Cold Comfort by Icecat62 He didn't know how he got there. One minute he was making his way through a room and the next, he was lying in a pool of ice-cold water, pinned amidst a pile of debris. A beam lay across his chest making it virtually impossible to move. His entire body was numbed by the cold causing him to shiver uncontrollably. Prying an arm away from his body, he pulled his facemask back, calling out for help. "Roy! Chet!" His breathing was labored as the pressure on his chest increased. The pain was quickly replaced by fear as he turned his head to take in his surroundings. The water that he lay in was rising. In a matter of minutes it would cover him completely. He would drown. He called out again. "Roy! Anyone! Can you hear me?!" He thought he heard something. A faint voice in the distance reached him. By the sounds of it, the voice was coming from the floor above where he had been only a few short minutes ago. "Johnny?" Trying to remain calm, Gage called out again, straining to keep his head above the rising water. "Roy, I'm down here!" The voice drew closer. "Johnny?!" A light flashed down on him. This time the voice that called to him was filled with relief. "Chet, Marco! I found him! We have to go down one floor!" Roy looked down at his partner, trying to keep the panic from his voice. "Hold on Johnny, we'll be right down." His teeth chattered as he spoke, his voice tinged with playful sarcasm. "I'm not...going anywhere, Roy." He took a shuddering breath. "Can you hurry up though...it's gettin'...kinda' cramped in here." Roy nodded yes and gave Gage a weak smile before he and the beam of light disappeared. He listened to the sounds of footsteps moving away. The fear inside of him was now turning to terror as the water deepened around him. "Come on Roy..." Then it happened. Without warning the beam shifted, pressing him down and the debris below him collapsed, plunging him under the water. Gage struggled wildly trying to bring his head above the liquid. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't reach the surface only inched from his face. Flailing about, he shoved violently at the beam with all his might, kicking his legs against the debris beneath him. His lungs burned, screaming for oxygen. He knew if he breathed in he would die, but he couldn't stop it, the urge was too strong. His gasped and his lungs drew in the water. Choking on the liquid, he body tried to expel it, but there was nothing but water to breathe in or out. A part of his brain remembered what he had been taught about drowning victims as he choked and gagged...each movement slowed. He felt sharp stabbing pains in his lungs and eyes; his entire body protested everything that was happening to him. His struggles lessened as the cold numbed him further and he slowly succumbed to the lack of oxygen. He never heard the sound of footsteps splashing toward him. He couldn't call out to them to let them know where he was. His body twitched one last time as the hand that clenched on the beam loosened and slid silently back into the water, his eyes staring upward, not seeing a thing. ******************************** They rushed through the building trying to locate the stairs that would take them down one floor. Marco was the first to see the doorway and he ran toward it with Chet and Roy closely behind. When they reached the bottom of the stairwell, Marco's voice was panicked. "The door's jammed, it won't open." He motioned for Chet and Roy to help him. They pushed at the door and when it finally gave way, water rushed into the stairwell. Roy cursed under his breath, knowing that Gage only had a few minutes before he would be submerged. They had to find him before the water got any higher. He moved past Marco and Chet. "He's this way, come on." They sloshed their way through, careful to not trip or fall. Roy scanned the area ten yards in front of him. He was sure that was where he had seen Gage. Glancing upward, he saw the hole where the floor had given way. His heart beat wildly as he looked back toward the ground. There was the beam that Gage had been pinned under. It must have shifted and that meant... Chet had come to the same conclusion that he had. "Oh my God...Roy..." They went as fast as they could through the still deepening water. Roy could see his friend beneath the surface. A shiver went down his spine as he locked eyes with him. Lifeless eyes that stared blindly back at him through the murky liquid. Time was a factor now and they couldn't waste it checking the stability of the beam or anything else for that matter. Gage was already technically dead and if they didn't get him out of there, he would stay that way. Roy wasn't about to let death win this battle "Let's get this beam off of him." With Chet and Marco working together, they were able to lift the beam. Roy reached down and grabbed the collar of Gage's turnout. As he tried to pull him up, something held fast. Groping around Gage's shoulders and head, Roy found the reason for him not being able to pull his body free. The facemask of the SCBA was snagged on a piece of debris. Working it free, he hauled Gage's lifeless body up and staggered under the waterlogged weight. Why did this happen? What in the hell was he supposed to do now? Take him to the stairwell and wait for the others? Pushing the panic down, he shut off his emotions. He had to be a paramedic now, not a friend. "Marco, Chet..." He looked frantically around for any surface above the water. He thanked God as he spied a worktable against the wall to their left. "...help me get him over there." Carrying Gage's limp form, they placed him on his back. Roy could see his own fear mirrored in the faces of the two men standing beside him. "Marco, contact Cap...have them meet us by the stairwell where we came in. Bring a stokes and the drug box. Get an open line to Rampart for me." "Okay." Taking a quick look at Gage's bluish face, Marco said a prayer as he began talking to Cap over the HT as he made his way back to the stairwell. He knew Gage was dead, but he prayed to God that Roy would be able to bring him back. He had seen the two paramedics do it for others...why not for one of their own? ******************************** With shaking hands, Roy began unbuckling Gage's turnout. He couldn't help taking quick looks at his friend's face. The bluish skin, the half opened eyes. He took a deep breath as he practically ripped open the buttoned work shirt. He wasn't dead...he couldn't be. He wouldn't let it happen. He stared at his hands, cursing under his breath. He hadn't checked for a heartbeat and had almost started chest compressions. Pressing his fingers to Gage's neck, he found a faint heartbeat. One part of him was shocked while the medical part of him was not. This wasn't unusual in a drowning victim. It meant the chances of revival were good. As he began mouth to mouth, his mind ran over everything he had been taught about drowning victims. Get them breathing again as soon as possible...without oxygen there would be brain damage. With each breath into Gage's lungs, he tried to calculate how long it had taken them to get from the floor above and down to where they were now. He pulled back as Gage's lifeless figure suddenly jerked away from him. He felt his body go weak in elation as his friend began coughing violently. He gave Chet a quick smile. Chet tried to smile back at him, but it wavered. "Roy...he's going to be okay, right?" Leaning over Gage, Roy