude, but he didn't want to stop and chance Early coming down the hall and telling him he had changed his mind. Pushing the doors open, he picked up his pace and finally gave into his feelings. With a broad grin on his face, he ran across the parking lot to his truck. Jumping in the cab, he slapped the dash and let out an exuberant whoop of joy. Starting the vehicle, he turned on the radio and jacked the volume on high as he shoved a tape into the player in the dash. The strains of Boston's, "Don't Look Back" filled the cab. It was an appropriate tune. He didn't want to look back; he wanted to look to the future. So what if he looked like an idiot as he drove out of the parking lot, he felt great! Singing at the top of his lungs along with the song, he waved at a pair of nurses who shook their heads at him, laughing at his antics. By the time he pulled up to the DeSoto's house, he had wound himself into a frenzied state. He knew he had to calm down or Roy would think he had lost it. The man didn't have a clue as far as emotions were concerned. Gage giggled as he thought about Roy singing along with the radio. He doubted he even owned any rock music let along sang to it. He paused for a second, then laughed out loud. He had to take that thought back. Roy did own some Beetles albums. Just once he would love to drag Roy to a Led Zeppelin concert to see him freak out. The fumes alone from the pot being smoked would probably send him into cardiac arrest if a beer before lunch spazzed him. Composing himself, Gage took a few deep breaths before knocking on the back door. He bounced in place as he impatiently waited for the door to be opened. When the door pulled back, he stepped in and grinned like a mad man as he looked down at Jennifer. Scooping her up before she had a chance to speak, he twirled her around and danced about the kitchen, chanting in a singsong voice. "I'm gettin' my job back! I'm gettin' my job back! I'm gettin' my job back!" ************************* Rubbing a hand over tired eyes, Roy sighed as he looked at the checkbook in his hand and the bills on the desk before him. He'd have to pull a few overtime shifts to make ends meet. With Chris being scheduled to have braces money was going to be beyond tight. It was times like these that made him wonder why he didn't take the engineer position. As he wrote out a check to pay for a repair to the station wagon, he sighed. He knew why he didn't take the job. He loved the one he was doing and he enjoyed working with the guys on his shift. He smiled slightly as he thought of his partner. Gage was another big reason why he stayed in the position of paramedic. Every day with him was an adventure. His hand stilled as he heard someone singing. No, not singing, it was more of a chant. Gage? Looking at his watch, he frowned. Shouldn't he have been at Rampart getting his physical and mental review? It couldn't have been over already. Could it? Dropping the pen, he closed the checkbook and pushed away from the desk. As he made his way through the house and to the kitchen, the voice that he heard was definitely Gage's and he sounded happier than he'd heard him in a long time. He stopped in the entryway to the kitchen, staring at the pair dancing around the room. Jennifer laughed as Gage twirled around in a tight circle, then came to a stop directly in front of Roy. He sang out loudly. "I'm gettin' my job back!" Bouncing Jennifer up and down in his arms, he wiggled his eyebrows at Roy, his voice gleeful as he spoke. "Early passed me. All I hafta' do now is take that stupid test and I'm back." Roy knew his own smile matched Gage's. "That's great news." He wanted to grab Gage in a big hug and jump up and down like a fool, but it wouldn't look very dignified or grown up to do it, so as always he restrained himself. Gage on the other hand had no qualms about expressing how he felt as Joanne walked up behind Roy. "Hi Johnny. How did things..." Before she knew what was happening, Gage thrust Jennifer into Roy's arms and grabbed Joanne in a hug. Lifting her off of her feet, he bounced her up and down just as he had Jennifer. "I'm gettin' my job back, that's what's happening!" "Johnny! Put me down!" Joanne giggled as Gage set her down, then she quickly reached up and hugged him tightly. "I'm so happy for you Johnny!" Roy watched them, feeling a bit envious at how easily they expressed how they felt. He wished he would have followed his own feelings, but for some reason the idea of hugging Gage and dancing around the kitchen didn't strike him as all that manly. He settled with hugging Jennifer instead. Pulling away from Gage, Joanne headed straight