helped him to roll to the side. The coughing had changed to gagging. When he retched up water and phlegm, Chet flinched. "Roy?" "It's...trust me Chet, he'll be okay." There was a light pinkish tinge to the phlegm, indicating there was some damage to the lungs. What level of damage would be decided once they got to Rampart. Helping him lay back, Roy smiled reassuringly at Gage as he spoke in soothing tones. "Johnny, I need to ask you a few questions okay?" Gage's body shivered uncontrollably. He looked in Roy's direction. Blinking slowly, he appeared disoriented. When he turned his head away to look at the wall, Chet bit his lip. "What's wrong with him?" Roy ignored Chet. Taking a hand, he turned Gage's head back to him, making his voice more forceful. "Johnny, can you understand me?" This time he received a direct stare and to his surprise, had his hand batted roughly away. ******************************** Sitting in the ER waiting room, Chet fidgeted. Twisting at a buckle on his turnout, chewing on his lower lip, picking up a magazine only to immediately throw it back down. Redbook wasn't his type of reading material. Gears and Wheels would be more his taste. His thoughts darkened and a blanket of depression returned to weigh heavily on him. Gage liked to read Gears and Wheels. What if he couldn't read any longer? What if he was so whacked out that he'd never return to the station? "Chet, has Dixie come out yet?" His head snapped up to stare at Roy's concerned face. He had left the waiting room to go and call Joanne. Chet didn't even want to think how she was taking it. She loved Gage like the brother that she never had. And the kids! He thanked God, he wasn't married and had to deal with crap like that. "No...no she hasn't been back." "Oh." One simple word that held so much emotion. Chet could see that Roy was just as worried as he was. If he was worried, then Gage really was worse off than Roy had let on. He couldn't stop the words that came out of his mouth. "He's gonna' be a vegetable. You should've let him die." Roy's mouth dropped open and he jumped out of the chair that he had just settled in. "Don't say that Chet! I don't ever want to hear that from your mouth again, do you hear me?!" Chet flinched at the loud outburst by the normally calm paramedic, then openly glared at him. Who was he to be telling him what to say? "Yeah I hear you, but I'm right! Have you ever seen someone who..." His voice trailed off. He didn't want to remember, but it all came back to him in a flood of memories and emotions. The screams of terror, then the silence. "Chet?" Shaking his head no, Chet dropped his face in his hands. Bernie. He hadn't thought about his cousin in years, now it was all he could think of. Him and Bernie at the lake. Them going off in the row boat, horsing around, having fun. What kid wouldn't have done what they did on such a wonderful summer day? Rubbing his hands over his face, he leaned back in the chair and stared at the ceiling to avoid looking at Roy. He didn't want to answer him. Saying everything out loud would reinforce what had happened then and what was about to happen now. "Chet...what happened?" Looking at Roy, he frowned. "Nothing...nothing happened." Roy gave him that look. The look he always gave Gage when he knew that the dark haired paramedic was hiding something. He might as well tell him because he wouldn't let up until he did. "My cousin...when I was a kid, I had a cousin who drowned. We went out in a rowboat and some how we tipped it. I was able to hold on, but Bernie...he didn't. Ya' know I can still hear him yelling for help, but the worst part was when he stopped yelling. It was stupid ya' know. Two kids who couldn't swim for shit, out in a boat, but...we weren't afraid. We had been out on the lake a million times and nothing ever happened." "I'm sorry." "Yeah, well so was I. When my uncle and dad came looking for us...man my uncle went nuts. Dad pulled me into the boat and my Uncle Bobby dove into the lake and the next thing I know he's dumping Bernie in the boat. I remember watching him trying to get Bernie to breath again and he did! I was amazed that he could do something like that. I thought everything was okay." Chet fell silent and looked down at his now interlaced fingers. "But he wasn't okay was he, Chet?" "No. Bernie...he wasn't normal after that. Mom use to go and help Aunt Jessie take care of him. They had to treat him like he was a baby again. Spoon feed him, change him...it was sickening Roy." Looking at the top of Chet's curly head, Roy now understood why he was so worried. "That's not going to happen to Johnny." "Yeah and how do you know that? You saw him; he couldn't even remember his name. Hell, he didn't even know we were there." Roy knew he was in for a battle with Chet. The man had a tendency to latch onto what he felt was the truth, not what really was. "Chet, how long was your cousin under?" Chet frowned. "I don't know. The boat tipped and then it seemed like forever before my dad and uncle showed up. It could've been five minutes, it could've been twenty." "Johnny was only under for two or three minutes." "Yeah...but it doesn't mean he's going to be okay." "Chet, he was disoriented, that's normal for a drowning victim." Chet sighed heavily. "Man, I hope you're right Roy. Johnny wouldn't want to be like that...he deserves better ya' know." "Yeah, I know. Trust me, Chet, he'll be okay." Chet sighed again and began pawing through the pile of magazines. Finding an old issue of National Geographic, he settled back in his chair to wait. Roy sat back down and looked around the waiting room. There were a few other people sitting around in small groups. He knew their numbers would increase soon. Cap, Marco and Mike would be up. They had gone down to get some coffee. The only thing that would prevent them from staying would be if they were toned out. Cap had already called in for replacements for Roy and Johnny. Leaning back, he prepared himself for the worst. What he told Chet was the truth, but as with everything in life, what was supposed to happen wasn't exactly what always did happen. ******************************** Following Chet's lead, Roy looked through the pile of magazines at his side. He smiled as he found a Dr. Seuss book titled 'Sam the Firefly'. Having read it to his children, it had become a favorite of his because of the illustrations that reminded him of hot summer nights spend capturing fireflies in jars. "Any word yet Roy?" He slammed the book shut and shoved it under some magazines before looking up at Cap. "Uh...no...there's no word yet." Looking past Cap, he found Mike smirking at him. Marco handed Chet a cup of coffee and leaned against a wall, his hand automatically going into a pocket of the turnout he wore. His fingers found the worn old St. Christopher's medal that was pinned there. He rubbed absently at it, lost in thought. Mike's smirk had faded, but the smile in his eyes was still there. Sitting down beside Roy, he picked up an issue of Field and Stream and made a point of waving it at Roy. Cap handed Roy a cup of coffee, then looked down the hall. There should have been some news by now. Then again, wasn't the saying no news was good news? It was then that the door to the room that Gage was in opened. Instead of seeing Dixie walking out, Doctor Brackett appeared. Standing, Roy's heart began to race. It was bad. He knew it. If only they had gotten to him sooner. Brackett stopped before the group and smiled. They looked like a bunch of boys standing outside of a gym caught smoking. As soon as everyone saw the smile on Brackett's face they all slumped in relief. Brackett wouldn't be smiling if it weren't good news. "Thanks to your quick work out there, it looks like Mr. Gage has beaten the odds again." Chet yelled. "All right!!!" Everyone turned to look at Chet. The goofy smile he wore stayed. "So sue me! I won't have to break in a new probe since Gage is okay." Brackett tapped the pen in his hand on the clipboard he was holding. Roy caught the movement. There was something more to it. Gage wouldn't be getting released to go home any time soon. "How's he doing? Can I see him?" Chet piped in. "Yeah, can 'we' go and see him Doc?" "Once we have Johnny stabilized, we'll move him to a room. Then you can see him." Cocking his head to the side, Chet frowned, his voice sounding irritated. "Stabilized? I thought you said he was okay?" "No, I said he beat the odds. He's not dead. We're working on getting his core temperature back to normal and we're monitoring his heart rate, lungs and myriad of other thing. He's not out of the woods yet gentlemen." Roy finally found the nerve to ask the most important question. "Um, Doc...Johnny was disoriented when we brought him in..." Brackett smiled. He knew what Roy wanted to hear. "And that's all it was. Disorientation. We've questioned him on a number of things. He knows who he is and where he's at, he's just having a bit of trouble remember how he got here." Roy finally felt some of the fear that was twisting his stomach into a knot fade. Gage wasn't brain damaged. "That's good to hear." "Yes it is. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and make arrangements for some testing to be done." With a final smile, Brackett turned away from the relieved group. It was always nice to be able to give good news for a change. Hopefully Gage's body would co-operate and he wouldn't have to worry about bringing them any bad news. ******************************** Running a hand over his face, Roy leaned back and winced as his back twinged. The hard plastic chairs they placed in the emergency waiting rooms weren't built for comfort, even if the people sitting in them usually did so for long periods at a time. Looking at the clock on the wall, he frowned. It had been almost an hour since Brackett had been out to see them. Looking around the room, he could see that the rest of his station mates were getting a bit restless as well. Just as he was about to go to the exam room and peek his head in, the door opened. Standing, he along with Chet, Cap, Mike and Marco watched as a gurney was wheeled out of the room. They could barely see Gage's form between the tubes and people surrounding him. As the gurney disappeared down the hall, Brackett made his way toward the wary group. Stopping before Roy, he fingered the clipboard in his hands. "He's stabilized for now. His temperature is within normal range; his blood pressure and heart rate look good. For now he'll be placed on oxygen and antibiotics and he'll be under observation. Barring any complications, Johnny could be released to go home in a few days. Chet's face screwed up and his voice rose slightly. "What type of complications? I thought you said he was doing okay." Brackett hesitated before answering him. He knew how emotional Chet could be and he wasn't in the mood to deal with it at the moment. All he wanted was to be able to get a quick bite to eat and a take short nap. He was saved from having to answer Chet by Cap stepping forward. "Chet, I think we need to let Doctor Brackett take a break." "Whaddya' mean give him a break..." "Chet, that's enough." Cap turned to Brackett and gave him a grateful smile. "Do you know when we can see John?" "I've already asked Dixie to let you know as soon as they get him settled in." Cap held his hand out to Brackett, who shook it and smiled. With a nod at the others, he walked down the hall toward a much deserved rest. Just as Chet opened his mouth to complain about being kept in the dark again, at least as far as he was concerned, Cap's HT sounded. Chet grimaced and Cap shrugged his shoulders before responding to the call. Within moments, with the exception of Roy, the group made their way out of the building. Duty called. ******************************** Roy sat down and looked around the emergency room for like what seemed like the thousandth time. Now that he knew Gage was out of the woods as far as being dead or brain damaged, he could relax a bit. The tightness in his chest and the upset stomach that had been churning for the past few hours were now fading. With a guilty feeling he reached out and dug under the pile of magazines next to him. Finding the Dr. Seuss book, Sam the Firefly, he sat back and set out on a mental journey into a land where no one ever got hurt or died. A place where summer nights lasted forever and dreams became a reality. ******************************** When Dixie finally came to get Roy, she had to wake him. His back ached as he unfolded himself from the uncomfortable plastic chair. With a sheepish grin he rubbed at the small of his back while trying to discreetly drop the book in his other hand on the table in a way that she wouldn't see what he had been reading. "How's Johnny doing Dixie?" "He's fine." The look in her eyes betrayed her words. "But..." Dixie looked at her feet and then at Roy. "You know as well as I do that there could be complications. Me...I like to think positive." He nodded his head absently, thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Heart failure, pneumonia, damage to the lungs, the list went on depending on the victim and the time they were submerged. Victim. He didn't like the word, especially if it pertained to Gage. Johnny wasn't a victim; he was his partner and friend. He was family. "Can I see him now?" Dixie gave Roy a small smile and ushered him out of the waiting room. ******************************** Slowly pushing the door open, Roy peeked his head inside the room. It was something that he would never get use to no matter how many times he saw one of his station mates injured and when it was Gage, it hit him the hardest. This time had been too close. He had actually lost him. Yes, he had managed to pull him back from death's grip, but what if he hadn't been able to? What if they had been a minute or so late in finding him or getting him out from under the debris? Stepping into the room, he stared at Gage. Except for his breathing, he didn't move. As he drew closer to the bed, Roy felt a surge of relief wash through him as he noted the color in Gage's lips and nails. The bluish tinge was gone, replaced by a normal healthy pink. Standing beside the bed, he resisted the urge to reach out and brush the hair off of Gage's forehead the way he would do with Chris when he was sick. Gage wasn't a little boy and it made him feel squeamish to show how he was really feeling. What if Dixie or one of the nurses walked in and saw him doing it? Worse yet, what if Doctor Morton or Brackett came in? It was bad enough people thought of him as the quiet one, but to have them thinking he was soft just wouldn't do. Instead he stood as close to the bed as he could and held onto the railing that surrounded his supine friend. His eyes traveled along Gage's body, taking in the IV, then the heart monitor. The thing that relieved him the most was seeing only a nasal canella instead of a respirator. The