for the refrigerator. "We need to celebrate!" Grabbing a container of grape juice, she smirked at them. "This'll have to do for champagne." "Champagne, grape juice, whatever, I'm just glad Early cleared me." As Joanne poured the juice in the glasses, Roy set Jennifer down who immediately went back to Gage who scooped her up. He smiled again at Roy and crowed happily. "Bring on the test!" ************************* Sitting at the desk, Gage took a deep breath as he fiddled with the pencil in his hands. His eyes nervously tracked Brackett as he walked into the room. There it was. The small pile of papers in Brackett's hands would determine whether or not he got his job back. "Good morning Johnny. Are you ready?" "Ready as I'll ever be." "Good." Setting the stack of papers on the desk in front of Gage, Brackett made his way back to the desk at the front of the room. Looking at his watch, he nodded at Gage. "You may begin." Gage flipped the first page off of the pile and paused in disbelief. Then a wide smile appeared on his face. There would be no tricks or surprises in store for him. Thumbing through the papers, he quickly flipped back to the first page and began answering the questions. It was a standard paramedic recertification exam. It would be a piece of cake! ************************* Pulling into the parking lot, he breathed deeply, then exhaled slowly. He didn't want to start his day off by hyperventilating. Running toward the building, he jumped over a large mud puddle and laughed as cleared it. Hell, he had a reason to be happy. He'd aced the written exam and had been reinstated as a paramedic. Sure he was on probation, but he really didn't give a shit. He was back where he belonged. He was home. Pushing the door open, he walked into the kitchen and made a beeline for the locker room. Shaking the rain off his jacket, he spoke in a loud voice, sure he'd get a reaction from one of the men in the room. "Isn't it a beautiful day?!" Chet looked up from tying a shoe and frowned. "You're nuts! It's pouring outside." "Chet my man, it's a beautiful day despite the rain." He reached for the handle of his locker, then stopped. Casting a look of distrust in Chet's direction, he stepped to the side before opening it. A splash of water flung out and landed on the floor. With a smug look, Gage stepped back in front of the locker and began undressing. Chet's look of confusion wasn't lost on Gage. Neither were the smiles on Marco and Roy's faces. As he unbuttoned his shirt, Gage nodded at them. "Mornin' Roy. Marco." Marco snickered and grinned at Chet who rolled his eyes. "Welcome back Johnny." Chet muttered under his breath and slammed his locker shut before leaving the room. Leaning back slightly to look through the glass of the door, Gage waited a second before reaching in his locker and removing the spring loaded devise. Moving over to Chet's locker, he set it up. Jogging into the bathroom, he came back with a cup of water that he carefully poured into the container. Closing the locker door, he went back to changing. Roy shook his head and smiled. "Chet's not going to be happy about that." Gage shrugged his shoulders. "So what." Unbuttoning his jeans, Gage smiled. "He had better get use to it 'cause I'm not gonna' put up with his shenanigans this time around." Marco looked at Gage's face and knew by his expression that he was serious. Roy's smile faded. "I remember some of the crap he pulled on me and from the stuff people have told me, I put up with a lot from him. It's gonna' stop. If it doesn't, I'll bombard him every chance I get." Roy's voice held a tinge of warning. "Johnny, you're on probation." Gage snorted. "I'm on probation, I'm not a probe. Either he knocks the crap off or I'll make his life a living hell of itching powder in his bed and laxatives in his food." Marco stared at him in disbelief. The John Gage that stood before him didn't whine about the Phantom's antics, he was dead serious about handing out paybacks and then some. Things could get interesting. Very interesting. He wondered if Cap was prepared for it. Hell, he wondered if 'he' was prepared for it! Chet would be bitching in his ear every chance he got. Tucking his uniform shirt in, Gage zipped up his pants and buckled his belt. He tapped the poster of Smokey on the locker door before closing it. He smiled broadly as Cap leaned into the room. "Roll call in five minutes gentlemen." ************************* They made their way out to the bay and Gage nodded at Stoker. "Mornin' Mike." "Welcome back Johnny." Standing in line, Cap walked before them and held a hand out to Gage. "John, it's good to have you