fact that he was breathing on his own was a good sign. Walking to the foot of the bed, he picked up the medical chart. Rubbing a hand across his eyes, he frowned. This was ridiculous. Why did he feel like crying when Gage was alive? Why was he fighting to keep a tight rein on his emotions? Putting the chart back, Roy went back to stand at the head of the bed. He remained frozen in place, counting the respirations. Gage may have been alive, but until he could see him walking out of the hospital, he wouldn't relax for one moment. He felt cheated when Dixie came and told him it was time to go. He had wanted Johnny to open his eyes. He had wanted to see that stupid grin of his. Taking one last look at Gage's sleeping figure, Roy walked into the hallway, then glanced at his watch. If he were lucky, he'd be able to catch a few hours of sleep before going to work. ******************************** In his dream he was drowning. The water in his lungs choked him, the scream was soundless. They wouldn't get there in time. He knew he was going to die and there wasn't a damn thing he could do except lay there trapped only inches from the surface. His vision faded and then there was darkness. Jerking awake, Gage squinted his eyes against the pain. Bringing a hand up to his face, he stopped the motion as he saw the IV attached to him. What was he doing with an IV? Looking around, he saw that he was in a hospital room. His mind was a jumbled mass of confusion. Did he really drown? All he could remember was arriving at a fire and he and Roy had been canvassing a building, looking for victims. What happened to him? Was Roy okay? Bring a hand to his chest, he noticed that it hurt to breathe. His eyes hurt too. Okay...so maybe he had smoke inhalation of some sort judging by the oxygen he was on. Then again, this pain wasn't anything like he had experienced before. No, it had to be something different. Looking down at the foot of the bed, he slowly sat up. Straining forward, he stretched a hand out and snagged the top of the chart hanging at his feet. No, he wasn't a doctor, but reading a medical chart wasn't exactly surgery either. He stared at the pages, not really believing what he was reading. He frowned and cursed under his breath. Brackett may have been a great doctor, but his handwriting sucked. Deciphering the chicken scratch, he felt his mouth go dry. He had drowned, it wasn't a dream. Sliding the chart back into place, Gage lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling until his eyes began to water. Closing them, he tried to remember how it had happened, but all he could remember were snatches of the dream, not really what had happened. His eyes snapped open as a feeling of panic overtook him. His heart raced in his chest as he fought down the overwhelming terror. He may not have remembered everything, but the feeling of not being able to breath overrode everything. Willing himself to relax, he tried to even out his breathing. His chest now ached and his eyes burned. He had drowned and died, only to be brought back. Did Roy save him? Was Roy okay? There were too many questions that needed to be answered. He needed to talk to someone. He wanted to know if Roy was all right. Picking up the call button, he pressed it, counting the seconds that it would take for someone to respond. He smiled as he realized that at least he wasn't mentally impaired in some way if he could still count and read a medical chart. The door to his room opened and his smile widened as Dixie walked into the room. The smile she gave him in return spoke volumes. ******************************** Waking, Gage rubbed at his face before even thinking of what he was doing. He quickly pulled his hands away as his eyes stung. Blinking slowly, he remembered brief snatches of a conversation with Dixie. Between the chart and her telling him things, he was assured that Roy was okay and yes, he had drowned. He hadn't remembered falling asleep after Dixie had come into the room. Now that he thought of it, he didn't really know how he had gotten there. His brain was like a piece of swiss cheese. Too many holes and not enough substance. The little that he did remember made him relax a bit. Dixie had said he may have aches and pains, but from what she could tell, he was doing remarkably well. The door to the room swung open and he sat up a bit. Roy stepped in, followed by Chet and Marco. All three of them wore wary expressions as they greeted him. Waving the HT in his hand, Roy gave him a small smile. "Dixie said it would be okay if we stopped by for a bit." Gage stared intently at Roy, then peered around him to look at Chet and Marco. He smiled and sat up straighter. "You guys are funny. Where'd you get the mustaches?" Chet grinned. Gage was okay, he was already trying to get them in a prank. "You're a load of laughs John. Just because you came back from the dead, it doesn't mean you can expect us to fall for your lame jokes." Chet and Marco smiled at one another. The door opened and Mike and Cap strolled in. Cap walked to the end of the bed and gave Gage a big smile. "Sorry we were held up, I wanted to stop and ask Doctor Brackett a few questions." Gage stared up at Cap, then shot Roy a questioning look. As he ran a hand through his hair, he stopped in mid-motion. The small feeling of uneasiness that had begun to settle in the pit of his stomach now flared into full-fledged panic. Fingering his hair, he looked around the room. Roy and Mike's hair looked weird, Chet and Marco had mustaches and the guy at the end of the bed acted like he knew him. "Uh Roy...um...who's this guy?" Cap's smile faded and the room grew silent. Chet snickered. "That's real funny Gage. You couldn't get us with the mustache crack so now you're pretending you don't know Cap." "Cap? What happened to Captain Hammer? Was he hurt in the fire?" Roy could see that Gage was becoming agitated. This wasn't him playing a prank or a joke. He picked up the call button and pressed it. As he looked over at Hank, he shrugged his shoulders slightly. The door pushed open and Dixie stepped into the room. "Well hi guys." She walked over to the bed, immediately sensing something was wrong. "Johnny?" Gage gave her the once over, noticing small things about her that he hadn't paid attention to the night before. "Uh Dix...remember what we talked about last night? I think something's wrong." "What's wrong?" Running a hand through his hair again, Gage gave Dixie a wavering smile. "Well...for one, my hair..." He nodded in the direction of Mike and Roy. "Their hair. Chet and Marco's mustaches." He took a deep breath and looked at Cap. "And him. I have no idea who he is." Dixie looked at Hank and could tell how upset he was. It appeared that there was a problem and it could end up being a big one. She immediately took control of the situation. "Sorry fellas, but I think we'll have to cut this visit short." Chet's face screwed up in confusion. "Why? Maybe if we ask him some questions he'll remember Cap." Cap directed an irritated glare at Chet. "Chet, you twit, it's not that easy." Cap motioned the men out, letting Roy be the last to leave the room. Roy stood at the end of the bed feeling awkward and uncomfortable. How much did Gage forget? Would it be permanent? "Well, I guess I'll get going so Doctor Brackett can come in." Taking a deep breath, Gage exhaled loudly. "Man, I can never do things half way can I?" Both Roy and Dixie smiled. "I'll be back as soon as I find Kel and Joe." "Both of 'em?" "Yes Johnny, both of them." Gage's look of annoyance made Dixie smile again. His memory may have been spotty, but from the brief conversations she had with him so far, he hadn't lost any of his attitudes or characteristics. That had to be good. As soon as Dixie left the room, Gage gave Roy a hopeful look. "This isn't you guys pulling a big joke on me is it?" "No Johnny, it's not a joke." Gage looked toward the closed door. "Why'd Cap leave? I mean not that guy leaving the room, but Cap...ahhhh, you know what I mean." Roy could see Gage's frustration at not remembering Stanley building up. "Hammer transferred to a different station. His commute was getting to be too much of a hassle. Cap...Hank Stanley, he's been our captain for about three years." "Three years?!" Roy winced as Gage yelled. Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned that little detail. "Three years? You're telling me I can't remember three years of my life?!" "I don't know. Maybe you don't remember Cap...Hank. Maybe you remember everything else." Gage's voice was sarcastic. "Yeah right, and that's why Marco and Chet have magically grown mustaches and you're starting to lose your hair." Roy's hand automatically went up to brush over his head, his voice a bit defensive. "I'm not losing my hair." Gage smirked at him. "Are too." Without thinking, Gage ran his fingers over his head, a small smile coming to his face. "At least I still have mine and they've let me grow it longer." Roy frowned and dropped his hand to his side, resisting the urge to touch the thinning spot on the top of his head. Gage was right, he was losing his hair and was a bit touchy about the subject, but something more was upsetting him than his hair. Three years. Gage was forgetting three years of his life. Three years of experiences and rescues. So much had changed in the past three years, both on the job and off. The door to the room pushed open and both Gage and Roy turned to watch the small group entering the room. Roy immediately made a move to leave. "I'll be outside if you need me." Roy's quick exit wasn't lost on Dixie. She'd have to make sure she had a talk with him after they were done checking Gage's condition. ******************************** Picking a shirt out of a bag, Gage held it up for inspection. It looked as if his tastes hadn't changed all that much over the past three years. It was a short-sleeved blue work shirt. Pulling it on, he buttoned it up and tucked it into his jeans. Reaching in the bag, he withdrew a belt. The buckle on it caught his eye. Turning it over in his hands, he smiled. It looked like he had visited home in the years he was missing because he recognized the silversmith's work as being that from the rez he grew up on. Finishing dressing, he walked over and stood in front of a mirror. He hadn't really changed all that much, but the differences were glaring to him. First and foremost was the length of his hair. Fingering it, he smiled. It appeared that he won the battle of wills with the Chief over getting a haircut. Flexing an arm, he noticed more muscle than he remembered. He was still trim, but he no longer looked like a scrawny teenager. The weight gain looked good on him. Twisting at the waist, he noticed his back felt a little stiff. Testing each joint, he frowned. His one leg ached a bit. Nothing on his chart said anything about him hurting his leg. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he tied to wait patiently for Roy to come and get him, but he felt uneasy. The way DeSoto acted around him was way different than he remembered. It was as if he expected something more from him. No matter how hard he tried to think about what happened in the past few years, he couldn't. Exhaling loudly, he pushed off the bed and began pacing the room. Why did DeSoto arrange for him to stay at his home for a few days instead of taking him back to his place? They worked together and he had been over his house a few times, but to take him home? The door to the room pushed open and in walked Dixie pushing a wheelchair. Roy followed behind her, still wearing that concerned look that he'd developed over the past few visits. "Aw come on Dix, I can walk." She gave him a stern look and pointed at the chair. "You have a choice. Sit and leave or stay here until you do." Frowning with distaste, he flopped in the wheelchair. Dixie smiled at Roy who grinned back at her. This was the John Gage they knew. Now if they could some how get his memory back, things would be normal again. ******************************** Leaning back in the passenger seat, Gage enjoyed the feeling of the air blowing through his hair. It was good to be out of the closed confines of the hospital. Running his hand along the top of the doorframe, he talked over the wind. "I would've thought you'd sold this thing by now." Roy gave him a sharp look and shook his head no. Gage knew how much he loved his Porsche, but then again, he wouldn't remember their trading vehicles before. "You haven't moved have you?" Roy could feel his hopes fading fast. He had thought that maybe the ride home would have jarred some small memories. "No...I found a quicker way home." The remainder of the ride was made in silence. When they pulled into the driveway, Gage ran a critical eye over the house and lawn. "I see you painted it. And the trellis is new." "You helped me paint the house. You surprised Jo with the trellis." "Oh." Climbing out of the small car, Gage could feel the uneasiness coming back again. He wasn't really looking forward to seeing Roy's wife. The first few times he met her, he got the distinct feeling that she didn't like him. They had finally settled into a more tolerable relationship. Apparently they were now close enough that he had bothered to build her a rose trellis. Taking a second look at the structure, he suddenly grinned. He'd done a great job in building it. Roy watched the emotions flickering across Gage's face. This wasn't going to be an easy week. As they made their way toward the house, the door flung open and Jennifer DeSoto came running down the sidewalk. Before Roy could open his mouth to stop her, she launched herself at Gage. "Uncle Johnny, you're here!" Gage took a step back as Jennifer ran toward him. He instinctively scooped her into his arms as she flung herself at him. Holding her, he gave Roy a shocked look before he slowly lowered her to the ground. As soon as her feet hit the pavement, she grabbed him by the hand and began pulling him toward the house, all the while chattering happily. "Mommy said you're gonna' stay for a whole week! Can we go to the zoo? Or do you wanna' make cookies? We can play Barbies too!" Gage looked at Roy and mouthed the word Barbies. He played dolls with Roy's daughter? As she pulled him into the house, he took a good look at her. She'd changed so much compared to what he remembered. He could feel the room closing in on him. His head snapped up as Joanne came into the kitchen to greet them. She didn't look the same either. Her hair hung just past her shoulders and she looked more mature. He mentally kicked himself. Of course she looked more mature, she had aged three years! "Uncle Johnny, you're hurting my hand." Jennifer pulled at his hand, trying to get him to release his tight grip. He quickly let go and took a step back. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to..." Taking a deep breath, he looked first at Joanne and then back at Roy. The looks of pity he was receiving disgusted him. He should have insisted on going back to his place where he could be alone. "Roy, this is a mistake. Can you take me to my apartment?" Roy ran a hand over the back of his neck, trying to work out the knot that was beginning to form. He had hoped to ease some of the changes in their lives into conversations bit by bit. Now he found himself having to discuss a huge difference in Gage's life. Before he could open his mouth, Jennifer piped up. "What happened to your house Uncle Johnny?" Gage looked at Jennifer, then directly at Roy. "I have a house?" Roy sighed. "Yes." "I can afford a house?" "You got a great deal on it. It needed a lot of work." Gage's eyes widened. "I'm not married am I?" Roy couldn't help smiling at the tinge of panic in his voice. "No, you're still single." Gage looked up at the ceiling in relief. "Thank you." Joanne watched Gage's emotional rollercoaster and knew it would be up to her to keep things running smooth. "Jen honey, Uncle Johnny needs to get settled in his room. Go out back for a bit while we put his things away." "But Mommy, I wanted to help!" Joanne pointed a finger at the back door. "Out. Now." Jennifer turned teary eyes toward Gage. He could feel his heart melting at her look. "I don't mind her. Maybe she could help me unpack." "Are you sure?" "It's okay. I'm fine with it." Jennifer took him by the hand again and began pulling Gage out of the kitchen. As soon as they left the room, Joanne smiled at Roy. "Well one thing's for certain. Our daughter can still work her special magic with him." Roy gave her a weak smile before following the pair. Yup. It was definitely going to be a long week. ******************************** Gage dug his heals into the carpet stopping Jennifer from pulling him any further into the bedroom. His eyes widened as he took in the room. *What in the hell?!* To him it appeared that someone had puked pink and everything Barbie and frilly into the room. Had Roy gone totally nuts or what? He was supposed to live in this room for an entire week and not lose his mind? He snickered when it occurred to him that he was here for just that reason. "Uncle Johnny is sumthin' the matter?" He looked down at the innocent face of Jennifer, finding his heart constricting. What was it about this little girl that made him feel so protective? He didn't want to feel like this. He didn't want to love anyone, but here he was having those feeling for this little waif in pigtails. "No Sweetheart, nothing's the matter, I'm just tryin' to get use to things." "Use to what things?" Joanne and Roy came up behind them. Joanne came into the room and took Jennifer by the hand. "Jenny, how about you and I make Uncle Johnny some cookies instead of helping him unpack." Jennifer smiled brightly at Gage. "We're gonna' make you peanut butter cookies!" Joanne gave Gage an apologetic look as she led Jennifer from the room. Gage frowned as he looked at Roy. It was distressing that these people knew more about him than he did about them. "Instead of me bringing in my suitcase, how about you take me to my...house." He shivered as he said the word. He owned a house. He had a mortgage. How in the hell did he afford to take out chicks with a bill like that? And the utilities! What in the hell had possessed him to buy a house?! "Johnny, it's only a week. I think you need to time to try and get yourself situated. We can talk, look at picture and maybe you'll remember everything." Running a hand through his hair, Gage exhaled loudly as he flopped on the Barbie spreadsheet covered bed. "Do you honestly think me talking to you will make me remember stuff?" "It might. Doctor Brackett said that sometimes little things could trigger a persons memory." "Little things huh?" Roy gave him a small smile. "Yeah." He knew Roy wasn't going to let him leave. If he learned one thing in the year that they worked together with one another...well apparently it was four years...was that Roy could be one stubborn son-of-a-bitch. Hell, he wouldn't relinquish the driver seat of the squad for a day, what made him think he'd drive him back to his place? ******************************** Roy had dropped his suitcase off in the room and now Gage was slowly unpacking his clothes. Roy had said that Joanne had gone over and gotten all of his things. As he picked up a pair of boxers, he cringed. Roy's wife had dug through his underwear. It was kind of gross to think she had handled them. The only people who had done something like that were his mother and some of the women he had slept with. A voice drew his attention to the doorway. "Hey Uncle Johnny." Gage looked over the young boy standing at the entrance to the room. He was the spitting image of Roy. He remembered meeting him the few times he had come to the house. "Uh...hi kid." Chris frowned. Kid? What happened to sport or pal? His mom and dad had told him Uncle Johnny had amnesia. They explained to him what it meant and he had thought they were exaggerating. Only people on television had something like that happen to them. "Mom and Dad said you might not remember me." Gage felt guilty as he looked into Chris' sad blue eyes. What could he say? "I remember you, just not the way you remember me." Chris shrugged his shoulders. "That's okay. Dad said that maybe you being here would make you remember us. The normal way. You know what I mean." Chris walked into the room and picked up a picture from one of Jennifer's bookshelves. He held it out to Gage. "Here's a picture of you and Jennifer at one of her tea parties. Mom embarrassed you by showing this to everyone at the station before she gave it to Jenny. You have a copy of it too." Gage tentatively took the picture from Chris' outstretched hand. Looking at it he could feel his face flushing in embarrassment. He was dressed to the nines in a suit and tie, squatting down in a ridiculously small chair. Jennifer was sitting across from him, pouring tea from what was obviously a child's tea set. The bad part was he looked as if he were enjoying it. He practically shoved the picture back in Chris' hand before going back to unpacking his things. He pulled out toiletries and other items, setting them on the small dresser by the bed, trying to control the emotions that swirled around inside him. He didn't do tea parties with little girls. What in the hell had happened to him to make him change so much? "Uncle Johnny, are you okay?" "Huh? Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." Chris looked at him, then at the floor. Scuffing his foot on the carpet, he looked back up at Gage. "What happens if you don't remember? You can still be a paramedic can't you? I mean Dad said you'd have to pass a physical and take some tests. He even said they might make you go through the whole program again." Gage straightened, his voice rose, his tone irritated. "What?! I shouldn't have to do the whole thing again. I know how to do my job." Chris took a step back, clearly not use to Gage using that tone of voice with him. Gage bit off the smart retort he was ready to throw at the boy. It wasn't the kids' fault that he couldn't remember the past three years. Heck, it wasn't anybody's fault. It was all the result of some dumb accident. "Look...I kind of want to get this stuff taken care of so could you maybe go and ask your dad when dinner is?" Chris slowly backed out of the room. This wasn't his Uncle Johnny. It was some stranger who looked like him. "Okay. I guess I'll talk to you later." Gage turned his back on Chris without answering him, missing the crestfallen look on his face. ******************************** Sitting down on the bed, Roy ran a hand over his face and yawned. Pulling his feet up, he slipped under the sheets, scooting in close to Joanne. Wrapping his arms around her, he stared at the curtains as a breeze blew them gently about the window. He'd lain in this bed night after night, never thinking that something like this would have ever happened. He'd thought about what would have happened if Gage had been severely burned. He'd thought about what would have happened if he had been crippled. He had even had thoughts about what life would have been like if his partner ever died on the job. He wasn't prepared for this. His best friend was alive, but was now nothing more than a stranger. "Honey?" "Hum?" "Roy...give him some time." "He's not...Jo, he's not Johnny. He's...I don't know 'who' he is." Resting her head on Roy's chest, Joanne idly ran her fingers over his stomach. "He's still Johnny, he's just not the one that we've gotten to know these past few years. You have to remember, what he's going through has to be a thousand times worse than what we're feeling. His life isn't the life that he remembers. As far as he knows, you're just the guy he's been working with for a little while. He doesn't know me or the kids, he doesn't know Hank..." Her voice trailed off as the enormity of it all sank in. She thought that she'd been prepared after all the discussions she and Roy had over the past few days after they had decided to bring Gage back to their home for the week. Replaying the evening over in her mind, she surprisingly felt tears stinging her eyes. The man that she had come to know as family was once again the person who she had once regarded in disdain. Her thoughts went back to the first time she had met him. God how she had hated him. Young, arrogant and so full of himself that it had taken all of her self-control to not tell him off. It had taken her so long to at first tolerate him and Roy hadn't understood her hostility toward his junior partner. Having to hear Roy's stories of Gage's daily rants, his attempts at dating the nurses and the stories about his short temper, had only added to her initial dislike of him. The topper had been when Roy had called home about some stupid television show. She couldn't even remember what it was. All she recalled was how annoyed she had been when she found out why Roy had called her so late. The John Gage she knew before was immature and hotheaded. The few times that Roy had brought him home that first year, she had avoided being in the same room with him as much as she could. Laundry would need to be done or some other household chore would pop up so that she didn't have to sit across the table from him. If Roy had wanted to associate outside the station with that 'boy', then let him, but she would have no parts of it. It wasn't until Roy had come home from work one day, silent and withdrawn, that her resolve to hate Gage finally cracked. It had taken hours to get Roy to talk to her and what he told her, had left her completely surprised. A doctor had accused him of being negligent. Her Roy, her husband who wouldn't hurt a fly, was being accused of hurting someone. When the doorbell had rung and she opened it to find Gage standing before her, she had almost slammed it in his face, but there was something about the look in his eyes that stopped her. Letting him in, she sat back and watched how he interacted with her husband. She was shocked by the way he acted. Totally supportive, one hundred percent behind his friend. Not once did he doubt Roy. Not once did he say, maybe you were wrong. The temper that she had seen was now being directed at, in Gage's words, 'a complete horse's ass'. She had listened to them rehash the rescue that had supposedly gone wrong and found herself amazed at the level of knowledge this young man had. It was at that moment that she stopped seeing Gage as a spoiled oversized boy. It was then that she felt that her husband was safe with him as his partner. It had come down to that one defining moment. She hadn't trusted Gage to pour a glass of milk in her house without screwing up and now she was seeing the person that her husband saw day in and day out. Still hotheaded, but it was tempered by intelligence and determination. He believed in Roy the way she did. He saw what she saw. From that day on, she vowed to try and get to know him better. It was kind of ironic when only a few months later she almost lost the chance to get to know him. Having to comfort Roy when he called from the hospital to let her know that there was a possibility that his partner, and yes his friend, lay dying from some unknown virus. Having to hear the anguish in his voice and not being able to do anything about it had upset her. Knowing that she may never get the chance to know the man her husband knew, bothered her. After that incident, she made sure Gage was warmly welcomed in their home. His confusion at her change in demeanor toward him, slowly gave way to a shy, almost uneasy reaction to her. It took months before he opened up and she saw him as he truly was. Dedicated, loyal and with a strange sense of humor that bordered on quirky. Half of the things he said were lost on Roy, but ended up leaving her breathless with laughter. As the years went by, he became a fixture in their lives, a part of the family. The tall thin stranger became 'Uncle Johnny' to her children. The man that she despised became something of a brother to her. Someone she could talk to when Roy wouldn't answer her questions. Sure he never told her exactly what was going on, but that was to be expected. He helped bridge the gap between home and work. The secret life that Roy led wasn't as scary or foreign to her any more. Now that seemed to be all over. The stranger was back. The hotheaded boy in a grown man's body had made his reappearance. All she wanted was for Gage to get his memory back so life could go on the way it had been for the past three years. That was the problem. Their lives were changed drastically, while to Gage, nothing had changed for him. Time and memories were one sided. "We have to give him some time. Talk to him...help him remember." She felt his arms tighten around her. "What if he can't remember Jo? He'll have to start over." "Maybe. You said that he'll have to take some tests." Roy exhaled loudly. "So much has changed since we started the program. More than likely they'll make him go through the classes again." "I know, we talked about this before, but you also said there was a chance he might remember what he learned, he just wouldn't remember 'how' he learned it." "I know...it's just...he won't remember the rescues." Snuggling closer, Joanne knew what Roy had meant to say. Gage wouldn't remember him, their friendship...the adventures they shared. So much would be lost forever. Closing her eyes, she made a silent prayer. What happened next was out of their control. It was up to fate to give back what had been taken. *********************************** Undressing for bed, Gage pulled his jeans off and tossed them to the floor. Sitting on the bed, he lifted his leg up to get a better look at the marks that he had discovered in the shower. It looked like a snakebite of some kind. Lowering his leg back to the floor, he flexed his knees. The one leg seemed tighter