back." Clasping the pro-offered hand, Gage shook it. He had a feeling he'd like working with this captain. He seemed to be the no nonsense kind, but he could also tell that he wasn't going to be as strict as his last captain. Or should he say the last captain he remembered. "It's good to be back Cap." ************************* Life went on as normal. He drove to work each day, not really minding the commute when he knew he'd be going home to the quiet of his house outside the city. He deposited money every pay and tagged it toward purchasing a horse. He figured at the rate he was going it would take him closer to two years to save enough money, but eventually he'd have what he wanted. In the mean time, he'd spend his free time fixing up the barn and the house. Leaning back in the lounge chair on the deck, he took a swig of the beer in his hand. He'd just finished trimming the hedge in Roy's backyard while Roy had mowed the lawn. Stretching, he sighed in contentment. He now knew why he and Roy had become such good friends before the accident. Roy and his family welcomed him in their home. They weren't just saying the words when they told him he was family. He really was. "You there Johnny?" "Huh?" "I asked you if you wanted to stay for dinner. Joanne made extra just in case you wanted too." "Oh...sure. I'd like that." Roy watched as Gage's expression blanked out again. "So what's on your mind?" Shaking his head no, Gage took another sip of the beer. "Nothin' much. I was just thinkin'." "About what?" "The past." They remained silent for a few minutes, then Gage sighed loudly as he stared out at the now pristine yard. "You know how I tell everyone I don't care about remembering everything?" He stood and tapped his fingers on the beer bottle in his hands. "I lied." Roy sat up in his chair and looked Gage directly in the eye. "I know." Gage smiled slightly. "You always seem to, don't you?" Roy returned his smile with one of his own. "That's why I'm the senior paramedic." Gage snorted. "You're only the senior paramedic because you're older than me. We both started the job at the same time. If anything..." He hooked a thumb at his chest. "...I have more experience than you, being that I was a rescue man. That makes 'me' the senior partner." "I had the training before you...'Junior'." Gage made a face. "I hate it when you call me that." Roy leaned forward in the chair, drawing the word out as he said it. "Junior." "You love to push my buttons don't you? Everyone thinks you're mister nice guy and you're not." Roy smiled as he leaned back in the lounge chair and Gage blew out a deep breath, his expression serious again. "It's driving me nuts ya' know. Just when I think things are coming back, they disappear. I look at some of the nurses at Rampart and wonder if I ever asked them out. I do a rescue and it feels like I did something exactly like it...but I can't remember if I did or not." He looked back at the yard and squinted, then his eyes widened in surprise. "Roy, did you see that?" "See what?" "I swear I just saw a lightning bug." Roy looked out into the yard and strained to see what Gage saw. "I don't see anything and I doubt you did either. We don't have fireflies around here." Gage leaned against the railing of the deck and scanned the yard. "There could be some out there you know. They could come in on trucks bringing in food and stuff from the farms." The silence stretched on for more than a few minute, making Roy decidedly uncomfortable. Gage being silent wasn't a good thing. "Maybe that bug was like your memory. You think you see it. It's out there. All you have to do is wait and maybe someday it will come back." Gage looked directly at Roy. "Or maybe my memories are like the lightning bugs. Gone and they aren't coming back." "Maybe...maybe not. Only time will tell." Joanne opening the door interrupted them. She smiled as she spoke to them. "Johnny, are you staying for dinner?" "Would I miss one of your meals?" "Not if you can help it you don't. Come on in and wash up." Standing, Roy walked over to Gage and clasped a hand on his shoulder as he directed him to the house. Life went on and he was glad that his partner and friend was there to share it with him. No matter what happened, at least 'he' still remembered everything that had happened over the past few years of their lives and he would make sure that he'd tell Gage as much as he could. Even if the memories were second hand, he wanted him to know what they'd done with their lives. He wanted him to know just how much he meant to his family and especially to him. End Remember to give Icecat62 your feedback. return to main menu .