than the other. Sighing, he unbuttoned his shirt and added it to the pile of clothes on the floor. Reaching down, he grabbed the hem of the t-shirt and peeled it off. As his fingers hooked onto the band of his boxers, he thought he'd better leave them on. He was in someone's home, not his apartment. He mentally kicked himself. He didn't live in an apartment now he had a house. Flopping back on the bed, he stared across the room at a large teddy bear, unaware that he was the one who had won it at a fair for Jennifer. He kept thinking about the house. Roy had said he got a great deal on it. Was it a dump? No matter what, he'd talk him into taking him to see the place tomorrow. Reaching over, he switched off the lamp. He thought he wouldn't be able to get comfortable, but it didn't take long for his body to relax. Maybe it was because he was exhausted or maybe it was because his body was use to the bed, but it wasn't long before he fell into a deep slumber. ******************************** He could feel something warm and soft by his side. It was too small to be a woman, so what in the heck was it? Opening his eyes, Gage was startled to find Jennifer DeSoto snuggled against him in the small bed. He pulled himself roughly away from her, jolting Jennifer out of the peaceful dream filled sleep she was in. Scrambling off of the bed, he quickly grabbed his jeans from the pile of clothes on the floor and yanked them on. His voice squeaked an octave higher than normal. "Does your mom and dad know you're in here?!" Rubbing her eyes in confusion, Jennifer's lower lip began trembling. Where were the hugs and kisses she was use to? What happened to the tickles and giggles? Yes, her parents had told her that he had something happen to him where he couldn't remember things, but it didn't mean a thing to her. She was only a little girl who was upset by the way 'her' Uncle Johnny was acting toward her. Tucking her head down, she pulled the comforter to her chest and began crying. "Aw...come on don't cry...ssshhhh. Look, I didn't know you were in here. Are you allowed to be in here when I'm here?" Turning her back to him, she cried into the comforter, muffling her sobs. Gage shifted back and forth on his feet not knowing what to do. Should he go and get the girls mother or should he try and stop her from crying? Exasperated, he ran a hand through his hair, then took a tentative step forward. As soon he sat down on the bed, Jennifer crawled into his lap and tucked her head against his chest. Instinctively he wrapped his arms around her, patting her back as he began to rock her slowly back and forth. The door to the room cracked open and Joanne peeked in. She looked at Jennifer huddled against Gage and then at Gage who looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Uh...she was in here when I woke up. I ah...I guess I scared her." Walking into the room, Joanne held her arms out for Jennifer. When he went to relinquish his hold on her, she began crying loudly. Joanne's heart went out to Gage. She could see that he was scared to death by the way her daughter was acting, totally confused as to why a little girl who he hardly knew was in his bed. Holding her tightly, Joanne tried to calm Jennifer down, not wanting Roy to come in. It was bad enough for Gage to be going through something like this so early in the morning and she didn't want to add to his stress by having Roy charging in and interrogating them all. "Jennifer, what did we tell you the other day?" Choking back a sob, she lifted her head from Joanne's shoulder and looked directly at Gage. "You said...you said he was hurt. And he'd forget stuff." Taking a deep breath, she let loose a loud wail. "You didn't say he'd forget me!" Dropping her head back on Joanne's shoulder, she began crying in earnest, her small body shaking and hiccupping. Patting Jennifer on the back, Joanne gave him a weak smile. "I'm really sorry Johnny, I thought she understood what we had told her." Feeling self-conscious at his state of undress, he crossed his arms across his chest, trying to resist the urge to jump up and run out of the room. The last thing he had expected this morning was a crying girl and an apologetic mother. He wished he could remember why they cared so much about him when all he felt was...nothing. They meant nothing to him. Joanne was Roy's wife, he knew that much. He also knew that she didn't care all that much for him. At least that was how he remembered her. The way she was acting now confused the hell out of him. Jennifer's reaction to him scared him. He had only met the child a few times. Apparently their relationship had changed drastically over the past few years to the point that she idolized him. The way he acted around her had reduced her to tears and he hadn't really done all that much except question why she was in the room alone with him. "I'm okay. I mean, I'm sorry." "It's okay Johnny. We'll have to deal with things like this day to day until you get your memory back." The look he gave her broke her heart. She knew exactly what he was thinking. What if he didn't remember? He would be left to pick his way around the people who knew him. People, who to him were only acquaintances, not trusted friends and comrades. ******************************** Leaning against the doorframe, Gage stared out to the side, trying to avoid any conversation with Roy as they drove down the highway. He found himself not wanting to talk, afraid that he'd do or say the wrong thing. Every time he opened his mouth, all he received were looks of disappointment and sadness. He'd received several confused frowns from Chris and had managed to make Jennifer cry again before they had left the house. His foot tapped nervously against the floorboard the further they drove out of Los Angeles. Was he nuts? Had he bought a dump on the outskirts of the city? What type of commute would he be looking at when he went back to work? Before he knew it, Roy was slowing down. As they tuned down a dirt road, his eyes locked onto the mailbox with his name painted on it. His stomach began cramping up. He owned a frigging house. He sat up straighter in the car, trying to see the house over the small ridge. As they crested the hill, his eyes bugged out. There was no way in hell he could own a home like this. It was a two-story ranch style home flanked by a barn and a corral. He stood slightly in his seat as he strained to look for a horse. There would be no way he'd have a barn and there'd not be a horse in it. He'd have to check the barn after he looked in the house. Flopping back in the seat, he looked at Roy who was watching his every move. He wasn't surprised to find the man smiling at him. As soon as they pulled to a stop in front of the house, Gage jumped out of the Porsche without opening the door. Making his way up to the front door, he jiggled the handle. Finding it locked, he quickly looked around. Where would he hide a key if he had a house? Snapping his fingers, he reached above and felt along the doorframe, chuckling as he found the key. Jamming it into the lock, he opened the door and stepped inside. He came to an abrupt halt as he looked around the room. It was open and airy, decorated in a Native American style. So he had finally gotten over what other people thought and let a part of his culture come out of hiding. As he made his way around the room, he ran his hands over furniture, admiring what he knew to be his own handiwork. the story continues .